they got married btw
oh you’re not kidding

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@sarcasmdrips
they got married btw
oh you’re not kidding
#they never stood a chance
You know, I am GENUINELY unsure that I understood the Pining While Fucking trope before Heated Rivalry. I'm convinced that it's 80% of the absolute crack cocaine infused into Hollanov. The other 20% is the rivalry and the language barrier and the forbidden eroticism of it all but mostly it's the pining. A fucking masterclass of the trope. Rachel Reid really sat down to write the sequel to her coffee shop AU and cooked the literary equivalent of crystal meth.
today i found out that victor hugo has had more sex than possibly almost any other human that has lived on this planet.
he had so much sex his biographers straight up gave up trying to document all of his sexual partners. he was reported to fuck up to 3-9 times a day. He had a secret sex diary written in code. He had “official” and “unofficial” mistresses. One estimate was that he had ~200 sexual partners in two years.
Icon.
don’t forget that on the day of his funeral all the brothels in Paris were closed because every single prostitute in the whole goddamn city was busy mourning him
Hey quick question what the fuck
the man reported on his hookups in his diary using latin code words and 2 million people attended his funeral, if that isnt balling idk what is
victor hugo has been dead for 133 slutty, slutty years
RATING: 🟨 MOSTLY RELIABLE 🟨
Many articles make similar claims to those above. However, much of this information circulates without a clear source, and I have struggled to find reputable/high level sources for some of this information. Therefore, keep in mind that some of this may be exaggerated or potentially unreliable.
Obviously, I cannot account for the sexual of history of every human who has ever lived, but evidence does suggest that Victor Hugo had a… lively sex life.
From Medium: ‘Sex was so involved in Hugo’s daily life that one biographer wrote the following while describing a typical day in Hugo’s life:
“It was not unusual for him to make love to a young prostitute in the morning, an actress before lunch, a courtesan as an aperitif, and then join the also indefatigable Juliette for a night of sex.”
[…] Hugo claimed that on the wedding night, he and his wife had sex nine times.’
His encoded sex diary is referenced on Wikipedia, but when I found an English translation of the source, I couldn’t find where in it they were sourcing.
From Wikipedia: ‘He systematically reported his casual affairs using his own code, as Samuel Pepys did, to make sure they would remain secret.’
The source is listed as: ‘Hugo, Victor, Choses vues 1870–1885, p. 529, ISBN 2070361411, pp. 371, 521 (n. 1).’
I’ve found Choses Vues here in the original French and here translated into English. If anyone can find anything in here about the encoded sex diary, please let me know!
His ‘official mistress’ is likely in reference to Juliette Drouet.
From EBSCO: ‘Since 1833, Hugo had maintained a liaison with a beautiful female actor, Juliette Drouet, who for twelve years followed a cloistered existence relieved only by six-week summer holidays with her lover.’
His ‘unofficial mistress’ is likely in reference to Léonie d’Aunet Biard.
From The Common Reader: ‘Overlapping was a seven-year affair with travel writer and Arctic explorer Léonie d’Aunet Biard, whose husband finally brought a police officer to the Paris hotel and caught them in flagrante.’
I have found articles that circulate the '200’ claim, but none that give a source for the information.
From Medium: 'Not only that but he bedded 200 women in this hotel in just two years.’
The claim that brothels were closed on the day of his funeral is again circulated frequently without claim. The only sourced part of the claim I can find is a second hand report that sex workers had 'draped their gentials in black crepe’.
From The Guardian: ’[…] when Hugo died the brothels of Paris closed down for a day of mourning, allowing all the city’s sex workers to pay their last respects to a loyal client. Literary critic Edmond de Goncourt claimed a police officer told him that sex workers even draped their genitals in black crepe as a mark of respect.’
And an estimated 2 million people attended his funeral procession.
From Funeral Conflicts in Nineteenth-Century France: 'Two million people came to see Hugo’s body lying in state at the Arc de Triomphe’
He’s now been dead for 141 years, although 133 was correct at the time of posting. How slutty those years are… I couldn’t say.
UPDATE
Thanks to @dodger-chan for adding some new information on the source for the encoded sex diary! Apparently the versions I found were earlier editions, and it is the more complete 1972 edition that is the source.
