TheCaptNoname

Just your random idiot from Internet 🙅DO NOT ASK ME TO PARTAKE IN ANY FUNDRAISERS!🙅 I am dead broke and in need of money myself

[pankendev]

there are places in the world today that are experiencing 40°C for the first time in recorded history. of course there's no way to know whether chucking billionaires into volcanos will appease the sun god but i feel we're doing the scientific method a disservice if we don't at least try

[a-krogan-skald-and-bearsark]

It takes at least three data points before we have sufficient samples to start on statistical analyses. Just putting that out there.

[thecaptnoname]

We also need to check if the man's net worth has any effect on what happens after the volcano sacrifices, so we'll be needing a couple of statistical outliers - those being millionaires and trillionaires - as well

[epichermesholymoly]

tag game!

Horribly describe the last movie you watched, guess what the last person’s was, then tag people idk

Mine: Why am I stuck at the bottom of the red sea? Not the Mediterranean kind I might add-

@alastordaradiodemon, @cams-rambles, @potatoanarchist, @lilspark-offical, @p0pr0x1an, @tadctonorway, @deemondude, @leilani-lily, @booknerd2712, @loch-nes-dragon, @cheekychihuahuaart, @b-does-arts, @hawkeyedoodles, @chaos-triangle, @chaoticlesbianhere, @lifeserieswatcher, @survalio, @thetypogoddess, @sugarspice-x, + open tags :)

[volume-down]

Mine: your local nerdy loser is sent to die for the sake of inflating gas prices and Tiktok trends but ends up surviving and goes to live on rock

@maybemarz @writingwithoutconfidence @raccoonico @randomperson2009 @tehizel @obsidiansandwich @onehundredandtwentyfour @soda-pop-22 @firestar1998 @formulaparkolympian @firefly247 @hattonthehatman @jaybirddrawsthings7 @l-zah1ra @kaihasmoreswagthanyou3 @kirapjo0818 @callmesmth @biroasedemon @novnovv @mustard-in-a-bottle + open tags

[maybemarz]

Mine’s a show but oh well: let’s redeem these shitty dead people with ✨the power of friendship✨

As for the last entry I have no idea what movie you’re talking about 😭

tags! @a-sillyartist @cate7solace @cabin13winion @tired-shipper @sootstar22 @arikakari @imapuppetqueer +open tags

[cate7solace]

Hazbin hotel for sure.

mine: let’s kill the popular kids! Sure hope my boyfriend isn’t explosive!

@beautyqueenxwisegirl @tired-shipper @plateutje @lightsabersandbluecookies @cactus-coder-13 @subtletwilighteternityidk I don’t have a mutual list open tags

[beautyqueenxwisegirl]

what the fu- I have no clue but ok

mine’s a show: a totally human definitely not an alien refugee in a fictional American city finds out the person she was meant to raise is now 12 years older and basically a fucking god who sends her on her own and she meets Jeremy Jordan and a photographer who become her love interests.

oh and the president’s a girl.

@cate7solace I know you already did this but I wanna see your guess @was-that-the-bite-0f-87 @kathrine-khoward-05ismerp @kiki15fox @kipper7 @dawnvonfendasos @annabethchase1111 (sorry I didn’t tag u before! Enjoy!) + open tags

[lady173]

(I litterally just finished a movie)

girl tries to fix cool guy. Fails miserably. *cool explosion* Also people have the same name.

no idea for what yours is Ophelia. But I know for a fact the one before you (@cate7solace) is heathers

@autistobrat @moth-cutie @snipemeout @greyfieldsys1937 @1nd13gh0st @joybat2 @haumeasblog @lauriefayart @itscrylady @strange-nerd-boy @ball-of-confidence @theoneautisticthespian @aalikazam @/bapple117 @kiki15fox @killlynx @ancient-show153 @chefwormy @emergencyshinku @riddleribbonkat @ajolteonnamedsparky @analogue-dragon @whitestreamrct2

[whitestreamrct2]

Um…ducks fly around???

Hm…Project Hail Mary?

@marsmoon-phobos1 @analogue-dragon @zeldafloof @velvet-dragonfly + open tags!

[zeldafloof]

Animals play basketball

Your's is migration? Maybe?

Open tags. Too lazy.

[carn3lian-claws]

Retired garden gnome factory resets the protag + their entire family then becomes court jester

@campsiscreature @leafwing-life @moonstorm-wof @veinsofwires @scoring-the-end-of-the-jay

[moonstorm-wof]

I have no idea what this is but I’m pretty sure prev’s is called Goat.

