“my cat keeps broke into your apartment and ate all of your plants so i asked you out for dinner to apologize” AU
- (@pensversusswords)
Today's Document
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Cosmic Funnies
Misplaced Lens Cap

Product Placement
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
tumblr dot com
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todays bird
NASA
untitled
Claire Keane
Xuebing Du

izzy's playlists!
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
will byers stan first human second
Cosimo Galluzzi
Fai_Ryy

★

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@stateofconstantconfusion
“my cat keeps broke into your apartment and ate all of your plants so i asked you out for dinner to apologize” AU
- (@pensversusswords)
Humans are unstoppable...Until they aren’t.
I’m not the most eloquent writer, but I’ve had this idea kicking around for a while and figured I’d put it out into the universe.
A lot of the basis for the “humans are space orcs” stuff is the idea that we’re pretty durable compared to many species, yeah? When it comes to physical trauma, we can bounce back from most things that don’t kill us outright, especially given the benefit of hypothetical space-age technology, and adrenaline is one heck of a drug when it comes to functioning under stress.
But that doesn’t make us unkillable, and even though we can survive debilitating injuries and not die from shock, it doesn’t mean it’s fun. Dying of shock sucks, but at least it’s probably quick.
So - Imagine a ship, adrift in space, slowly being drawn into a star or something. In order to save the ship, someone has to repair the hyper-quantum-relay-majig on the hull or in the engine or whatever. Bit of a problem though- there’s a ton of deadly, deadly radiation (Wrath of Khan style) or poisonous fumes or, I dunno, electrical current, between the crew and the repair. Like, enough to kill most species instantly, so the crew is just like, ‘welp, guess we’ll die then’. But then.
BUT THEN
They ask the human. Because everyone’s heard the stories - you’re basically unkillable, right? Could you survive long enough in there to fix it? And their human goes real quiet for a second, but still says ‘Yeah, I could fix it’. And the rest of the crew is like, ‘Whaaaaaa, it won’t kill you?’ and the human repeats “I can fix it” (which isn’t an answer, but no one catches that, not yet at least), so they send ‘em in. And the human fixes it, they come back, the ship flies to safety, and the crew is thrilled to survive. If the human is a little quiet, well, they’re entitled after pulling off a miracle. Everyone else is just excited to get to the nearest station’s bar to tell their very own human story, cuz, ‘those crazy humans, amiright?’.
The good mood keeps up until the human is late for their next shift. At first it’s just faint unease, but- but they earned a bit of a lie-in, right? No reason to begrudge them some extra rest, even if it is a little weird for them to oversleep. They’ll be fine. Humans are always fine.
(Right?)
(…Wrong.)
- What is… help. Help!-
- ake up! You have t-
- been days. You need sleep, you-
- nother transfusion. We could-
- out of sedatives!-
A week later, the crew finally reaches the station. They stumble into the bar, haggard and haunted. And over the next months and years a new rumor about humans starts to make its way through space. A rumor unlike any before.
‘Be careful with your humans’ it whispers. ‘Their strength is not always a blessing. Be sure they don’t do something they can’t come back from, because when a human dies… they die slowly.’
The thing is, humans can be tricky. And if they’re sufficiently pack-bonded with a ship’s crew? And that crew is in danger? They’ll willingly offer themselves up to make sure the crew survives.
They won’t tell their crewmates that whatever danger it is will just kill them slowly, that they can endure the exposure but not the long-term effects.
But the idea that humans can be fragile? Can die later from exposure to radiation or toxins or electricity or even smoke inhalation?
It seems preposterous!
There are too many stories about humans surviving all sorts of conditions that would kill their other crewmates. A human dying slowly, later, lingering and in agony? It’s a creepy story but of course it’s not true.
But then… another crew shares their own story. Their human volunteered to go into the danger zone to fix what needed to be fixed. Or maybe she had to retrieve a critical component or resource. And she lingered. Wasted away. Later the human doctors told their medical team there was nothing they could do but make sure she was comfortable, ease her pain before the end.
