WARNINGS: Sensory Overload, Autistic Shutdown, Unintentional Ableism, Angst if you squint a little bit
Y'all voted for this, so I wrote it. Time to make some guys witness sensory overload & autistic shutdown! But first, definitions:
Sensory overload is when the brain receives too many sensory inputs (sight, hearing, or touch). It can cause severe anxiety and stress, and can lead to either meltdowns or shutdowns combined with extreme exhaustion. I won't discuss meltdowns in depth as I haven't had one in over a decade, but here is a link explaining it. Just know that meltdowns are not tantrums.
Shutdowns are when an autistic person retreats from their surroundings, a type of coping mechanism caused by sensory overload. It's a type of fear response, specifically freeze, and the person experiencing shutdown will often be unresponsive. They can also be caused by overwhelming emotions or extreme stress. Because of the nature of shutdowns, most don't realize one is occurring even if they're right next to someone having one (based on my experiences in high school). They can last a while too, as I've had shutdowns that lasted close to an hour.
Link explaining shutdowns for allistics and Link explaining sensory overload, my sources for the explanations above.
The dynamics in this fic are platonic, and I plan on making a second part involving some of the staff members like Trein, Crewel, and Crowley. Also, if you want me to write something like this for another character, leave a comment!
Feel free to use this source as inspiration for your own fics! I heavily encourage this, and feel free to tag me if you felt inspired enough to make one through reading mine. Use of my writing as data for generative AI, on the other hand, is prohibited, and legal action will be taken if needed.
Word Count: Roughly 3K total, but I'm too lazy to put individual word counts right now
Deuce Spade
The one who is most likely to witness your moments of sensory overwhelm is a classmate of yours, one who is almost always sitting nearby. The main issue would be trying to get him to learn about sensory overload. Unfortunately, the concept of autism is likely a completely foreign concept in this world, or it has another name that you are completely unaware of.
Ace Trappola would likely clown on you for the autistic behavior you’ve shown. You know he isn’t being ableist, he doesn’t know that the behaviors are caused by a neurological disorder.
Deuce, however, has lectured Ace several times for making fun of the way you do things. Going on your tiptoes as you go up stairs? It’s probably just a habit. Always eating the same food? You just know what you like. Flinching at sudden noises? Maybe you have some kind of anxiety or trauma. The yapping about oddly specific topics? Just you sharing your passions.
The fatigue from being in the dining hall, or a place where a lot of students are, however, does not escape him. He doesn’t know why you get so tired after lunch, but that you do. He tries to eat quicker and escort you to the next class once you’re both done eating. Deuce would ask, but he didn’t want to mess up the dynamic the two of you have.
One day, however, all the stress got to you. All those different conversations happening all at once, the buzz of something that could be electrical, and the sound of pens scratching paper. It was just too damn much. Using your arms as a shield for your head, you ended up resting it upon the desk and trying to steady your breathing. Horrible thoughts swirling in your head, the remarks of others calling your actions weird, the masking you’ve been doing 24/7, it was crashing down.
Yet all anyone saw was the prefect laying their head on the desk.
“Prefect?” Deuce turned to you, noticing the way your back rose and fall. “Prefect? Y/N? Are you okay?” he didn’t know if he should touch you or keep his hands off, but he knew something was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. As he’s known you for some time at this point, Deuce knew that something was off. You never do this. Should he raise his hand and inform the professor? What should he do?
Deuce raised his hand, waiting for the professor to notice. When the professor noticed his raised hand, he spoke, “Um… Y/N seems to be overwhelmed? They usually don’t lay their head on the desk, and their breathing seems more intense than usual. Can I bring them to the infirmary?”
The professor looked over at you, noticing that your behavior was, indeed, very different in a bad way. But he also had a feeling that the infirmary might not, in fact, be what you need right now.
“Mister Spade,” the professor told the blue-haired young man, “I don’t think this is the best time for Y/N to go to the infirmary. Wait until they lift up their head, forcing them to do anything right now could end badly.”
Deuce nodded, using his gloved hand to caress your head. After some time, you turned your head to face him, scleras red from the silent crying.
His voice came out in a small whisper, “Are… are you okay now? Do you wanna go to the infirmary?”
You let out a sniffle, not wanting to waste any energy in talking. Fortunately, the shutdown happened in the last class of the day, so you could go back to Ramshackle once this was over. Shaking your head, you went to your bag to get a tissue to wipe the snot from the desk and your nose.
Ace looked over at you, furrow-faced, “Woah, you… look like you had a mental breakdown, man.”
Well, it sorta was a mental breakdown, but you’ll tell them about what it actually was later.
Anyway, class was almost over, so you started to pack up you and Grim’s things. Once the bell rang, Deuce and Ace insisted on taking you to Ramshackle together. Apparently, neither of them had any club stuff to do, which felt like a lie. You let them escort you anyway.
Once you got to Ramshackle, you flopped onto the sofa. Deuce sat in front of where your head was, laying his cheek against the arm of the sofa.
“That was… a shutdown.” you croaked.
“Shutdown? Like computer shutdown? Didn’t know humans can do that.” Ace commented.
Sighing, you continued, “It happens when I get too overwhelmed by sensory stuff. Noises, feeling of my clothes, even smell. When there’s too much, I retrieve into myself. That’s a shutdown. I’ve had them before, always at school.”
