my sister is a retired marauders fan and has rarely interacted with the fandom since 2019 and my favourite hobby to piss her off is introduce her to the ridiculous new things the fandom comes up with and watch her crashout
some of my favourite conversations include
"what's your opinion on quillkiller?"
"what is that? barty and who else?"
"no it's bellatrix and reeta skeeter"
"WHAT THE FUCK"
"calm down-"
"you know back in my day we just used to combine the names of the characters to make ship names. WHAT THE FUCK IS QUILLKILLER"
"guess what bitchkiller is"
"okay this is easy. bitch as in dog, so sirius and bellatrix? ew they're related."
"it's sirius and barty"
"DONT EVEN CHAT TO ME RIGHT NOW"
"wait till you hear about kittywater"
"WHAT THE FUCK"
cut to me spending 30 minutes reading out rarepairs to her while she tries to guess who they are and crash the fuck out
the most recent one
"barty has an evil twin now"
"what? who?"
"hornkus binglefuck"
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME"
"he's commonly headcannoned to be pandoras failed science experiment"
Regulus Black I love your pompous, pretentious and evil ass, and I hate that this fandom has literally just made you into a french twink who thirsts and cries for James Potter attention and your brother forgiveness, instead of this complicated antagonistic little shit who probably was easier to develop a Frollo style obsession over Umbridge or Snape and plotted his own brothers disinheritance to steal his place as an Heir
Do you have a ship you specifically like? Or one you hate?
Let's see, I'm truly chill about everything to be honest. My bar is extremely low. I feel like I had to make rules for myself after entering the hpfandom. It's also the fact that only in the hp fandom that I hate ships. So the ones I hate I will be red, the one I like will be green.
Jeverus: Lily couldn't even change James his obsession towards Severus.
Tomerus: He trusted his right hand man a lot, didn't even believe his betrayal nor could he understand it. I view it as a man unable to win someone's heart.
Snegulus: Two men that betrayed voldy and died by his hand.
Snirius: Like a dog that noticed a rabbit, love such relationships which are toxic. You won't even believe the manhwas/mangas/manhuas I read.
Snettigrew: I love how they were opposing of each other and have a lot to work with while clashing.
Snumbeldore: I love the power play and the manipulation going on here.
Snupin: Not my most favourite ship but I do adore the idea of maruaders becoming teachers and just basically haunting sev. Sometimes I see Severus x James, Sirius and Remus. But I often find myself switching out Remus for Peter.
Snily: Not my most favourite ship, I do adore them as lesbians a lot. I'm writing a belle and the beast story about them at the moment.
Snarry (if used right): I love it when harry has a crush on Snape and Snape is just oblivious and resentful. There is one fanfic I adore is when harry died at 12 or 13, went back in time to meet 10yr old Snape and they hot it off, slow burn. If they are adults, I prefer it if one dies. Pdf ships aren't my most loveable ones.
Snulciber: Slytherin ships aside snegulus where those two were like two sides of a coin, are kind of a dud. I have to use a lot of imagination to make it work. Give them new personalities and I feel extremely disgusting when I look at others their oc-ficarion of the marauders and just hope I'm not going too far and be delusional like them.
Snarty (made-up name): Pure make belief, Severus x Barty.
Snosier (made-up name): Pure make belief. Severus x Rosier.
Snunior (made-up name): Pure make belief. Severus x Avery Jr.
Snilkes (made-up name): Pure make belief. Severus x Wilkes.
Jily: Hot trash. Not only is this pasty ass white vanilla bullshit marriage based on lies such as James not giving a fuck about Lily and going behind her back to still get his hands on Severus. The fans of this ship sucks ass. Somehow, in their creepy little brains they have the nerve to act as if their ship is all this when it was just a few pages in the book where James was half beating a kid, threatening his future wife, it terrified his own child. Harry would definitely be that boy that wished his mother met a different and kinder man even if it meant he didn't have to be born. Glad they died, they were so worthless. I don't even understand when people say, Harry looks like Lily or James.... No. Harry at least didn't fawn over Pansy and was actually anti-bullying (probably being a worse bully than Draco but that's a different convo). But somehow, this ship has the nerve to hate on Severus. Yeah, right, I would also hate the boy I allowed to be sexually assaulted in public despite having a prefect badge and hold back a smile. I also would hate the boy I physically harmed with my 3 friends for 7 years, 2 of those in secrecy while one of my friends is a prefect and I am a headboy so my word is final.... Sounds logic. James is just the basic attention whore, while Lily is that "Pick me, choose me" vibe. Girl threw Snape so fast under the bus, the bus driver mistook it for a speed bump.
