seen from Sweden
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Netherlands
seen from Israel
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Israel
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from Italy
seen from Ireland
seen from Spain
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Kazakhstan
when i'm alone i actually have a pretty good grasp of what it means to be "myself" but when i'm around other people i feel like a corpse being paraded around for their amusement. and sometimes it's fun or interesting to be a paraded around corpse but it often doesn't truly make me "happy" and i'd rather be alone.
god gives his siilliest schizospecs the woorst days of theiir lives every siingle dayy non stop.
Ipseity disturbance is a real pain in the ass because I have no idea who I am. None. I am constantly CONSTANTLY searching and analysing and I have.. jack shit. Nu'n. It's not BPD, I ruled that out due to not meeting criteria (not even a fear of abandonment/Impulsivity/emotional instability). People don't like the word or its connotations but my lack of identity is LITERALLY a Schizo Thing. I lack an identity because I have schizotypal. And it sucks. It really does.
Finally worked myself up to explaining my schizotypal symptoms to my therapist! It went super well and she really helped me feel less crazy and stressed about it!
Unfortunately this made me comfortable enough to explain my symptoms to my (normally very compassionate) mom. she then mocked me, basically told me to just get over it, and then threatened to steal a doll (that I think controls my entire life and can hear my thoughts) and laughed when I started crying.
Apparently she also thinks I'm faking ARFID (an eating disorder ive been DIAGNOSED with). I feel so lied to. She seemed so understanding and loving about my issues, but apparently she's been faking it for over a year.
Im so scared she's going to take the doll, but I cant help but feel like it is my fault that everything happened (bc the doll doesn't like it when I tell people about it). I thought that I was finally going to start recovering but I have only been pushed even further into my magical thinking 😔
Sorry for the long vent, I dont know where else to turn bc everyone else has either labeled me as insane or doesn't fully understand. I wish I knew people like us IRL, thanks for listening
anyone can vent here anytime, don't worry about it. i really hope she doesn't take the doll, and i hope things can get better. what you did took a lot of courage, and i'm proud of you! /gen