The villain’s plan backfires so much that the government gets overthrown by a gay knight and his adopted daughter.

@whatamidoinghere56 @leafwing-life @polteghost @fefe-the-cat @fervantplate @forestragon @localcelestialcreature62 @ajolteonnamedsparky @rine091 @chaos-triangle @namehoardingcreature @lumitylover999

[polteghost]

I think this is Nemona???? Old guy dies in a fursuit because of a minimum wage worker @sillyfaewitch @l3m0nxxx @realbakedtoast @mattsqueakerdraws @whisperbunnyx sorry to anyone i am forgetting

[realbakedtoast]

Definitely the FNaF movie

A schoolteacher is a sent on a suicide mission to space, meets an alien, they both almost die, then their whole mission is almost ruined and the alien almost dies again, and then they live happily ever after on the alien's homeworld.

@bobo-kix @softholly @tbcbtq-v-real @kibble-mp4 @bitchwholikesrobots @red-cedar @soysaucelobster @ziekkfreak2-0 @iamaconfusedbisexual @staarbug @thestrangebleble @wd-jax @tob1xas @ethmo1d @pouringplumwine @lwlfire @viridiancolors @nerdman23 @whenyrplayingdead @roadkillcritter @strangelycasualhorror @lazynameforme @tutullyunreal @deargoditsallperidot @scribbl3dog @ser1al-designation-n @unofficialaziraphale @midnightbloggo + all my other moots that I may have forgot to tag!

[lwlfire]

definitely project hail mary. two phms on this thread. 2/3 heathers.

rich woman disowned and disinherited for loving lower class. her bastard son still in the inheritance(through a loophole). provided all his family members are dead. he kills them all.

his girlfriends are more interesting than him.

@fukunaolove @sylvere @zandessha @louis234567 + ANYBODy??

[louis234567]

Uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh saltburn?? Idk haven’t seen it

The collection of buffoons have killed god, now they must survive forever purgatory with each other. Trans woman.

@confettiiz @keeana @lostbrazilian @staarbug @emophobix @dragonfangstudios go my mutuals

[dragonfangstudios]

Middle school girl traps everyone in a fake world and then tries to kill herself after realizing, gets saved and becomes the devil from the Bible. Yuri.

@a-space-dragon @ziekkfreak2-0 @somber-starz @crashed-toyota

[a-space-dragon]

Prev maybe that’s the anime you were telling me about??? Can’t remember the name of it tho

Catholicism is weaponized for maximum mental damage so everyone will think this guy got murdered and came back from the dead. There’s only one detective who can figure this out.

@lostbrazilian @zesty-lemon-bread @emophobix most of you are tagged already but whatever anyone can join in if they want :]

[lostbrazilian]

Oh I got tagged here twice! Hehe hiii mutuals

Okay so, @louis234567 that one is the TADC finale, 100%. No doubt about it. And as for prev @a-space-dragon I'm betting Wake Up Dead Man, I think?

Sweet old man with dementia and his gaggle of adopted grown-ass children accidentally kill their omnipotent Ai ruler and get faced with the prospect that there really is no scape from the silly-Billy dimension. They all feel very normal about it. Also one of them gets swallowed alive by the closet and yet ppl on the internet still call her "cis"

Anyways onto the moots: @themainspoon @terriblewarden @they-hit-the-isev @emstargazer @worm-salsa

[they-hit-the-isev]

Thanks for tagging!! ^-^

Well that also sounds like TADC finale

Depressed lesbian correctly realizes her suspiciously happy reality is fake and fights her friends who she suspects are the ones who trapped her here. After realizing she's the one who created this reality the girl plots her own suicide to stop aliens from capturing a goddess coming to save her soul

@steampunk483, @engine-of-jets, @thediam0ndt, @eschnak1472, @ortegas-maneuver and other mutuals feel free to join in

[thediam0ndt]

damn that’s a tough one the closest I can think of is I Saw the TV Glow and her reality is decidedly unhappy and she’s trapped by someone else but

Contract killer and his adopted son get hired by a pilot who is gender envy incarnate to go fuck with the mob for a bit. Task fails successfully, they all almost die, and the pilot has to larp ace combat for a bit to save them.

No clue which mutuals to @ so

@bacony-cakes @frogblast-the-ventcore @three-strikes-of-void @accumulated-error

[frogblast-the-ventcore]

I know exactly which movie that is because it's also the last movie that I saw.