Deuce’s eyes widened, “Is… there any way to prevent them? I was so worried that you were physically hurt and were trying to act tough by not explaining.”
You pondered for a little bit. Most of the sensory things you have are back at home in your world. The likelihood of you getting any of the more specialized things are pretty low, but there might be some things they can help you get.
“Well,” you started, “some hearing protection would be nice. Helps dampen the noise a little bit, but I don’t know if I have the thaumarks to get any.”
Deuce seemed to be writing, well typing, something down on his phone. He continued to listen for a while, and chose to stay with you after Ace left to do something.
After explaining everything, Deuce became even more attentive than he usually is. He even bought you a pair of hearing protection with his own money, with the shells in your favorite color. Out of all the friends you’ve had in your life, you’re eternally grateful that Deuce made the effort to notice your struggles.
Jack Howl
There weren’t many people that Jack willingly spends his time with at school outside of his club. You were one of those exceptions, but something in the back of your mind always worried about him finding out about your mental issues, and make the decision to abandon the friendship.
However, Jack could always tell when you seemed distressed. It started off with small things, like the way you flinched at certain noises. The way you’d start off energetic, but when in a place with a lot of noises, your energy drained quickly. How you did repeated actions like pacing, twirling a pen, or a lock of hair. The times you knock on your head with the butt of your palm when trying to think of an answer. Is this a quirk of people in your world, or something else entirely?
One time, the two of you were at… something you don’t fully remember. All you knew was there were too many noises and smells and you were on The Verge of a mental break. Jack seemed to notice this as well. At first, he wrapped his tail around you, something he would likely deny vehemently later. Eventually, he slipped his hand into yours, leaning down to say something.
“You seem stressed out,” Jack said, “I’ll take you somewhere quieter.” And so, he took you to a place where the noises and smells weren’t as prevalent. Something you did not ask him to do, but he knew you were stressed out.
The two of you ended up in a small clearing, and Jack helped you sit down. He knelt in front of you, wiping a stray tear from your cheek.
“Were the smells and noises overwhelming you? I know that those tend to be overwhelming for beastmen, but a regular human like you? It’s… unfamiliar.” he asked, ears pointed slightly down.
You paused for a moment, but decided to explain, “I have a neurological disorder that leads to sensory difficulties. I can only wear certain fabrics without getting overwhelmed, and I struggle with food textures too. My… my hearing protection is back in my world, so I’ve been trying to manage without it.” you gripped at your shirt while saying the last part.
Jack seemed to sigh in… disappointment? Like a brother about to scold a younger sibling for playing in the middle of the street. “You could’ve told me, I’m willing to buy you a pair. I’ve seen those at stores for sports stuff, but most aren’t made for ears like mine.”
Is… he seriously offering to help you get a sensory aid for you? With his own money?
“I… thank you.” you told him.
Jack shook his head, “I’ve seen you get overwhelmed by the smallest sounds, and I had a feeling that you were going without something you need. I’ll make the request to leave campus with you, we can go together.”
You nodded, a silent agreement. The two of you were able to leave campus, and Jack bought the pair of hearing protection for you. When you tried to offer money as compensation, he declined. Said it was a gift. Jack told you that if you needed anything else, just to text him. Even if it’s just for someone to talk to. He’s willing to take time out of his day for you, regardless of what it’s for.
Sometimes, when you and Jack were in close proximity, he would let you pet his tail. Something repetitive, and something calming that you could do when he was around. Eventually, he got you a white wolf plush that you could use for sensory regulation whenever he wasn’t there. It was pretty small, small enough to fit in a bag, but it was soft, and appeared to be weighted too. You plan on cherishing that plush for as long as you have it.
Kalim Al-Asim
Being that he’s in a different year than you, Kalim (and consequently Jamil) is someone you rarely see. And despite that, he’s one of the most enthusiastic about accommodating you. Maybe it’s because autism isn’t a thing in this world, but he would listen to your infodumps and gripes about your own world. Possibly grimacing if you make a joke about some of the clearly SUPER WEIRD things that happened to you at school.
He might not be the most observant, but he knows how to think fast. The moment he thinks you seem overwhelmed, he will do something to distract you, or get you out of the situation. Why? Because the first time you shut down and he noticed, he panicked.
Shutdowns aren’t a thing Kalim is familiar with, because you likely never told him about those at this point in your dynamic. So the moment he sees you in a dark corner, hearing you quietly sob, he is stressed by proxy. Probably throws his cardigan over your curled up form to go and grab Jamil or someone who knows more how to get you out of the shutdown.
When your shutdown was nearing its end, you and Kalim’s scleras matched due to the redness from both of your tears. He practically threw himself onto you, glad that you were at least out of the shutdown. Kalim knew that you needed emotional support, and maybe a bit of weight on you, so he chose to stay with you for a while. Jamil was there too, mostly because Kalim was there.
If you didn’t have the energy to talk, Kalim likely took out his phone so you could write how you felt, after turning the screen brightness down. He let you type for as long as you typed in the notes app, and gave it back once you finished typing. Him and Jamil would both read what you wrote.
There was a back-and-forth of either Kalim or Jamil asking you a question, and you typing out the answer on Kalim’s phone. Did it take a while? Yes? But did any of you care? Not really, especially since this was a moment where you could explain some of the worse aspects of your neurodiversity to the two.
