The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.
And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and
His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.
However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.
That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.
kitty perfect weight for picking up for cuddles! kitty very Soft and warm and will purr comfortably in your arms. Pick up kitty. no problems ever when picking up kitty because good weight and size for picking up after surgery.
it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed
so true there could be any number of undiscovered species down there all of which are none of my business and never will be. peace and love on (the surface of) planet earth 💕
of note: 95% of libya is desert, and giraffes are not found there! but this predates not just the libyan desert, but the entire sahara desert it's a part of! giraffes aren't found there any more and this is a memory of a time when things were giraffier
also apparently this rock art dates across multiple periods spanning thousands of years? but i couldn't find much detail on that so i can't give specifics
but yeah, this isn't just a memory of giraffes, but of giraffes now absent encountered by people just 2000 years (the difference between the late roman republic and today) out of the ice age, in a climate unfamiliar to any of the hundred billion people born since the desertification of the sahara drove the ancient egyptians to the nile, near the start of the agricultural revolution
the time between this and the birth of the sahara was nearly as long as the time between the birth of the sahara and now, in which all recorded history is contained, and all languages we can recognise at all - the language and culture of these people would be totally alien to current libyans, twice the difference between the oldest european language and english, predating all but libya's mountains!
and we have pictures of giraffes of the time! what a beautiful gift from such a distant past
So, I started Joyce's Ulysses today. And my roommate asked what I'm reading. So I showed her the cover and she went "oh, that's so me today". I didn't really understand why she felt like the mythical king of Ithaca on this particular day but I didn't ask either.
Only now, looking at the kinda jumbled lettering on the cover, I realised that she probably misread it as useless
just remembered the other day a teen approached me holding a rapidly melting chunk of ice in his hand and asked if i wanted to buy a "limited edition pet rock"
This was an incredible undertaking of adapting the entire Unwanted Guest script over the course of roughly 9 months. I am so proud of the work everyone turned in. You can read the entire comic in full right now at the link above, along with the full list of contributors!
This blog will reblog the full res pages from each contributor over the next couples of days, so get excited for that! We also have something very special cooking up with the people over at @entombed-theatrics so look forward to that as well. Thank you so much for reading!
AND WE'RE LIVE! This is an incredible fan project, and it was an amazing experience working alongside SO many talented artists to adapt the entirety of the Unwanted Guest into a comic, so please go ahead and give it a read! I'm honored to have been a part of this!
I think we really need to be able to extend each other grace & curiosity. even (especially) when community members say things that strike us as Unacceptable/over some kind of line.
I don't mean we should accept and tolerate shitty behavior or harmful opinions. I mean we should be aware of the fact that a lot can get lost in very minor and easy-to-make misinterpretations & misunderstandings, and oftentimes people are just simply expressing themselves badly.
Or, even more often, they are expressing a shitty impulse that they haven't processed yet, and will be far more likely to process in a positive way if they feel like they have room to make (and admit) mistakes.
otherwise we are going to tear each other- and ourselves by extension- completely & totally apart. we will lose hard-won progress and desperately needed community to our fear and vigilance, however legitimate.
useful phrases to adopt into your lexicon today!!!:
"What do you mean by that?"
"What does this word mean to you?"
"How do you define this word?"
"What do you mean when you say this?"
"Where did you hear that?"
"Can you help me understand you better?"
"I feel like I might be missing some context, could you say more about that?"
"I feel like I'm noticing a mismatch between what you're saying here, and what you said this other time. Could you help me understand?"
"You've always seemed really (level headed, grounded, accepting, compassionate, etc.) to me, and this is kind of surprising. I know you don't want to hurt anyone. I'm also finding it hard to see an alternative interpretation of what you're saying here. Could you explain more about what you mean?"
Obviously this approach won't always resolve or even reveal a misunderstanding, but I promise that if you try it enough times, you'll be glad you did at least one of those times. And that's more than worth it.