If any French speakers are able to find the 1972 edition and check whether his Wikipedia page is correct about his diary, please get in contact.
UPDATE 2
Thank you to everyone got into contact to offer help! I can now confirm that the book in question does include reference to the code Viktor Hugo used to write about his sexual activities.
Here are the pages in question, thanks to @youredeadletsdisco
And a quote, translated into English thanks to @sakohakura:
“We are accustomed, here in 'Choses vues’, to the secret vocabulary and writing of Victor Hugo. Certain phrases are still enigmatic, other have “keys”, often simple. Thus, when Victor Hugo, talking about a conquest, writes “Switzerland”, which is the country of milk, he means breasts. Sometimes he wrote, to describe the same thing, the saints or the torso.“
sonce the sports are happening big rn where i live i made a handy chart of all the phrases i use to communicate with my loved ones during these trying times. i thought others might find it useful too
ive discovered you can have whole conversations with people using just these phrases and none will be any the wiser that you dont even know what sport it is theyre talking about
#gold medal winners at the yearning olympics
heated rivalry twitter (70/?) intricate rituals or something
Simu Liu speaking facts 👏🏽
Drunk Shane can be a bit of a menace. A drink or two is fine, but eventually he'll hit a point where you turn around and he's gone, literally gone because he's going places and he'll happily come trotting back when Ilya calls him, but that's only helpful if he's in earshot, which... can be a challenge.
Drunk Shane when Ilya is ALSO drunk is the BEST. His boyfriend is sooooo funny and soooo fast and strong and smart and brave and they're going on an adventure!!! Ilya doesn't know where but his legs are wrapped around Shane's waist and Shane's arms are wrapped around his legs and the back of Shane's neck smells so good and they're GOING!!!! They're going and going and going because Shane can run forever he's the best hockey player in the whole world and he's Ilya's BOYFRIEND and they're gonna live forever and the stars are out and his mama is watching them and Ilya doesn't even know he's smiling until his cheeks start hurting from it.
(inspired by this post from @pregnanthudsonwilliams) (I've never seen Twilight I'm just having fun)
#I am fixated on happily come trotting back when Ilya calls him #Ilya has Shane recall trained #Ilya's voice saying Shane or moy lyubimyy has Shane's ears perking up and him coming to a halt #love a pairing that's like they only listen to me only i can get through to them #i know them better and love them more than anyone else type of shit yesssss you get it @error404-sideblog !!
Shane answering that wordy question for Ilya at that press conference has me so buzzy because it’s so husband of him and like at that point they’ve only hooked up once and he’s already protective of him and it’s just the beginning of how protective he’s going to be of him throughout their relationship specifically leading up to the confrontation with the commissioner. GOD like there’s just something about ilya being so use to being the only one looking out for himself and then Shane jumping in all protective of him without being asked that just gets me
Heated Rivalry creator Jacob Tierney at The Center in NYC
experiencing Extreme Emotions about shane being a little bit nervous about getting edgy about sharing space with someone with no breaks at the cottage because he truly has NEVER done that before. like, sure, yeah, when he was a kid he shared a house with his parents, but they also 100% let him wander off and have alone time with no questions. and then at 18 he moved out and immediately started living alone. he shares rooms with hayden when they're on the road, but they both have an understanding that sometimes shane wanders off to be by himself or they both just sit in silence doing their own thing.
but he's never spent longer than a few hours with ilya before. he doesn't actually know how sharing a space with him is going to feel. and yeah, he's excited about it, but he also knows himself. with EVERYONE he eventually feels the need to get a break and be alone and reset and what if ilya thinks it's weird or what if he gets insulted and wants to leave or what if-
but then...he doesn't feel the need to escape.
it turns out that being with ilya when they have things in the open is actually really comfortable?? and enjoyable?? and he doesn't feel tense or like there's a timer in the back of his head counting down until he needs to be alone?? it turns out that being with ilya is as comfortable as being by himself?? it might even be MORE comfortable?? holy shit?? that was a possibility the whole time??
I love the idea of Shane’s chirps just being observations.