And yet another crew, whose human plunged through smoke and ash to make sure his crew could escape. He choked and coughed and couldn’t get enough air. Their medical commander performed an autopsy and found his lungs and throat and sinuses all coated in black soot and blackened mucus and red blood.
So the stories spread. Just because they don’t die of shock, just because they don’t die right away doesn’t mean it won’t kill them. They linger in agony or unconscious or waste away slowly.
But what’s most horrifying of all?
When other humans hear the stories from the traumatized crewmembers?
They aren’t surprised or horrified.
They say “Of course”
They say “I would have done the same”
They say “it was the Right Thing to do”
And they’ll smile (what the crew’s human would have called a sad smile) and toast to the dead. For making “The ultimate sacrifice for the folks they loved” and every human listening will say the name and drink a shot of liquor.
#close encounters of the awkward kind#I think my favorite aspect of this whole storytelling phenomenon we’ve got going#is it very quickly shifted from ‘humans are terrifying space orcs’#to ‘humans are pitbulls’#strong and vicious when provoked; incredibly gentle with those they love; will absolutely fight to the death out of loyalty#the bottom line of this folklore we’ve all built together seems to be that we’re not monsters and we’re not weaklings#we’re dogs
Human: *does a heroic thing*
Starfleet Captain: Good boy! *ruffles the human’s hair*
humans are space orcs. space orcs are good dogs.
I’m right and I should say it
Wait. How are peoples with siblings greeting eachother then?
“Hey”
“Hey”
“Hey Dork.”
“I am not a dork.”
“Yes you are. And mom wants to talk to you.”
“Whats up buttholes”
“Shut up Loser”
“Hey maaaan”
“Hey maaaaan”
Or
“Hey stoop-stoops”
“No”
“Who are you?”
“Hey shithead”
“Hey dickface”
“Whaddup slut”
*Hey ‘name of sibling’* *Get out of my room*
“Hey nerd” “What do you want”
“Sup bitch”
“Fuck off”
*steps into the room and stares at them until they notice and stare back for a solid 15 seconds, neither of you move a muscle*
“what”
“what do you want for dinner”
That last one!!!
Passing each other in a corridor/when entering or exiting a room/in the stairs/wherever:
*drops into battle-poses and makes pterodactyl screeches while fake-swinging and kicking at each other before continuing on as if nothing happened*
-pass by each other, make eye contact, narrow eyes and glare at each other in silence for about 10 seconds before continuing on your path-
“hey nerd”
“s'up, Chewbacca”
also always overcome with the urge to immediately end the other when in their presence.
That’s it that’s having siblings. 24/7.
cain instinct
sibling: in room upstairs
me: sitting in the living room downstairs
me, screaming at the top of my lungs: [NAME]!!!!!!
sibling, from their room: “WHAT”
Just flipping them off as you walk/drive past them.
How do you tell a friend that you're having confusing feelings and you're okay with your relationship but sometimes you want cuddles and to occasionally suck his dick...
My last two brain cells
LMAOOOO
#meeeee
this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!
ehh what the hell
OH MY GOD SO NO FUCKIN BULLSHIT I SWEAR To GOD. I reblogged this an hour ago and IM NOT Lying My Tax Refund which I did in late march popped into my Bank Account, and it was a Decent sized amount……
WHAT THE FUCK Is THIS MAGIC!??!?!?! Im trying this again IM NOT BSing hahahaha thats actually pretty cool xD
yooooo
yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
FUCKIN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
no BULLSHIT I KID YOU NOT! Look what I found while walking Home…..
OH MY GOD
OH MY F*CKIN GOD
THIS POST FUCKIN WORKS?!?!?! THIS IS PAST A COINCIDENCE NO WAY!??! NO FRIGGIN WAY!!!
Im Going to reblog this every day to test this, its MAGIC ITS FRIGGIN MAGIC
I need to believe in the heart of the post…
Oh? Well… *reblag*
i reblogged this and now my uncle is giving me 250 to dye my hair nani the fucko
I have nothing to lose
my palm was itchin today not riskin it
I always reblog the money posts cause I can’t afford not too lol
It works. I just got $300 for no reason.
