ko_hakun

i don't know what i'm doing. he/they

[the-archang3l]

ok adding to my emo Hollanov songs because turns out Three Days Grace entire discography is perfect for the angst???

today's victim: Fallen Angel

the vibe: Shane's POV when he finds out how bad Ilya is doing in season 2 🙂

[the-archang3l]

okay! exam season did derail my "review every fic i read" plan but i saved most so lets go!!

most recently (15 minutes ago) i finished "clap when you land" by quietafterdusk

it was great, i enjoyed the writing style and pace of the story, i had a lovely time and somehow read 120k words in about 24 hours

[the-archang3l]

chat, is this something?

[fractally]

I am a fan of the dynamic where there's no leak and Shane moves to the Cens of his own accord and then Shane and Ilya never come out exactly but they just live openly and all these dumbass hockey players are just like

"Oh yeah they're just like that. They live together and room together and vacation together and get mad if they're separated on the bench. And they kiss in the locker room sometimes but it's you know. They're joking around. Good guys. Gay? Well---no I don't think so. I mean that's weird. Roz is a pussy hound. I mean I've never seen him with a woman but you know he is. Anyway Hollander had that whole thing with Rose Landry and he still talks about her, I think he's still hung up on her. Poor guy. I did walk in on Hollander sleeping on Roz's lap the other day but they were just getting in sync for power play you know? You reporters always want to make everything gay it's so weird. What do you mean 'why do they kiss so much' they're the top goal scoring duo in the league"

[the-archang3l]

[the-archang3l]

i am begging the maybe 3 people who will see this to listen to Get Out Alive by Three Days Grace while thinking of teenage Ilya in Russia i promise you will have SUCH a bad time

[the-archang3l]

am i gonna learn editing at my big age just to be able to make a heated rivalry edit set to over and over by three days grace?? PERHAPS

[the-archang3l]

SUPER PSYCHO LOVE BY SIMON CURTIS

[the-archang3l]

am i gonna learn editing at my big age just to be able to make a heated rivalry edit set to over and over by three days grace?? PERHAPS

[the-archang3l]

today i picked up my first ever binder from the post (could have sized down), went to get a beer with a friend, came out to her, she immedietly switched to he/him pronouns, texted a person ive low-key ghosted since december and planned a what i believe is a hook-up for the week-end????

[the-archang3l]

[slaygentford]

the reason why heated rivalry is the best book in the ghcu (gay hockey cinematic universe) is because in book 3 the main hockey player hates that he has to fight in hockey and whenever he gets in a fight on the ice his boyfriend honest to god cries. meanwhile ilya is full body slamming Shane into the boards in some kind of unnegotiated exhibitionist bdsm gladiatorial match

[gayhockeyshow]

Please stop babying him.

[the-archang3l]

[aslongasitsblack]

this specific frame is so important to me like … they were boys together lowkey …

[the-archang3l]

this and the race up the stairs at Shane´s apartment!!!!!

[lovewalksearth]

pls make a carry on tv show & pls cast Connor & Hudson as Simon & Baz

[the-archang3l]

while yes and i do appreciate just HOW similar they are, im simply gonna need Baz´s actor to be egyptian, i DONT CARE that he´s a pale grey vampire

[the-archang3l]

i know heated rivalry is about a two closeted cis men but i actually relate so hard to Shane as a trans person

the "i tried so hard" in ep. 6 like I KNOW BABY i get it i AM trying SO HARD and nothing is WORKING

just the insanity inducing knowledge and the genuine frustration and helplessness, that there is something about you that you can never get rid of (gay/trans) and all your efforts to change it (Rose/being cis) Did Not Work and yeah if you're not being directly confronted with it you can kinda push it to the back of your mind (hockey season/exam season) but its Never Going Away and it hurts surpressing it and feeling like you're lying to everyone and never feeling close to anyone because there is this huge part of who you are that they dont know

but attempting to come out would bring about so much change and the adjustment period for everyone would be so hard because you dont know what they're thinking and you ALREADY have issues with being percieved in any other way that this perfect version you crafted for everyone and i am realising this may also have something to do with being autistic but NO MATTER my point still stands, Shane Hollander i KNOW you

[snap-crackle-cunt]

what shane says: im gay

what shane means: i can never love a woman in any way resembling the way i love you and when i tried she called my shit IMMEDIATELY so what im trying to say is i can't sidestep whatever we are the way you can, i will never ever love anyone but u

what ilya hears: somewhere along the line of our multi-year situationship that began with me immediately sucking ur dick, i have determined that i like men.

what ilya says: ya no fucking shit bro what

[the-archang3l]

"he used to work at the spaghetti factory" i thought the entire fandom was sharing some internal joke that spawned on the clock app, that "working at the spaghetti factory" (like in an industrial revolution peasant way) was a hip new way to say you're broke wdym he was a server at some establishment called Old Spaghetti Factory???? and now its become so ingrained in my vocabulary on two separate occasions i've said "if i dont pass the exam ill have to work at the spaghetti factory😞"

[the-archang3l]

ok, Mr. Williams, maybe the internet can't outfreak you, but what if i tell you you've triggered the worst gender dysphoria i've had in a WHILE, huh?? what are you gonna do then????