Reader. Writer. Nerd.

https://archiveofourown.org/users/sporkmetender/ I’m always up for flailing about fandom, language, fic, meta, tabletop games, hot ladies, and food.

[sporkmetender]

https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/201078416#main

If you like

Sex pollen

Comedy

Polytrix/poly sapphic ships generally

A thinly veiled excuse for a sex marathon

Confession of feelings/getting together

...boy have I got the fic for you!

I wrote this last year for Fandom Trumps Hate 2025, but the fic exchange that I wrote it for did not reveal until April, so I'm thrilled to finally share it with the world.

[umbrellanumber5-deactivated2021]

.

.

This.

This is why people who stay in my life are neurodiverse like me!

[nottoolateforthegame]

Huh

[thisisnotjuli]

this!! I swear I lost like all my friendships bc of this, like I had a group of friends in hs that one day I realized “huh I haven’t talked to this people in a while” and popped in to say hi and they were all awkward?? because they hadn’t seen me in a while?? and that’s when I realized that friendship works different for them?? I was like yeah I haven’t talked to you in like four months but it’s not like I’ve forgotten about y'all why would anything change, and they were all like we haven’t talked to you in four months why are you here again acting like nothing happened? and it was really confusing for me

[mimir-bashir]

YEAH! THAT!

Also I have a thing where I just put the people on pause. If I don’t see them or contact them, my brain kinda put them in stasis. I don’t think about them nor misses them, and I stay on what I last knew about them (how they look, what they study/work). So when we meet again I’m like “wait, you’ve aged?” and I have the same familiarity with them thanI had before.

[gender-snatched]

Anyway all my mutuals I haven’t messaged in forever - this is why

[official-lucifers-child]

oh my gods this makes so much sense??? there are people who i haven’t talked to at all for literally over a year and we’ll pick up like nothing happened, but for their people it’s just like…… falling apart but onesided???? i think we’re still on the same level but actually we’re strangers??

[link-the-feral-anon]

Ohhhhhh

[shark8-my-leg]

OHHHHHHHHH….

[quarra]

Ok but listen, on the other side of this, as a person who moved hundreds of miles away from everyone i knew and then became a hermit for several years, it was SUCH A FUCKING RELIEF to get in contact with an old friend and have him be like, “my friendship levels do not degrade, so in my mind we are still awesome close buddies” and i almost fkn cried. I thought he would be mad or would have moved on because i had slacked on my reaching out to him and staying in touch and doing all the friendship things. But NOPE. 800 miles of distance, depression, and life changing circumstances didnt steal our friendship and i am SO GRATEFUL.

[thatlittleegyptologist]

#came back to tumblr after four years #lottie and I immediately went like that spiderman meme yknow tags via @rudjedet

I have literally no friendship degradation whatsoever. I will not have spoken to someone for 5 years or more, and they’re still as much a friend to me as if I had only seen them yesterday. I’m just very bad at communicating if someone is not in my direct orbit. So when Sonja reappeared on this site I basically screeched into her notes like a banshee because I was delighted and we picked straight back up where we’d left off.

[elodieunderglass]

Happy to go on the record that I don’t expect regular contact and will welcome hearing from people after a long time

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

Holy shit, I didn’t actually realize this was a Thing.

[shengraf]

Just recently reconnected with a friend I hadn’t heard from or spoken to in ~2.5 YEARS and we both not only were very happy to reconnect, we spoke on the phone for over 4.5 hours. I love my friends, am terrible at reaching out to them, but think of all of them as though they are still as close friends as when we hung out all the time in the past. I recognize that they’ve changed, and part of the awesomeness of reconnecting is getting to hear HOW they’ve changed, or what awesome shit they’re up to now. Also, not to be somber at the end, it is also great to hear from friends who have not only had great things happen - friends who have gotten bad news, friends who have experienced loss, friends who have been diagnosed with diseases or found out about lifelong disabilities- it is also great to hear from you, hear about these parts of your life, hear about how you are doing, and learn that you are doing okay.

[dancinbutterfly]

This is because Time Does Not Exist for ADHD brains. That’s not figurative. It doesn’t exist. There is Now. And there is Later. There are neuroscientists who get into the mechanics of it better but honestly, without coping mechanisms with external support structures in place? This will continue forever. The end. Because Time Doesn’t Exist.