After the incident, Kalim was determined to get whatever you needed, and to get it in the best quality he can so it lasts. Hearing protection? Got it. Weighted vest? Even if he doesn’t find something exact, he likely buys you something that is made of a heavy fabric. Fidgets? He’ll find something. Safe food? He probably gets a big pack from whatever the equivalent to Costco is in this world. Kalim likely gets you a matching cardigan, one in a color you like. Jamil worries that Kalim is spoiling you, but he is also relieved deep down that you’re doing better after Kalim gets those things for you.
Once Kalim had knowledge about the signs that happen before a shutdown, he would pay extra attention to you. Keeping mental notes on how you were behaving, along with the environment around the both of you. If you showed any signs of sensory overload, or noticed the area possibly starting to get overwhelming, he’d bring you to a quieter location. All to make sure that shutdown never happens again, at least within his power.
Sebek Zigvolt
Oh, Sebek. One of the loudest people you’ve ever encountered, and you do not like loud people. Loud people always came with sensory overload. You ended up being an antistalker for him: figuring out his schedule so you could explicitly avoid him the best you could.
Unfortunately, he seems to want to talk to you whenever he finds you. For the most part, he was with one of his dorm members, and you always prayed to whatever gods were in this world that he wouldn’t notice you. That has worked out for you so far, but today… oh boy.
You were in the hallway, holding Grim like he was a baby and you were his parent. He used to hate it, but he seems to tolerate being held like this now, since it means he doesn’t have to walk around as much. But then, you saw the guy who caused many of your sensory nightmares: the green-haired tall guy. He was accompanied by someone you recognized as Lilia, one of the other Diasomnia students.
“HUMAN!” Sebek’s voice bellowed, “IT APPEARS THAT WE MEET AGAIN! I WISH TO SPEAK WITH YOU ABOUT SOMETH- WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?”
You started to run away after making a distressed squeak, tears starting to go down your face. Adjusting your hold on Grim, you ran to a place where Sebek would hopefully not follow.
Sebek tried to follow you, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
“Sebek, I think there’s something you haven’t realized yet. Here, I’ll explain.” Lilia said. Sebek cleared his throat, standing proper.
“I’ve noticed this when Prefect is near you. Whenever you speak too loudly, they flinch. Sometimes, they start gripping their clothing, hair, sometimes they will leave. Did you notice them crying? I think they’re avoiding you because your… usual voice level, is overwhelming them.” Lilia explained.
Sebek’s jaw shot down, speechless. “But I- Master Lilia, I just want to speak with them!”
“And I’m sure they will want to, but right now,” Lilia looked to where you ran off, “they don’t want to talk with you when they’re stressed. Try to mind your volume when speaking to them, I’m sure Malleus would want that too. I’ll go find them and explain, you wait here.”
And so, Sebek waited. Lilia walked down the hallway, to the corner you hid yourself in. You were curled up, with Grim sitting next to you, trying to comfort you. It reminded him of when the boys were small. As a father, he couldn’t ignore someone who needed support.
“Are you alright, little one?” Lilia knelt in front of you. You shook your head.
Lilia sighed, “Look, I know Sebek sometimes doesn’t realize he’s speaking too loudly. He didn’t realize that you were uncomfortable about the level of his voice. All he wanted is to talk to you, but he didn’t realize how sensitive your hearing is. I told him already, but I wanted to check in and see if you were alright.”
You looked up at Lilia, and at the moment, you didn’t see a fellow student. It was the tone your teachers and case manager spoke with after your shutdowns would end, the tone of someone who knew you didn’t need a scolding, but a break. After wiping your tears with the back of your hand, you spoke.
“I… wanted to tell him that I don’t have something that usually lets me tolerate louder sounds. I didn’t have it when I came here, and I don’t know how to get a replacement.” you sniffled, “Struggling with speaking volume is something I experience, too. I wanted to tell him before but I was too overwhelmed. Too close to shutting down.”
Lilia listened, nodding at what you said. He eventually offered a hand, “I’ll tell him what you said. Here, I’ll help you up.”
Taking his hand, you got up from the ground, and picked up Grim. You departed ways with Lilia, who relayed your message to Sebek.
After a few days, you got a knock on the door of Ramshackle. What you didn’t expect to see was Sebek right there, holding a box.
“I…” Sebek cleared his throat, “I wish to apologize about my volume of voice with you. I never considered that you had hearing more sensitive than some of us nocturnal fae, and know that you may never forgive me for my past inconsiderance.”
You tilted your head. He’s forgiving you? “You didn’t know about it, and I never expected you to know beforehand either. Nobody other than me in this school knew until I told them.”
“And yet, it was an injustice on my part.” Sebek offered you the box, “Master Lilia told me that you were trying to find a replacement for something you didn’t have when you came here, so I took the liberty of finding something that should work. Take it, the Young Master has blessed it.”
Blessed it? You took the box from his hands, noticing the contents. It was a pair of hearing protection. The outside shells were black, and the design was simple. Practical. Sebek must have taken a long time to find this.
“Thank you, truly.” you held the box close to your chest, “This is the thing I needed to find. I appreciate your effort.”
