9x15 coda | 1.5k | buddieish | cw for drug addiction
no eddiemaddie in the otherwise very good episode.... i have to do everything around here
A gentle hand on his shoulder pulls Eddie out of a dream where he’s standing on a cliff’s edge scanning the churning ocean waters for something. He can’t remember what he lost, but his heart is racing when he opens his eyes.
Maddie stands over him, hair piled up in a bun on top of her head. She’s wearing a magenta sweater, the same color as the polo she used to wear at the call station, only warmer and softer. Her eyes are tired but kind.
“Eddie,” She whispers, “You should go home.”
He blinks his eyes into focus so he can look at Buck. Asleep, tucked under blankets and curled in on himself a bit so he looks small. But the color is coming back to his face and his curls aren’t plastered to his skin with sweat anymore. Eddie thinks about brushing his hair away from his eyes, and flexes his fingers against the arm of the chair. In New Mexico, he fell asleep in a chair just like it, also pulled close against Buck’s bed. This doesn't feel the same at all.
The fire has almost burned itself to embers, a soft glow all that's left of the dancing flames. Eddie's face on the other side of the pit is still tinged with warm light, but it's slowly being replaced by a swath of shadow. Buck tries not to make it a metaphor.
Everyone else has filtered out by now, returning to their own homes, their own families. Christopher crashed out in the guest room an hour ago. It's just them left, watching each other over the dying glow.
“You really do look better,” Eddie says, finally. His voice is as warm as the smoldering logs between them. And he's looking at Buck like he can't believe he's alive. He's been wearing that look a lot recently–ever since New Mexico. Buck wishes he could stop giving him reasons to put it on.
“I really do feel better too,” Buck replies. His voice is gruff. Shaky, he thinks. Like it hasn't recovered from the number of times he's puked his guts out over the last week. He's not sure that's it, though. “Relatively, at least,” he adds with a huff of a laugh.
“Relatively better is good,” Eddie says. His knee is jumping a bit. Buck wants to reach over and put his hand there. Still whatever nervousness is seeping out. “Every better is relative to something, right?”
“Right.” He wraps his arms around himself. The days might be at record highs this spring, but the nights still get cold. And Buck's robe and the embers aren't really cutting it anymore. “Hey, do you wanna go inside?”
Eddie nods, and ushers Buck in as he puts out what's left of the fire. Buck watches him from the couch as best he can. The motion-activated lights on his back patio just bright enough to illuminate his movements. It's a mundane task, dumping water on a fire pit. But Buck can't tear his eyes away.
Eddie smiles as he walks through the back door. As he meets Buck's gaze and sits heavily onto the couch next to him. As his hand falls casually onto Buck's thigh and squeezes before pulling away. Buck can feel his fingers long after they're gone. He's been doing that a lot more recently, too. Eddie has always been tactile, but not quite like this. These reassuring touches, soft but solid. Like he's making sure he's still there. Still warm and breathing and alive. Buck wants to reach back. Place his hands on him and never take them away. But something stops him every time.
“Wanna watch something?” Eddie asks, picking up the remote and gesturing to the TV.
“Yeah, sure,” Buck nods. “Though I feel like I've watched everything by now.” It's one of the only things he's been able to do besides experience the seven circles of withdrawal hell this week. The only thing that his brain could focus on without completely exhausting him. One thing he didn't realise about recovery was how boring it would be. Awful and painful, of course. But so dull as well. As much as everyone has tried to entertain him, he's still stuck in his house all day. Unable to do much of anything. It's one of the reasons he's always hated getting sick.
“Bad time for The Bachelorette to get canceled,” Eddie muses.
“You hate that show anyway.”
“I do,” Eddie concedes. “But you don't.” There's something behind those words, simple as they are. Something deeper that Buck can't quite parse out.
“There should be a new Jeopardy! episode,” Buck suggests, and Eddie hums affirmatively, flicking through Buck's DVR.
“Is that Drew guy still on?” Eddie asks. “I like him.”
“Nah, he was only invited back for JIT and all the post-season stuff ended months ago.”
Eddie looks over at him with a laugh. “Post-season?”
“Yeah, that's what they call it,” Buck explains with a smile. “You know, all the thrill of sports but without any of the… sports part.”
“No wonder you're so obsessed, then.” He nudges his knee against Buck's and settles into the cushions, clicking into the episode.
“Can't believe you didn't question ‘JIT’,” Buck laughs.
“Honestly, didn't wanna know.”
Usually, Buck watches Jeopardy! as if he's a contestant on the show. Leans forward and slaps the table like it's a buzzer. Shouts answers at the TV. He's too tired for that now. His brain too fuzzy still to even answer most of the questions–every response sitting somewhere in his mind, but always just a hair out of reach. He feels like he should be frustrated, but he isn't. Not with Eddie next to him, knee still pressed against his, arm stretched out behind Buck's head, dangling over the back of the couch. He can tell, out of the corner of his eye, that Eddie is watching him, but every time Buck turns to meet his eyes, his focus shifts back to the TV. He doesn't mind, though. There's something comforting about Eddie's gaze, even if he can only see it in his periphery. He can feel it still. Always could.
