Don’t stick em in a stew
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Xuebing Du

Love Begins
Sade Olutola
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roma★

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One Nice Bug Per Day

oozey mess
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

if i look back, i am lost
RMH
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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Cosmic Funnies
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Andulka

Product Placement
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@tardislover69
Don’t stick em in a stew
i found this sketch on youtube and i can’t stop thinking about it
This makes me think of that one cookbook that parodies fifty shades of grey, you know:
this one
I bought that for my sis.
Nobody:
Me, reigniting a decade-old argument in June 2019 (at midnight no less): Furthermore, the Fire Nation literally took every part of Aang’s culture from killing off his family to burning down his home to killing off the animals to promoting propaganda that overlooked the true culture to forcing refugees to change the landscape for survival, Aang being the last living member of his entire culture was just as crucial to the show and his character as him being the Avatar was, that was the whole point of the show, that he needed to accept the duties of the Avatar while not completely abandoning his culture because he’s the only one left who can carry out that culture, that’s why he was desperate to find a pacifistic way to bring down Ozai, it wasn’t just that ‘he was a kid’ or that it was ‘all he knew because he was raised by the monks’ like some arguments try to helpfully state, that’s part of it, but he obviously knew that killing Ozai was an option, he wasn’t dumb, he just wanted to avoid giving up that ideology of his culture if he could help it, Aang has killed before in the series when it was out of his control (the Fire Nation ships at the Northern Water Tribe) and he killed when he lost control (the buzzard wasp in the desert) and people meme those two moments as if it invalidates Aang’s desire to not kill Ozai but if anything, it validates that desire even more, because he knows that he’s killed and that he can kill and he’s trying to backtrack and cling onto the bit of airbending philosophy that he remembers because if he abandons it completely then it’s gone for good because, as it’s been clearly established, at the time, he was the last airbender and was solely responsible for everything that being an airbender entailed, including peace and pacifism, he knew that he had to take a risk to preserve his culture, something even Yangchen advised him against, and he did, he managed to find a way to preserve both sides and after 61 episodes of the characters talking about balance, Aang was able to ultimately balance his two identities which is what gave the show its proper name, his two identities originally clashing but finally finding balance: Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit space-magic countermeasures out of their arses - but they’re as likely as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.
So to everyone else in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown.
Aliens who have seen the Back to the Future movies literally don’t realise that Doc Brown is meant to be funny. They’re just like “yes, that is exactly what all human scientists are like in my experience”.
THE ONLY REASON SCOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE FROM A SPECIES WITH A HIGHER TECHNOLOGICAL APTITUDE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE ENTERPRISE’S ENGINE ROOM AND RAN AWAY SCREAMING
vulcan science academy: why do you need another warp core
humans: we’re going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as fast
vsa: last time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a sun to see if the sun would go twice as fast
humans: hahaha yeah
humans: it did tho
vsa: IT EXPLODED
humans: it exploded twice as fast
I love this. Especially because of how well it plays with my headcanon that the Federation does so much better against the Borg than anyone else because beating the Borg with military tactics is nigh-impossible, but beating them with wacky superscience shenanigans works as long as they’re unique wacky superscience shenanigans.
Yeah, I love this.
Reminds me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in high fantasy realms - they’re basically Team Fuck It Hold My Beer I Got This.
Impulsive, passionate to a fault, the social structures they build to try and regulate this hotheadedness ironically creates even greater levels of sheer bull-headedness. Even their “cooler” heads take action in months or weeks.
All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards. Humans Just Go With It, which is their great flaw but also their greatest strength.
