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@sc14-weirdo
Hey, what’s Winnie the pooh’s favorite color?
Yellow
No it’s red because of his shirt
No, it’s yellow because he loves honey
You have no idea what you’re talking about
DID I FUCKING STUTTER?
Things heating up at the Winnie the Pooh fandom
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.
Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.
He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.
Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.
But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.
Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.
Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.
So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?
Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.
Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.
Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.
Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.
Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.
Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.
But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?
Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.
Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.
So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.
Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.
At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.
The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.
Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.
All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.
Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.
But by GOD is he trying.
@thebibliosphere have you seen this? You need to see this.
Thank you to the multiple people tagging me in this. This is delicious delicious food for my ongoing hyperfixation 😅
I'm now imagining Batman finally breaking down and admitting all of this to Clark in desperation, hoping that his friend can somehow have some insight into how to keep the Wayne fortune from continuing to grow unabated. Clark is initially skeptical, but hey, this could totally be a potential story for the Planet, and he loves investigative journalism, so he tips off Lois and they start researching whether it's truly impossible for Bruce Wayne to lose money.
Meanwhile, Batman has the 'brilliant' idea to just buy up a film studio and not engage in Hollywood accounting chicanery. But he's uninterested in meddling with the production of films, and the public flocks to movies unburdened by executives demanding 'surprise twists' that don't make sense and testing everything with a dozen focus groups before release. Batman is at his wits end when Clark shows up and announces that he's figured it all out, the one way Bruce Wayne can actually spend his fortune without ending up even weallthier.
All he has to do is fund supercolliders to produce and contain indefinitely a single gram of antimatter. And thanks to all of Wayne Industries' green energy projects, that's possible to do without causing massive pollution now, but it still would cost trillions of dollars for something of little to no practical use outside of science. (Using it to power a probe to another star is still science, but also kinda silly when Superman could just fly there even faster.)
And then the supercollider research leads to revolutionary technology that makes him billions a year
I love fanfics with Tim not realizing him and Kon are dating. This is purely just crack I guess with a hint of angst.
(This is going to be super long)
It all started with an “I love you”. But like it’s said in the worst way possible so Tim does not realise it was a love confession.
Basically Kon feels an adrenaline rush after a massive battle or something. So he runs up to Tim and says “I love you, man!” And he pauses because oh shit he just revealed he loved his best friend. But Tim, sort of injured and knees about to give out, only smiles and says “I love you too.” They then go to get themselves healed and stuff. Tim means it as a best friend way by the way.
Kon, in his excitement, says “so is this day one?”
And Tim, tired out of his mind, just nods, he doesn’t really process the words.
So, in Kon’s mind, they started dating since that whole fiasco, and Tim is basically not aware of that and thinks of that day is just any other day as a vigilante.
So from then on, cue in multiple scenes of Kon being a gentleman, like them randomly going on dates after patrol, calling to make sure Tim’s alright, being a little more touchy than usual because, well, he thinks they’re dating. 
So basically, Kon is living his best life right now, and Tim is just living his everyday life lmao. He could be a bit dubious as to Kon’s touchiness’ intentions, but he dismisses the thoughts.
Everyone else though, they have caught on. They know Kon and Tim are dating, and they’ve randomly been congratulating them when they’re together and even alone. Like even Bruce goes up to Tim after patrol and says “Tim, I’m glad you find someone.”
Tim is just really confused now. And when the batfamily starts teasing him, he’s just like: “wait. Who are we talking about?” In his head, he can’t think of anyone that he’s dating, or dating from an outsider’s perspective.
The whole scenario goes like this:
“So, Tim. Where were you last night after patrol?” - D (conversational, leaning into Tim’s space)
“Hm? Just with Kon.” - T (on his phone.)
“Brat doesn’t even hide it.” - J (doesn’t look up from his book)
“Hide what..?” - T (tucks away his phone, aware that everyone else in the room is staring at him.)
“Your newfound connection with the clone, Drake.” - Da (arms crossed)
“You didn’t have to word it like that.” -S (looking up at Damian from her spot in front of the television.)
“My what? Me and Kon are friends.” - T (very confused, thinking Damian doesn’t want him to be close friends with a clone or something.)
“Are we sure we’re talking about the same Kon? The same Kon that looks at you like you hung the moon?” - J (glancing up from his book, to give him a questioning look.)
“I.. what is going on right now? Do you think me and Kon are dating?” - T (going through every recent meet up to make sure he is, in fact, not dating Kon. (He just interprets everything the wrong way.))
“Uh, Tim. I thought you guys were public about it? I literally congratulated you?” - D (tilting his head at Tim)
“Yeah, you are a cute couple.” - C (smiling at Tim, unaware that she just made him spiral.)
“Wait, me and Kon are dating?” - T (just realised every interaction could be interpreted as a relationship way.)
“You are hopeless.” - S (not looking away from the TV screen.)
End this scene.
Next, Tim is just pacing in his room because he is rethinking his life decisions. Kon texts him to meet up to eat somewhere and Tim declines in panic. Tim sighs because he knows he will eventually have to talk to the super about it.
Kon, on the other hand, is completely baffled because Tim never says no on a date. He starts being a little insecure about their relationship since Tim has never really said “I love you” apart from the confession and show affection.
The meta decides to give his boyfriend a little space and looks forward to the next YJ mission.
Fast forward a couple of days and the YJ team is gathered for a mission. Kon is right next to Tim as always, and Tim starts to doubt the situation. Like his thoughts are: ‘oh my god I think I might’ve misunderstood a situation and didn’t realise we started dating when did we even start dating?’
Kon is excited because it’s their like half a year? Or even one year anniversary.
He soon realises Tim doesn’t have plans for a date or anything, just the mission and stuff. He gets kind of upset. Tim is like okay today is the chance.
Do you see what I’m going with this??
So Kon, upset about going home without his bf, gets a message when he’s in bed and the text is “can we talk? Meet at usual rooftop.”
The clone /panics/. He thinks their relationship is over and mentally prepared himself for the heartbreak because he thinks he’s the only one that gave effort into the relationship, he feels like he should’ve known it was unreciprocated.
