Peter Solarz
AnasAbdin
todays bird
$LAYYYTER
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Product Placement
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Three Goblin Art
Love Begins
Origami Around
Sade Olutola
hello vonnie
styofa doing anything
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trying on a metaphor
RMH
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
roma★
oozey mess
art blog(derogatory)
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@royalratfucker
Steve: I am open book.
Robin: No, you're not. You're a closed book. You're a book with a little lock on it.
Robin: I’m your best friend and I don't even know your middle name
Steve: You've been in my wallet. It's on my driver's license.
Robin: I didn't look.
Robin: Out of privacy.
Steve:
Robin: You'll tell me when you're ready.
Every glasses-related poll honestly needs to be separated into diopter ranges like wrestling weight classes bc every timeeeeee these +1.25 bitches are in the notes like "OMG why would you wear glasses in the shower!! why would you wear glasses having sex!!" because without them i am functionally blind. you may as well turn the lights off at that point bc i am feeling my way to the pussy like Velma. those are my eyes, bitch
never going to be over that time I was trying to explain polyamory to my mum, and she said "I just don't understand how someone could be in love with two people at once" and I gave her my the-cognitive-dissonance-is-causing-me-physical-pain face and she said "what??" and I very quietly said "mother....you had an affair...."
>#I love how this gag would be funny at any point since the third century BCE
If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)
At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.
Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.
Same guys btw. So they did turn out good yeah
Schism? Schism today?
Wow, I didn't have "catholic schism" on my 2026 bingo card
Schism today
@heresylog
Just to be clear to anybody, especially in the USA because I know that Catholicism isn't as common there, this is not a cool rebellion against authority. While some traditionalist Catholics are purely interested in ecumenical things like the Latin mass, in the USA a significant portion of the movement for traditionalism is made up of violent antisemites. The "church's understanding of, and relationship with Judaism" they reference here is the idea that all Jews are not solely personally responsible for the death of Jesus
Yeah, so, do you know how unbelievably too conservative you have to be to be excommunicated from the Catholic Church? This isn’t a cute little rebellion against the pope’s authority or a mild disagreement, it’s partially that but more importantly it’s because SSPX is hardline Latin Mass only, no religious freedom, women can’t wear pants, oh, and Jews killed Jesus anti-Vatican II sect. They’re the kind of people who HATE the pretty minor changes to Mass and seem to believe in tradition for its own sake. In 1988, they consecrated bishops without the approval of the pope and were excommunicated, only for Pope Benedict 16 (I don’t know the Roman numerals) give them a slap on the wrist and brought them back into the fold for the sake of unity. Decades later, they have the pure audacity to do it again, I suspect they either knew they’d get excommunicated again and didn’t care or were bold enough to assume they’d get a different result. Either way, good riddance and I hope they learn their lesson this time.
Orgasm denial. Orgasm anger. Orgasm bargaining. Orgasm depression. Orgasm acceptance.
conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 81 (masterpost here)
*connecting ping*
Jason: i spy, with my little eye, a little Robin that is slacking off,
Tim: the fuck...?
Damian: wait what- where are you?
Jason: ten o'clock, two buildings over.
Damian: *a slight pause* oh you stalker, what are you doing out of the alley?
Jason: catching you lacking, apparently.
Tim: the hell is going on over there?
Jason, amused: kid's hidin' behind an AC unit so he can ditch patrol and go on his phone.
Damian, pointedly: that's not what i'm doing, actually, so you can mind your own business,
Tim: you're not even supposed to have your civilian phone on you during patrol, it's a security risk. and where the fuck did B go?
Jason: oh he's in this call, he's just got us on mute.
Damian: he was questioning a couple gang members so i left. he'll notice soon, i'm sure, just like he'll soon notice his phone is missing.
Tim: his phone?
Jason: oh my god you stole Batman's phone- hold on, i'm coming over there, hold on.
Damian: well he didn't listen to his own rules regarding the subject, so i figured he deserved to suffer at least a little bit.
*wind whooshing* *boots against concrete*
Jason: *laughs* holy shit you have his actual phone-!
Tim, admiring: how did you get it unlocked?
Damian: i have a note in my own phone with all of your passwords written down from when i look over your shoulders and memorise them.
Tim: what-
Jason, amused: what are you doing with it?
Damian: well i was just going to hide it and make him experience supreme anxiety by thinking his personal possession is lost somewhere in the streets of Gotham, but he's been annoying me lately so i've kind of been doing... this.
*a beat*
Jason: *wheeze* NO WAY,
Tim: wait what- what's he done?!
Damian: i've been doing this for a while, actually. i just delete the evidence afterwards so he can't find out.
Jason: *weeping* you- you've done this before...?