“If you need anything else,” Sebek bowed deeply, “tell me, Master Lilia, or anyone else in Diasomnia. We will do our best to assist.” And then he closed the door, walking away.
You didn’t really need anything else from them, but Sebek started to monitor the level of his voice better. Sure, he struggled while praising his Young Master, but it reminded you of the same enthusiasm you have for your own interests. Maybe this is the start of a new dynamic between the two of you.
Silver
Silver saw your shutdown before he properly met you. He was patrolling when he saw you, curled up and body hicupping as you seemed to cry. He approached, just like he was trained to do. He knelt in front of you, waiting for you to notice. Respond. Any acknowledgement. His auroral eyes looked over your form, curled into fetal position.
Eventually, you realized someone was in front of you, and Silver’s eyes furrowed when he noticed the trail of tears going down your face.
“Were you crying?” He asked, hair glistening like the moon. You nodded, throat too hoarse to say a syllable.
Silver moved a hair that was sticking to your cheek, “Do you mind if I stay with you for a while? You seem overwhelmed, and I don’t want to leave you like you are.”
You gave a weak thumbs up, and Silver nodded. The two of you sat in silence for a while, and a few wild animals approached. A squirrel climbed up his arm, and Silver went to pet it. Another went up to where your hand was, caressing a finger with their head.
The two of you sat there for a while, in complete silence. Just you, Silver, and a few wild creatures who chose to show up. Eventually, Lilia found the two of you, and smirked.
“Spending time with the Prefect, Silver?” Lilia chuckled.
“They were crying when I saw them,” Silver explained, “I didn’t want to leave them alone, so I wanted to sit with them until they felt ready.”
Lilia puffed out his chest with pride, “I see. Well, feel free to escort them back to their dorm once they’re ready.”
Silver nodded, and then saluted Lilia before the man walked away. He waited for you to get up, but he then escorted you back to Ramshackle.
You didn’t see him often after that. But when you did, he often asked how you were doing. He never asked why you were crying that night, or intruded about anything. All Silver did was listen to you, and that’s something you needed in your life.
Sometimes, you’d get a care package at the door to your dorm, often filled with things that could be used for sensory regulation. You never asked Silver, but he always had a smile on his face when you were using those items. Even if you never knew it was him who sent those care packages.
Anyway, merry crimbits y'all. It feels good to be back to writing stuff for this fandom. A lot has happened since I stopped writing fics for TWST: graduating high school, starting to stream before quickly transforming into a Vtuber, starting my Graphic Arts degree, getting monetized on Twitch, making someone realize they might also have endometriosis through a fic in a different fandom, and trying alcohol for the first time. It wasn't good and messed with my ADHD medication for a week.
Here's a comic I made a few years ago, explaining autistic meltdowns and shutdowns in detail! They can be pretty different to what you might expect- I didnt even realise I was experiencing them for years. I thought they were panic attacks that just happened to last much longer than an average person's, or that I was very sensitive- newsflash, it was actually autism lol
autistic tech stimming headcanons? How does he stim? And also how does he mask? When and around whom drops he the mask?
Tech Headcanons: autism
Star Wars Masterlist
A/N: Thank you so much for requesting! I have so many thoughts about Tech. It's amazing to see an autistic character I can relate to on this level portrayed in Star Wars. He's been my comfort character since I first saw him on screen and immediately clocked him as autistic before he even spoke lmao
Okay, brace yourself, I have a lot of thoughts about Tech. I might've gotten a bit carried away when I reached the unmasking part so it's slightly long. I touched down on his relationship with every member of the batch (including Omega) + reader/his possible partner. And I added some general headcanons about his autism.
Warnings: self-harm (non-descriptive but mentioned specific ways), meltdowns and shutdowns, that part is marked with blue if you wanna skip it. it focuses on meltdowns and how Tech behaves during them‼️personal opinions‼️
Word count: 2450
❗️ Disclaimer: This is based on my experiences as a person with diagnosed autism, as well as on the experiences of my autistic friends. However, autism is a spectrum for a reason. People have different experiences and that's okay, those are just my personal headcanons 🫶
Reblogs are very appreciated, since it helps my posts reach more people and motivates me to continue writing 🫶
Stimming
𖹭 Well, first of all, we know that canonically he has that bouncing his leg thing.
𖹭 He uses his datapad a lot too, especially around people he doesn't feel comfortable with, since it's subtle.
𖹭 If he has the chance, he'll pick apart stuff and then put it back together
𖹭He fixes his glasses WAY too much
𖹭 He paces a lot, especially while talking about something in an invested way or thinking
𖹭 Drums his fingers on stuff
𖹭 CONSTANTLY moves his toes. Like, literally all the time
𖹭 Stretches his hands
𖹭 He has one switch in the cockpit of the Marauder that does literally nothing. He just uses it to stim by switching it on and off.
𖹭 Purses his lips pretty hard
𖹭 Has a comfort smell. Carries this tiny container that has cotton soaked in the smell around and uses it to ground himself if he gets close to a meltdown or if smells around him become unbearable
𖹭 When it comes to vocal stims, it's usually the same equations over and over again
𖹭 A lot of humming too
Meltdown (warnings apply)
𖹭 If he gets overstimulated and is either on the verge of a meltdown or actively having one, he'll rock back and forth and either scratch his arms or ball his hands into fists so hard his nails dig into his palms. He also tends to be really agressive and yell but he doesn't cry. He NEVER cries. He WILL kick, punch and throw stuff if it gets bad. He'll pull his hair. Also will have trouble communicating.