Also one half of the best husbands show up (BUT WHERE IS HIS HUSBAND????) and the executive producer of Goncharov is in it.

@fictionalafvsmybeloved @theurbanmechcomesforthee @knight-errant-girl @arkkaxe

[knight-errant-girl]

That sounds a lot like Mandalorian and Grogu, from the what I've heard of it.

Last movie I saw was a classic samurai film that got ripped off to become a classic western film that's been ripped off countless times since.

@lavenderthebard @ace-disgrace-on-the-case @a-krogan-skald-and-bearsark @alkaline-dollbattery and anyone else who sees this consider yourself tagged.

[a-krogan-skald-and-bearsark]

That sounds like Yojimbo to me. Last movie I watched involved a burglar scouting out his friends property in preparation for ousting a squatter. Who responds to this intrustion by leaving to avenge himself through massive quantities of arson.

@freyaxfratley, @melodyandpond, @eishtmo, and anyone else who wants to try.

[thecaptnoname]

No idea, really, but, for some reason, I want to say it might be V for Vendetta?

The last film I've watched is actually a singular episode from a web series that I'm not even sure has/will have an international outreach, so... Guess if you dare

Demons are real, apparently, and they are tallied up into an ICD-666 index or something.

Anyway, here's a piece of jewelry that we've made out of a sugically removed sex demon (whom we've initially misgendered, sorry about that) who has nearly choked you to death with h** thighs.

Also, the fuck you mean the water in the break room is very much alive, sentient and allergic to cussing?

[what-even-is-thiss]

My brother has finished his growing wheat project and harvesting it was an absolute pain in the ass just like I told him it would be and our current food processor is apparently just stirring it around and not turning it into flour and also apparently I’m expected to be the one to turn this into bread so that’s something I have to deal with now

[what-even-is-thiss]

My dad put the wheat berries in the blender and the flour I’ve been handed as a result is so course and my brother is insisting that I don’t mix white flour into it.

Okay bro hope you’re ready to chew on sand despite my best efforts.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Take a wrong turn in your Time Machine, friend?

[what-even-is-thiss]

I need to add a spoonful of regular store bought flour to this so it turns into dough and not a wet sandy pile and he’s just gonna have to deal with that.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Apparently his next project is going to be growing potatoes and my only comfort is that potatoes are much easier to deal with than wheat.

This guy doesn’t cook beyond basic utility stuff like boiling pasta but wants his food growing projects to be cooked anyways so I end up doing all the cooking.

Yeah man I get that you put in a lot of effort growing this stuff but I didn’t ask you to do it

[what-even-is-thiss]

To my surprise the dough is actually rising somewhat normally. I put a tiny bit of brown sugar in there for the yeast to munch on just in case so we’ll see how it does after its second kneading I guess.

[what-even-is-thiss]

The risen but unbaked loaf. I physically couldn’t force it into a more even shape than that. It has doubled in size though so maybe there’s some hope for us yet

[what-even-is-thiss]

Well he looks like bread. Haven’t tasted it yet though.

[what-even-is-thiss]

So it tastes like a whole wheat loaf. It is in fact very dense. It did yeast properly so it’s not a brick but it is heavy. Chewing is a little bit of a chore but it doesn’t taste bad.

Basically one slice of this bread is a whole meal.

[daveedmee]

explosion at health potion factory 0 dead 0 injured

[marlynnofmany]

Here's hoping those health potions work on mental health too, so the various employees can turn their trauma into comedy.

"Sir, what was it like to live through that kind of catastrophe? What went through your head?"

"My foot did!"

[what-even-is-thiss]

In my fallout 4 achievement hunting im basically forced to play through the game from a fresh start three different times at minimum and for the institute and brotherhood endings i did my usual pistols and punching character which was starting to get a little stale.

so to mix things up for my minuteman character I decided to make a sniper because I’ve never done that before and man this playstyle makes the game feel completely different. I feel like, nervous. I’m holding my breath in real life.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Usually I’m all berserker get right in there yolo punch it real hard take drugs to brute force it but with a sniper you’ve gotta like. Plan somewhat. Crazy. I’m spending so much time trying to find the high ground and waiting for the weather to clear up so I can see.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Funny thing about those goofy looking minuteman laser muskets that you need to crank up is that they can make really good sniper rifles if you upgrade them.