Tim: WHAT'S HE DONE?
Jason, struggling to keep composure: he's- he's texting people as Bruce--he's text Clark,
Tim: what?! what's he said?
Jason: he- *wheeze*
Damian, slightly amused: do you want me to read it out?
Jason, weakly: please,
Damian: i, uh- *amused throat clear* i found a photo on the internet of a close-up on some man's inner thigh, showing a mole. it's not indecent in any way, it's just... slightly too intimate.
Jason: *wheezes again*
Damian, over him: -but it matches Father's body type, so i sent it to Superman. and then i said 'do you think i should get this checked or just see what happens? it's new, which i know might be concerning, but Batman's survived way worse than a mole, right?'
Jason, high-pitched, crying: -so weird,
Tim, incredulous: ...WHY????
Damian: i told you; because he can be annoying.
Jason: *still laughing*
Tim: yes but why THAT specifically?!
Damian: well that's the game, isn't it? it has to be odd, but not such a red flag that Kent instantly thinks Father's phone has been hacked. weird, but in an abstract way. it also needs to be enough of a none-issue that i can delete the interaction off this phone before i slip it back into Father's pocket and Kent won't think it's alarming enough to bring up again.
*brief pause*
Tim, in disbelief: dude, why have- why have you thought this out so much- how many times have you done this?!
Damian, sighing in consideration: well, when i first came to Gotham i had a few anger issues, i guess--inherited from biological donor number three, i'm sure,
Jason: -i resent that-
Damian: -and this was a good way to let off some steam without being grounded for attempting to kill anybody. when i first started i had to be careful, because Kent had a very specific view of Father. but over time i believe i've desensitised him somewhat.
Jason: do you just text Uncle Clark every time?!
Damian: no, i don't always attempt to embarrass Father. sometime i just use him as a medium to make other people suffer.
Tim, horrified: please tell me you've never texted me as Bruce.
Damian: no, i've never needed to, we have the fight pact. when you piss me off i just fight you.
Jason: healthy.
Damian: i got Dick pretty bad, though.
*connecting ping*
Dick: B, i need you.
Jason: speak of the devil.
Tim: oh he's been muted for the past like, twenty minutes. you need back up?
Dick: oh, no, i just needed to remember the name of one of my old middle school teachers and thought he'd know because it's really pissing me off that i can't remember it.
Jason: the fuck do you need to know that for?
Dick: brain-worm. anyway, what are we on over here?
*silence*
Damian: nothing important.
Tim: no fuck off- Damian's stolen Bruce's phone and he's texting people pretending to be him 'to make people suffer'.
Damian: Timothy i will fucking fight you.
Dick: -YOU HAVE HIS PHONE?! that's fucking hysterical, who's the target?
Jason: *pointed* currently, Uncle Clark. but he's not the only- hooly shit Clark's typing. he's typing- he's fucking typing.
Tim: oh my god,
*silence*
Jason: *abrupt cackling* NO FUCKING- *wheeze* NO WAY-,
Damian: oh my god- oh my god wait,
Tim: what the fuck did he say?!
Jason: *still cackling*
Dick: YOU CAN'T LEAVE US LIKE THIS!
Jason, struggling to breathe: GOD- Uncle Clark is the best on earth,
Tim: THE FUCK DID HE SAY?!
Jason: he- *wheeze* he's said- *cough* 'it doesn't seem abnormal, however if you'd feel more comfortable with a friend rather than a doctor then i could always x-ray the spot next time i see you to check for any growths underneath the skin.'
Tim: GOD, HE'S SO NICE?
Jason: *cackles*
Dick: what the fuck did you tell him!?!
Damian: all i did was send a photo of Father's new thigh mole.
Jason, crying: oh god- i love him,
Damian: sh, sh, i'm trying to concentrate,
Jason: what are you- WHAT ARE YOU RESPONDING? HE'S RESPONDING AGAIN.
Tim: Dami- *wheeze* Damian,
Damian: *snickering* ok how about that?
Dick: read it out read it out read it out.
Jason: uh- 'i think that would be helpful for the next JL meeting, but if you could-' *long, painful wheeze*
Tim: WHAT?
Jason: *not breathing*
Damian, calmly: 'but if you could do it discreetly, without me having to be pulled aside; i'd rather not cause speculations about why we would need to meet privately. you can just do it during the meeting.'
Jason: *whimpering*
Dick: oh, my, fuck.
Tim, struggling to keep his voice level: w-wait, so he's- so at the next Justice League meeting Clark is just gonna be there subtly trying to- *wheeze* trying to stare at Batman's inner thighs,
Jason, through choked weeps: -just on his own special little mission,
Tim: his own- *collapses into laughter*
Dick: Damian that's- that's fucking diabolical.