[juuls]

*blinks* Oh.

[thydungeongal]

I think it's funny that in French the word for "unicorn" is "licorne" because:

The word "unicorne" was first reanalyzed as "une icorne"

The definite article was then added, making it "l'icorne"

The new definite form was reanalyzed once again, resulting in "une licorne"

[thydungeongal]

Before any anglophones get on the French people's case on this, consider for a second what y'all did when you reanalyzed the Spanish "el lagarto" ("the lizard") as "alligator."

Reanalysis is fun.

[jkcorellia]

Oh yeah, everybody does this*. Another English example is "apron", which was once "napron" until we reanalyzed the initial N as part of the indefinite article (a napron -> an apron).

A fun one in Arabic is the city of Alexandria in Egypt. Quite understandably, Arabic speakers heard the initial "Al" and thought "ah yes, the ubiquitous definite article" and Alexandria became al-’Iskandariyya.

In the opposite direction, Spanish adopted hundreds of Arabic words during the Middle Ages due to Andalusian/Islamic influence, and there are very few Spanish words that start with al- that aren't of Arabic origin (and in fact, many words that start with A without being followed by an L, as in about half of cases in Arabic the L in "al-" is elided).

Reanalysis occurs in many other places besides article-noun combos, of course, but it's an extremely common case.

*citation needed, but reanalysis is extremely common

[thydungeongal]

Oh, this actually explains something I'd just attributed to a quirk of sequence constraints or something; why Alexander is realized as Iskander/Iskandar in Arabic! It makes sense to analyze it as al-Iskander in Arabic!

[grungeygoddess]

Same thing happened with the word alchemy! Started out as the Arab term "al-kimiya", and when it was transported to Europe, it became "alchemy". This is actually really interesting, because as the term evolved more, it became "chemistry", effectively un-reanalyzing the word!

[thydungeongal]

Oh actually there's another layer of fun there: the Arabic "al-kimiya" is actually a loan of the Ancient Greek χῠμείᾱ (khumeíā), which was used to refer to the art of alloying metals. Arabic borrowed a lot of Greek terminology owing to Arabic translations of Greek classics (many of which were actually lost in Europe until they were retranslated from Arabic). So, yeah, the Greek khumeíā made a round trip through Arabic, then into medieval Latin as "alchemia," and from there we eventually do get chemistry!

[valtharr]

Not quite the same thing, but this reminded me of one of the funniest phenomena in the German language.

So, you may or may not know that x-rays were discovered by a guy called Röntgen (or Roentgen, though the ö is the proper spelling). Because of that, they're called "Röntgen rays" in German. Now, the thing is that in the German, the infinitive of a verb is always formed with an -en at the, so, for example, "to run" is "rennen" or "to sleep" is "schlafen." And because of that, it just so happened that the verb for performing x-rays became... "röntgen."

ich röntge, du röntgst, er/sie/es röntgt, wir röntgen, ihr röntgt, sie röntgen

[thydungeongal]

In the X-rayed lab, straight röntgin it

[official-linguistics-post]

official linguistics post

[delphinidin4]

[theprofessional-amateur]

[str-ngeloop]

probably tomorrow i'm gonna somehow be more organized and disciplined than i ever have been in my whole life so i'm fine probably

[thememedaddy]

[sermna]

I like to say "my mises! They're not en place!" sometimes when I forget something while cooking but no one ever thinks it's funny

[gallusrostromegalus]

#my mises aren't even en SCENE Tags by @copperbadge

[thelastbraincellofthehive]

missed doing these lmao

[rumiras]

starting off with Celine <3

[diluftmensch]

damn, she’s a bad bitch. oh they’re nonbinary? my bad. damn, they’re a bad person

[beaft]

Top ten medieval animal illustrations in manuscripts

(vibrating intensely with barely repressed excitement) yeah sure that sounds like something i could do

FIRST PRIZE GOES TO:

(from a french book of hours, c. 1400s)

sad mandolin-playing cat with its vulva out. i love this cat so much. i have a picture of it on my wall and one time i thought about it while i was high and it made me laugh so hard that i nearly threw up. sad mandolin-playing cat with its vulva out is my favourite medieval animal; there is no contest, nothing comes close.

