You will be okay.

20s/M/Absolute disaster gay He/him I tag nsfw stuff with nsft :)!

[theparadoxofbastard]

yes i posted this on my other blog but you know what it goes here too

[itsyveinthesky]

[seabassapologist]

[penismage]

Hello!

Howdy!

I’d like, uh, two normal rolls.

Sure thing!

And one with the… With the pumpkin seeds.

Which do you mean?

The one with the… With the seeds.

What are they called?

Uhm… A, uh, “crunchy pumpky.”

Sure thing. Would you like anything else?

Uhh… I’ll also take a, uh… A… A Nutella donut…?

Unfortunately, I don’t know at all what you mean…

A… One of those right there!

You really must tell me, what’s it called??

I… I’m… I’m a dumb piece of shit.

Sure thing! Anything else?

That one there?

You know what you need to do. [Here she switches from the formal, customer service voice to addressing him casually and familiarly.]

I… I’m a little greedy pig, oink oink?

Do it!

[grunts like a pig]

That comes to €13.50, please! Have a beautiful day!

Hello! I’d like an “I hate my father” and two “I have a small willi—” [The word that gets cut off is Pimmel, an un-sexy term for penis.]

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Honestly bizarre that tomatoes get all the flack for “not being a vegetable” because they're technically a fruit when:

A) There are a ton of fruits that get categorised as vegetables. Like this also applies to pumpkins, squashes and cucumbers.

B) The fucking mushrooms are standing there at the back of the crowd in this witch trial, trying to look inconspicuous because they somehow got into the vegetable club with no fucking controversy despite the fact that they're not even plants.

[mortimermcmirestinks]

"technically tomatoes are fruits--" THAT MUSHROOM OVER THERE IS MORE CLOSELY RELATED TO A FUCKING SHIH TZU THAN IT IS TO LITERALLY ANY PLANT

[teaboot]

@mortimermcmirestinks

[mortimermcmirestinks]

IS THAT FANART?

[teaboot]

it’s a warning

[scarlettohairdye]

This is probably a little too much nuance, but whenever I see a "all borders are violence" post (a political position I generally agree with!) I always add a little asterisk that says "*but the border checks that keep you from bringing homegrown produce into big agricultural areas to avoid the transmission of parasites and invasive species are actually fine and if we were more vigilant about that kind of thing maybe we wouldn't have spotted lanternflies in the states."

That doesn't work as well as a slogan, though

[bisquid]

Things borders should be for:

Biosecurity

Customs management (you do not want people importing a bunch of stuff that doesn't meet your country's safety standards, for example)

Things like that one lake in Europe where three national borders coincide and they built an island specifically so you can run between countries for fun

Things borders shouldn't be for:

Policing who can and can't come into a country

[janmisali]

oh I know how to make a poll's results look like the letter E watch this

what is the rightmost digit of the number of responses this poll has right now? (it should be visible before you vote.)

0, 1, or 2

3

4 or 5

6

7, 8, or 9

Remaining time: 4 days 17 hours

[cherryhatter-deactivated2015072]

KICK THE CAN!

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.

[visibun]

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

[drtanner]

And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!

[stuckinapril]

Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living

[hcnnibal]

just got back into gardening so i’ve forgotten. are basil leaves supposed to be this big

[hcnnibal]

am i the problem

[mousegirlheart]

op are you a hobbit

[pollsforadults]

Spin the wheel. Now, imagine you're on a first date with someone who says they`re a [result]. How does this affect the odds of a second date?

100% guarantee I'll want a second date

It's significantly more likely

The odds don't change

It's significantly less likely

There wont be a second date. Absolutely not

Remaining time: 5 days 10 hours

Picker Wheel - Spin the Wheel to Decide a Random Choice

Picker Wheel is a wheel spinner for a random picker. Various functions & customization. Enter choices or names, spin the wheel to decide a r

(anon submission)

[targetedknowledge]

[unalivejournal]

Embarrassed myself a few days ago and since then I've been periodically going like this

Ignore the part where he gets naked that's not part of it.

[ceasarslegion]

The tumblr experience is having politics that make the most left leaning progressive you know irl blush and then logging on here and getting called a bootlicker fascist because you said that you dont think we should make the reign of terror happen again

[ceasarslegion]

Me irl: the problem isnt taxes, youre thinking too small. The problem is that the federal government isnt taxing the right people the right amount. Theyre taking all our extra cash in our measly little wealth bracket and letting the billionaires hang on to more money than they can ever spend in a lifetime. The only way anybody gets a single billion is either through exploitation or inheriting it from someone else who did the exploitation, nobody who has that kind of money earned it legitimately. Not only do we need to strip that back into social safety nets for those of us theyre bleeding dry instead, but they need to establish hard laws and regulations to prevent that kind of exploitation from happening in the first place!

My coworkers: man, youre a real red-card commie, aren’t you? You gonna start telling us to vote NDP and that healtcare isnt a scam too? Jesus christ go give someone else your goddamn revolution pamphlets, lenin.

Me on tumblr: while i appreciate the animosity towards billionaires, i dont think literally dragging a guillotine into the streets and beheading people as a public spectacle is going to actually solve the problems inherent in the system considering the french already tried that and it didnt work out well for them. Also i dont think anybody has the right to decide who lives and who dies, im pretty anti death penalt-

Tumblr users: how does that boot taste, fascist?

[important-cat-pics]

[jacebeleren]

[nyaa]

[yurimartyr]

Collection

[eddwardtheseventhstardrawnwizard]

Gotta have a griller in your collection

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

[tigirl-and-co]

[limitedmedicine]

【Rippi/リッピ】

fuzzy bugs series

w140×h130xd90mm

@shiba0607

[mxrderscenes]

writing is so funny because i could write nonstop for 9hrs and then hit a block where im like "how do i transition between this moment and the next?" and then i just dont touch it for 6 months

[galadrieljones]

Serious advice tho if this happens, it's likely because you already wrote past the end of the scene and wandered too far from the more logical transition point, and you should go back to the last time the writing felt "unforced" and cut everything after.

You can also just skip the transition. Really good writing can span years in a single sentence, like you can just authoritatively state fact and your reader will go with it.

[xalphafox]

This is GOLD! You just saved me like thousands of therapy costs lmao

[headspace-hotel]

When I was writing my fic last few months the strategy I used was "just skip all the scenes I don't want to write" and it worked great in my opinion

[softichill]

I think abt this tiktok all the time

[thesadcyborg9million]

Diversity hire bryson ur absolutely slaying