Jegulus: While I loathe Lily, I find it utterly disgusting how she's portrayed here. I love Lily my way, the canon way. Not to mention these assholes have the fucking nerve to again paint Snape as the bad guy. Where in the fucking universe is a pureblood, rich, Tom fanatic, Black child going to be bossed around by a fucking half-mudblood nobody? Tell me how that fucking makes sense. Not to mention, these Rowlings have the bright idea that Snape could lead the other PUREBLOODS into bullying Regulus. The thought process of these people reminds me of those rednecks that voted for Trump or anti-abortion. They cannot simply grasp the concept of logic. They just can't. Regulus changed for his racist possession, and Snape for an old childhood friend yet somehow Regulus is above Sev. This fandom also hates Severus but somehow steal everything that was rightfully his, friendship with Lily, intelligence (reg was a goddamn idiot), being a spy, hatred to James that somehow has the same level of hatred at Severus. You don't have to suck Sev's dick, but holy shit, if you hate, don't steal, and you don't have to hate. Ship could be something but when I read the brainrot bullshit reasoning of these fans, my mind tunes out of disgust.
Wolfstar: Ship isn't for me, simple. Fans disgust me so much, it makes me realize from time to time that I am glad Rowling didn't write this shit. Look at how shitty the fans could be. No other single ship puts a writer under fire for not including their favourite ship. First of all, she wrote that (ATYD stole that, yet fans have the nerve to act as if that garbage was better?) so show some respect for that. No other ship fans even acts as pompous as these bitches. It's always a Jily and wolfstar message.... no. Snupin was before Wolfstar. You don't see Snupin artists visiting JKR page to cuss her for not implying Snupin. What the fuck are you on? I am so, so, so happy that Sirius didn't apologize, didn't give a fuck at all, so when I see wolfstar shippers acting out of line against snape, I give them these canonical facts. Not to mention that Remus did believe that Sirius killed James, doesn't sound like love goals, lol. Hate the artists too, makes me want to curse them with an illness that I won't discuss here. But these artists fuel unnecessary hatred towards Severus, the victim. Don't include him at all in your fanfic then. I don't know about artists; they already don't include him but somehow it creates shit fans. Just get out of the fandom, I guess. It's a better place without hatred.
Moonwater: Trash version of Snupin. Regulus would never be near that thing, much less have codepent relationship with it. You're insulting Regulus at this point.
Kittywater: Tried to go with flow. I hate it, glad it died out.
Rosekiller: Majority of these Shitheads fuck with homosexuals and DE as hot. But oh, Snape is not it. Because he "bullies" kids, as if Barty just didn't torment Neville his parents.
Tomarry: Bro, imagine. You hate a teacher that was not even abusive but strict, and appropriate strict for a 60's and 90's teacher whom JKR grew up with. And you make excuses for this hatred like, he got Harry's parents killed or hurts harry.... Then you go and fuck with pedophilia. Nonetheless the pedophilia, grooming bullshit of the actual instigator, the actual bad guy that got the child's parents killed, hunted them down, and hurts Harry till his last breath by killing people close to him. A fan that fucked with tomarry, litterally said that Snape mindraped harry. Yeah, fuck off.
Marylily: Bullshit. Snape is a victim with this bullshit ship as usual.
Marylene: Bullshit. Snape is a victim here too.
Siriary: 100% bullshit too. As if Sirius would fuck with a muggleborn when he already had about 0 respect for Lily, his best mate's woman (in his mind, because he wouldn't see lily as her own person).
Dorlene: Purely made for black wlw which is okay, but also bullshit since this ship also shits on the victim.
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I'll be honest with you guys. I don't even mind the incest ships such as Blackcest, but I do draw the line by hating a suicidal victim for lashing out at brats when he didn't even want to teach those goddamn brats. Same with Tomarry, I don't judge those shippers as long as they don't come with bs reasons to hate Snape. Bro, the guy you fuck with traumatized half his class so shut the fuck up.
It's these small things that just irk me. I hate the Rowling fans that come along these ships. Preaching about Nazism and de to make it seem more awful to hate on Sev, only to ship homosexuals tongue fucking each other, and suddenly muggle murder was a misunderstanding. How disgusting can you be?
