The Future Ex Mx. Malcolm

(early 30s) themme fatale extraordinare

[thefutureexmxmalcolm]

This blog has been abandoned.

Enjoy the leftover posts, I suppose. If you want my new Tumblr URL, email me at riahillwriter at gmail and see you around!

[littlethingsmart]

(source)

[trouserweasel]

wow someone finally wrote a book on clock fetishes

it’s about fucking time

[ikarus-the-phoenix]

Reblog if you didn’t write My Immortal

We’re going to find the author by process of elimination.

[quixoticanarchy]

a californian but there’s something just a bit wrong and spooky about her. call that an uncanny valley girl

[loveguts-deactivated20260323]

spring horror is good because of the symbolism of death and rebirth and storms and everything being vibrant but still cold. and summer horror is good because sweltering heat and insects long days. and fall horror is good because halloween and death and scary movies. and winter horror is good because snow contrasting with blood and freezing temperatures and long nights. btw.

[cadaverkeys]

One of my favourite post formats is when someone with a similar URL to op torments them like they are failed clones of each other and it completely changes the tone of the original post.

[cadaver-locks]

So. I think we have some things in common

[cadaverkeys]

[natalieironside]

Ever since they made tags visible it's felt like I'm being followed by a bunch of passive-aggressive Python programmers

[natalieironside]

# it's fine if you want to write it like this

# no really I mean it it's fine

# I wouldn't have written it that way

# but it's fine

[omnybus]

I didn't know python was an actual programming language so i pictured actual snakes

unfortunately I don't know enough about programming to make a decent snake-themed programming pun so here's a literal python programmer misunderstanding what kind of "mouse" they had

[foggyroses]

The best way this post could have gone

[natalieironside]

Yeah I like the post way better now

[natalieironside]

omg i just noticed his little tie

[jesse-is-spiralling]

shout out to suzanne collins for normalising, and honestly even romanticising, body hair on girls/women. shout out for writing a lead female character who honestly likes her body hair and is sad when she has it forcibly removed.

shout out for describing it in a pleasant way ("soft, curly down") rather than something unsightly and vaguely embarrassing.

honestly just shout out to suzanne collins

[weaver-z]

This boomer comic incinerated every “I hate my wife” comic instantly

[autisticexpression]

Valid and wholesome boomer representation. More of this please.

[fucktoyfelix]

[fucktoyfelix]

no u cannot leave this hidden in the tags oh my LORD

[thefutureexmxmalcolm]

I was eating corn chips and waiting for my tea to cool down when I accidentally stuck my hand in the mug it was quite a shock

Good news is the tea was cool enough to drink!

The legalization of weed is going great tbh

[thefutureexmxmalcolm]

Update: time dilation makes waiting for water to boil unbearable

[ashbelero]

if only i could use my art skills for good

[whumpster-fire]

Funniest part of this is that this is that the entire sequence of events this implies would still be a completely plausible Wile E Coyote Gag.

Wile E is chasing Roadrunner as usual when they encounter the wall of holes

Roadrunner zooms through the crowd and into a perfectly Roadrunner-shaped tunnel

Wile E tries to follow and immediately crashes into the wall

Looks around and sees a perfectly Coyote-shaped tunnel nearby, and climbs into it

Cut to a nightmarishly distorted, twisted Wile E emerging from the opposite cliff face. He takes several steps, bouncing and wobbling like a slinky, holds up a sign with letters that are also distorted into unreadable gibberish on it, and collapses into a tangle of furry spaghetti

Pan to Roadrunner casually standing nearby next to a still-perfectly-roadrunner-shaped tunnel exit, which is the only normal-shaped tunnel exit on the entire cliff face

Roadrunner sticks tongue out, beep-beeps, and vanishes in a trail of dust

Cut to Wile E Coyote, now unscathed but very annoyed, assembling an ACME Tunnel Boring Machine

[medli20]

Yesterday our DM told me that my warlock can keep his skeleton minions in his bag of holding 💀

[netherworldpost]

There is a lot to unpack on this post.

[badjokesbyjeff]

An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden; but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like wont be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa

A few days later he received this letter from his son:

Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie

At 6 am the next morning, FBl agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie

[ruffboi-mags]

Jeff I am BEGGING YOU to change your name

[thefutureexmxmalcolm]

I was eating corn chips and waiting for my tea to cool down when I accidentally stuck my hand in the mug it was quite a shock

Good news is the tea was cool enough to drink!

The legalization of weed is going great tbh

[animentality]