okay so, guy at work, who i find out afterwards is famous at this place for being a sex pest, comes up and starts with what i also learn is his favorite opener to conversations where he’s going to be a sex pest, namely: “Do you know where the term ‘blow job’ comes from?”
and here he made his first fatal error. his moment of hubristic sex pesting. because of course i know where the term blow job comes from, i love learning about sex and the history of sexual terms! i know so much about oral sex that i could write a book on it!
his second error: approaching a little autistic freak with what he intended to be an uncomfortable sex question that would make me feel weird and gross. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I Have Never Misjudged A Man’s Intentions So Incredibly In My Life. because i did not realize he was trying to harass me. because i love talking about sex facts, albeit not usually at work. unless. someone prompts me. my coworkers are the kind of people who are generally online enough to know terms, but not exactly what they mean, and they realized they could ask me a while back and get good answers without the resulting awkwardness because i do not experience shame. i am primed to answer questions like the one he has proposed.
So I Answered It.
and well, really, what happened is that I began answering it, then realized the answer required a bit more context. I mean, you can’t just say “oh, well, the term first appears in writing in the 1940s” without first explaining that ‘blow’ by itself already had sexual connotations for centuries, and then, really, are we talking about the origin of the term or the origin of the act. and well we have a ton of literature and art depicting fellatio throughout human history, did you know a lot of it was men performing it on other men? oh, that reminds me, there are a multitude of latin words for oral sex performed on penises, and hold on let me quote you the entirety of catullus 16 from memory and explain it’s fascinating insights into the roman world of homosexuality-
i do not know how to turn any of this ^ off, by the way. i’m sure some people out there have a switch that disables their infodumping mid-speech. i do not. and i also didn’t realize he wasn’t looking for a real answer until my other coworker explained so hours later. he could not excuse himself from the conversation he started, and i made a conservative man at least 30 years older than me to listen to my catullus recitation. i will sodomize and facefuck you, indeed.
anyway, i think i got a bad grade in being sexually harassed. my pro tip is maybe don’t start with what a very autistic individual will misconstrue as you earnestly asking them to explain sex to you. the special interest shield will cause splashback damage.
undiagnosed autistic people will be like "I don't get upset when my routine changes though!!" and it's because they've built a set of if-then loops in their head to pick from one of 6 different strict routines and they do get incredibly upset when they're unable to keep to any of the 6 scripts. I'm john normal
This is called a fault tree. You will always know how to act if your fault tree captures all possible scenarios. In NASA Mission Control during mission critical events like landings there are huge binders with fault tree protocols, kind of like choose your own adventure books except you’re not the one making the choices, the universe is making them for you and you’re just trying to keep up.
The engineers who develop fault trees, I am told, often imagine new ways for their precious spacecraft to die (new branches on the fault trees) either while in the shower or lying awake at 3am, because human
if infinite monkeys on typewriters will eventually write shakespeare then surely 100 million americans with pistols will eventually successfully assassinate the us president
A YA romantasy writer filed suit against another writer for copyright infringement, and as is always the case with these things, she padded her claims with delusionally spurious examples. The judge issued a 160-page ruling against the plaintiff where you can tell from the start how resentful they (or whatever clerk actually did the work) are to have been forced by duty to have read the works in question.
i'm still obsessed with the whole 'when left alone together Jason and Dick devolve back into their chaotic Discowing and Jaybin energy' headcanon by the way. like it's my favourite thing i want those two to be so stupid that Bruce bans them from patrolling together.
there's gotta be an incident where the two are fucking around on a rooftop and Jason accidentally gets hurt real bad; like almost fractures his spine real bad, and they tell Bruce that he got hurt during a 'dock raid' or whatever, and Bruce fully believes them right up until Tim sends him the link to a youtube video the next day, because as it turns out the roof was low enough that a civilian in their apartment across the way could see them and got the whole thing on video.
footage shows Red Hood and Nightwing laughing hysterically with each other as Red Hood takes off his helmet, leaving nothing but his eye mask, as the two proceed to try and pull off stupider and stupider trick shots to get the helmet back on his head. the video captures as they both get very excited when Nightwing successfully 'bottle flips' the helmet back on, and then captures as they get bolder and Nightwing starts holding the helmet like a matador with a red cape off the edge of the building so Red Hood can dive into it and try to catch himself with a grapple before actually plummeting.
'holy shit these guys are pros,' the civilian can be heard from behind their camera, as he pulls it off second-try. two cheer so loudly it can be heard from beyond the closed window.
unfortunately the video then abruptly ends as Nightwing puts the helmet down on the floor hole-up and dares Hood to try and dive into it. Red Hood almost breaks his neck and the camera-person lets out a loud and empathetic 'OOH', right before the rootage cuts out, Nightwing standing over his brother's crumpled body.
Bruce plays the video on the batcomputer for Dick and Jason to see right before banning them from patrolling alone together ever again. Dick and Jason are unapologetic.
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