PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
shark vs the universe
pixel skylines
⁂
macklin celebrini has autism
@theartofmadeline
Product Placement
Game of Thrones Daily
Sweet Seals For You, Always
RMH
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todays bird
Noah Kahan
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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JVL
untitled
Peter Solarz
ojovivo
Discoholic 🪩
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@shifson
Mouthwashing x Phantom of the Opera
Curly x Anya (Curlya)
Note: This AU was inspired by discord moots and is somewhat based off of their ideas. Please understand that I’m not a “ship artist” although I am open to mostly any (Pre-Crash) Curly ship — simply because I like Pre-Crash Curly lmao
My favorite thing in almost all timetravel fix-it desmond fics is when he casually mentions like "Oh, that guy is hot." And (depending on when he got sent back, I'm using ezio for this), ezio is like *gasp* "Did you just admit to... liking MEN?!" and desmond is just like "...we kill people Ezio😐. I think if they arrested me, it would be for the multiple acts of terriosm." It is so funny every time
You ruined a perfectly hot middle aged man by giving him abs
some dndads fics bc this is lowkey my favorite dnd podcast now
https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814763
We Often Forget The Youth Of The Ones Most Hurting (1,799 words); the kids talk with Paeden and Darryl and Henry share a nice moment
https://archiveofourown.org/works/24037627
What Happens to Glenn and Ron in All the Oakson Bed Sharing Fics (1,242 words); Ron and Glenn share a bed as literally just bros and their friendship is nice but also makes me feel a longing I can’t put into words
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25193251
You Belong (2,493 words); Glenn tells nick a story to help him sleep after a nightmare
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25447591
hand holding underneath the stars (1,041 words); terry and grant discuss the trip to ballsdeep
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25522156
Nightmares fucken suck (1,202 words); lark wakes up from a nightmare and spends some time with nick
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25169305
Where the Birds and the Bees Wont Know Me (2,714 words); Darryl and grant get to have an actual heart to heart after grant’s date with Yeet ends badly
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25105726
Falling down like angels fighting Stars and lightning hold me tightly (807 words); friends can cuddle, as a treat
https://archiveofourown.org/works/24968866
War Paint (2,651 words); while being held by the omega daddies the kids have some time to bond and have fun however short-lived it may be
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26093029
Cat’s Cradle (2,811 words); "What was your father like?"
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26498299
Brave as a Noun (1,883 words); so episode 42 sure did hurt like hell. Here’s a really nice fic of Darryl helping Henry process the aftermath
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26641723
only a few ever worried (3,096 words); terry junior is angry on behalf of nick
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26666263/chapters/65036041
harbor, haven, home (44,315 words); Terry Sr., Samantha, and Ron all navigate their relationship
UNMUTE THIS 💀💀
I’m actually fucking dead. I just… I can’t stop watching this. That fucking triple take at the end gets me every time
Never seen so much emotion from a toy shark.
In the same vein of cave paintings having children’s handprints higher than their height suggesting them being lifted up or sitting on the shoulders of adults, there’s footprints in Australia dating to the Ice Age showing a group of adults and children walking to a body a water, and one child breaking away from the group to seemingly skip in a wavy path until rejoining the group
This is like 20 thousand years ago! And the joy and happiness of going to water made this child playfully skip along! It’s universal! Dancing their way back to their family!
In a language we will never hear, a culture we’ll never know, with thoughts and ideas we can only imagine! There are millennia of untold moments of happiness, of human connection and warmth that are gone forever. But they still happened! Did that family even notice the tracks they left? How could they have known that that one day their impossibly distant descendants would be able to see the imprints they made?
Another set of tracks in the same area shows three men hunting a giant kangaroo, running at incredible speeds, but one of them had only one foot! They jumped along on one foot, every so often an imprint from a stick appearing. How did they lose their limb? An accident? A fight? A predator? Was it completely gone or maimed? Was it from birth? Either way this person was cared for by their family and was able to heal and participate fully in life! They most likely felt grief when their family member lost the use of their limb! Who cared for them? Who gave them the stick to help them walk? What kind of joy did their family feel when they made a recovery? Did someone shape and carve the stick? They certainly worked all of their other wooden tools, something as essential that would have been too.
This was during the ice age when Australia became a brutally cold, dry desert. Their entire food system had to change. By all indications it should have been a stark and difficult life of little resources. But no! They worked together! They looked after their wounded and sick! The speed that these hunters were running at was incredible and means they were well fed and healthy! A millennia of helping one another and caring for one another and all we can get are tiny glimpses of these moments did they catch the kangaroo did they laugh and congratulate each other when they did how happy were they to bring it back to their families I just
There were people who survived trephination long enough for bone to regrow over the hole. Can you even imagine the care that must have required, in prehistoric times with no sanitation or tech or medicine? We have proof, in the form of human remains, that disabled people who couldn’t have walked or fed themselves survived for years in the Stone Age. We have cave paintings that were clearly made by an adult and a child together, one teaching the other.