klingons: okay we don’t get it
vulcan science academy: get what
klingons: you vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses but you’re also tougher, stronger, and smarter than humans in every single way
klingons: why do you let them run your federation
vulcan science academy: look
vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don’t do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up
vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they’re offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip.
vulcan science academy: they did that last week. we have the write-up right here. it’s getting published in about six hundred scientific journals across two hundred different disciplines because of how many established theories their ridiculous little expedition has just called into question. also, they did turn that sun into a torus, and no one actually knows how.
vulcan science academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hell they want.
klingons: …. can we be a part of your federation
Humans: so, uh, funny story
Vulcan Science Academy: Let us guess - you’re not here to return the two warp cores we loaned you for experimentation, and you’re here to tell us that both of them were destroyed at once while you were trying to turn a sun into a torus again
Humans: well, half right
VSA: Wait, what is this
Humans: This is sixteen warp cores
VSA: How is this
Humans: Turns out that at the center of the stellar toroid there was a subspace anomaly that—
VSA: PLEASE don’t
Humans: —caused a refractive tachyon emission that—
VSA: This is literally impossible in every sense of the word
Humans: — depolarized the warp fields and in short—
VSA: Just no
Humans: — the warp fields got cloned and we ended up with four.
VSA: But you brought back sixteen
Humans: We had to repeat the experiment a couple of times to make sure it wasn’t a fluke
VSA: What about the “stellar toroid” of yours
Humans: It’s now a stellar triquetra
Alien is trying their best to help their human friend, but the manual didn’t prepare them for this.
Space Australian Medicine
Despite the best efforts of everyone involved, something truly nasty escaped Earth. They call it giardia, a microscopic organism that their Planetary Protection Officer called “pretty dumb” and “not too bad, really, a week of digestive upset and then it’s over.”
Yes, Earth has a Planetary Protection Officer. They have a Planetary Protection Office, and have had one since they were sending probes around their own solar system. Doctor Ma-et had found it a bit silly, like a child concerned about the cleanliness of their toys, until she learned that the job of the Planetary Protection Office had always been protecting other worlds from Earth.
Keep reading
Lots of little mistakes
You know when you make / realise a lot of little mistakes all at once and it just depresses you to hell...
"That was always the dream, wasn't it? 'I wish I'd known then what I know now'? But when you got older you found out that you NOW wasn't YOU then. You then was a twerp. You then was what you had to be to start out on the rocky road of becoming you now, and one of the rocky patches on that road was being a twerp."
- Terry Pratchett - Nights Watch
okay so you know how in the goblet of fire there’s someone who has brought like a huge tent with peacocks walking around and stuff?? is it like universally acknowledged that those belong to the malfoys? because honestly i would be so surprised if that wasn’t the case
‘narcissa we have to bring the peacocks!!! because they are important and without them people might forget how rich we are that’s why’
“lucius we’re not bringing the peacocks” “narcissa they’re family!”
*distressed peacock noises*
*distressed lucius noises*
supervillains fucking hate fighting the x-men because the teams change constantly and sometimes there are??? totally new people there???? fuck there’s a teenager who literally just has eyes all over his body. is he even technically a superhero yet or is he a student. who the fuck knows. how do we counter this shit
When one seems completely non-mutated and they’re like
@melazertyiop
And no matter which team it is, Wolverine is there. Is it the future? Wolverine is there. Is it an alternate reality? Wolverine is there. Is Wolverine dead? Wolverine is there.
Was Wolverine never born in this alternate reality? Wolverine is there.
Does Wolverine only exist as a non corporeal spirit? Wolverine is there.
Is Wolverine only a philosophical construct used to explain our place in an uncaring universe? Wolverine is there.
Is Wolverine only a theological concept used to explain mankind’s struggle against the universe? Wolverine is there.
Is Wolverine there? Another Wolverine is also there.
And let’s not forget when the villains just switch sides. Last week this guy was on your side now he’s next to Wolverine and kicking your ass.
The only constant is Wolverine.