Tim is steeling himself to ask exactly how long they’ve been dating, and how.
Once they meet, Tim doesn’t say what he tried to say because Kon is /crying./ Like full on bawling. He’s like what the fuck happened in three hours?
Kon couldn’t hold it in and he was just so in love that he starts crying before he even lands at the rooftop.
Tim is full caretaker mode and wipes the tears, hugs Kon, asks him to calm down and breathe.
After a while, Kon stops crying. He then says “I’m sorry. I know you want to break up with me..” blah blah blah like a whole rant. And Tim is processing like whattt.
Tim stops Kon and explains. Something like this:
“Okay, Kon. I would like to clarify that I was not aware we were dating until, like, now. I mean, I had suspicions, but you confirmed them for me a minute ago.”
And Kon nearly bursts into tears again because he goes:
“Oh my God, we weren’t even dating? I feel so fucking stupid right now. You’re right, I’m sorry for even assuming—“ etc etc.
He starts to backtrack and is about to jump off when Tim catches his wrist and looks at him with sad care thing expression.
Tim explains how he would love to date Kon for real, and that he was so sorry for the misunderstanding and the pain he caused him.
HAPPY ENDING THEY KISS AND FLOAT AWAY YAYAYAYA.
(If anyone makes the fic my life is yours.)
The smoke from the collapsed Apokoliptian dreadnought hadn’t even cleared when Kon-El hit the ground running. The battlefield was a graveyard of twisted metal and scorched earth, the air thick with the acrid stench of ozone and burning synthetic armor. His favorite leather jacket was torn at the shoulder, covered in a thick layer of grey dust, and his knuckles were bruised right through his tactical gloves.
But none of that mattered. The post-battle adrenaline was pounding like a war drum in his ears, a dizzying, electric high that made his vision sharp and his chest heave. They had won. They had actually survived a fight that, by all logical metrics, should have left them as a footnote in the Justice League’s archives.
He scanned the cratered asphalt, his ttk cutting through the haze until he spotted a familiar silhouette.
Tim was a mess. His Robin cape was scorched to a jagged fringe, his utility belt was missing half its pouches, and he was leaning heavily against a jagged piece of shattered concrete. His knees were visibly trembling, his breath coming in shallow, ragged gasps. He looked like he was held together entirely by sheer willpower and stubbornness.
Kon didn’t think. He didn't weigh the pros and cons, and he certainly didn't consult his rational brain. He flew forward, his boots skidding across the debris, and grabbed Tim firmly by the shoulders.
“OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE YOU” Kon yelled, the words bursting from his throat with the force of a sonic boom.
The moment the syllables left his lips, the adrenaline high stuttered. Kon’s brain finally caught up with his mouth, and a cold dread instantly replaced the heat in his veins. Oh, shit. The realization hit him like a physical blow. Oh my god, I just said it. I just told my best friend I’m in love with him in the middle of a smoking crater. I am an absolute idiot. He frozen, his grip tightening slightly on Tim’s shoulders, waiting for the sky to fall.
Tim, however, was currently fighting a losing battle against a mild concussion and sheer, bone-deep exhaustion. His vision was swimming with dark spots behind his cracked domino lenses, and Kon’s voice sounded like it was echoing from the end of a very long tunnel. All Tim registered was that Kon was alive, loud, and hovering over him.
A weak, dazed smile touched Tim’s lips. “I love you too,” he muttered, his voice faint and raspy. He meant it with every fiber of his being,because Kon was his best friend, his anchor, the person he trusted most in the world.
Before Kon could utterly short-circuit from the response, Tim’s knees finally gave out entirely. Kon caught him smoothly before he hit the dirt, sweeping him up into a bridal carry, his leather jacket bunching up between them as he initiated a slow, careful ascent toward the medical bay.
As they hovered in the air, the cold dread in Kon’s chest evaporated, replaced by an intoxicating, blinding wave of pure ecstasy. He said it back. He actually said it back. Kon looked down at the boy in his arms, his heart hammering against his ribs.
“So… is this day one?” Kon asked, his voice breathless, practically vibrating with hope.
Tim was already half-unconscious, his face pressed into the dusty leather of Kon’s jacket. His brain processed the question as mere background static. He just gave a tired, vague nod, his head lolling limply against Kon’s chest. He didn't process a single word.
And just like that, the misunderstanding of the century was set in motion. In Kon’s mind, they were officially boyfriends. In Tim’s mind, it was just another chaotic Tuesday in the life of a vigilante.
Over the next few months, Kon lived in an absolute fairytale. He was attentive, romantic, and completely devoted. Tim, on the other hand, was just trying to survive the rising crime rates in Gotham and assumed his best friend was going through an incredibly affectionate phase.
Because they were "dating," Kon decided to step up his game. It started with the post-patrol drop-ins. Tim would be standing on a freezing Gotham skyscraper, bleeding from a minor knife wound and running on forty-five minutes of sleep, when a familiar whoosh of wind would ruffle his hair.
Kon would materialize on the ledge, his leather jacket zipped up against the Gotham chill, holding a warm brown paper bag.
"Hey," Kon would beam, handing over a container of extra-spicy garlic noodles from Tim’s favorite twenty-four-hour joint in Metropolis. "Thought we could have a little date night before you hit the Cave."
Tim, starving and running on pure caffeine, just assumed Kon was being the greatest best friend on the planet. "Kon, you are an actual saint," Tim would mumble, inhaling the food. If they sat close enough that their shoulders rubbed, or if Kon draped a heavy, warm arm around Tim's waist to shield him from the wind, Tim just figured Kon was being a needy, tactile half-Kryptonian.
Then came the phone calls. Kon would call at 2:00 AM, his voice low and soft. "Hey, just wanted to hear your voice and make sure you got home safe. Goodnight, beautiful."
Tim, half-asleep and practically face-planting into his keyboard, would grunt, "Mmh, safe. Night." He figured the "beautiful" part was just Kon being ironic, or maybe it was just him teasing tim again with his flirting.