The past was brutal, but that doesn’t mean everyone who lived in it was.
-core as a suffix serves the exact same function as -esque and yet they throw tomatoes at me when i say something is kafkacore
kafkastuck
(the tomatoes stop midair and change direction) (they are now hurtling towards YOU)
So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled “big crystal,” as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This
And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is...very obviously not a natural crystal.
So I did some looking around on Etsy.
Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the “witchy”/“spiritual healing” type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.
Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesn’t form crystals at all, it is not a crystal
I’m not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is...right...?
So there I am. Caught in the helpless anger and distaste of looking at geologically inaccurate Etsy crystals.
And as I scroll, I start to see items in...interesting shapes:
“Oh,” I think to myself. “Oh no.”
But it is too late. I have heard the siren’s song, singing to me of knowledge that will destroy me, but that I cannot help but seek.
These...elongated objects are almost always ambiguously described as “massage wands,” “crystal healing wands,” and other such innocuous things. The egg-shaped objects are, um, “yoni eggs.”
...Right. Okay.
Maintain the youthfulness of my sacred organ.
IT’S A SEX TOY. SAY IT. BITCH, IT’S A SEX TOY, IT’S OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THERE’S NO SHAME IN IT, SAY IT WITH PRIDE, SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST,
OKAY.
Okay. I’m good. I’m fine.
Actually, you know what, never mind. There is shame in this and I want it to be never acknowledged again.
Additionally, I am not fine.
Why the fuck are there so many of these—
At this point I stop and start googling.
Now, Selenite is the crystalline form of gypsum. It is also known as satin spar. Selenite is brittle and breaks easily, and has a Mohs hardness scale of 2.
For those unfamiliar with the Mohs hardness scale, a mineral with a hardness of 2 is soft enough that it can be easily scratched with a fingernail. It also is dissolved by moisture.
NO. DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR BODY???? DON’T PUT THE GYPSUM, WHICH HAS A MOHS HARDNESS SCALE OF 2, IS BRITTLE AND BREAKS EASILY, AND IS WATER SOLUBLE, INSIDE YOUR LITERAL ACTUAL VAGINA??????????
I try to reassure myself with the fact that these things are probably not actually selenite, because making a dildo out of such a soft mineral in the first place would be very difficult. Having seen fluorite before, I feel pretty certain that the fluorite yoni eggs are probably actually just glass.
I google fluorite.
Okay.
Further exploring online shows me that fluorite is soluble in various strong acids.
Some guys on a forum in 2004 have strong contradictory opinions on this.
(I google the pH of the vagina.)
I don’t understand how pH works. I give up on the solubility question and google the toxicity of fluorite:
I now know at least one orifice fluorite does not go inside.
Science.
No, dear followers, my journey did not end here.
I have opened Pandora’s box, except Pandora’s box is filled with minerals God did not intend to be anywhere near the vagina carved into the shape of dildos. Etsy is advertising me sex toys I wish I could forget.
And vaginal steam herbs.
It seems that there is potentially a correlation between wanting to steam your vagina and wanting to put rocks in it. I know, groundbreaking discovery.
Okay, so we’re talking therapy substitute therapy substitute.
(I begin to think about how desperately we need universal health care. Maybe I just need someone, something, to blame.)
At this point, I realize that I haven’t done any googling on whether dildos made of rocks are a good idea at all. So, very tentatively, as if typing it more slowly will make it any less observed by the FBI, I google whether quartz should be used...internally.
First result that pops up:
That’s, uh. That’s reassuring.
I decide I’m incapable of unpacking this particular suitcase.
There are, of course, a small handful of articles debating the safety of rose quartz sex toys. But I’m getting the feeling that this is not a normal question to have in the first place. I close the tab with little relief.
Etsy is still enthusiastically recommending me things that hurt me psychologically.
...pleasure chalk?
How can I describe the fear that this image struck in me, reader?
Pleasure Chalk? What could that be?
Is knowing worse, or is not knowing? I scarcely have a choice:
I check in with my emotions.
Is this relief? Am I relieved that they are eating the dirt instead of fucking it? One review complains about the taste. I don’t know what they expected.
I try in vain to struggle against the tide, to return to the relatively normal side of Etsy. I begin to resent, no, hate, these deceptively aesthetically pleasing hippie shops eagerly spreading medical misinformation and things as yet unknown.
This, unlike the other “crystals” I have shown, appears to show naturally grown crystals. They are, of course, quartz crystals, and $45 comes off as extremely overpriced. I have a quartz crystal I got for a dollar at an Eastern Kentucky rock festival, about the size and quality of the ones in the photo.
Quartz is the most common mineral in the Earth’s crust. But at least this is regular levels of annoying.