SECOND PRIZE:

(from the gorleston psalter, east anglia, angland, c. 1310-24)

i'm a really big fan of weapon-wielding rabbits in medieval art. it was hard to pick just one, but i eventually chose this guy: a gleeful rabbit getting ready to whang the king's head off with a big axe (king's expression suggests forlorn resignation).

drolleries of murderous rabbits crop up a lot in 13th and 14th-century manuscripts - sometimes jousting, sometimes overseeing executions, sometimes riding into battle on the backs of other animals - and it's generally thought to be a form of carnivalesque comic subversion, upending the stereotype of the rabbit as a meek, docile prey animal. there's a fun article about rabbits in medieval art here, if you want to see some more examples.

THIRD PRIZE:

from Der naturen bloeme, the netherlands, c. 1350)

i think this is supposed to be a mussell, but God, just look at him. he's perfect. ideal body, peak performance, no notes.

as for the remaining 7:

4. crows holding a Very Important Meeting

5. old (mer)man yaoi. well actually i don't know what's going on here but it seems intimate

6. forg

7. distressed lion receiving a manicure

8. a brave attempt at an elephant

9. happy little bat :3

10. the oldest cat you have ever seen

i hope you enjoy these beafts as much as i do!!

[oo-demigod]

While I’m not a trans-Rumi truther, I like the premise because the idea of Celine accepting her right away so they could seal the Honmoon is too fucking funny.

Kid Rumi: Celine, I thought about it and I think I’m actually a girl.

Celine: Thank the fucking gods, my prayers have been answered.

Kid Rumi: You’re not mad?

Celine: Rumi, I don’t care if your trans, do you wanna get rid of your patterns? Seal the Honmoon? Turn it gold?

Rumi: Well yeah, of course I do!

Celine: Then put your big girl pants on, Rumi. It’s time to form a girl group.

[dambiex]

the problem with parents is that they are undiagnosed

[imvec]

[sporkmetender]

See sporkmetender's works <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/sporkmetender/works" target="_blank">here</a>!<br /><br />Questions for

Are you familiar with Fandom Trumps Hate? It's a charity auction where creators offer fanworks as gifts/thank yous for a donation to charity by the high bidder. There's always a wonderful selection of small, progressive charities to choose from. I participated last year and had a blast, and this year is shaping up to be even bigger and better.

You can bid on fic, videos, art, podfic, and even physical crafts. Browsing is now open, and bidding starts on March 3rd.

Here is their Tumblr if you want more info about how it works: @fandomtrumpshate

And I have included above the link to my own offer of a 20k-50k word story. This year, I'm offering Devil Wears Prada, KPop Demon Hunters, or Original Work. I will write sequels to my own existing works, or I'm happy to work with you to create something completely new.

Do you need that there-was-only-one-bed snowed-in weekend? Rivals-to-lovers sexual tension? Angsty coming-out-story poly soulmates? Smutty FWB with mutual pining? High magic fantasy AU? Mood ring/touch-starved Rumi learns about sex? Now's your chance!

[sporkmetender]

Bidding is now open!

[sporkmetender]

Only 3 hours left. Bidding ends at 8:00pm Eastern TODAY, March 7th.

If you're waiting to snipe at the end of the auction period, get your mousing finger ready!

[fantasy-relax]

Oblivious Alpha Rumi x Down bad and stressed as fuck Omega Zoemira.

Rumi doesn't fucking notices that her care about her band(mates) is not good leader behavior, IS COURTING behavior.

Rumi orders their favorite food, waits until they take a bite before digging it and will give them her portion if they want more, she makes sure their favorite snacks are never out of stock, check every question in interviews beforehand, check contracts, give them clothes and blankets with her scent regularly for their heats and swap clothes, she had scheduled cuddle times. She stays close to them when a fan is getting too touchy, letting them deal with it but ready to attack at the minimal sign of discomfort or ask for help. She had growled at annoying paparazzi and annoying alpha male idols.

She just acts as a gentle alpha courting and protecting her beloved omegas.

Zoe and Mira answer the courting as traditional they can do it , because of course Rumi will be old fashioned like that, but instead their actions are dismissed with "Aw so nice of you".