Kon was definitely more touchy, too. He’d slide into the chair behind Tim at the Titans Tower, wrapping his arms around Tim’s waist while Tim hacked into a database, resting his chin comfortably on Tim’s shoulder. Tim would sometimes blink, a brief flash of dubiousness crossing his mind,Is Kon acting a little weird lately? but then he’d remember that Kon grew up in a lab, had zero concept of normal human boundaries, and generally loved hugs. So, Tim would just pat Kon’s arm absentmindedly and keep typing.
-
While Tim remained entirely oblivious, the rest of the superhero community was operating on a completely different script. Kon hadn’t kept his joy a secret; he had happily told Clark, Cassie, and Bart that he and Robin were official. And in their circle, word travels fast.
It started with Dick. He swung by the Titans Tower, walked past Tim in the hallway, and aggressively ruffled his hair with a massive grin. "Proud of you, little bro! Glad you finally took the plunge!"
Tim blinked, adjusting his domino mask. The plunge? Did Dick find out I invested in Wayne Enterprises tech stock without consulting him? "Uh, thanks," Tim said cautiously.
The next day, Cassie gave him a massive, bone-crushing hug right before a briefing. "If you ever break his heart, Drake, I will personally throw you into the sun. But seriously, I'm really happy for you guys."
Tim frowned, pulling away. Are she and Kon planning a prank on me? Is this a hazing thing?
The climax of the confusion happened back in the Batcave. Tim had just peeled off his mask, his hair matted with sweat, when Bruce walked up to him. Bruce stood there for a long, heavy moment, his cape billowing slightly around his ankles, his expression unreadable.
"Tim," Bruce said, his gravelly voice surprisingly soft. "I'm glad you found someone. It’s important to have an anchor in this life."
Tim froze, a Batarang halfway out of his belt. He stared at his mentor, genuinely terrified that the billionaire had finally lost his mind. "Wait. Who are we talking about?"
Bruce gave a rare, knowing smirk, patting Tim firmly on the shoulder before turning toward the Batmobile. "You don't have to play dumb with me. Just make sure he doesn't fly over Gotham airspace without a transponder."
The breaking point arrived twenty-four hours later during a mandatory Wayne family dinner. Jason was smirk-eating a burger, Steph was grinning like a manic Cheshire cat, and Damian was scowling into his salad.
"So, Replacement," Jason drawled, leaning back in his chair. "How's the alien? He treating you right, or do I need to go buy some kryptonite?"
"Yeah, Timmy," Steph teased, nudging his shoulder aggressively. "We want details. Who asked who out? Did he fly you to Paris for dinner?"
Tim slammed his fork down, the porcelain clattering loudly. His face was a mask of pure, unadulterated panic. “Wait, who are you guys talking about??”
The dining room went dead silent. Alfred paused mid-pour with the water pitcher.
"Uh, kon?" Steph said slowly, her grin faltering into confusion. "Your boyfriend?"
Tim’s brain completely stalled. Boyfriend. Kon. Dating. Date nights. The 2:00 AM phone calls. The waist-hugging. Jason's teasing. Damian's insults .The puzzle pieces violently slammed together in his head, forming a picture he was entirely unprepared to look at. Oh my god.
Tim bolted from the dining room without another word, sprinting up the stairs and locking himself inside his bedroom. He began pacing the floor so violently he was nearly wearing a groove into the hardwood.
He was rethinking every single interaction he had experienced over the last six months. When did we even start dating?!he thought, clutching his hair. Did I miss a whole conversation? Did he ask me out while I was concussed? Yes. Yes, he did. The Apokolips fight.
BZZZ.
Tim jumped a foot in the air. His phone vibrated violently against the dark wood of his desk. He crept toward it like it was a live explosive device.
Kon: Hey babe! Got some free time tonight. Want to hit up that diner in Metropolis for a datenight? ❤️
Tim stared at the screen, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck. He couldn't go. He couldn't look Kon in the eye right now when his entire reality had just been shattered. With shaking, clumsy thumbs, he typed back a reply:
Tim: Can't tonight. Way too much case work. Sorry.
He threw the phone onto his bed and let out a long, ragged sigh, collapsing into his chair. He knew he had to talk to the Super. He couldn't let this drag on. But how do you tell your incredibly powerful, deeply emotional best friend that you've been accidentally gaslighting him into thinking you were in a committed relationship for half a year?
On the other side of the bay, Kon stared at his phone, his heart sinking into his boots. Tim never says no to a date. Kon sat on the edge of his bed, his leather jacket slumped over a nearby chair, suddenly hit by a wave of profound insecurity. Come to think of it... Tim had never actually said "I love you" since that first day in the crater. Tim never initiated the hand-holding. Tim never called him "babe."
Oh god, Kon thought, his stomach twisting into painful knots. Is he pulling away? Did I do something wrong? Distraught and terrified of smothering him, Kon decided to give his boyfriend some space. He figured he’d just wait until the next Young Justice mission to gauge the vibe.
A few days later, the Young Justice team gathered at the Cave for an emergency briefing. The tension between Tim and Kon was thick enough to cut with a bat-gadget.
Kon stood right next to Tim, as he always did, but he was keeping a respectful, painfully stiff distance. He kept his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his leather jacket, staring straight ahead at the tactical screens.
Tim, meanwhile, was experiencing a full-blown internal crisis. He kept stealing side-glances at Kon, his chest aching at the miserable expression on the clone's face. Oh my god, I definitely misunderstood the situation. I am the worst boyfriend in the history of the universe,and I didn't even know I had a boyfriend!
But what Tim didn't realize was the significance of the date. To Kon, today was their exactly six-month anniversary. Kon had been planning a huge, romantic surprise for weeks, but as the mission briefing dragged on, he realized Tim had absolutely nothing planned. Tim was just focusing entirely on the mission parameters, his face analytical and cold. He hadn't even acknowledged the date.
Kon’s shoulders slumped. He felt a heavy lump form in his throat. He forgot. Or worse... he doesn't care. He wants out.
As soon as the mission was over, Kon didn't even linger for the debrief. He used his super-speed to vanish, flying straight back to his room in Smallville. He threw himself onto his bed, still wearing his jacket, and stared blankly at the ceiling, feeling utterly defeated.