Masking
𖹭 Masking was LITERALLY his only chance of survival on Kamino so he became very good at it and will usually hold off a meltdown until he's alone/with people he trusts. Or he'll have a shutdown instead.
𖹭 His brothers will usually cover for him during his shutdowns
𖹭 When it comes to masking, he'll usually Force eye contact but like to the point where it's weird. He'll stare straight into your soul, not really understanding how eye contact works. And he'll focus on it so much that he forgets to listen. So he'll give himself away anyway.
𖹭 When someone points it out, he'll do a lot of research on eye contact and improve
𖹭 But he'll still focus on it a bit too much
𖹭 Obviously will surpress stimming. Especially on Kamino, outside of their shared quaters, it's practically non-existent
𖹭 He'll script conversations before hand. Like, if he has a meeting the next day with some general or something, he'll spend the whole night going over every detail and preparing for every possibility. Will also look to his brothers for clues.
𖹭 He'll mirror people he's talking to a lot. Like forcing laughs, expressions, nodding along even when he doesn't undertand, etc.
𖹭 He'll make sure not to infodump and will usually shut down when his special interests are mentioned in order to avoid appearing too "crazy" about it
𖹭He'll try to copy the words other use, since it's been pointed out to him that his language is too specific and stiff
𖹭 He does stop masking that much after they desert cause he doesn't feel like his life depends on it so much anymore
𖹭 He unmasks around Hunter and Crosshair the most. I feel like Echo is a bit too new to their team to feel entirely comfortable doing it, and Wrecker can be overhelming at times. Not that he doesn't let his guard down a bit around them, but it's not to the extent in which he does around Hunter and Crosshair
Other Tech headcanons in relation to his autism:
𖹭 Has a comfort blanket that he wraps himself up in when overstimulation doesn't let him sleep
𖹭 He is really particular about how his things are lined up and if anyone touches them, he'll be incredibly distressed
𖹭 Has one or two comfort shows and he rewatches the same episodes over and over again. Has them downloaded on his datapad. Same with music.
𖹭 ALWAYS has his safe foods at hand. If he for some reason can't access them, he WILL have a meltdown and he WILL practically starve himself
𖹭 Can pick up on the slightest changes in recepies of food. Like, he can literally tell if a different chemical was used on an apple to drive away insects, even if said apple was processed a thousand times. Of course he won't tell you what exactly changed, but he knows something is amiss
𖹭 Squints his eyes in the sun. Has a cute nose scrunch while doing it. Also has an option to darken his glasses if necessary
𖹭 As a kid he'd spin around A LOT
𖹭 Honestly why he doesn't get bothered by flying that much and was always more resillient to it than his brothers
Crosshair
𖹭 Crosshair has always been super quiet and content to just watch and listen to people. Which is why Tech has been dumping knowledge about his hyperfixations on him since they were kids. And Crosshair has always been interested in what Tech had to say. So he'd ask follow up questions a lot, which made Tech feel really validated and happy. You know, that euphoria of someone caring about your hyperfixation and actually wanting to hear more?
𖹭 I think Tech might've been severly bullied as a child due to his autism
𖹭 Not that the rest of the Batch weren't, but you know
𖹭 And Crosshair has always been super protective of him
𖹭 We see in the show how close of a relationship they have. And I entirely subscribe to the headcanon that they're practically twins
𖹭 They were both sort of outcasts as kids, more so than Hunter and Wrecker
𖹭 They're both not to good at social interactions, for different reasons
𖹭 So they sort of stuck to each other
𖹭 Anyway, like I said, Crosshair has always been super protective of him, which means he feels just generally comfortable being himself around him. Definitly the most out of everyone he knows.
𖹭 And Crosshair is also surprisingly soft with him if necessary. Not in the infantilazing way, though.
𖹭 For example if he has a meltdown
𖹭 If he goes non-verbal (which I headcanon he does sometimes), Crosshair is the best at communicating with him
𖹭 He literally drops masking fully while with Crosshair and it's something he's very grateful for, since it gave him sort of a rock to hold onto ever since they were little
𖹭 He's also not worried about verbal stims when it comes to Crosshair, cause Crosshair never minded them and — unlike many others — never snapped at him for them.
𖹭 Crosshair also never required Tech to pick up on any social cues, he's always been very straightforward with him
𖹭 Also, if Tech needs grounding, Crosshair is happy to serve as a weighted blanket. Which is surprising, considering Crosshair's not big on physical touch
𖹭 But I feel like Crosshair and Tech have the sort of relationship that you have with your closest family member. Like, that's not a person, that's a brother. It's hard to explain to someone who's not autistic but it's sort of like you get burnt out from being with people and stuff but not this one person cause they don't count as "people", they're just them
𖹭 Also, if Tech needs grounding, Crosshair is happy to serve as a weighted blanket. Which is surprising, considering Crosshair's not big on physical touch
𖹭 But I feel like Crosshair and Tech have the sort of relationship that you have with your closest family member. Like, that's not a person, that's a brother. It's hard to explain to someone who's not autistic but it's sort of like you get burnt out from being with people and stuff but not this one person cause they don't count as "people", they're just them
𖹭 I have a lot of feelings about them, ok?
