Behold Your God

[whitepeopletwitter]

[the-apocalypse-swordsman]

Dudes literally rich enough to a pony made of diamonds. Not a statue, a living pony that just happens to be made of diamond. And he’s a big enough dick to name it butt-stallion.

[thotketraccoon]

[typette-deactivated20150825]

[thotketraccoon]

HOLY SHIT OH YM GOD OH MY OG DFLSKDFJASSLDFKJDFSA

[queen0fm0nsterz]

CURSED

[two-kids-in-a-trenchcoat]

So i was just going to screenshot this post and-

[jackofgreen]

[noartnowritingsorry]

Oh no…

[greelin]

$50,000 immediately dropped into my bank account wouldn't improve EVERYTHING but boy it sure would be a grand, sexy little start to a good, happy life path, don't you think

[meilintheempressofdreams]

Reblog for unexpected $$$ dropping into your Bank account.

[vamprefaggot]

if you rb this before February 14th 2020 ill send you a little dinosaur themed valentine!!! u can also tag other people u want me to send em to >:3

submissions gotta be ON tho !!! otherwise no dino for u!!!!

[constant-diablerie]

HEY TUMBLR WHAT’S WITH THIS HMMM

[bloominhibiscus-deactivated2022]

FUCK YOU I’M REBLOGGING THIS

[the-apocalypse-swordsman]

[ddrvbiblgigb]

[garfield-baybee]

Reblog to have something good happen at 1:42 tomorrow

[missbighero6]

🤞🙏

[mortheta-remade-deactivated2020]

rb and put what your entity is in the tags! i’m the stranger

[manicrobotboi]

[assassinslover]

[the-apocalypse-swordsman]

[forfawkssake]

I hate it when you’re reading smut and you can’t figure out what position they’re in.

[jonmoxleys]

sometimes it just ends up being something like

[onlyhereforthedrama]

ITS BACK

[dontleavemydreams-deactivated20]

lord 

[uhmgilinsky]

Y’ALL NEED JESUS

[forfawkssake]

Please stop reblogging this post

[gonegonegoneeeee-deactivated202]

nah whenever this appears on my dash i laugh for years

[fawnnandfable]

@madebypointlesswerewolves

[bonesbuckleup]

My favorite thing about Cheddar the dog is that either Holt or Kevin named him Cheddar and I honestly don’t know which option is funnier.

[roachpatrol]

third, equally funny option: his name was already cheddar when they adopted him. both of them think it’s an absurd goddamn name but neither of them know you can just change an animal’s name if you don’t like it. no one ever told them and they’re both much too proper to even conceptualize this notion on their own. the dog was named cheddar and that’s very unfortunate but cheddar he will remain. 

[angelsarenamederika]

fourth, they were aware you could change an adopted animals name but let it remain Cheddar out of respect for his ‘birth’ parents

[unrealcosima]

Fifth, they named it after the historic village of Cheddar, Somerset in England, unaware people will associate it more with the type of cheese

[dancinbutterfly]

Sixth, they named him after the hard cheese from Cheedar in Somerset, England due the fact there are both orange and off-white types which parallels their pet’s coloring and Kevin and Raymond both appreciate the nobility of a product which is a cornerstone of a multibillion dollar cheese industry and has a history going back to the 12th century and furthermore

[jetzv]

Seventh, Cheddar is the only type of cheese that they both love.

[dancinbutterfly]

Eighth. Cheddar was Kevin’s mother dog, she chose the name and Kevin, dutiful son that he is, took him off her hands when she developed an allergy to dog dander at 78. Can you imagine? What unbridled weakness, and at her age. You see, Santiago, this why early exposure to allergens of all types is crucial for healthy antibody development and why I made a point to have as many encounters with low-level toxins as possible before my immune system was finished developing. You know, now that you and Peralta are discussing reproducing, you should really consider

[aleksanderro2]

This entire thread reads exactly like a conversation that would happen at the precinct before being interrupted by captain holt

[peponichild]

[tangobunny]

After years of global searching and processing human response, the internet has finally completed its original task of finding the most perfect cat video possible.

[ackwet-blog]

oh my god

[jshredz-deactivated20151103]

Unmut this 😭😭😭

[lazaefair]

ABSOLUTELY unmute this.

[jilliechansimagination]

@bedlamsbard

[folkremedies]

harry potter starts a youtube channel and all of his videos are called like:  

“STORY TIME: I WAS A TEENAGE CHOSEN ONE”

 “BABYSITTING MY FRIEND’S WEIRD DEAD HORSE (INVISIBLE)” 

“THERE ARE DARK WIZARDS TRYING TO KILL ME BUT ONLY THREE PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT MY HOUSE”

[folkremedies]

would like to add to this post and say that harry is uploading these videos to standard muggle youtube. people see this kind of scruffy, obviously Fucked Up kid rambling nonsense into his deskptop camera and just think he is really really good at shitposting

[folkremedies]

Harry, *filming himself with one hand, throwing raw meat at a seemingly empty space with the other*: “So anyways, you guys probably can’t see him through the camera lens but this weird fuck belongs to my best friend Luna who can’t actually take care of him right now because she’s out riding drag- er, um she’s on vacation in Romania so I have to do it. Um, the only reason I can see him is because I watched my close friend get murdered by an evil wizard when I was fourteen which, by the way, was around the same time I started to think I might be gay. Anyone else?”