-
At midnight, Kon’s phone buzzed in the quiet room.
Tim: Can we talk? Meet at the usual rooftop in Gotham.
Kon’s heart did a terrifying, violent flip. This is it, he thought, a wave of nausea hitting him. The breakup text. The 'we need to talk' speech.
Using his flight, Kon tore through the sky, arriving in Gotham in a matter of seconds. When his boots touched down on the gravel rooftop, Tim was already standing there by the edge, his hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets, looking incredibly nervous.
The moment Kon landed, the sheer pressure of the last few days caused him to completely snap. The words came spilling out of him in a frantic, breathless torrent before Tim could even open his mouth.
"Tim, look, I’m sorry!" Kon ran a hand through his hair, pacing wildly across the gravel, his leather jacket creaking with his sharp movements. "Whatever I did, I’m sorry! I know I've been super needy lately, and I know I push your boundaries, and I've been trying to give you space, okay? If you want to break up, I get it, I really do! I know I'm a lot to handle, and you're busy running a city, and I just..I don't want to lose you, Tim! But if you're miserable, you just gotta tell me because I'm losing my mind here—"
"Kon," Tim tried to interrupt, stepping forward.
"—and I know I shouldn't have assumed everything was perfect, and I forgot that you have a hard time expressing your feelings, but I really thought we had something special since that day after the Apokolips fight! And if I ruined it by being too clingy—"
Tim reached out, grabbed Kon by the lapels of his leather jacket, pulled him down with all his remaining strength, and kissed him.
Kon instantly went rigid, his eyes flying wide, before his brain finally registered the soft, desperate warmth of Tim’s lips against his. The frantic, spiraling thoughts in Kon's head completely ground to a halt. The entire city of Gotham seemed to go dead silent around them.
Tim pulled back just a fraction, his cheeks flushed bright red, though he maintained fierce, determined eye contact.
"Shut up for a second," Tim breathed, his voice steadying as he let go of the leather jacket. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking deeply embarrassed but intensely sincere. "Kon... I don't want to break up with you."
Kon blinked, his super-brain struggling to reboot. "You... you don't?"
"No," Tim sighed, a small, self-deprecating smile tugging at his lips. "But there is something you need to know. And please remember that I am a heavily traumatized, sleep-deprived vigilante who runs on black coffee."
"Okay...?" Kon said, thoroughly baffled.
Tim took a deep breath, steeling himself for the most awkward confession of his life. "Kon... up until about three days ago, I didn't even know we were dating."
Kon stared at him. The silence stretched between them for five seconds. Ten seconds. A siren wailed somewhere in the distance.
"What?" Kon whispered.
"That day after the battle," Tim explained, his face burning. "I had a concussion, Kon! When you said 'I love you, man,' I thought you meant it as best friends! And when you asked if it was 'day one,' my brain was literally melting out of my ears from exhaustion, so I just nodded! I didn't process a single syllable of what you actually meant!"
Kon’s jaw slowly dropped. "So... all the dates? The takeout? The phone calls?"
"I thought you were just being the world's most attentive, clingy best friend!" Tim yelled defensively, throwing his hands in the air. "I didn't realize anything was wrong until Bruce walked up to me in the Cave and congratulated me on finding a boyfriend! I had to find out from Bruce, Kon! Imagine how terrifying that was!"
Kon stood there for a long moment, processing the absolute, utter absurdity of the last six months. Then, a slow, brilliant grin began to spread across his face. A breathless, booming laugh escaped his lips. "Oh my god. You thought I was just really, really fond of hugging you from behind while you worked?"
"Yes! Don't laugh at me!" Tim groaned, covering his face with his hands to hide his burning cheeks. "I felt like the worst boyfriend in the world today because I realized I hadn't gotten you anything for our anniversary."
Kon stopped laughing. His eyes softened, melting into pure, unadulterated warmth. He stepped forward, gently pulling Tim's hands away from his face, his leather jacket brushing against Tim's chest. "Wait. So... even though you just found out we've been 'dating' for months... you still kissed me just now. And you don't want to break up?"
Tim looked up at him, the embarrassment fading into something genuine and deep. He wrapped his arms around Kon’s neck, pulling himself a little closer into the familiar warmth of his friend,no, his boyfriend.
"Well," Tim muttered, a genuine smile finally breaking through. "You've been treating me to dinner, calling to check on me, and being incredibly sweet for six months. It turns out you’re an amazing boyfriend, Kon. I'd be an idiot to let you go now."
Kon beamed, his heart soaring higher than he ever could in the sky. He wrapped his arms tightly around Tim’s waist, lifting him slightly off the gravel roof. "So... for real this time?"
Tim laughed, leaning up to press their lips together again. "Yeah. For real this time. Happy anniversary, Kon
(ur welcome type shi😎)
fed up with Bruce tracking them/invading their privacy in the name of safety, i like to think the batkids pull an uno reverse and microchip Bruce while he’s passed out after a bad patrol injury. they start tracking his phone activity and texting him about wherever he is. bringing up things they know he’s searched for one his phone/people he’s been talking to, showing up at wherever he is during the day and interrupting him just to prove they always know where he is; just overall trying to annoy him the best they can.
issue is, Bruce is just so happy to see and talk to his kids at any point that he doesn’t even notice the breach of privacy, and the kids just end up feeling really awkward about how happy their dad is to see them.
Jason will bring up something in conversation with Bruce that was only privately relayed through texts between Bruce and a colleague, smirking because he knows Bruce is gonna be really paranoid about who’s watching his texts, except Bruce just smiles and happily chats with him for thirty minutes and he’s in a good mood all day because Jason willingly had a casual conversation with him, and when the JL ask why Batman’s in such a good mood at a meeting later that day Jason just goes bright red and doesn’t know what to say because he didn’t realise how much Bruce genuinely craves just catching up with him every now and then.