𖹭 After Crosshair left, Tech struggled a lot more in many areas, including his autism
𖹭 But that, in turn, meant that he got even closer to Hunter
𖹭 They never reached the level of understanding he has with Crosshair, though
Hunter
𖹭 Besides Crosshair, Tech feels most comfortable with Hunter.
𖹭 Obviously one of the main reasons is because of Hunter's enchanced senses
𖹭 Tech's senses aren't enchanced in the same sense as Hunter's, but as many autistic people, he can get easily overstimulated. His senses are still much stronger than those of a regular person, and although they're nowhere near Hunter's, they still tend to bother him often
𖹭 I feel like those two bonded a lot as kids (and then as adults, but especially as kids) over how the light is too bright and the walls to white and the smells from the cafeteria too intense and the blacks too tight and the blankets too scratchy and the lights are buzzing and how they CAN HEAR YOU CHEWING DAMN IT
𖹭 They understand each other's experiences with overstimulation very well
𖹭 Tech definitly made Hunter special earplugs and adjusted his helmet in many different ways
𖹭 Hunter will also pick up on Tech getting overstimulated really quickly and a lot of the times will manage to prevent meltdowns
𖹭 Even if they do happen, he has a lot of experience dealing with them and knows what to do to keep Tech safe and also shorten it's span
Wrecker
𖹭 Now, Wrecker is a bit tricky, since he can often cause overstimulation just by being himself
𖹭 But he's also a huge sweetheart and will try his best
𖹭 From using his build as an intimidation if someone doesn't wanna leave Tech alone
𖹭 To being just as considerate of Tech's needs as he is of Hunter's senses and chronic migraines
𖹭 He will sometimes say hurtful things by accident
𖹭 Like that scene where he shuts Tech down when he's infodumping
𖹭 That scene pissed me off
𖹭 He won't do it on purpose, of course
𖹭 And he'll generally be really sweet and supportive and will do his best
𖹭 He also doesn't mind Tech's stimming at all, be it physical or vocal
𖹭 He's constantly moving and doing something so Tech won't bother him at all
𖹭 I actually headcanon that Wrecker has ADHD but that's a different conversation
𖹭 Oh and they definitly bond over their poor social skills
Echo
𖹭 Echo, just as Omega, was an unkown variable that knocked Tech out of his rhythm
𖹭 But they actually quickly started getting along really well
𖹭 Echo was super nice and considerate about Tech's needs from the very beggining
𖹭 Echo HATES silence because of his time on Skako Minor. He needs to know that he's not there anymore. Living so close with the Batch really helped with that. Hearing all the sounds they make, their breathing, snoring at night, etc. It's practically never fully quiet on the Marauder. So he actually appreciated Tech's stimming — especially vocal — rather than being put off by it.
𖹭 To someone as freshly traumatized as Echo when he first joined them, Tech was a blessing.
𖹭 Echo made a habit of sitting in the cockpit and just listening to Tech talk. Tech appreciated having someone to infodump to, and Echo appreciated the distraction.
𖹭 Tech also really helped with Echo's cybernetics.
𖹭 Echo's a great cook as well. And there's definitly something Echo cooks that's Tech's comfort food
𖹭 He's also sort of a mother hen
𖹭 And he's dealt with a lot during his time in the most chaotic legion of the GAR
𖹭 Also Anakin was obsessed with mechanics so he'd likely ramble about it a lot and Tech talking about his special interests reminds Echo of his — as he thinks — dead friend
𖹭 Anakin generally had some autistic traits, for example special interests, sensitivity to sensory overload, difficulty with abstract social rules (jedi code comes to mind). He's definitly autistic coded. So Echo already has some experience.
𖹭 Echo himself actually exhibits a bunch of autistic traits, even though I don't necessarily headcanon him as autistic
𖹭 So he gets along with Tech really well
Omega
𖹭 This might appear rude but she bothered him at first
𖹭 She was a big addition to his routine
𖹭 I know he says in the show that change is a part of life blah blah blah
𖹭 But adding an unknown variable to his every day life must've had some effect
𖹭 Especially since Omega was like 12 and definitly didn't understand his need for space and alone time
𖹭 She definitly caused a few meltdowns, though I don't think Tech ever let her know about it
𖹭 But they quickly got into an understanding, especially since Tech likely explained it to her very bluntly
𖹭 She brings him fidget toys
𖹭 And gets very protective if people don't respect his boundaries
Reader (autistic and not autistic versions)
𖹭 If you happen to be autistic, he's actually thrilled
𖹭 You're telling him he not only gets a partner but a partner who understands him on such a deep level?
