#theunfoundsoul

[theunfoundsoul]

Imagine being so exhausted that you can't even feel your own feelings. Everything can go completely down the drain. You're desperate to talk to someone who'd actually understand you but deep down you know you'll have to carry this alone. And somehow, you're finally admitting and owning up to that shit.

[theunfoundsoul]

I'm just done with those who don't appreciate me. I'm choosing to see myself. I will no longer be waiting for their love or appreciation. Because from now on, I'm gonna appreciate myself the most. To hell with you, you ungrateful bitches!

[theunfoundsoul]

I often have this episode where for a few weeks I go numb. I try everything to make myself feel again. But it doesn't work. I'm full of feelings and emotions inside myself but I'm not able to release them. I try to tell someone but I just end up crying with pity for myself that doesn't release anything. Well maybe it does a bit, I'm not sure because I don't feel any different. Then comes the phase where my overwhelm and my burnout doesn't let me do anything. I feel the guilt and I want to work but I just can't. Because I'm too burnt out and I don't know how to get out of this. How to become my normal routine self which had been so hard for me to be. I'm just there surviving and hoping tomorrow I'll work but tomorrow I feel the same again and not do anything again.

[theunfoundsoul]

How it hurts knowing that someone loves you so much and yet it's still not enough. Isn't it paradoxical that if they loved you so much, they'd do anything to be enough? But at the same time, it feels so wrong. Because maybe they can't be enough. Maybe they just don't know how to be. But is that really a reason to deny someone the love they deserve?

[theunfoundsoul]

I wonder what a relief it would be when I learn to love without conditions.

Without searching for validation. Without waiting for someone to realize I’ve loved them the way they wanted, and that now it’s their turn to love me the way I loved them.

Because I’m tired of always choosing a path that leads me nowhere, of always being the one who’s disappointed, of always being the one who asks for too much.

[theunfoundsoul]

It feels like I'm in the same situation where I was all these years ago.

Drowning into the sea of escapism to avoid this never-ending train of thoughts and this lack of inactivity. I wonder what it would be like to be in action, take control of yourself having no guilt of not doing anything.

Most of all, I wonder what it would be like to love myself and not judge myself so harshly.

It's just a fucking cycle happening all over again where I tried to hide all of myself so that nobody could see the embarassing me.

I hate how I'm so incapable of loving myself over someone else's opinions.

I remember those days where I spent myself drowning into books to avoid what's happening around me and the thoughts that kept me from myself. I just got so used to those thoughts not being there that I stopped thinking. I stopped reacting to things and situations, just to wait and analyze the situation for later when I'll be in my own safe space.

[theunfoundsoul]

Surprised how no one talks about transitions. Whether you're going to a new university and starting a whole new life, whether you just had a baby and how life changed drastically, whether you just moved into a new place which which can feel overwhelming for months or even just getting cats and adjusting to their schedule is difficult? The hardest for me? Transitioning from the escape I needed to survive in childhood, to finally being in a safe space… and then leaning into it so much that I don’t want to leave that fucking comfort zone.

[theunfoundsoul]

The one who always ends up alone.

The one who always feels misunderstood.

The one whose emotions are always too much.

The one who watches but rarely speaks.

The one who feels everything but can't explain it.