Dick will stalk him for weeks and wait until Bruce has a really tough busy day at work, specifically so he can wait for the evening where Bruce finally has a single moment to himself in a bar somewhere to relax, and then he busts in loudly sitting down next to Bruce and talking non-stop while ordering a drink, thinking that Bruce is going to be mad because this was his one peaceful moment and Dick ruined it by constantly tracking him. but instead the second Bruce realises Dick’s there all his exhaustion disappears. he gets a really wide genuinely pleased look on his face and happily offers to buy Dick a drink because ‘it’s so rare that they get to hang out!’ and Dick is left floundering because he was trying to be an asshole but now he just feels bad that he doesn’t spend time with Bruce outside of patrol business.
Tim keeps watching him through security cameras and updating him through text on his location in an attempt to make him tired of the constant supervision, but every time he texts Bruce like ‘you just walked into starbucks for the second time today.’ Bruce will just openly smile at his phone and respond like ‘would you like me to get you a drink? i can drop it off at your office if you’d like :)’ and Tim has to give up almost immediately.
essentially i like the idea of the batkids trying to annoy Bruce with themselves, forgetting that Bruce is just a dad who really loves his kids and can’t ever be annoyed by them.
rottmnt drive links (1080p, downloadable)
season 1 (pt 1)
season 1 (pt 2)
season 2
mini-episodes
movie
reblogs appreciated!
FINAL EDIT HOPEFULLY: ALL DRIVES ARE UP, ALL EPISODES ARE 1080P! ENJOY!!!!!!!!
edit again: not a requirement or anything but if anyone can spare some cash as a thanks then here’s my kofi! i’ve got a car payment now so I appreciate any and everything :D
In my mind Bruce was a low 21 when he adopted Dick. And Dick was 9. Bruce was a freaking teendad in my opinion,
The man had no idea what he was doing, how he was gonna do it, but he knew he had to take care of this kid because he knew he'd be in worse places otherwise.
Bruce did his best.
He did his freaking best even though he had no idea what he was doing. He lost his own parents so young that he knew he couldn't copy everything.
Even with Jason, Cass, he was still learning the ropes and was scared of screwing up. With, Tim, Steph, Duke, and Damian he had a bit more experience and was a bit more confident but he still doubted himself, so, so much.
Bruce did screw up sometimes. And he mentally beat himself up over it so many times. So, so many times. Tore out his hair. punched and punched and punched. Had countless sleepless nights, even after he's forgiven because deep down he'll never forgive himself.
Bruce wasn't an A+ parent as far as he saw it and he was so focused on the times he screwed up he forgot how he did better than some of the kids' bio parents.
Better than Willis Todd. Better than Arthur Brown. Better than David Cain. Better than the Drakes'.
Bruce gave up a lot for the kids whether he knows it or not.
And he was a freaking teendad.
It takes a while for the kids to realize this. Dick is the first, through small things until one day he's thinking and it hits him.
Jason is arguing with Bruce one day and sees the look in his dad's eyes. The guilt. At first he's glad to know that Bruce does regret the events in Ethiopia. Then he sees Bruce later, sitting with his head in his hands. And starts thinking. Notices the bruises across Bruce's knuckles and the battered punching bag he saw earlier.
Babs always knew. As does Cass.
Tim and Steph realize gradually over time and so does Duke. Damian gets it explained to him by Dick and Jason once he's older.
They let the man know that they're not mad (anymore, for some of them).
Because deep down, they know Bruce did his best even when he had no idea what he was doing.
One time with the Outlaws, Red Hood is helping with a hostage situation and as he helps a young man out of a holding cell, he goes 'geez how old are ya, kid?' and gets a weak '21' in reply.
At first Jason doesn't think much of it, other than how young the guy seems. More teen than adult.
Then he realizes as they finish the mission and spends ten minutes staring into the aether.
'Wasn't Dad 21 when he took Dick in?'
Bruce Wayne having to play Fuck, Marry, Kill on a talkshow, except all the options are JL members.
Talkshow host: okay! Your options are the big three! If you didn’t know, That’s Wonder Woman, Superman, and Batman!
Bruce: (with no hesitation) Kill Batman. He’s useless, has no superpowers whatsoever and was once 15 minutes late to save me from a kidnapping.
Talkshow host: As a famous philanthropist and pacifist what are you thoughts on the Red Hood?
Bruce: I love him so so so much. I don’t approve of his methods. I’m glad he’s here in Gotham and I believe in him and cherish him. I worry that the lives he takes will weigh on him and that he’ll lose himself in the violence.
TH: Wow that’s quite personal, it sounds like you know him?
Bruce: He’s Batman’s son and we both know he doesn’t deserve him
TH: Batman’s son????
Bruce: yup
Bruce *leaning closer to the microphone*: his son
Bruce *looking directly at the camera*: who he loves but doesn’t deserve
TH: o-okay then um moving on… uh about the rumors about your and Batman’s relationship-
Bruce: He’s only using me for my body.
Reporter: Oh my god- is that the Red Hood?
Reporter: Red hood sir? Can I ask you a question?
Red Hood: uh yeah?
Reporter: How do you feel about Bruce Wayne’s recent comments on the Late-night Gotham Talk Show?
Red Hood: I hope that Wayne gets custody of me during the inevitable break up. (Grapples off)
~
Reporter: Tim Drake-Wayne! How do you feel about the possibility of the Red Hood becoming your new sibling?
Tim: (eyebrow twitching) delighted, god only knows I need more murderous siblings.
Reporter: Elaborate on the ‘more’ part?
Tim: No comment.
Reporter: Is it true you have violent tendencies? We have a comment from your brother Tim about it.
Dick:
Damian, standing next to him: [slurps smoothie loudly]
Reporter: Ms. Cass, please tell us - who is your most dangerous sibling?
Cass: Depends.
Reporter: On...?
Cass: *smiles knowingly and walks away*
*later*
Clark Kent, a Reporter and Superman so is Very Aware of the Batfam: Bruce can you please clear up this mess about your children being murderous hellions? Perry is even thinking of sending someone over to get a quote.
Bruce, sipping his coffee slowly: What are you talking about? My children are angels.