Tim: dude what does Bruce even do to you to deserve this stuff?!
Damian: yeah i should- i should probably clarify that i do love my father,
Dick: *instant cackle*
Damian: like i- *slight wheeze* i do- it might not seem like i like him,
Jason, crying: i can't- oh my god my side hurts,
Damian: i do love him, i just- sometimes he's a hypocrite, and he needs this.
Tim, matter-of-factly: God sent you to test this man, he knew- God knew that somebody needed to check Batman before he rose to complete power, so he cobbled together all of our essences and poured it into a new vessel to keep him firmly grounded on earth, and that vessel is you,
Jason, still laughing: that's true- when i was up there i had a private conference with the guy just like 'you know he's starting to get out of control, right? i was doing my best but the Joker got me, so what's the plan?' and God was like 'don't worry, Jason. i have plans. you have been chosen to bring my prophecy to fruition. like Mary with Jesus, you will bring fourth a solution.' and the solution was this.
Tim: *cackle*
Damian: not even close to the worst thing i've done to anybody with this phone, by the way. what i did to Dick was objectively way worse.
Dick, laughter stopping abruptly: -wait what?
Jason: yeah what did you do to Dick?
Dick: YOU'VE DONE THIS TO ME?!
Damian: ...you're joining from Bludhaven, right?
Dick: w-?!?! YEAH? WHY?
Damian: ok then that's far enough away for me to tell you.
Tim, amused: holy shit what'd you do?
Damian: he annoyed me. he promised to take me to the museum, and then he cancelled so he could go on a date.
Dick: you- YOU SAID YOU WERE FINE WITH THAT.
Damian: i lied. so i text you from Father's phone and told you that for the medical files in the Batcave it was imperative that you provide a recent and up-to-date record of your sexual history and amount of partners you've had overall. we argued about it for a while, but eventually i wore you down and you agreed to put one together.
Dick: WHAT.
Jason: *loud cackles, increasing in pitch*
Tim, in awe: holy fuck.
Dick, genuinely distressed: DAMIAN- I GAVE THAT RECORD TO HIM IN PERSON,
Jason: *abruptly deflates* Y-HES, OH MY GOD YES CHILD,
Dick: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK- THAT WASN'T HIM?!! OH MY GOD HE WAS SO CONFUSED WHEN I HANDED HIM IT--HE LOOKED AT ME SO WEIRDLY,
Jason: *losing his complete shit*
Dick: DAMIAN!
Damian, unapologetic: next time remember bros before hoes, what can i say.
Dick: THAT'S NOT AN EQUAL REACTION. WHAT THE FUCK.
Bruce: interrogation complete; Robin where have you disappeared off to?
Dick: I'M GOING TO END YOU DAMAIN-
Tim: *wheezes* you might have- you might have missed a few things, B.
Bruce: i wasn't even muted for that long- what's going on here?
Dick: I'M KILLING YOUR ONLY BIOLOGICAL SPAWN, THAT'S WHAT.
Tim, morbidly curious: i've actually never seen Dick this mad at Damian before, this is kinda impressive.
Jason: *struggling to breathe* no- no kid come here- *wheeze* i'm gonna- i'm gonna- come here, let daddy protect you, i'm so proud of you kiddo,
Damian: yeah i'm sticking with you for the next few days. keep Grayson away from me.
Jason: i love you more than anything, habibi, i got your back,
Bruce: what on earth-
Dick: FUCKING- JASON? HE NEEDS TO HAVE CONSEQUENCES.
Jason: not for this, this is amazing. i'm taking him, we're out. sucks to be you, Goldie.
*2 disconnecting pings*
Dick: *scream of frustration*
*disconnecting ping*
*silence*
Bruce: ...what did Robin do?
Tim: i am... not answering that.
*three seconds of silence*
Bruce: did Hood actually just refer to himself as Robin's 'daddy'?
*a beat*
Tim: um. yeah that's- that's new slang. it's from the- it's a league of assassins youth thing. don't question it.
Bruce: ...i am not touching that.
Tim: good choice.
*silence*
Bruce: shit, where's my phone?
Tim: -i have to go.
*disconnecting ping*
humbling
people saying "write what you want to see in the world!" and that's always a good sentiment but this post isn't really about "oh no there's no content for my ship", more the feeling of "i looked up something that i thought was so obvious that surely plenty of more seasoned ao3 perverts would have thought of it already, but apparently i'm the weird one"
we don’t really have axe murderers anymore
he transformed... magical pot...
@randomitemdrop
Item: Urn of Cat Transmogrification; a cat placed into the urn will come out a different color
my daughter was my sister was my throw pillow was my waitress