It also helps to add a little expression of polite humility to it, like "I'm worried I might be misunderstanding you" or "Apologies for my confusion, I might have misread this." Not only does it re-emphasize to your own mind that it's good to be flexible, but it implicitly communicates to the other person that this is a situation where it's okay to make mistakes -- after all, if you can admit the possibility of your own mistake so casually, you're less likely to rip their throat out if it turns out they made one.
ALSO: Read Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss. It will change your life. It will teach you how to de-escalate an emotionally high-stakes situation in a way which is honorable and respectful to the other person AND which doesn't violate your boundaries or compromise your values and principles. (Spoilers: The book would agree with all the above questions. Among other things, it recommends using "What/How/Do" questions and strongly avoiding "Why" questions -- the latter can sound like value judgments, which is often irritating. Compare the vibes of, "Why did you do that?" vs "What goal were you aiming for?")
None of us can force someone else to be a better person, but we also don't have to allow a shithead to drag us down to their level and set the tone of the conversation. WE can choose to be better people first, regardless of other people's poor behavior or clumsy self-expression. And believe me, it takes some FUCKING PRACTICE. You are not going to be great at this the first time you try it. But every time you have conflict or friction with someone, debrief with yourself afterwards -- "What went well? What didn't? What techniques worked? Which did you not quite stick the landing on? Did you feel like you achieved your goals?" Slowly, you will get better. This is a learnable skill -- which means that it is one that has to be practiced.
What are some good techniques for not freezing in the moment? When it’s someone I don’t know and they say something stupid, it causes my brain to shut down and I stare at them.
@jayalaw The book I recommended talks about this too! Chris Voss was a hostage negotiator for 25 years, which meant a lot of time talking softly and calmly to people who were in-the-moment behaving in unambiguously violent and highly emotionally reactive ways. The stakes were genuinely life-and-death (and "cops go in, guns blazing" was exactly the wrong solution), so you can imagine there's not a lot of room for error. The main technique he and his colleagues developed was to just practice practice practice practice practice in advance until there were some tones of voice and stock phrases which they'd programmed into being automatic and reflexive.
For example: In response to an unreasonable demand: "[soft and slightly low-pitched voice, a slower pace of speech, an expression of compassionate concern] But (name)... How am I supposed to do that?"
Another trick Voss really likes is echoing -- Instead of responding with new words, you repeat what the other person just said (either the whole thing or just the last few words) in a soft, slow, low-pitched, inquisitive or puzzled tone. So for example:
"We should build a second Dakota Access Pipeline!"
"[puzzled] A second Dakota Access Pipeline?"
(Echoing subconsciously prompts the other person to Say More, and it gives YOU a few crucial seconds to think. If they just respond with "Yes!" then either remain silent with the puzzled expression or say, "[puzzled] Really?" or "Tell me more?" or "Go on?")
Remember: If they're the one doing the talking, then YOU'RE the one with the power in the conversation. Let them wall-of-text! Do not wall-of-text back, it uses up too much of your energy! Conserve your energy, and force them to drain theirs while they fruitlessly try to explain! Ask questions rather than making statements! Someone well-meaning but clumsy will eventually get self-conscious and start second-guessing what they said, and a true malicious idiot cannot be persuaded by anyone else but themself.
Also important to emphasize:
1) Know what your goal is for these kinds of situations. If you don't have the time/energy to deal with it, then protect that boundary, because your peace-of-mind is most important. If you do choose to engage, then periodically check in with yourself and monitor your own energy levels -- if you start wobbling, have a prepared phrase you've practiced to tap out gracefully and without judgment (e.g. "Would you mind if we took a break from this topic?")
2) If a conversation is going nowhere, take a break. Many people are more persuaded by 8-24 hours of quietly stewing on a thought than they are by another 5 hours of arguing about it. In my experience people who say dumb shit in the first place seem to just have the kind of brain which processes arguments a little bit more slowly and needs to gnaw on a new idea for a bit before they're able to incorporate it. Remember, not everyone has an ADHD brain that goes super zingy fast!
And for those folks who, like myself, might be kind of obstinate petty bitches sometimes, here is a framing that often helps me get into the right mindset: Graciousness and courtesy IS a contest and you CAN win it.