𖹭 Plus more data for his research so
𖹭 He'll make you compare experiences
𖹭 Which will be a great getting to know each other on a deeper level exercise
𖹭 And since after that you'll know everything about each others hardships pertaining to autism, he'll unmask pretty quickly
𖹭 There will be a mental block at first that won't allow him to FULLY unmask so it'll still take time
𖹭 But he'll definitly open up and unmask around you way faster than if you weren't autistic
𖹭 Cause you're like him
𖹭 It'd actually make him feel really validated and finally not completely alone and different
𖹭 If you aren't autistic, it might take him longer to unmask
𖹭 He will be worried that you'll judge him or get scared away
𖹭 He'll unmask gradually as your relationship progresses
𖹭 Testing the waters, sort of
𖹭 He'll pay close attention to how accomodating you are when it comes to Hunter's senses
𖹭 Living together might slightly speed up the process of unmasking against his will
𖹭 He'll be most worried about letting you see him having a meltdown/shutdown
𖹭 He doesn't want you to think of him as a child that can't regulate his emotions
𖹭 He will tell you that he has autism before you even start dating
𖹭 He'll start the unmasking process by not forcing eye contact/reactions/not copying you/not scripting your conversations
𖹭 Then, if you don't react, he'll go on to start infodumping about his hyperfixations
𖹭 If you don't shut him down, he'll visibly relax and start taking more and more steps
𖹭 Then he'll stop filtering what he says so much. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE MAKER DON'T POINT IT OUT IF HE SAYS SOMETHING A NEUROTYPICAL PERSON WOULDN'T AND DON'T GET OFFENDED
𖹭 Then he'll start letting himself stim, starting with physical stims and going onto vocal stims
𖹭 Then eventually a shutdown will happen. He probably would've warned you about it in advance and awkwardly told you to just let him be cause he won't be fun
𖹭 But you went and asked his brothers how to best help him during those
𖹭 So you handle his shutdown exactly as he needs
𖹭 That event really builds a lot of trust between you
𖹭 He'll still be worried about meltdowns but it will happen eventually
𖹭 And if you handle it well, which I'm sure you will since you probably went and asked his brothers about them as well, he'll fully unmask afterwards, as soon as he knows it doesn't bother you
𖹭 You'll become his comfort person on a par with Crosshair
summary: a rough case shuts alex down completely. luckily, you're a pretty good listener even when she doesn't speak.
content: alex blake × reader, autistic alex (bc who else does crosswords in pen?), soft hurt/comfort, mentions of child loss (brief), autistic shutdowns. both parties are very much of age, author knows nothing about linguistics but everything about autism.
You can tell it's a rough one.
Just from the way she looks.
It's late, far too late, when she crosses the threshold into your place. It's so late you'd usually be asleep and Alex knows it. It's why she's chosen now to come home.
But you're not asleep tonight, instead you're standing in the kitchen, pouring a glass of wine, intent to curl up on the couch and read, usually one of Alex's nerdy linguistics books. They make you feel closer to her when she's away.
You don't hear her come in, but she's standing in the doorway of the kitchen when you turn around. She flinches when you jump, just subtly. A nervous tick left from her abduction by The Replecator.
"Sorry."
She mumbles. The word lost in the low rumble of her voice, and you know. You know instantly that she's shut down. It doesn't happen very often these days—the two of you having a better understanding of the warning signs— but when it does you know what to do.
"That's okay hun." You whisper, keeping your voice as low and as still as possible. "I just wasn't expecting you back so soon. Usually your cases have you away for a few more days."
Briefly, you wonder if something has happened, but you tuck it away for later.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
You ask her, even though you know the answer, its still nice of you to ask. She shakes her head, moving further into the kitchen, watching you move about in practiced fluidity. It's a routine she is familar with and that calms her.
"Okay. You don't have to talk. You don't have to say anything." You assure her. When she's shut down like this, the kindest thing you can do is not force it. "You wanna have a drink with me instead?"
She nods slightly, just once. Quick and fluid, and it makes you smile.
"Okay. We can do that."
You promise, reaching for another glass in the cabinet and pouring more wine. When you hand the glass to her she swirls the liquid around and stares into it.
"I'm sorry." She repeats.
"You don't need to be sorry. You don't ever have to apologize."
She doesn't say a word, just flashes you that goregous smile of hers that made you weak in the knees. She follows you out to the sofa, you sit first, grabbing her hand and pulling her down with you. You brush her hair behind her ear and set the wine glasses down on the coffee table as you pull her against your chest.
"It's okay. You're okay. You're safe."
You hum the usual assurances, things you know do help on occasion. Not always, but most times, it's enough.
You feel her start to cry. You don't hear the tears—she's mastered the art of keeping those silent— but you can feel the way she shudders against your chest. Unable to speak, rendered utterly unable to use that impeccable brain of hers to spit anything out.
You hold her tighter, and wish there was something more you could do. She's confided in you once before, on a rare day a shutdown let her speak more than a few words at a time.
"This is stupid. I study linguistics and I can't even speak. What kind of doctor am I? What kind of professor? What am I doing in the bureau? I'm useless."
"Alex." You murmer her name against her ear, "Alex. Alex. Alex." Sometimes just hearing it works, reminds her that she's someone. She's more than a doctor and a professor, she's someone. She's yours.
Today, tonight, though, it doesn't seem to be. These storms were the hardest to ride out, when there was nothing you could do except be there. Be a body against hers.
"You don't have to speak baby, but can you nod for me?" She nods once, and you keep going. "It was a bad one wasn't it? Worse than usual."
"Mmhm." She hums, nodding once more, and you kiss the top of her head in gratitude. "Kids."
"Oh hun, I am so sorry." She leans forward to reach for her glass, her hand shaking as she does. "It reminded you of Ethan didn't it?"
Another nod, hardly preceptable but you catch it.
