Dear Dad (TW cursing, emotional abuse)
Does it make you happy to yell at people? Does it make you feel powerful? Is that honestly how you expect to have a happy and healthy relationship with your family? How do you really think it will end if I feel like I can’t have an actual conversation with my dad unless its about something he likes or what we need from the grocery store? Your yelling is hurting everyone in this family, and I know this because the shit you put my poor brother through is ridiculous. He has gone out of his way in the past to avoid you because he legitimately fears you and that is heartbreaking to see as an older sibling. I can’t have a conversation with you about it and you refuse to just go to fucking therapy already because you CLEARLY have a lot of shit to work through. I am absolutely serious, if you want to avoid giving everyone under 18 in this house severe daddy issues, sort out your shit IMMEDIATELY. Man the fuck up, swallow your stupid masculinity, and go to fucking therapy. We are so sick of this bullshit you put us through. I can’t talk to you when you’re upset, I can’t talk to you when my brother’s upset (because chances are you’re the reason he’s upset in the first place) and I can’t talk to you when Mom’s upset because you get your panties in SUCH a twist when she’s upset that it actually ends up doing a LOT more harm than good. Ever think of that? Hmm? Are your only two modes “normal human voice” and “rage”? I don’t know what shit you went through in your childhood that made you turn out like that, but get it under control because the things you say are so hurtful. We can’t defend ourselves, we can’t explain ourselves, we can’t have an actual conversation like healthy humans when you’ve decided that WE ARE WRONG and that obviously makes you immediately, indefinitely right. Are you aware that age doesn’t make you right? Did you know that sometimes you can handle situations wrong, and that we should be able to tell you when you’re hurting us even if we’re just kids and you’re the adult? You also probably didn’t know this, but being loud doesn’t make you right either. How many times have I raised my voice at you in the past five years? How many times have I told you how I really feel, like you’ve had the chance to do so many times? The only incident I can think of right now is that time I told you to please kindly NOT call my brother, your own son, an asshole. That night SUCKED because apparently I’m simply not allowed to talk back, or maybe even raise my voice at you the way you do all the time. I’m sick of your hypocrisy, I’m sick of you hurting my brother, I’m sick of you hurting me, and I need you to put your ass in therapy before you cause permanent damage and end up ruining our relationship into my adulthood. I’m so fed up with your bullshit. FIX IT.
For this particular instance, I would like to remind you that I’ve been legally able to drive for less than half a year. I’ve been able to take the top off my car only two times now, and the first time I was somewhat able to put it back on in a timely and responsible manner. I’ve never had to look at the weather for anything car related, I’m a brand spanking new jeep owner, and I am a 16 year old with a half-formed brain and attention issues. You, sir, are an asshole for screaming at me, not even ALLOWING me to apologize, and not letting me have a CALM, SIMPLE DISCUSSION with you about the factors that went into my slipup.
You have no idea how cathartic it would feel for me to be able to yell all these thoughts at you, to get them out of my head and MAYBE through your thick skull. You are the reason I feel like I’m not heard, and you’re the reason I’m probably going to fall into that stereotypical “my parents don’t understand me” teen angst bullshit, because I finally DO understand where that stereotype comes from. It's from assholes like you who refuse to go to therapy and accept that they’re a little bit fucked up and that their communication skills are shit. GOD I wish you would just LISTEN and I wish you could take what you dish out. Maybe not even take it, just simply ALLOW it. It hurts so fucking bad that I have to sit here and type an honest-to-god google docs because I feel like I can’t even talk to you like a normal person. If the communication I wish I could have with you was a spectrum, yelling at you and giving you a taste of your own fucked-up medicine would be on the end that’s probably physically impossible because I value our relationship. Based on your actions, you clearly don’t, but I do, so I swallow my damn tongue. Look how easy! Take notes! The end of the spectrum that I’m on right now is the one where I’m typing a very angry letter in my documents as I’m sitting at my desk and sobbing. It’s not even one that’s going to be sent. A sent letter would be far further down the spectrum. An edited version of this, one that communicates in an assertive and healthy manner, might be a bit closer to here on the spectrum, but I still wouldn’t send that because you’d want to try and argue with me about it and end up screaming your head off. You have such an infuriating issue with interruption and thinking you know what’s best 100% of the time, so you have to be LOUDER BECAUSE YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY CORRECT. I may have had only 16 years on this planet, but I am lightyears ahead of you in emotional intelligence. You should be embarrassed, honestly. For all that time I see you shitting away at your desk, “working”, when legitimately everyone in the house knows you’re on youtube or some stupid forum, you’d think you would have had a little sliver of time to look up how to actually tell someone they’re wrong instead of just being loud and hurtful.
We are so sick of your bullshit. Man the fuck up and go to therapy. This is your first and only warning, as you’re so fond of administering those.
(you know, your daughter)