It might be hard for some to believe now, but for millions of Millennials and Gen Z readers, JK Rowling wasn't just the author of the Harry Potter series - she was a social justice literary godmother of childhood.
For a time, Rowling was broadly loved, especially by social liberals and people who cared about social justice. It wasn't just her books - she herself was part of the emotional scaffolding of an entire generation, particularly as stories of her very generous charitable giving spread online and she said pleasant, kind things in interviews about her hardscrabble background and rags-to-riches story. She seemed someone who didn't let incredible success change her. People loved her, put her on a pedestal, and felt she was a part of their families, helping to teach their kids how and why to oppose N̶a̶z̶i̶s̶ Death Eaters.
And then came the dissonance. Rowling made increasingly ugly statements about gender identity which understandably alienated and infuriated many of her fans, who re-examined her works and found other views or tropes they found objectionable.
Jo went from hero to villain, from Hermione to Voldemort, surprisingly quickly.
But what followed wasn't just a "cancel culture" backlash and it wasn't just a steep drop in her Q score. For many, it was nearly an existential crisis. Many fans didn't just feel disappointed - they felt betrayed.
Why? Because this wasn’t just about disagreement or disappointment. It was about a parasocial bond fracturing in real time.
I'm not mocking this. It was for some as traumatic as the death of a loved one, and people experienced very real feelings of grief. I saw them experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.
That’s the thing about parasocial relationships: they're emotional investments in illusions. They feel real...but they're not.
I do this, too, despite trying to stop.
I was thinking about Gal Gadot yesterday, and how I may not think very highly of her as an actor, but I sure admire her as a person and feel both admiration and affection for her…despite the fact that I don't know her as a person.
I'm not accusing Ms. Gadot of anything! I continue to cling to my impression of her as a lovely, admirable person - and I will probably fight you if you threaten that impression
…but isn't it @#$%ing weird that I cling to warm feelings about her as a human being when every exposure I've ever had to her has been through a screen and managed by a publicist?
Do you or the people you know have strong feelings about the divorce of Johnny Depp & Amber Heard?
Why?
What Is a Parasocial Relationship, and Why Do You Have So Many of Them?
Coined in the 1950s by sociologists Horton and Wohl, a parasocial relationship is a one-sided emotional bond where a viewer feels a personal connection to a media figure who doesn’t know they exist. Back then, this meant TV news anchors like Edward R Murrow or Walter Cronkite.
You probably have several yourself - not because we have people who are as universally known and broadly trusted as Murrow or Cronkite, but because the media landscape is so fractured. Now it's...almost anyone with a ring light and a subscriber count.
That soothing TikTok therapist you like or the ASMRtist who gets you to sleep. Maybe the influencer/podcaster you follow who helps you understand the news, the celebrity who always seems like such a sweet and decent person in interviews, that analyst for the Times of Israel who makes shit makes sense - or maybe it’s a fictional character who left us in 2012 and took part of your soul with them
(RIP, Leslie Knope: still alive in our hearts!)
You don't just like these figures. You feel like you know them. You trust them. You believe them.
And because the media landscape is so fractured, there's been a massive change in scale.
Parasocial relationships used to be a quirky side effect of media. now they are the media -and that's changing how we think, how we feel, and how we disagree.
Because when our media ecology changes, we do too - and it has changed a lot in the last ~30 years.
1980s
Most who were around in the 1980s used to see celebrities only if they watched the Oscars on TV or in the pages of People magazine in the waiting room of a doctor's office.
Sure, people were interested in the lives of celebrities, but didn't know much about them.
1990s
The 90s gave us 24/7 access: The explosion of cable TV, MTV Cribs, behind-the-scenes specials, paparazzi culture, and reality TV. Suddenly, celebrities weren't just icons - they were like roommates you gossiped about. Stars- They're just like us!
2000s: Social Media
Social Media (the phrase didn't become common and mainstream until arurnd 2005) changed everything. MySpace made you a brand, Facebook made you your own publicist, Twitter made you a PR disaster - and YouTube threatened to make everyone a star.