But you know that's not the whole of it. Ethan reminders were pretty much guaranteed in her line of work, and not all of them prompted a shutdown.
You don't push further, not yet, not now. She'll open up when she's ready. So, until then, you shift further back against the pillows, taking her with you, and you pick up your book. Without even really understanding what you're reading, you just start reading, and you let the words wash over the silence. Alex enjoys hearing you read, even if you stumble over the more complex terms.
"The french vernacular you're using has a feminine prefix but you're pronunciation is masculine."
She corrects about halfway through, causing you to put down the book and smile down at her. She looks up, grinning softly too. She's not even close to okay, but she's a little better.
"Ah, so that's why it wasn't making sense."
"Among a myriad of other things."
"A myriad, listen to you Professor Blake."
You lean over her to grab your own glass of wine, which is no longer chilled the way you tend to enjoy it but it doesn't bother you too much. You're just glad she's finally spoken. Spoken a full sentence.
"Did you do that on purpose? Knowing I'd catch it?" She asks, her voice still carrying that sad kind of softness, but it's a bit more clear than before.
"Hey. No fair profiling me." You pout.
"You make it easy."
Alex leans her head back against your chest, the sound of your heartbeat again thrumming in her ears, it makes her feel safe, warm, protected, loved.
"Thank you." She breathes after another tense beat of silence. So long you fear you'd lost her again to another shutdown. "For not pushing."
"You don't have to thank me for that. Never."
"James would—"
"Do I look like James?"
You raise an eyebrow in a way that makes her laugh, the kind of laugh she has to hide her face in her hair to fully laugh. You wonder why she does that, and how long she had felt she had to.
"Of course not. And do not look at me like that, he was a really good guy, I still care for him. And I know he cares for me." You catch the word usage, for instead of about. You know she doesn't use words by accident. "Our son... Ethan links us forever."
You kiss her temple again worrying the glass from her hands and setting it aside again.
"Such a good guy, but he can't handle this?"
"Hush." She smacks you playfully on the arm but her voice is sad again, "it was... hard for him. To understand. This... part of me that is so brillant yet so unpredictable. And after Ethan, and Harvard... he'd had enough."
You nod this time, exhaling as she snuggles back against you. She's exhuasted, mentally, this job takes a toll on her, you know. You wish she'd let you in more, but you love the way she feels the need to protect you, to shield you from the worst of it, from the blood and gore and violence of her day to day.
"And anyway, him letting me go—cutting my rope— it was the best thing he could have done because it gave me you. I never would have met you."
Again, her use of that phrase, cutting her rope, it sticks out. Alex Blake never says anything without meaning.
"Strauss... you were in love with her."
Its not a question, she's already given you the answer.
"In love is strong, but something like that. Once, a long, long time ago, she meant things to me once that you do now, and even James once upon a time. But that's not what you care about is it?"
"Alex love, I care about everything you say."
"I'm sure you say that to all the middle aged women huh?"
"Nope, just you."
"Good."
She seems content with it, and she hooks one leg around yours, pinning the both of you together. It's clear that the conversation is over. At least for now, for tonight. She's too exhuasted. Both physically from work, and mentally. Shutdowns spend a lot of her energy, and she's still really foggy from it. You notice, the way she goes wordless again, signaling she's finished talking and isn't likely to resume anytime soon.
"Can I take you to bed?"
Under other circumstances, that might be an invitation for something more sinful, but not tonight, tonight is about Alex, and making her feel safe again. Again she nods, and you're proud of her, for remembering to communicate with you in some way when she finds she can't speak.
You tuck her into bed and almost immediately after you find your way onto your side of the bed, she's flush against your side again.
Something else you learned, just because Alex doesn't speak during a shutdown, doesn't mean she doesn't want to be near you. Only you, as it turns out. A shutdown used to mean total silence and total isolation, but not since she'd met and fallen in love with you.
"I got you." You sigh, one hand tangling in her hair, watching as she drifts off, usually she struggles to sleep, so you're thankful for the nights sleep takes her without a fight. "You're safe. You're home. You're loved."
Every word a promise, every promise a scared vow. Not for the first time do you wonder if she's ever felt as safe with anyone as she does with you. You knew she loved others before, you weren't that insecure, nor that naive, but Erin had never reciprocated, and James, James had never really understood. Not the way you do. Never the way you do.
You're happy to be the first. The first person she doesn't have to pretend around. Because there's nothing about her you don't love.
Absolutely nothing on earth.
You wouldn't change not one thing about Alex Blake. She wouldn't be Alex Blake anymore, and the thought of that, of her ceasing to exist, aches in your chest more violently than a gunshot.
"I love you."
You whisper, not for the first time, not by a long shot, but—for the first time— you think you hear her whisper it back.
you ever not able to move? Like you’re completely stuck where you are, and you want to lay down, or you want to get up, but you can’t.
All you have is ur thoughts, and you never realize how many of your thoughts involve moving until you can’t do it, and your thoughts are so torturous.
“I want to play my music, but for that I’d need to move my hand, and grab my phone”-which is a total of 8 inches away from me- but somehow I can’t do that. I can’t move my arm, I can’t move my fingers, I most certainly can’t talk.
And it sucks. It sucks so bad. No one even knows that i can’t move, they simply just see a person refusing to move, and I wish I could tell them what was going on, but I can’t. And it sucks so bad