They follow the rules courting to the T and she just doesn't fucking notices.

She is just being a good leader, she says, I am the alpha of course i have to take care of you, she says, we are a pack of course we love each other, she says.

Premovie there was an interview, Zoey's stomach hurt but she didn't want to stop the interview she was visible uncomfortable, what did Rumi do? Stop the interview? No

She picked her Maknae up and sat with her in her lap, caressing her back and putting Zoey close to her neck so she could have comfort to calm down. Rumi doesn't even blink or stop talking, she continues like having her maknae in her lap in the middle of an interview is something common for an idol group.

Zoey is red and dying, Mira has her head in her hands, the host jaw is on the floor, the whole room is silent.

Rumi continues talking but she slightly tilts her head and takes a quick look around, she ends focusing on Mira hiding her face and goes "oh she must have headache" so she puts her fucking hand on Mira's thigh because sadly she can't have both girls in her lap, she needs to train more this unacceptable.

She nods and finishes her answer and the Host picks herself enough to continue.

Zoey is dying, Mira is dying, the fans are dying but are really invested.

After the reveal, they thought that maybe that was keeping her from taking the final step, stoping from becoming official, stopping her from sharing their heat and her rut.

Maybe now they can be proper mates maybe the patterns were holding Rumi back and they're right... but not like they think.

Rumi is a lot more touchy feely like skin to skin touchy feely.

Scheduled cuddles piles and scent marking? No, Everyday cuddle piles and surprise scent marking.

Rumi is clingy as hell, for years she had to listen to her demon side whine about "to properly mark her pack with her scent she needed to touch skin to skin, she needed to stay close to them" now she is free to let her demon side run wild without fear of her patterns being revealed.

During heats ZoeMira waits for any signals of sexual desire from Rumi, but she is happy just giving them massages and cooking for them, she is at their beck and call.

Not gonna lie is very flattering, having the #1 bachelor Alpha under their command... the power is intoxicating.

But even so!

Mira has been in love with this alpha idiot since the day that her parents came for her during their traine days, they just wanted to marry her off to a new business partner fifteen years her senior. Rumi stood beside her since the car arrived and stayed quiet letting Mira fight her personal demons until her shitty dad slapped her and she froze all training gone from her mind memories of pain and punishment flooding back, she come back when she hear Rumi beastial growl, Rumi went full feral on his ass and only stopped when Celine tore her away.

Zoey fell in love in the first month bc Rumi's behavior was everything she ever dreamed and more, she was kind, gentle, she listened to her rambles and while it was scheduled her scenting never felt forced. She never laughs at her or treated her like an idiot when her adh brain was making things harder, she never acted as knothead when her emotion makes Zoey lose control of her scent.

They showed their interest but Rumi doesn't get it, they followed the protocol bc they thought that was rumi wanted but it wasn't working, all the attempts are dismissed as "friendly behavior" or "pack behavior"

They are this 🤏 close to walking to her room fully naked.

Then one day the third sunlight sister comes to visit and suddenly Rumi's behavior makes sense.

Zoe and Mira are stunned seeing hardass strict alpha Celine became a lovesick puppy in the presence of her packmate.

She devotes her whole being in taking care of Kim.

She is cooking Kimmie favorites, she is lavishing her with love and affection so openly, scenting her every chance she can.

Kim sitting: "God, my feet hurt"

Celine without second thought drops everything she was holding and kneels to massage her: "I told you, heels are unnecessary..." Proceeds to nag her but her voice is so soft.

Zoey can't keep her mouth shut bc her ship is sailing:"Are you mated?"

Celine rolling her eyes: "of course not! She is my pack mate obviously I have to take care of her!"

Celine says proudly and Rumi just nods like that makes sense. Poppy just sighs with a tired but amused smile and looks at them.

Suddenly Zoey gets a flashback of all the Sunlight sisters interviews, shows and events and lights are shining upon her.

Everything makes sense, it's like looking at a mirror.

Oblivious gentle puppy alpha Rumi is just copying her mom's behavior.

Her also oblivious gentle puppy alpha mom behavior.