Early lifestreaming was in progress and suddenly almost everyone seemed to have a public persona.
The 2010s: Influencer Culture
If you were around then, you might remember when Instagram brought us the perfectly imperfect aesthetic. That was around the time when "aesthetic" started being commonly used as a commodifying noun.
No, really.
Previously, "aesthetic" was used exclusively to describe a cohesive visual style, but as social media platforms became more commerce-driven, it evolved into a shorthand for marketable lifestyles and curated identities.
Tumblr Girl aesthetic
VSCO Girl aesthetic
Soft Grunge aesthetic
Hypebeast aesthetic
And this is when Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle brand GOOP took off, selling a Jade Egg for vaginal use.
YouTubers got makeup deals, product placements, and sponsorships. Twitch streamers livestreamed 12 hours a day. Podcasters often became emotional support besties. The intimacy got so strong, we started seeing strange and/or unhealthy behaviors being produced.
Now:
TikTok, YouTube Shorts, Instagram Reels - they all learn who you emotionally bond with and spoon-feed you more of them. It’s not a conspiracy - it’s just capitalism doing what capitalism does.
Parasocial Relationships Aren’t New, So What's Your Problem, You Prolix Old Prick?
Parasocial relationships used to be background noise and now they're shaping politics, public health, and how we perceive reality itself.
Back in the day, one might love Mister Rogers, Mr. T, Mr. Bean, or Mr. Spock..but nobody looked to them for their opinions on nutrition, investment portfolios, foreign policy, child-raising.
Today, though? A Twitch streamer or TikTok creator might change views on vaccines, war, or economics. Sometimes people will take them seriously because they once cried on camera, shared the viewer's Enneagram or Myers-Briggs type...or otherwise felt very relatable.
(Spoiler: Star signs, Enneagrams and MBTIs are all bullshit)
And because the internet flattened the distinction between expert and entertainer into influencer, you may not be able to tell whether you’re being informed, manipulatedo...or emotionally catfished. But almost always, you're being sold something.
Familiarity Replaces Credibility
Parasocial attachment makes us treat familiarity like credibility and that's hacking our brains by hijacking our emotions.
If someone feels trustworthy, we believe them, even when they’re wrong, wholly ignorant, and have no qualifications/education/expertise in the topic. Lack of those things is no longer an impediment.
And if someone says something true but doesn’t give us good vibes, we are likely to tune out.
This is how Joe Rogan becomes more influential on health than the CDC (when he's really sort of GOOP for men).
It's how TikTok herbalists convince you to eat raw garlic to cure anxiety. (So you'll be both anxious and lonely!)
It's how people with ring lights and relatable feelings become political thought leaders. (How the fuck else can one explain Theo Von having millions of followers?)
We don't want good information anymore. We want someone who makes us feel heard and seen.
Parasocial Politics
It’s not just about influencers and skincare routines. It's also about political discourse. We now follow pundits the way we used to follow bands. They have fandoms. Beefs. Merch. Lore.
2024 saw the rise of Parasocial Politics. Trump didn't do a lot of interviews on policy with MSM journalists. He shot the shit with bro podcast influencers. They helped Trump get votes, and he returned the favor (ever transactional) by inviting influencers into the White House.
It can be painful to learn that a beloved celebrity doesn't share our political views. Here's how media users attempt to reconcile the resul
Debates often aren't debates anymore - they’re turf wars. You're not just disagreeing with a perspective or an opinion, you're attacking someone’s internet chosen family member.
Did you see how many people needed to take sides over Douglas Murray's appearance on Joe Rogan's show?
That's why criticizing Elon Musk, Chappell Roan, Jordan Peterson, or Hasan Piker online feels perilous. Their followers aren't just fans. They're emotionally bonded. You're not merely wrong, in their view - you’re a threat to someone they love.
When identity and ideology get parasocially fused, people will defend a belief not because it's right, but because their digital chosen family member (who doesn't know they exist) believes it.
