2020 discourse predictions:
- in the interest of “REAL” historical accuracy it’s decided that you can’t be a lesbian unless you have proof of some greek ancestry, since the words “lesbian” comes from “lesbos.” helpful and condescending posts suggest “if you don’t have the blood of sappho flowing through you, that’s okay! you’re valid! you’re just not a daughter of lesbos or under the protection of artemis, and shouldn’t steal the word lesbian from real lesbians. might i suggest a more accurate term, like quangle?” (quangle is the new substitute for lesbian they invent in february)
- essential oils
- somebody gets called out for pretending to live on a farm for notes, they’re actually from like some pnw suburb, they don’t even HAVE the horse whose supposed gallbladder surgery they crowdfunded
- children are a privileged class. in fact, they’re our oppressors
- somebody starts an honest-to-god pyramid scheme and recruits exclusively through tumblr. at its peak, 40% of tumblr’s userbase are now “company consultants” selling bottles of Charged Zodiac Water. this will eventually result in the site being shut down, but not for another two years or so
- taylor swift makes a post on instagram hinting that she’ll be “coming out” soon. swifties elated until she “comes out” as a libertarian