Money dog is my friend
Money dog is the shit
I believe in the money dog😀
I believe in the money 🐶
Bless me pls money pup 🙏🐕
Just woke up 🙌🏿
Pplease😭🙏🏽
Doing this again because last time I reblogged this I got $50
can’t not reblog the money dog
Someone handed me 20 bucks today to donate to charity!
A moment to appreciate the fact that...
… despite Loki’s love for dramatic entrances…
… when he really felt the need to talk to his brother he’d sneak up behind him quietly, patiently, taking his time, waiting for Thor to notice him, making his presence known only through whispered prayers…
… or silent reflections.
Notice his expression and posture in the mirror: hesitant, worried, thoughtful, apologetic. He doesn’t know what Thor’s reaction is going to be because all he ever wanted was his approval, and at the same time he feels sorry for his brother’s injury. His concern can be seen in his eyes but instead his words come out encouraging.
Because that’s what brothers do.
I didn’t need the feels
me: *having a breakdown, wants to die, can’t cope*
someone: hey you seem like you’re not doing well i’m here if you want to talk
me:
“In fact, during the audition with Chris Evans, the script says, “Spidey flips into scene,” and Tom goes, “Oh, should I do that?” Evans is like, [sarcastically] “Oh, yeah. Yeah, you just flip into the scene kid. No, you just walk in.” He does it. A standing flip, jump, flip, land. Even Chris Evans was like, “What…what happened?” - Kevin Feige, producer and President of Marvel
You hire Spider-Man and you fucking got Spider-Man.
I could watch this all day.
“Sweet dreams are made of this. Who am I to disagree?“
Holy shit this fucking super power. The avengers did Quicksilver WRONG.
Holy shit
The brilliant thing about this isn’t just the CGI, it’s the clever little touches of humor– mussing the boy’s hair, saving the goldfish, drinking the soda can, the moonwalk, lining up the dart with the dartboard. I notice new details every time I see this clip. You can watch this scene with zero context and still fully enjoy it. You don’t need to know who he is or who he’s saving or why. There’s a guy who runs real fast and he’s saving people from an explosion, and he’s having a blast with it, and that’s all you need to know. It’s entertaining and fully comprehensible even if you know nothing about the movie. That’s damn good filmmaking.
Tampons are a “luxury item”
Once I worked as an intern in the state capital. One of the representatives I worked for was this middle-aged guy. And he hated the tampon and napkin machines in the women’s bathrooms. Hated them. He insisted that they weren’t necessary.
I found out why after I’d been working there, oh, about a month. My period started suddenly, as it sometimes does, and I asked to excuse myself to go to the ladies’ room. He wanted to know why. I told him.
He started ranting about how lazy women were. How we wasted time. How we were so careless and unhygenic, and that there was no call for that. He finished by telling me that I certainly was NOT going to the ladies’ room and that I was just going to sit there and work. He finished this off with a decisive nod, as if I’d just been told and there could be no possible argument.
“If I don’t go,” I said in an overly patient tone, “the blood is going to soak through my pants, stain my new skirt that I just bought, and possibly get on this chair I’m sitting in. I need something to soak up the blood. That’s why I need to go to the bathroom.”
His face turned oatmeal-gray; an expression of pure horror spread across his face. He leaned forward and whispered, “Wait, you mean that if you don’t go, you’ll just keep on bleeding? I thought that women could turn it off any time that they wanted!”
I thought, You have got to be kidding.
Several horrified whispers later, I learned that he wasn’t. He actually thought a) that women could shut down the menstrual cycle at will, b) that we essentially picked a week per month to spend more time in the bathroom, i.e. to goof off, and c) that napkins and tampons were sex toys paid for by Health and Human Services. I didn’t know the term then, but he believed that tampons were dildos. Which was why he and a good number of his friends considered them luxuries.
And that’s how, at twenty, I had to give a talk on menstruation to a middle-aged married state representative who was one of my bosses. American politics, ladies and gentlemen.
That’s.., that’s insane.
what the fuck did i just read
The worst part of being diagnosed with mental illness as an adult is looking back and thinking about how different things could be been.