Vibes > Facts
Truth used to be about evidence. Now it’s about vibes. Welcome to the epistemic hellscape where:
"That doesn’t feel right" > "That is verifiably correct"
"He seems genuine" > "He cited a source"
"She gets it" > "She has a degree in it"
Call it emotional resonance, emotional realism or vibe epistemology, but the result is the same - a society where public consensus is based not on shared facts but on shared feelings.
Remember when public health was guided by epidemiologists? Now many people get their health advice from whatever talking head on YouTube seems aesthetically pleasant and relatable.
This is why there isn't more widespread panic over an absolute crackpot like RFK Jr running US health agencies. It's been normalized to discard expertise.
Trust him, bro. He works out and stuff and the brainworm is dead now, so he's all good...!
Why This Makes Public Discourse Unbearable
Good faith arguments are increasingly rare: You’re not challenging ideas, you’re insulting someone’s digital soulmate.
Criticism becomes betrayal: Calling out a creator’s bad behavior becomes a moral offense.
Debate becomes drama: Instead of changing minds, we’re trying to win comment-section custody battles.
People say "we need to talk to each other again," but we often can't, because we're often not talking to each other - we’re too often talking through our parasocial avatars who are louder, more dramatic, and less reasonable than the real us because that's what drives engagement and makes the algorithm go brrr.
How many times do you encounter someone who can't promote or defend their view except by insisting you watch this YouTube video and educate yourself?
What Can We Do About It?
We don't need to avoid all parasocial bonds, but we do need to expand our media literacy to include being parasocially aware.
Ask Yourself: Do I Feel Like I Know This Person?
...because you don’t. You know their content. That’s different. Remember that you're not engaging with a person, but a media product.
Separate Vibes from Truth
Just because someone is relatable doesn’t mean they’re right. Love with your heart - but use your head for everything else. Be skeptical, be cynical, and accept no 'facts' you haven't verified.
Remember the Algorithm Feeds You Your Own Reflection
Although it may feel like it, that’s not validation - it's manipulation. Don't let it make decisions for you, don't mistake feelings of validation for a solid argument.
Use tracking blockers, use VPN, don't log in to use YouTube, whatever- but stop using the For You Page (which is pushed on all social platforms) as your go-to for anything, not even for boredom relief.
Let People Be Wrong Without Making It a War or Personal
If your fave (or anyone else) says something dumb, it’s okay. You can keep watching and still think critically. (I still like much of John Green's work, despite having issues with his video on Judaism.)
Diversify Your Feeds
If everyone you follow makes you feel emotionally safe, you're likely in a digital echo chamber with throw pillows and padded walls - and that's awful for your mind. Start following smart, intellectually honest people you disagree with. If you get nothing else out of it, you'll train yourself to think critically while disagreeing with them - and you might discover a good point you haven't considered or common ground you hadn't been aware of. Stop regarding anyone with views counter to yours as evil, stupid, or driven by hateful intent. There are people who disagree with you who are smart, intellectually honest, decent people. Engage with them in good faith.
In a world where everyone is a brand and every argument is a fandom war, the only way forward is to get smarter about the people we let live in our heads rent-free.
Above all else, remember that relatability is not trustworthiness.
Stay skeptical, stay curious, ask every question which comes to mind, and maybe call your irl friends more often to touch some grass together.
About the Author:
@Unsolicited-Opinions thinks too much about internet culture, media ecology, media literacy, and how brainrot seems to be accelerating. He is probably not your friend, even if you like everything he posts and seems like a good dude on Tumblr. (He is, however, grateful that you actually read this far.)
the nearest depiction of an animal or other sentient fantasy creature to you at this moment comes to life right where it is (i.e. cat photograph, shark plushie, dragon painting, etc)
what happens to you
i am so dead
i need to go to the hospital
maybe a few things to be looked at but i’m fine in the end
i’m totally fine
i’m totally fine and i’m happy
my situation is really really really specific lemme tell you about it
n/a
Voting ended onJan 11
assume it doesn’t know you (unless it’s actually a specific animal you’ve met) and that it’s normal for its species and would do whatever was natural for it. including being too giant for and destroying the room it’s in. as well as dying immediately if its environment can’t support its life