Then I see this:
Well, I see the photo and the price, and I think, that looks like a regular quartz crystal. There’s no way a regular quartz crystal is $1,347.
I read the description:
I am crying. I don’t want to google any of this. I am beyond googling. I no longer desire knowledge.
THATS A QUARTZ CRYSTAL. MOTHERFUCKER THAT’S QUARTZ. SIO2, MOST COMMON MINERAL IN THE EARTH’S CRUST. ITS FUCKING QUARTZ IM—
I click on a malachite.
The malachite promises to protect me from emails. And at this, darkest hour, I want to be protected.
I have been broken. I have been lured to my demise.
Big Brother: loved.
Geology lab I’m supposed to be doing: incomplete.
God: unmerciful.
SEVERAL PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SENDING ME THIS AND HERES AN EXPLANATION:
The lost continent of Lemuria is a fictional theoretical continent theorized by some anthropologists to exist where the indian ocean is now. It found it's place in occult history around 1860 when russian Occultist Madame Helena Blavatsky wrote a book theorizing that humanity is actually descendant from several "Root Races" one of which was the fabled Lemurians.
The new-age movement of the 60s and 70s saw a return of the Lemurian mythology. Many small cults and pyramid schemes promised to "unlock the nascent spiritual power of your lemurian ancestry"
In the deeper lore, Lemuria was the knowledge-loving, pacifist, and spiritual opposite of the warlike, mechanized, and imperial Atlantis, and both civilizations were lost during their cataclysmic time-travel war, the "Atlantean-Lemurian Hyperwar"
A "Lemurian Seed Crystal" is supposedly their parallel for a computer. And that many natural crystal formations are actually the remnants of ancient lemurian data centers, whose information can only be unlocked by a lemurian descendant of significant psychic power. (powers which many grifters would offer to train you to unlock for a fee)
I'm not going to go too deep in to the Akashic Lines, it would take a while to deconstruct the layers of orientalism there, but understand that they're a type of sacred geometry that Blavatsky supposedly learned about when she travelled to india and found a secret temple where the Yogis had supposedly been waiting for a Magic White Person capable of receiving their secret knowledge.
Traditional Georgian dancing.
date a man who
i cannot even imagine how fit these people are they could kick my ass they could kick muhammad ali’s ass
Let me show you the Aggression of my people… through dance.
If your dance doesn’t require knee pads and posing en pointe it isn’t worth doing.
@dadvans I feel like you can do Things with this
So the last time I reblogged this, someone reblogged from me with a comment along the lines of “wait till you see them with swords”. So I went to search it up, and… guys. GUYS.
There are actual sparks flying holy shit =O
The hobbit soundtracks are a spiritual experience and anyone tries to tell me otherwise is dead fuckin wrong
Getting ready for bed.
ooooooh myyyyyy goooood pls look at this cat get into a little tiny cat bed
I would let a racoon do surgery on me
Have you seen their little hands? Those motherfuckers would give me a great heart transplant for the low low cost of a cold pizza slice
you do realize where racoons' little hands have been right
is that the...only reason you wouldn’t let a raccoon give you a heart transplant?
Come on! They are so well known for washing their hands that they’s called “washing bears” in German! You don’t have to worry about where their hands have been!
Well! you heard it folks, getting a heart transplant from a raccoon is perfectly safe!
where is the raccoon getting the heart
don't worry about it
[ID: A four panel comic in a cartoon style.
The first panel is of a monitor with a photorealistic picture of spinach leaves on it, and a bald guys lying down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. The guy says, “Oh spinach, I’m just feeling real low.”
The second panel is of the monitor with a photo of spinach on it, saying, “I can send email” in all caps.
The third panel is a closeup of the guy on the couch, staring at the ceiling for a moment.
The fourth panel is the same closeup, but the guy sits up and looks behind him to the monitor, resting on his elbows. The guy says, “Oh shit, for real?” /end ID]
trinity
An Actual Real Person my Dad knew. Pretty sure he worked as a bush guide. When someone asked the time he’d pull off his hat - some kind of broad brim - and use to take a few measurements of the sun’s position relative to the horizon. Then he’d declare the time.
He was accurate to the minute.
Fvvdvddsfdssdhnvfh you get back here and say this to the rest of the crew
“false sense of security” is the polar opposite of an anxiety disorder
#false sense of security? no my brain has lured me into a false sense of unease
I had therapy today and I mentioned how I show my parents/brother memes and shitposts when I see one I think they’ll find funny and she wanted an example so I told her this one
She wants me to send it to her via email so she can share it with her boss
She was laughing for like a full minute
So gaud you’re therapist approved
This is a very exciting moment for me!
Approved by therapists and despised by nuns!!!
If you are having a bad day, please unmute.
(Huskie puppy doesn’t quite get the howling thing. Sounds like a baby babbling.)
“Banana!”
* day is fixed*
ok. i super needed this.
THIS. The whole world should watch this.