There's so much he wants to say to him. Even after days of deep talks and gasping apologies over toilet bowls and IV bags and blood pressure cuffs. It still feels like there's so much left unsaid. Something sitting on his chest as heavy as guilt, but not quite as sharp. Something that's been there for far longer than he can even remember. There's so much left to say. But Buck can't wrap his head around any of it. Not yet at least.
For now, anyway, this is enough. Sitting quietly together with the TV on. Christopher sleeping soundly in the next room. Basking here in Eddie's steady warmth. For as long as he needs it. Glowing embers that he knows won't burn out.
okay but hudson saying that it didn't show up in the frame of the shot but that when ilya brought up marrying svetlana during the couch scene he made the choice to have shane pull his legs up some because he couldn't imagine ever wanting to touch feet with someone he's mad at makes me laugh imagining it being an ongoing tell when ilya's getting himself in trouble
they're unwinding for the day together just casually playing footsie while doing their own thing on either end of the couch and then ilya just says something in passing without thinking about it, feels shane go very still, and looks up to see shane make eye contact and slooooowly start pulling his feet away
my ideal madney buddie parallel in the upcoming episodes would be a scene where they’re leaving buck’s house when he’s sick and chim says something to maddie like ‘im surprised you’re ok with letting him out of your sight right now’ and she looks over and eddie’s with buck (and chris too preferably) and she says ‘he already has everything he needs’ as a callback to the taking of dispatch
ilya the condoms just come like that. was i supposed to somehow buy less than a full box of condoms. like the condoms just come attached like that how was i supposed to have less condoms
The funny part is - the next time he's there Shane will only have like one or two condoms in the drawer.
He'll do this on purpose because "okay, I guess having more than the necessary amount of confirmation is weird, so I'll keep the rest in the bathroom and only leave 1 or 2 in the nightstand." And he's thinking he absolutely nailed this Sexual Interaction™
Meanwhile Ilya is going to be mentally CRASHING THE FUCK OUT that there are only two sad little condoms left in the drawer.
"there were 7 left last time. there were 7 left in the box. who else is hollander fucking? who else is hollander bringing to the Sex Condo????????"
When Yuna has her “no son(in law) of mine will have inferior brand deals and management” takeover shortly after she learns about Shane and Ilya, how long do you think it takes her to figure out his money situation with his family?
I’m imagining her/maybe Shane playfully ribbing him about how he has no real financial manger or decent investments and what do you MEAN you just let a paycheck like that sit in your account while buying luxury cars every five minutes no wonder your net worth is shockingly low for your value, etc etc. and he’s not even offended he’s surprised and pleased that his new family is so invested in him and also enjoys watching where Shane gets some of his crazy. Like Ilya Mommy Issues Rozanov is “yes please ma’am optimize my finances and worry about my wellbeing harder” while he shovels whatever David made for dinner in his mouth.
But then at some point while she’s (lovingly) harping on his financial irresponsibility he just kind of quietly mentions that actually so much of his paycheck was going back home to his family when he was younger that he needed to blow shit on cars or whatever pretty quick if he didn’t want it to disappear. And she realizes that yeah he’s a little dummy who spent a concerning amount of money on VIP sections last year and thinks bank account interest is investing but he was also a child supporting his entire family in a foreign country with no one bothering to look out for his best interest or explain planning for a future.
David gets treated to impassioned rants every night about how “David I’m not convinced anyone even read that boy his contract in Russian”.
She starts managing him as well, obviously, and she’s kind of disturbed by how easily he just signs whatever she puts in front of him and doesn’t bother asking questions before agreeing to hand over all his management to her. He just seems thrilled she got him a Lamborghini partnership and an invite to fashion week.
The only time he puts up a fuss is when he realizes she’s not planning to take any significant cut of his money because “you’re family sweetheart” and he looks like he got smacked in the head with a shovel and has to go outside on the porch with Shane for a suspiciously long period of time.
Just to make sure it’s not suspicious that Yuna Hollander is now managing Ilya Rozanov she takes on a few more clients too. And if she specializes in managing rookies with no support network or active language barriers then that’s just a coincidence.
[Tweet from @EliotFreeman]
Ilya Rozanov at his first #Cens practice, being asked why he chose to move from Boston to Ottawa: “To be closer to my gay lover, Shane Hollander.”
[Tweet from @letsgetdrilled]
oh great another player who thinks being gay is a joke #ilyarozanovisoverparty
No one thinks Ilya's answer is serious. Twitter reacts accordingly.
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