exhibit zero

diagnosed szpd 25 they/them

[schizvoid]

I am formally diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder and this is my blog. Have no expectations of me. I am also queer and bilingual. I do what I want.

• Ghost Vents are my semi-related or unrelated babbles.

•

•

Now experience my whimsy.

[schizvoid]

GHOST VENTs

Did I ghost for a while? Yes. Haven’t been great.

Figuring out account access, life stuff, also under legal obligation to not say more (until later)

Wanna bet my psychologist is ghosting me too,, maybe not maybe I’m paranoid. What I don’t want is her to give up on me because I won’t crack so easy. Idk wh were I am in therapy but I need her to understand that my nothing is still something. My words all hide behind walls and she never knows what I really want to say. Some cursed automatic censor.

Gods forbid I confess that I to some degree do desire to spill it all out and be understood in my entirety and when the opportunity slips I miss my chance at catharsis but when the opportunity takes my hand I recoil, completely retreat. I wish I could rip my heart out and smack it onto the table and have it be enough.

Instead it’s dissociative paralysis and getting willingly stuck in that inner world I’ll never speak of. Dream it myself, I am my own stale solution.

4:20am bitch

[schizvoid]

EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE TAKING A MASSIVE SHIT

[doomer-soyjack]

I don't know why people get so defensive and morally superior when you point out the nature of human relationships is transactional. I'm not denying or diminishing your "love", I'm just pointing something out.

[schizvoid]

me when I have to work on myself in therapy instead of intellectualizing it all

[schizvoid]

(idk what I expected but it’s harder than it looks ffs)

[pinkxcloudz-deactivated20250818]

"i'm using delusional in the right context, it's not like it's that serious"

DELUSIONAL DISORDER + SCHIZO SPECTRUM DISORDERS + TBI + MANY OTHERS

"calling someone a narcissist isn't ableist it's not a disability"

NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

"sociopath/psychopath are just adjectives it's not like I'm hurting anyone"

ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

"saying i'm ocd doesn't affect you it's just the way i act"

MOTHERFUCKING OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

"i'm schizoposting lol it's just a joke"

SCHIZOPHRENIA

SCHIZOID PERSONALITY DISORDER

SCHIZOAFFECTIVE DISORDER

SCHIZOTYPAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

it's never just a joke, it's never an adjective. use a fucking thesaurus

[schizoid-hikikomori]

There is a fascination people have with emotional unavailability and it's usually to everyone's detriment.

Someone who is not as outwardly expressive as expected, who is withdrawn and not really forthcoming with information, creates a sense of mystery for people. And like any mystery, people want to solve it. And when it comes to someone labelled as "mysterious", people feel a sense of obligation to "solve" that mystery—either to get to know them, to find a way to change them, perceivably "fixing" them, or something similar.

For schizoid individuals, it creates this sense of unwanted attention from people who cannot be satisfied with receiving nothing. At first impression, it's all about the fantasy—look at this stoic person who doesn't pay attention to anyone or care about anyone, imagine if they made an exception for me, imagine if I could get to see their "true" self.

You're not going to get this from a schizoid individual. This is a fantasy you're projecting onto them—that they're something special, something to be saved or explored. Don't expect an emotional response from someone who's frequently emotionally dissociated, it's not going to end up well for either of you.

And it's so common for schizoids to see themselves as not possessing any sense of personality, to be filled with a void. To try to dig deeper against what they're willing to show you, it's violating and can be perceived as controlling or exploitative, which can cause further withdrawal.

I do not speak for all schizoids, but I do speak for myself when I say to not try and make us into something different.

You will be disillusioned and frustrated when the emotionless person is emotionless.

[schizvoid]

I havent dropped the bomb on my new psychologist yet..

But I think she knows lol.

[schizvoid]

Ghost Vents

(pinned post)

I need to scream. But I don’t have the energy or the will to get there.

No posts cuz im fkin emptied rn. Expect absence from any schizoid.

Everything is very demanding and I’m overwhelmed by my complete lack. No specification needed. I lack.

The Void™️ takes.

