Sacred

Eldritch Lesbianism / 20

[toskarin]

can't stop laughing at the idea of someone going on tumblr and searching "deformed erotic visage" hoping to find porn

[syn4k]

"lock in" is probably one of the most important phrases to enter the public lexicon in the 2020s

[joyflameball]

[i-fuck-audis]

MY FUCKING CAR

[notahorseindisguise]

ALSO..some more masturbation facts about me. theres a nonsexual scene in a book where a kid gets spanked for some reason. it was set in like the 40s and he was in a boarding school i forget. but i think i either misread the scene . or maybr the author actually did write this and theyre just fucking weird. and i thought the protag got hit (with like a ruler or something). on the penis instead of on the arse. and i remember my 11 year old brain being like. i wonder why i think that would feel good.

and so my first ever "experiment" with masturbation was. slapping my dick with a ruler. and when that felt good. my first ever way of masturbating was. stacking heavy books on my penis. and then hitting the top book. so that the force was distributed down the series of books. into my penis. and of COURSE it didnt work i was punching books into my dick but it laid a strong foundation for a great gooning career . hey everyone PLEASE pretend you didnt read this post

[notahorseindisguise]

[ollielephant]

[cumonthevoid]

none pizza with left beef

[the-chocolate-chip-pancake-blog]

It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef

[babymarkers]

ive missed you

[montparnah-deactivated]

#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)

[ineffable-raccoon]

I love None Pizza with Left Beef.

[tonyswirl]

3th time i’ve reblogged this

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

[stavarosthearcane]

Good Job.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#this post gets me every time 

It’s from two days ago fam how many times could there have been

[heroofthreefaces]

do you think no one else has time travel

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Happy one month anniversary to this post that has not allowed me a single day of fucking peace since I made it.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#surprise reblog!! 

STOP IT’S BEEN MONTHS. MONTHS!

YOU CAN STOP.

[roach-works]

wow if only you had a time machine

[transdaughterofthesun]

Honestly having reached a billion notes I think it’s safe to say that in the Year of our lord 2041, this is the most popular tumblr post out there.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I’m killing your parents before you’re born

[iforgotmyfandom]

:)

[idiototheinternet]

Still here, why’d you hesitate @derinthescarletpescatarian

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Your mum’s ability to hold up under active gunfire was really hot. I’m your dad now.

[lizyarikus]

Isn’t that the plot of Terminator

[anexperimentallife]

Where do you think the plot for Terminator came from?

[what-if-i-just-did]

This is such a classic trainwreck post that has the vibes of a 2014 screenshot posted to Pinterest and then the last addition is just last Tuesday I can’t even

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Imagine how I feel

[mrsjdavis]

POST, LIVE FOREVER!!!!!!

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

It doesn’t have to

[smegorl]

Yes it does.

[type-blaze0]

Of course it has to, it gets a billion notes in 2041

[angels-haven-official]

We all know who needs to be @’d

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[earthnation]

I want to fuck your throat

my thrussy!?!?

[ventrue]

[schakira]

sorry for being dramatic but this post did irreparable damage to the english language

[timebendinglunatic]

Horrible job, everyone! Thank you!

[earthnation]

my bad damn

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[orcposts]

TOOLTIP: you can get more funny juice by performing the "jerking off" activity. find it by selecting genitals from your inventory!

[goblinposts]

> use genitals

[orcposts]

You can't use that right now!

[goblinposts]

> use hand on genitals

[orcposts]

You can't use that right now!

[goblinposts]

> use genitals on hand

[orcposts]

You can't use that right now!

[goblinposts]

> help

[orcposts]

I don't know that word.

You are clobbered by the OGRE!

You have lost your genitals. . .

[goblinposts]

man fuck this game

[pixelartpeach]

Reblog to give a trans person a fresh and perfectly ripe mango wait huh

It's the wikipedia image??? How big could it be

What

Huh???

[bonesbeetle]

can see the pores on that thang

[crow-with-a-pencil]

Reblog to give a trans person a shockingly high resolution mango

[cpericardium]

hey everyone "I" have something to show "you"

[cpericardium]

[cpericardium]

[epilepticsaints]

[if-you-see-gay-me]

[magnetictapedatastorage]

[heatandapathy]

Needs the last part

[captainscarletsc]

[scoundrellyfeline]

@heatandapathy you forgot the best part

[tsamired]

you are never living this down

[fleshdyke]

godawful post i made when i was 14. let me escape it please god

[richcrazydad]

Never!

[somecallmekay]

NOT EVEN IN DEATH

[enki2]

[minmos]

this redditor has the fucking battle royale of invasive plants (in the US) happening in their yard jesus christ. sentences of hate and destruction

[heehorde]

[freshbeeth]

tomodachi life coming through with the representation 👏🏾👏🏾

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[celebrinienjoyer]

i need to show you all something that made me crylaugh last night. just fucking look at them.

[coolxatu]

she allegoried on my cave til i [JOKE PENDING]

[coolxatu]

[promethiae]

I can't ever leave tumblr, where the hell else am I going to get Plato's allegory of the cave as a constantly running joke?