[what-even-is-thiss]

My enemies don’t see me coming, and sometimes I don’t see them coming either because I’m looking through a telescope and I don’t see the giant scorpion right next to me

[blumineck]

When your blacksmith buddy says “hey man do you want a bardiche?”, the answer is always yes!

I have a website now!

[thecaptnoname]

Funnily enough, there was a combination weapon tying together the bardiche and the musket that shot from it. This one is attributed to the 17th century.

(I'd imagine the smaller hand axe+pistol variant was more practical, if only by a tiny margin)

[395nm]

Fuck Meyer-Briggs whatever typology. This INTFP shit is only for redditors up their own asses to substitute for a personality. Use my new typology instead!

Your ideal environment is:

Hot/Cold

Wet/Dry

Bright/Dark

Loud/Quiet

[towacletruck]

caine's baby pictures got leaked who cheered

Ok guys the traction that this post gained has started to attract scam accounts so don't trust anyone in the replies telling you to send money to x patreon account please.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

still annoyed my mom threw out my wisdom teeth. you don't just RECYCLE SOMEONE'S TEETH, MOTHER

[rueval]

My sister got our cousin’s baby teeth (both graduated from college at this point) for Christmas and they were perturbed to say the least

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

always, this website beckons me back with its siren song

[wubrh]

@biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist well, since you asked so nicely :)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the post that keeps on giving

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

can't decide if the notes on this post are a goldmine or a minefield

[chocolatecakecas]

damn we got 2022 tomorrow

[certifiedgirlthing]

Damn we got 2023 tomorrow.

[spottedbread]

damn we got 2024 tomorrow

[churchofthestarrychildren]

damn we got 2025 tomorrow

[thecaptnoname]

Damn, we got 2026 tomorrow

[thewirewitch]

How about,

no.

[marlynnofmany]

Pet peeve: werewolf stories where bones crack and knees bend backwards. Wolf legs don't work like that. They're just standing on their toes. C'mon, this shouldn't be complicated.

[rose-coloured-boy]

why is garlic so good at sticking to you. i barely touched you, stop being on my hands forever.

[mrsattila]

You are made of meat and being seasoned! 😊

[marlynnofmany]

Certain other animals: "Augh, poison; I will never touch that plant again!"

Humans: "How dare this plant annoy me by making my hands smell tasty for longer than I expected."

[aritany]

having writer friends is being like in the world’s tiniest fandom except to get new content you have to beat it out of the author with a stick

[viperosedae]

being a writer is like being in the world’s tiniest fandom and you have to beat content out of yourself with a stick

[official-lucifers-child]

being a writer and having writer friends is like you’re all in different fandoms and you take turns beating content out of each other with a stick

[mirrorleaf]

@inborrowedpasts

[thecaptnoname]

This last addition reads like a piñata fencing contest to me, and I wish I could transfer this mental image to canvas.

[am-ace-ing]

i said "laundry sauce" instead of detergent once and my parents have not stopped saying it since

[am-ace-ing]

absolutely not

[leonardcohenofficial]

[msvblight]

Egg: no

Steak: no

Milk: no in general, but cow milk for tea

Alcohol: whatever is closest

Warm drink: black coffee with no sugar

@ranfanblog @feytalagog @aromanticsky @gorillastraylight @soupdrinkinglincoln

[gorillastraylight]

eggs: scrambled

steak: medium rare supposing I can afford it

milk: cow

Alcohol: Irish whiskey or a Jack and Coke

Warm drink: hot chocolate

@imbuedebauchery @frogblast-the-ventcore

[frogblast-the-ventcore]

eggs: scrambled or fried

steak: medium rare

milk: cow (whole)

alcohol: AC/20 (scotch+bourbon+vodka+brown sugar)

warm drink: apple cider

@ace-disgrace-on-the-case @knight-errant-girl @arkkaxe @a-krogan-skald-and-bearsark @theurbanmechcomesforthee

[a-krogan-skald-and-bearsark]

Eggs: over easy

Steak: well done

Milk: no thank you

Alcohol: Stout, Porter or Mead

Warm drink: black coffee

[thecaptnoname]

Eggs: hard-boiled or fried

Steak: well done or congratulations

Milk: solid (cheese or ice cream)

Alcohol: flavourful liquors/bitters

Warm drink: black coffee with said liquors

[is-the-battlemech-cool-or-not]

[thecaptnoname]

Plato: And it should be able to adjust its height... more drastically

Diogenes: Nuff said