Tim, somewhere in the background: GIVE ME BACK MY COFFEE OR I'LL DESTROY YOU!
Stephanie: YOU'VE BEEN AWAKE THREE DAYS FUCKER! GO! TO! SLEEP!
Dick, over a balcony: HAS ANYONE SEEN MY TASERS???
Duke, somewhere in the house: ALFRED PUT THEM IN THE CAVE! THEY'RE CHARGING NEXT TO THE DEATH RAYS!
Bruce: Angels.
Wonder Woman: Batman, we could make good use of Nightwing with this. Would you call him?
Dick, who's filling in for Bruce as Batman: I'll call him
---
Hal: you've gained some muscles
Jason, dressed as Nightwing: I started working out
Hal: Damn. What's the routine cause I just saw you last week and you look completely different.
Jason: steroids
Dick, as batman: *chokes on coffee*
---
Superman: We might need someone who's good with guns, hm... Hey Nightwing you're in contact with redhood, right? Could you have him come?
Jason, as Nightwing: ... I don't see why not
---
Wonder woman: this security is an issue we need someone who can hack this system long enough for us to get pass
Superman: hey hood, any chance you can give red robin a call?
Tim, with 5 inches of padding, as redhood: on it
---
Hal: isn't robin usually with you all?
Flash: yeah we could use him with this one
Superman: Red Robin, would you call in Robin for us?
Damian, in red robin costume: he's dead
Superman, watching what is clearly his son in a robin costume and trying to contain his giggles: ...
I feel like Bruce Wayne projects the kind of amiable playboy 'fun' vibe that he'd be the type of celebrity that certain interviewers feel comfortable surprising with puppies.
You know the kind of shows I mean.
The late-night talk show situations where they're making benign small talk with their smiling guest, and there's a segment where animals get brought out, usually to talk about some sort of ecological relief effort.
So you're watching your trash TV talk show late at night, and you get to watch billionaire pretty boy Bruce Wayne be begrudgingly talked into holding a (relatively) harmless creature which inevitably gets a lot of delighted shrieks from the audience as it starts being a lot more active than the handler promised. And to his credit, Bruce doesn't flinch, he doesn't freak out. But his eyes are a little wide, and his voice a little tight as the smile on his face takes on a slight rictus quality before he's inevitably rescued by an apologetic handler who is also laughing because they all know there was no real danger, it was just funny to put Bruce, who is an undeniable good sport and already laughing along, out of his comfort zone for the sake of charity.
Meanwhile, up in the Justice League headquarters, several founding members of the League are wondering how fast they can get a fake Oscar award shipped to the space station because fuck off. Absolutely fuck off, Bruce. Where the fuck did he study? Juilliard? (Probably.)
(Clark ends up going to a novelty store during the commercial break. It's faster than trying to get anything shipped, even with the infrastructure Bats built for them. He finds it several days later taped to his console in a conspicuously empty briefing room. It's gaudy and awful, the words "Best Actor" engraved on the plaque. No one's around to see him smile. No one comments when it vanishes. Everyone thinks it's been yeeted out an airlock. Dick absolutely comments when it shows up in the manor, stashed in one of the trophy cases that sprung up for all the bat kids' school awards. Bruce has no idea how it got there. Must have been Alfred. (It was not.))
Anyway, consider, for your amusement, Bruce Wayne getting highjacked on The Gotham Toight Show with a handful of wriggling puppies and, for a split second, not having to pretend he's delighted to be there.
I need you all to know this was in my queue, so it jump scared me when it popped up on my dash, but that I also misread "puppies" as "puppets," and now I'm choking to death on my water imagining Bruce Wayne on a guest panel with Kermit the Frog and Ms. Piggy whose puppeteer is absolutely shooting their shot through the medium of puppetry.
"Bruce Wayne, everyone. What a fantastic guy. All right, don't go anywhere, folks, we'll be right back after the commercial break when we'll be joined by the legendary Kermit the Frog and the effervescent Miss Piggy as they promote their latest movie, The Muppets Take Metropolis!"
The applause is deafening for a moment as the live band behind the podium strikes up a lively tune, ushering them into a commercial break.
"Really, thank you, Bruce," Murray Franklin says over the noise, angling his mouth away from the microphone on his desk. "You couldn't have got me to hold that fucking thing for all the money in the world."
Bruce inclines his head, a benign smile ever in place. "Oh, you know me, Murray. I'll try anything once."
"Well, that sounds promising," says a shrill, familiar. Bruce turns in time to find stagehands working rapid-time to construct a staging area behind the couch. And two humans holding two very distinct puppets aloft. Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.
"Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here." The frog puppet extends a hand toward him, causing a ripple of laughter to go up from the audience. Bruce arches an eyebrow at the puppeteer but reaches out to take the felt-green hand being offered to him. Apparently, he's not supposed to engage with the humans. "This is my companion, Miss Pigathia Lee."
"Mr. Frog," he greets the muppet formally, feeling the first hint of a genuine smile tugging at his mouth. "Charmed to meet both of you. I'm a big fan of your work."
"Oh, gosh! Really?" The Frog gushes, emoting the pure joy Bruce remembers from watching television as a child. "I could say the same to you! All that good work you do for the city! It's really something."
"Thank you." Don't cry, Bruce thinks suddenly. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
Christ, it's like Mister Rogers telling you you did a good job.
"All right, save it for the camera," Murray interjects good-naturedly, pressing a finger to his ear and listening to whatever the producer is saying on the other end.
"Mr. Wayne?" Bruce turns to find his handler waiting for him, a makeup artist behind him. "Can we ask you to move over for this next part?"
"Of course." Bruce shuffles over. As he leans back, arm stretched out across the back of the couch he realizes what they're doing. They're using his bulk to block the sight of the puppeteers from the angle of the fourth camera. Clever.
He sits placidly as the makeup artist dusts powder over his face, listening to the instructions about how to talk to the muppets. Don't look at the puppeteers, look at the puppets. Treat them like real people. Try to keep it pg-13. Just act natural.
Natural, he thinks, his eyes skirting up to the stage beams and the shadows hovering above them. There's nothing natural about being Bruce Wayne.