Teens on tumblr who have no idea he’s being completely serious: “This is the only man alive who truly Gets me.”

[professorsparklepants]

Hermione finds out about his channel because someone she went to primary school with posts it to Facebook and then she marathons his entire channel overnight to make sure he’s not going to get arrested for breaking the statute of secrecy

[ayalaatreides]

Hot Take: they can’t arrest him for jackshit because Hermione shows them Muggle memes and demonstrates that the Youtube audience legitimately has no reason to believe he’s anything but an elaborate shitposter.

[elliepomegranate]

Slughorn:let me tell you the story of the kid who survived and killed the dark lord who was in this exact class where i teach him the most important part of potions

Muggleborn:cool cool

Slughorn:Harry Potter

Muggleborn: THE FREAKIN YOUTUBER

[hogwartsaheadcanon]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again since no-one has yet given me a valid reason as to why James Potter, lacking a wand, didn’t just transform into Prongs when Voldy turned up and like… fucking spear him. Why didn’t he do that? Like I don’t care how astonishingly powerful a dark wizard he was, no-one could ever be prepared for walking into a house and there’s just… a massive fuck off stag staring you down? How could you possibly react to that? 

You couldn’t, giving said stag the opportunity to put an antler through his eye and save the day. Not to mention, can you imagine the Prophet headlines if that was how it’d gone down?

[jilylicious]

Valid reason coming your way….

You need a wand to assume your Animagus form.

[warmhappycat]

You definitely don’t… Sirius did it in Azkaban.

[jilylicious]

Aha good point then yeah he should have impaled that motherfucker

[antisocialbislytherin]

He was unregistrated, right? I mean.. sure, he would have killed the dark lord, but still, it’s a crime. And then there’s the fact that the others were animagi too, which would lead to them being exposed and most certainly being accused of not getting themselves a registration. Their connections to Remus would be obvious, and I think he’d be exposed too. We all learned about the problems lycantrophy causes, and I don’t think James would have been stupid enough to risk that his best friend lost everything.

[phoneboxcorgi-deactivated201803]

To be fair, you try telling the guy who FUCKING IMPALED Voldemort that he had to go to jail for being unregistered.

[queenelvendork]

Also, it’s the ministry of magic. You could literally say that someone had created a stag by whatever means, and they’d buy it.

[hogwartsaheadcanon]

Another superlative point—"Where did the stag—yes, it was definitely a stag not a deer note that down please—where did it come from you ask? Oh, absolutely haven’t the foggiest Mister Minister Sir—it was just sort of there. Passing through I suppose.“

”…Passing through.“

“Yes.”

“Through your hallway.”

“Yes.”

“And stabbed Voldemort through the eye.”

“Through the eye, yes, and right through the brain: ghastly stuff, Minister, felt absolutely horrid.”

“It felt horrid?”

“I mean… I imagine so.”

“… right. And where did this deer go?”

“Oh, it vanished, Sir, quite spontaneously.”

“…uhuh. So the stag just wandered into your home, skewered a dark wizard, disapeared, and you saw neither where it came from nor where it went.”

“That’s about the size of it, yes.”

“… Yeah okay that sounds legit job done lads.”

[ithelpstodream]

how to tip

[trekkie-lover]

If you do this get the fuck off my blog

[snowconelostinthesauce]

Please understand that they gave a 33% tip, in cash instead of on a card, to increase the odds that the server could keep all of it.

[fatale-distraction]

What they mean by ‘taxation is theft’ is that servers are taxed on the ASSUMPTION that they will be tipped. If they don’t make those tips, they get taxed on them anyway. It is literally theft. By leaving cash and not writing it on the receipt, they’ve allowed the server the option of quietly slipping that 20 into their pocket and therefore not being taxed on it.

[southern-slayed]

Thank you…i wish more people knew this

[liluglydudefromdetroit]

So many people reblogging this or commented without understanding what this is. Y'all wanna be outraged so badly lol just relax!

[random-jot]

Istanbul

was Constantinople

now it’s Istanbul

(not Constantinople)

been a long time gone in Constantinople

Q: Why did Constantinople get the works?

A: That’s nobody’s business but the Turks

[the-apocalypse-swordsman]

Do do do do do do do

[azealiabanksy]

so my uncle is a priest and apparently can’t deny when i ask him to bless something so i now have a blessed laptop, blessed loaf of bread, and blessed underwear. 

[azealiabanksy]

i just asked him to bless this post and he did 

[poly-carbon-based-lifeform]

This post is officially the most holy post on Tumblr.  Use it to banish sins from your dashboard.