And this one wasnt sexy AT ALL...
My partner bought me a gift, and I was so excited to open it and I could see she was too... I opened the small box to find an egg capsule like you would get in a kinder egg, attached to a cardboard backing paper like an action figure. All it said on the front was "Grow your own pet!"
I looked confused but she looked overjoyed. So I played along and acted excited like it was something I'd always wanted.
I open the little capsule to find what looks like a dried up mealworm. Dead and a little dirty... shrivelled even.
I tipped it out into my hand and my fiance let out an "awwww"...
"Awww? This is fucking gross" I thought... "ah well we better throw it away, it's obviously dead."
"No, it just needs water! It says on the box 6 drops of tap water and keep it warm overnight!"
I put water on it and she insisted I tap2d the worm to my arm where it could take advantage of my body heat.. fucking gross.. my skin was rippling with disgust as i tried not to think about the small horror attached to me. Now I'm no insectiphobe. I just prefer my bugs outside.
The next morning we awake and she points at my arm... the worm has gone... but there is a snail like trail roughly a centimetre wide trailing from where the tape was, up my arm and over my shoulder.. I sat up fast and she said "aww it's on your back! It must've wanted to be warmer!"
I couldn't see it.. but she told me it had gotten 'soooooo cute!'
She listed it from me and popped it back onto my arm... it now looked like a three inch sandy coloured slug.. now slugs... they freak me out! I don't know why, they just give me the Willie's... but I didnt want to break the cute factor so I'm trying not to flick it away and wash for a hundred days... and manage a quick "aww.. haha.. yeah... cute... best present ever!"
"Uh... count... slugula? I don't know! I'll think about it!"... the slug began squirming up my arm again hunting for god knows what...
Later that day I watched as this sinister creature explored each curve of my arm, leaving trails and creeping me out. In the sunlight I noticed angular-looking lines beneath its semi clear membranous skin.
Within minutes, the angular lines began to move and work through the slimy outer flesh revealing them to be 5 inch long wings... wasp-like wings!.... its underneath began to fuse as we watched a metamorphosis before our eyes....
Legs began to unfold.. four spider-like prongs legs.. two at the front two at the back.... then suddenly an inch long stinger.... tapping and feeling my arm....
I was PETRIFIED.... but my girl was still in awe of its looks and cuteness... it looked like a khaki coloured tarantula hawk...
Now its slithering movements stop completely as it learns to scurry exactly like a cockroach... it patterns over my arm spreading its newly formed wings, scraping that stinger behind it.... before suddenly and without warning, scampered up my tshirt sleepover to my back.... I was frozen solid as it began scratching at my spine... I didnt know what it was doing... but I couldn't reach it, see it or stop it!...
As nicely as I could manage, I asked my loving other half "can you see what hes doing? I'm worried about him back there!?"
"Awww you worried you gonna hurt him? Lean forwards"
I lean forward in my seat as she peers down the neck hole.
"Aawwww hes fine back here! Hes just making a nest!:
"....a....a nest?....how... what with? "
"Hes just burrowing into your back!"
"Calm down! Hes just pushed all the skin away and buried his head in your back! How else will he be able to make babies?!"
"Ba... wha... fucking babies? Get it off me now!"
"HES DISFIGURING ME PERMENANTLY!"
"I know! That's how we reproduce!"
I sit up and look at my partners face... and she stared back... emotionless.. dead eyed... and not that I'd noticed before, but not breathing AT ALL... she let out a smile, and slowly a small dried up looking maggot began to wriggle from her eyelid... she never broke eye contact...
I learned back out of horror and crushed the creature into my back with a crunch...
As I did, my wife to be, pounced forwards attacking me violently to get to her crushed "friend" in my spine...
At this point I woke up... weird fucking dreams lately... but I've never had a dream make my skin crawl the way this one did... there are chunks I can't quite remember.... but this was the main bit! I remember this clearly because I told my girl about it as soon as I woke... my heart hadn't quite got back to its usual rate even when I finished explaining to disgusting characteristics of that creepy little fucker!
Tarantula hawk... the size and wing shape of this.
Slug, its larval form. And colour!
Honestly, worst sleep I've ever had.
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