"And we're live in five, four, three, two, one..."
The music swells to rising applause, and his smile slips back in place, as firm and solid as his armor. He zones out as Murray goes through the introductions. He's learned that no one minds if Bruce Wayne looks a little checked out at times. Christ, he's tired. He's half tempted not to go on patrol tonight. There's a dull ache building behind his eyes, and his ribs still hurt from getting hit with a crowbar. He hopes Dick is all right. Last night's patrol had been hard on both of them, hard enough that Dick had to miss school and spend the day in bed. Though he'd gotten up before Bruce left, adamant that he wanted to watch him make a fool of himself on television. He hopes no one else is watching. He hopes there's a mild disaster happening somewhere, and he won't have to listen to Clark ribbing him about how good he is with children and animals. Again. It's like being made fun of by a slice of apple pie.
Slowly, he becomes aware of the presence beside him. Bruce looks down to find Miss Piggy staring up at him, snout turned upward, head tilted in a manner that heavily suggests flirtation. Oh God
"Not that you have anything to worry about, Mister Wayne," the high, piping voice of Kermit the Frog informs him. "Gotham's far too damp for us Muppets to want to take over Wayne Tech, too."
Bruce smiles. He's vaguely aware of the plot of The Muppets Take Metropolis. Something about taking over LexCorp. He's surprised Luthor green-lit it. The other billionaire is normally so precious about being taken seriously.
"Oh, I don't know about that, there are lots of nice swamps around here," he says, gaze still on the amorous pig puppet inching closer to him. "Mud baths, too."
"Really?" Miss Piggy drawls, flicking her blonde wig over her shoulder, much to the amusement of the audience. "And are any of these mud baths on Wayne ground?"
He can't help but smile properly at that, mouth crooking to the side. He supposes he should have seen this coming. "Oh, yes," he says, inflecting the famous Bruce Wayne charm into his voice. "More than you can shake a stick at."
When the puppet's hand comes to rest its hand on his arm, his laughter is genuine. This might be the surrealist fucking thing that's happened to him in a while. And that's saying something because he got dosed with fear toxin last week.
"Now, Brucie," Miss Piggy drawls, "Don't tempt a girl with a good time."
Some absurd instinct makes him angle his body toward the muppet, smiling down at it like a real person. "Oh, Piggy Lee, you should know I never tempt. I can call you, Piggy Lee, can't I?"
"Honey, you can call me a cab because I'm ready! Let's skedaddle!"
"Well, how about that!" Murray exclaims, drawing the attention back to him as the audience loses it. "Kermit, he's trying to steal your girl!"
The Frog turns to look at him, to Miss Piggy, then back to Bruce. "Y'know something, Murray, I don't mind. Say, Bruce, are, uh, are any of those swamps nearby?"
Oh, he's never going to live this one down.
***
"So what's it like?" Clark asks, tone deceptively neutral.
"What's what like?" Batman asks, tone sliding like gravel over sheet metal.
"Meeting the Muppets?"
He thinks about it. "Surprisingly hard to look at the humans."
Clark nods sagely. "I've heard that."
The amount of psychic damage I'm taking from the tag "Bruce Wayne Muppet Threesome" is not insignificant, but I suppose I had it coming.
Also, because I might as well ride this crackfic into the Lazarus Pit:
The Muppets eventually do make a film with Gotham in it. The premise starts not unlike the other Muppet movies, where the Muppets are fractured, and Kermit is trying to get the gang back together. For this, he must travel around the US, finding the location of the other Muppets.
When the time comes to find Miss Piggy, the screen cuts to Wayne Manor, the other Muppets standing outside the imposing iron gates.
"Well, we tried," Rizzo intones nasally, already walking off. Gonzo catches him around the neck, hauling him back.
"Where are you going?"
"Home! What, you think she's going to leave Bruce Wayne?"
Kermit's face goes through numerous stages of grief before squaring into the kind of grim determination that can only happen when you have a fist for a jaw. "We have to try," the Frog affirms, then stoically presses the gate buzzer.
The scene cuts to inside the manor, where Miss Piggy is shown lounging on an opulent chaise, surrounded by immense wealth and luxury. Empty bottles of champagne everywhere and an inordinate amount of food. It's clear there was a party last night. She is dressed not unlike Debbie from the Addams family, her face covered by a fluffy pink eyemask embroidered in gold thread that reads "Wake Me In Paris" in gaudy, swirling font. In the background, a picture of Bruce Wayne and Miss Piggy can be seen on a table. The frame is neon pink and shaped like a heart. Bruce looks happier than he's ever done in his entire life. (Probably because he couldn't stop cracking up when it was being taken.)
There's a knock at the door, and she wakes with a snort, ripping away the eyemask. "What?" she demands harshly before correcting herself into a more ladylike twinkle. "I mean, who is it?"
Alfred appears as firm and imperious as ever. Perfectly straight-faced. "Forgive me, madame, but we appear to have a common rabble at the door."
"So? Release the hounds. Brother, do I have to think of everything around here?"
Alfred clears his throat, the slightest twitch of a smile on his face. It's gone before the camera can narrow in on it. "It appears they are friends of yours, madame. Ah, one Mister Kermit the Frog and, um, associates."
"Kermi!" she exclaims before she can stop herself. "I mean, uh, very well, send them in."
The Muppets traipse into the opulent room, googly eyes roaming everywhere in astonishment. "Wow," Gonzo breathes.
"Food!" Rizzo exclaims, lunging toward the comestibles and shoving his face into a bowl.
Gonzo hauls him back, glancing at Alfred apologetically. "Sorry.
But Kermit only has eyes for Ms Piggy. "You look well, Pigathia," he says solemn and sincere.
"I do? I mean, of course, I do." She harumphs, turning her back on him. "How could I not? I'm only the wealthiest pig in the world." She turns back, expression coy over her shoulder. "What do you want?"
"Well, we're trying to get the old gang back together. Our old theaters being shut down, and I just thought that maybe one last show might--"
"That's why you're here. For the show?"