[schizvoid]

me when I have to work on myself in therapy instead of intellectualizing it all

[schizvoid]

[weemietime]

There isn't a whole lot of content on Tumblr about schizoid personality disorder so I thought I would make a little informational post. SZPD is a cluster A personality disorder, of the odd/eccentric cluster alongside schizotypal and paranoid. It is on the schizophrenia spectrum, and comprises the negative rather than positive symptoms of schizophrenia.

This primarily means we have avolition, catatonia, flat/blunted affect (demeanor), limited interoception (emotional sensations), lack of bonds to others including primary family members, and indifference to the opinions of others.

Whilst this isn't a diagnostic criteria, many of us are also asexual and aromantic, meaning we don't want to have sex with other humans (but usually do masturbate) and have no interest in romantic companionship.

My most disabling symptom is avolition, because I have comorbid ADHD. This means when I don't have my medication (dextromethorphan 120mg) I just sit there and zone out and can't even hold a conversation or move my body, nor even do things like feed myself. It is genuinely crippling and I am unemployed because of this, even though my meds help, they don't cure me and I need a lot of time alone.

Schizoid is something of an "anti-human" disorder, because we fail to form basic social bonds with others including primary caregivers. As a child I got diagnosed with inhibited RAD because I could not tolerate human contact. This differs from autism because autistic people generally want to socialize, they just lack the skills. I don't want to socialize and it takes tremendous effort for me to do so.

To even make this post I had to wait for my meds to click in as I was just sitting there mindlessly beforehand. While we have low internal sensations of emotions like caring, love, happiness, trust, sadness, etc. we aren't typically antisocial/dissocial and don't have a pattern of exploiting others or dishonesty. This requires too much effort.

There is a schizoid version of narcissism but it is separate to narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is characterized by a very fragile ego. You can't contradict or disagree with NPD because they are unable to regulate the emotions caused by conflict. Conversely, SZPD does not care about the opinions of others at all and places little value on them.

Our sense of superiority is legitimate, meaning we just do genuinely believe we are smarter than other people. So your mileage may vary on how insufferable you find that. I recognize this trait in myself and work to actively challenge it since it is illogical for me to think I am more special than anyone else. But, my ego is very stable, so criticism doesn't bother me the way it would in NPD.

Interoception means the sensations you feel inside your body. We lack this, so even stuff like hunger and tiredness don't impact us until we are very hungry or extremely exhausted. I don't have the feeling you would to look at a family member and get a sense of love or trust. I have a logical sense of obligation that I developed through choosing what I value based on reason. I describe this as care, and I place importance on my friendships, but there is no emotional component to this, it is all cognitive.

Tangentially: I'm somewhat of an optimistic nihilist, believing that there is no grand purpose to existence. Yes, even as a religious person. I don't think G-d ultimately has a purpose either, as an agent of the universe. (I don't believe G-d created the universe.) We have a human nervous system, so we base our rubric for morality on suffering and decide what is meaningful both collectively and individually.

I don't believe in true freedom of will (but I do believe we have agency), because we know that Bereitschaftspotential or reaction potentials occur in the brain up to two seconds before we become conscious of a volitional desire. Our consciousness occurs because of quantum synchronicity in the brain, so our free will is in a bit of an in-between state rather than fully determined or fully free.

So, we are not born deciding "I'm going to be an abuser," that happens because of brain abnormalities. It's no different than the forces of creation and destruction at work like a virus infecting a host cell. I don't place much importance on concepts of self-hood, I view myself as the electrical and chemical processes that occur in my brain, which happen without my choosing, that I can influence and impact through my own agency.

Anyway, these are just some basic schizoid meanderings for you all and I hope that this was informative or interesting in some way. Peace.

[funnier-w-szpd]

[schizvoid]

I don’t know anything else but how to Irish Goodbye.

[schizvoid]

ADHD + Schizoid boredom is a silent fucking hell. Existing couldn’t be more pointlessly raw.

[schizvoid]

Simply my opinion but,

I have just discovered the szpd flag on here and ngl I think it’s ugly. It makes me think of diluted pea soup with a hint of nausea. No ill intended.

[noodles-07]

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

[schizvoid]

I will always be haunted by the stuffed animals I left behind