[fantasy-relax]

Another version of this:

Jinu (beta) survives and is a proud big brother because his old ass sees Rumi's behavior with her girls and:

Jinu: is good that at least the old traditions are respected.

Rumi in her way to buy Zoey and Mira boba: ???

Jinu beaming and giving her a pat on the back: Courting a lady especially an Omega Lady is a serious duty, I'm glad that you follow the rules and protocols. Alphas never should act like feral beasts.

Rumi: ????????

Jinu nodding with a soft look: I'm so proud of you.

Rumi with tears in her eyes : Jinu thank you... but what the fuck are you talking about?

Jinu explains and Rumi is in denial, they go to a library and pick a book about courting, Rumi has a little breakdown. Jinu is laughing his ass off.

Now that she knows what she has been doing since they were teens she is so overconscious about it. Because she CAN'T STOP is engraved in her very soul to do everything her girls want, to give them everything they wish, something that she knows understands is pretty close to worship. Such a SIMP behavior.

Zoey and Mira notice something is wrong with her of course, if the blushing and stuttering weren't obvious enough, the glowing patterns were. They worry but Rumi just avoids them, they hunt Jinu down.

Zoey holding a Shinkal to his neck and another in the groin: what is wrong with Rumi?

Mira glaring: she has been acting weird since you last hangout with her.

Jinu laughing nervously: I thought you would be happy? I mean she finally knows she is courting you!

Zoey and Mira: WHAT?!!

Now on one hand finally Rumi is conscious of her actions so they can end their suffering in the other they have SUFFERED for almost TEN YEARS they deserve some payback.

So now that Rumi is finally noticing them like women, like prospect mates they are teasing her to hell and back.

Mira asks for help on her stretches, bending a lot more and in place of her typical leggings she uses shorts that show her long muscular legs.

Zoey is her cuddly and touchy self, just with tight shirts and tight shorts that cover almost NOTHING, EVERYTHING is SPILLING and Rumi CAN FEEL IT because Zoey is in HER LAP. She is reciting the anthologies of hunting to avoid thinking about it.

Mira asks Rumi to cook her favorite and while she is cooking Mira hugs her, nuzzling against her neck with a soft thrill.

Mira: Such a good Alpha for me.

Rumi exe is not working.

Mira laughs softly: You won't feed me burned food, right Alpha?

Rumi exe is starting automatic functions.

Rumi is working on her free day and Zoey just enters and plops in her lap.

Zoey stares at her with a pout and her scent around them: I feel lonely, Mira is in that photoshoot and my dear Alpha Bestie is ignoring me for boring paper work, so unfair!

Rumi thinks this is unfair.

Rumi: Zoey I need to-

Zoey with a chirp: See movies with me!

Rumi is trying not to breathe: Zoey I really-

Zoey whines and nuzzles Rumi neck: Please Alpha?

Rumi closes everything.

Rumi: Zoey? I'm going but i need to stand up

Zoey holding rumi neck: Do it then

Rumi swallows again but obey carrying her Maknae in her arms.

Zoey cuddles closer: such a strong Alpha

Rumi is dying.

Zoey and Mira are THRIVING.

[zyrafowe-sny]

🪡Kpop Demon Hunters Fandom Trumps Hate 2026: Golden Needle Auctions

There are a couple KPDH @fandomtrumpshate listings still waiting for their first bid! This charity auction is a great way to support progressive non-profits. Bids are due by 8pm EST on March 7th!

Fan Art

Sun | Bluesky: sunrisedragon

Subtype(s): Banner, Cover art, Drawing/painting/etc., Icon(s), Wallpaper Highest rating: M Minimum Bid: $20 Size/scope: $20 - $50: lines and flat colors, above $50: rendering, background, more detail essentially Specialty tags (what is this?): Aro/ace characters, F/F ships, Genderswap/genderbending, Nonwhite characters' racial or cultural experiences, Poly ships, Rarepairs

Fan Vid

DustjacketDuck | Auction #1 | Auction #2 | @denizenhardwick

Highest rating: M Minimum Bid: $15 Audience: All ages Size/scope: For a $15 donation, I will edit to a cut version of a song that includes one verse and one chorus. For a $30 donation, I will edit the entire song. Specialty tags (what is this?): F/F ships, Gen (no ship) or platonic works