It started when he was a kid and he was trying to help everyone get better at hockey including the opposing teams players, he would say something like “your stick grip is weak” or “you’re slow on your right” (idk i don’t know hockey very well ESPECIALLY little kid hockey) but he says it totally deadpan because little Shanebug doesn’t understand tone yet.
This makes the other teams so mad! They try and fight him constantly! Little bitty baby hockey fights and then Yuna sits him down in middle school after the first fight that he actually gets hurt (black eye and bloody lip) and asks him what he is saying to make everyone fight him?
“Nothing mean I swear mom!!! I’m trying to be nice and help correct their form”
And suddenly Yuna gets it and explains to Shane that not everyone but especially not the opposing team likes to have their flaws pointed out to them even if it’s coming from a good place and how that could be seen as chirping.
So he stops for a while, then his coach for world juniors tells him to try and piss off Rozanov enough that they can draw a penalty. So Shane does what he does best and points out a flaw at each face off. Jokes on him though because Ilya is actively changing those things and getting better every face off because he is taking it for what it is, advice.
Which pisses Shane off, he thinks his chirping tactic won’t work now that he is older. So he points out at his first scrimmage at practice in Montreal that the center who has been there for years (who he is probably replacing) is favoring his left side is staying too far left to compensate (again I don’t know hockey so I am trying to translate things I know about soccer lol)
And the center loses it on him! Immediately yelling about the lack of respect and how a rookie makes it to the MLH and thinks they are hot shit.
So Shane realizes his chirping DOES work just not on rozanov and becomes a menace he studies game tape specifically to find holes in his opponents game and pre prepares chirps and it fucking works because all these men are so far up their own asses that they just get mad instead of using the advice.
Idk I just needed Shane Chirping but in a very Shane way. Like he really just wants to play hockey but chirping is part of hockey so he studies chirping but doesn’t want to do any of the “classic” chirps (your mom! Your wife! Your girlfriend! You’re gay! Type of stuff) so he invents his own chirps out of his amazing mind
troy, homophobically, after watching a joint interview of shane and ilya: they’re probably fucking
troy, homosexually, after ilya comes out to him: they’re probably fucking
anyway good morning a crucial tenet of hollanov’s relationship is that they’re equals and they’re the only people in the world who could ever be each other’s equal. they were supposed to stand alone at the top but they’re there together. shane does not view ilya as a lazy useless inconvenience. ilya does not view shane as a nagging killjoy. they are equals and they both think the other is the best thing since sliced bread and they love each other but more importantly they LIKE each other. stop making them not like each other!
like ilya spends his entire life being told (by people objectively shittier than he is) that he’s not good enough, he’s lazy, he’s undisciplined, he lets people down. and then he meets the one person who would actually be in a position to assess whether ilya is any of those things, and shane just earnestly looks into his fucking soul and says no, they were wrong. ‘you’re an awesome player to watch’ ‘i don’t know that side of you at all’ ‘this isn’t what this is. me and you’
and it’s such a fucking tragedy that people are trying to push MyIlya back into a setting where he’s constantly being lectured about his inadequacies by the very person that canonically reminds him all the time that those inadequacies were figments of his dad’s imagination
ilya “my husband said no” rozanov and shane “can my husband come” hollander really are the codependency couple of all time
We don’t talk about this enough. With all the big romantic gestures in The Long Game, this, to me, is one of the most romantic moments.
We know Ilya isn’t a fan of Shane’s restrictive diet. He teases him about it, but Ilya is an expert ragebaiter who knows how to tease the people he cares about when they feel safe and in ways that never really hurt.
Shane is “frantic” in this scene. Ilya has the perfect opening to say something about his diet, and he doesn’t take it. He sees that Shane is panicking, steps in and fixes it. He was looking at that menu thinking about Shane and Shane’s fuckass diet that Ilya doesn’t even like. But he knows this is important to Shane. He knows Shane is already nervous about being on a date with Ilya in public and being with another queer couple. So he meets Shane’s needs without Shane ever having to ask, and he does it quietly, without drawing any attention, so that Shane can save face.
Of course he’s gonna tease him about it a little bit later because that’s what they do. But he only does that AFTER Shane’s had a chance to catch his breath and feel safe again.
To be loved is to be known indeed.