꒰ 🐇 ꒱ includes 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 text post + headcanons at the bottom,, sfw ,, swearing ,, violent references ,, dry humor ,, established relationship ,, mild argument in one
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Texts in full sentences. Capital letters, punctuation, proper grammar, almost unsettlingly formal for someone who swears as much as he does. Surprisingly, yes. He knows where commas go. He just chooses violence instead of emojis.
His texts read like he’s deadpanning through the screen. You never know if he’s serious or roasting you until the follow-up message clarifies it (or doesn’t).
“If you burn the kitchen again, I’m moving out.”
“Kidding. Mostly.”
Understands memes, but refuses to try at them. He’ll occasionally send one with a deadpan “this you?” or reply with a laughing emoji just to let you know he’s not completely 40 years old inside.
“Sorry. Got busy.” —- Which could mean patrolling, fighting, bleeding, or falling asleep face-down on the couch.
Will text “babe” or “baby” casually, especially when trying to soften something blunt or when he’s half-apologizing.
“Babe, please tell me you didn’t try to fix the sink again.”
“Baby, I mean this with love. You cannot cook.”
When angry or stressed, he gets short. No punctuation, no softness, just blunt lines: “Busy. Later.” “Don’t wait up.” “Not in the mood.”
Doesn’t text to talk, he texts to communicate. Jason’s not the type to text just to say hi or ask what you’re doing. If he’s texting first, it’s usually logistical — “You home?”, “You eat?”, “Need a ride?” He doesn’t see the point in small talk over a screen
Can go days, sometimes weeks, without messaging.
Doesn’t sleep on the phone. Ever. He thinks it’s impractical, uncomfortable, and weird. You ever ask to fall asleep on call, and he just goes, “You want me to listen to you snore for six hours?” He’ll stay up texting a bit if he’s in the mood, but the moment you’re tired it’s “Go to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Calling is reserved for actual necessity. If he’s calling you, it’s because something’s urgent, dangerous, or deeply important. Otherwise, he’d rather type it.
He’s dry, but funny if you read between the lines. Jason’s humor in text comes from tone, not emojis. You’ll read something and just know he’s smirking when he sent it.
Leaves messages open for hours before responding. Reads it, gets distracted, and forgets.
You know what thinking about it Bruce is like the most passed around man in Gotham and probably DC universe right so just imagine a justice league meeting for martian man hunter who hears everyone of those horny mother fuckers thoughts I feel like it'd go something like this
Diana: *out loud she's talking about the mission* but mentally she's like, I wonder how good he is in bed does he like dominant women hmmm
Hal Jordan: I wonder if I have a chance 😅
Black canary: staring at Bruce intently hmmm I'd hit that
Bary: *squints* I think his package got bigger shit I think he noticed me staring fuck fuck fuck
Aqua man: I wonder if my wife would allow it
Meanwhile Shazam is just like: I wonder if I asked really nicely if he'd adopt me, *starts discreetly looking up how to get Bruce to adopt him maybe how to sneak adoption papers in front of him with his name on them and signed*
*sometime later*
Martian man hunter pulls Bruce aside and is like
I think you need to invest in protection
Bruce: what's the threat is it another off world thing
Martian: no it's worse
Bruce: bracing himself for another world altering life altering mission that could end in mass casualties, alright what's the threat
Martian: with the most disgusted face shutters as he says suitors