There are three constants in life: death, taxes, and Wolverine.
Chrys Watches Got [x]
“‘I’m the head wizard now. I’ve only got to give an order and a thousand wizards will … uh disobey, come to think of it, or say “What?”, or start to argue. But they have to take notice.’”
- Terry Pratchett - Lords and Ladies
What if humans are the only species with teeth?
Human: Struggling with wrapping on ration pack.
Alien: Do you require assistance human Andy?
Andy: (With a mouth full of plastic) Na I’ve got it.
Riiiiippppp
See?
Alien: Loses her shit.
*****
Alien looking at a caramel apple: Soooo you eat this?
Human: Yes we love them!
Alien: But they’re so hard. How do you consume them?
Human: Well yeah sometimes people do break teeth on them.
Alien: I’m sorry you can break your mouth bones on them but you eat them anyway!!??!
Human (Already biting into it): Mhuh.
*****
Evil alien: We have you now human!
Human: OH HELL NO YOU UGLY LITTLE SHITS YOU AINT GOT ME YOU THINK HUMANS ARE EASY TO KILL YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING YOU…
Evil alien captain: Shut it up will you!
Evil alien: Yes sir OWWWW!
Evil alien captain: What just happened?!!? WHY IS THE HUMAN ESCAPING!!!?!!??
Evil alien: Humans have mouth bones.
Evil alien captain: ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHY DO HUMANS HAVE MOUTH BONES??!!!!???
human: yeah we had to invent cooking because our teeth are kinda small and useless. look *bares teeth*
alien, already disturbed by these peculiar soft endoshelled creatures: cool. cool. so uh just out of interest what do big, useful teeth look like?
-later-
alien, to her friends: AND THEN THEY SHOWED ME A THING CALLED A PET DOG AND I DID NOT LIKE IT
Aaahahahaha someone show the aliens shark week. Or a wild hippo. Or a beaver gnawing through a tree.
I wonder what Christian meme groups are like. I mean some Christians have the biggest victim complexes in the world and if you couple that with first person perspective memes, you’d probably get memes like:
Oh thank fuck it is my time to shine
These are all from a Christian meme group that I joined for some reason but fell in love with
I’ve been consuming Christian memes since I was about fourteen and they’re all like this. Also:
May I add:
ok i spent hours looking through christian discord servers for these
Some personal favorites I’ve encountered
I’m not sure if any of these count as blasphemy exactly but happy sunday yall.
there are always new memes every time I see this post and I love every single one of them
Let us not forget the gift that is Christian Weightlifting Shirt Memes:
In discord one of my Kemetic friends is a memelord and she sends me Christian memes and they’re the best. A sample:
And this entire video is just Christian memes being viewed by 2 guys and a priest. It’s gold:
https://youtu.be/UVMBi2Bhdnk
I want a story about a king whose son is prophesied to kill him so the king is like “whatever what am I supposed to do, kill my own kid wtf is wrong with you” so he just raises him as normal, doesn’t even tell him about the prophecy, and instead of some convoluted twist of events that leads to the king’s murder the son grows up and when the king is very old and dying and in excruciating pain the kid is just like alright I'mma put him out of his misery.
The king’s son becomes the new king, and is prophesied to defeat evil and bring an age of prosperity. His generals and knights all crack their knuckles but he pretty much ignores them and focuses on strengthening the infrastructure of his kingdom. Forty years later he is old and sick but still hearing his subjects’ grievances, and a general’s like “how will you defeat the prophesied evil now? You’re old and weak.” Another visitor, a teenager fresh out of the kingdom’s public education system, looks at the general like he is an ignoramus. The king eradicated poverty, housed the homeless, taught the ignorant, ended class exploitation by abolishing the nobility and imprisoning the corrupt, and established a highly respected guild of doctors that recently figured out how to cure the plague. There are no brigands because there is enough wealth for everyone to live comfortably; hiding in the woods and taking trinkets from people simply doesn’t make any sense for anyone but the desperate, and the people are not desperate. Evil is a weed, explains the teenager. It grows in cracked roads and crumbling houses and forgotten corners, rooted in indifference and watered by suffering. But the king demands that broken things be mended and suffering people be made well.
No evil lives in this kingdom, says the teenager. It starved to death before I was born.
Every once in a while, when I’m feeling down, I go and look at the notes on this post and they make me feel a lot better. This is the energy I want to carry into 2018.
For those who need to carry it into 2019.
Are you booking the cat with your shark? 😂