Kermit takes a deep, shuddering breath. "No. That's not why I'm here. Gosh darnit, Piggy Lee, I want you back. I love you, and I know deep down" -- "way down," Rizzo supplies before getting elbowed -- "that you love me too."
She turns slowly. As though drawn by some invisible string. Her expression falls. "I do. I did. Once upon a time. But Kermi... Bruce takes care of me."
"I'll say--" "Rizzo!"
She carries on as if the others hadn't spoken. "I know you love me. But I also know I'll only ever be second best to the show. With Bruce," she sighs dreamily. "He's rich, handsome, and most importantly, dumb as a rock. I'm the most important pig in town. I'm practically running the joint. You really think I'm going to give up all this." She gestures around the grandeur. "For a penniless Frog who can't see past the next show?"
"Well..." Kermit hesitates, face falling. "Yes. I guess... I guess I did."
Gonzo and Rizzo share a look. "I think we better go," Gonzo says, placing a consoling hand on Kermit's shoulder. "Come on, guys. It was nice seeing you again, Piggy."
"Yeah, real nice," Rizzo intones, shoving as much food into his pockets as his little rat hands can grab.
Kermit shakes himself. "No. I refuse to believe it! This isn't you, Piggy Lee. You might think it is, but it isn't. All this wealth, the silk robes, the fancy food. I know you, Piggy Lee; I know you better than anyone, and you're not this shallow. You're a performer, a star. You were made to be loved by the stage. Not just some... some billionaire playboy who can give you whatever you want whenever you want. I have to believe that because otherwise, what the heck has it all been for? What have we been for? So what do you say, Pigathia? Will you come home? Come back to the show where you belong. For me?"
There's a long, heavy pause, and Miss Piggy sighs.
The following scene cuts to the Muppets flailing down the Wayne Manor driveway, yelling comically as several snarling rottweilers chase them.
"And stay out!" Miss Piggy yells after them. When she turns back to Alfred, she resumes her ladylike poise. "Alfie, be a dear and tell Brucie I'll be home late tonight. Mama's got some shopping to do."
"Very good, Madame."
She eventually shows up at the Muppet show at the last minute to save the day, a happy, bumbling Bruce tagging beside her. Later, when the Muppets are all on stage, the human protagonists, who are in the audience and seated next to Bruce, remark, "Wow, I can't believe they raised the money to save the theater!"
"They didn't," Bruce says with a small, knowing smile. His gaze turns to Miss Piggy adoringly, sighing wistfully. "But I just can't say no to that pig."
Henceforth it becomes Muppet canon that Miss Piggy and Bruce Wayne are in a heated on-again-off-again relationship. Neither Kermit nor Bruce seems to mind each other, leading to an episode of Sesame Street several years down the line where Elmo explains that sometimes a child can have one mommy and no daddy, or one daddy and no mommy, or have one daddy and one mommy, or two daddys and no mommies or vice versa, and sometimes if you're the Wayne kids, a daddy, a frog, and a pig.
Bruce will never live it down, but it's worth it. Letting the Muppets into his life is possibly the best longcon of his life. Who the fuck is going to believe he's Batman now? No one. Not even the butts matching can hold up to him being Miss Piggy and Kermit's sidepiece.
At the crossroads, don't turn left.
At the crossroads, don't turn left.
At the crossroads, don't turn left.
At the crossroads, don't turn left.
At the crossroads, don't turn left.
At the crossroads, don't turn left.
At the crossroads, don't turn left.
if you like minecraft ARGs like i do IM BEGGING YOU PLEAAAASE WATCH WIFIES' searching for a world that doesn't exist ITS ABSOLUTE CINEMA!!
anyways, i absolutely adore Der's character, hands down one of the smartest arg protagonists i've ever seen 🙌
Another fic idea: batkids get turned into a cat. Except they also get mentally rewired into cat instincts and not preserve their human mind.
It happens during a Justice League mission, and these furballs of cats would not stop hissing at anyone who comes close. Hackles raised and tail puffed up to the max. Everyone tried the good old letting them sniff you trick and they still hissed and clawed.
Until Batman takes off his glove and the moment they sniff his hand they start purring so loud it almost feels like they're trying to vibrate through the floors and walls.
So now they have Zatanna trying to crack a spell while Batman is sat on the floor covered in cats who wouldn't stop rubbing on him, headbutting him constantly and purring like crazy.
Bonus if its a Bruce Wayne angst where he was doubting his place in the family and the cat version of his kids that run on pure instincts absolutely love him, much to his surprise.
2025 Spelltine pride comic
(click for better quality)
Blanc and his Watsons 🔎💕
practice comic
I made the first page so long ago but hey, I finished.
Part two
also! Prada has blue sweats.
blue prada-
vector ass lookin mfer
He gets that vector ass from Pilates
dc comics heritage post
No thoughts just the Batkids crashing out whenever someone (a JLA member, a Gotham elite, a rogue etc) flirts with their father.
I think Jason would the most protective followed by maybe Cass.
It's a mission, a pact made between the siblings because they don't want another sibling and Bruce is completely clueless when it comes to people flirting with him.
Dick started it off, he was eight and there was a woman getting too close to Bruce and though Bruce was smiling, Dick knew he was uncomfortable. He climbed up onto Bruce's lap, wrapped himself over Bruce's chest and said he was tired.
Jason heard some man talking about Bruce like the way he heard one of the dealers talk about his mom once. Jason immediately went to Bruce, tugged his sleeve and faked feeling sick because Bruce needed to get out of there.
Tim goes a more overt route. He asks the flirter to repeat what they just said, with a sharp smile that promises blood and humiliation. Nobody flirts with his dad in front of him otherwise Gotham knows just how sick they are.
Cass will look at Bruce and then look at the person moving in on her dad and then back at Bruce and ask whether he's feeling charitable.
Duke usually gives the guy or woman a judging look and asks whether they are serious. "You think you're going to pull Bruce Wayne?"
Damian throws an utter fit. He demands to duel the offender, shouting for Richard to fetch his blade so he might protect his father's honour.
Gotta Love me some Protective Kids to their hot and oblivious dad.
