none of the arguments you listed are the ones we actually make. the argument is cis straight people aren’t queer. cis straight aces aren’t queer. lgbt aces are.
it’s not aphobic because aces aren’t being excluded—cis straight people are being excluded.
This isn't really a question, but I'm going to answer because someone may find it helpful.
The examples I listed are often used, (especially the oppression one) but the argument Anon mentioned is probably the most common one. I didn't include it though because I wanted to keep things lighthearted, pointing out the ironic, self-contradictory arguments. Whereas Anon's argument isn't as comical. But now that we're here, we might as well talk about it...
Heteromantic aces are not straight. Straight means you are heteromantic and heterosexual.
The fact that they can be romantically attracted to someone not of their gender doesn't cancel out their asexuality or make them suddenly relate to straight people's experience. They still experience sexuality differently than straight people. It doesn't they are safe from aphobia just because they're heteromantic. They still need a safe place away from the people who want to "fix" us. Believe it or not, the straights™ hate cishet aces too. Because they're still ace. they're still queer.
If someone is bi they aren't suddenly straight just because they experience heterosexuality along side homosexuality. Cis gay allos are cis & allo like straight people but that doesn't make them straight because they're gay. Similarly, cishet aces are cis & hetero like cis straight people, but they're not straight because they're ace. It's okay to have a couple of things in common with straight people, you're still queer.
What a lot of people don't realize (probably due to lack of representation) is that being ace or aro is its own unique experience even if you are hetero as well. Especially in the sex-obsessed, amatonormative world we live in.
Sometimes other queer people only focus on the hetero aspect of it, ignoring the fact that asexuality and aromantism are inherently queer on their own. Allos seem to separate it in their minds and think about it like this: "Look! That person is a
H E T E R O M A N T I C asexual. "
As if the asexuality doesn't completely change the way they experience the hetero attraction anyway. Their asexuality isn't just about what they don't feel, it's also about the way it effects what they do feel. Being ace is so much more nuanced than just "people who feel little to no sexual attraction." I can't explain all of it but, another thing about being aspec is, it feels like you're looking at life through a completely different lense. and understandably, if you aren't aspec and don't know much about aspecs' experiences, how are you supposed to know that? (Not that ignorance excuses aphobia)
Most hetero aces say that before they knew what asexuality was, they always had thoughts like, *"I'm really bad at being straight, I must be doing it wrong." Or *"I must be broken, I can't relate to straight people or gay people." Or *they just think they're bi until they figure it out ages later. And if they were straight they wouldn't even have to explain their sexuality to straight people in the first place. I imagine hearing someone call them straight must be baffling. Like, you've got to be kidding me!
*sidenote: straight people don't have those thoughts
I've even seen many gay and mspec aces and aros say that the aspec side of their identity makes them feel more queer and that it affects more things for them than their homo or mspec identity. Of course not all of them feel that way but it just goes to show you that even gay aspecs can tell you that being aro or ace is inherently queer.
Lastly aspecs have been part of the lgbtqia+ community since the beginning, even before the words asexual and aromantic existed. People can argue all they want but it doesn't change anything. You don't get to choose what other people identify as or whether they are in the community or not, that's up to each individual. They're here, they're queer let's give them a cheer! 🎉 🏳️🌈 👏👏👏
If you read this far, have some cake:
