thelonelymeadow

Any pronouns. TW: mention\s of self-h*rm and some suicidal ideation, although I haven't posted about that stuff in awhile.

[thelonelymeadow]

Classic vent post

I envy my brothers for getting the dad I will never have. It’s my fault. My avoidance. My hostility. I don’t think I can try to fix things. I don’t know if I want to.

How come he only changed after letting me down. I tried so many times.

It seems that all it took for him to change was my vow to never trust him again.

So I’ll bring my brothers to have dinner with him every Tuesday and Thursday. And I’ll sit in the the seat that is said to be mine. But it’s not mine, for while this is a home for everyone else. I am simply a guest. That is all I allow myself to be.

From the outside maybe we do have a great relationship. Maybe I’m the only one who knows I am not a part of my father’s family. But to me family involves trust. And I simply can’t trust him.

[cryptotheism]

I'm fascinated by how the formatting of different social media sites affect how text is read.

For instance, a line break on Tumblr indicates a new idea.

[cryptotheism]

But a reblog break indicates that time has passed.

[cryptotheism]

[neosatsuma]

[pxlestine]

VIDEO: Living Under Israel’s Missiles

Four boys of the Bakr family were killed by a missile strike during last year’s incursion. Their surviving family members are still scarred from the attack.

More than anyone, children bear the brunt of regular Israeli military assaults on the Gaza Strip. During the 51-day war in the summer of 2014, 551 children were killed and 3,436 were injured. But these gruesome figures say little about the psychological state of the nearly 800,000 children who have survived the periodic bombing campaigns. After the final cease-fire that ended Israel’s Operation Protective Edge on August 26 of last year, UNICEF estimated that at least 425,000 Palestinian children in the besieged Gaza Strip require “immediate psychosocial and child protection support.”

[ The physical wounds of Gaza children might have healed, but they live with enduring psychological trauma ]

[mysharona1987]

“Well, they deserve it! October 7. And it’s complicated.”

Like anyone reading this can comprehend this horror.

This was in 2014.

[bogleech]

Some people in the notes literally still responding to this about how October 7 started it so I guess they missed the part about this being a post from 2014.

2014

2014

[thelonelymeadow]

TW for suicidal ideation

One year at a time

11

I won’t make it to next year

I’ve had enough

My thoughts are too much

12-13

I’ll never make it to 14

I’ll never make it to high school

I can’t keep going

This is too much.

14

I’ll never make it to 15

If I do then I’ll most certainly be dead by 16

I made it to high school

It’s still too much

16-17

I’ll never make it to 18

I seem to keep collecting tasks

To complete before I die

I want to learn this

See a family member or friend complete a milestone

Why is it still too much

But now I’ve entangled myself with life

18

I’ll never make it to college

My thoughts have lessened

“Too much” is less daunting

I have people who really care

But I can’t imagine that me

A me further along

I have never been able to see a future

With me in it

With the help of others I began to try

Now

I am getting ready to move into my college dorm

To meet new people and learn

I don’t know how I got here

But I’m glad I did

I will make it to next year

And when that year comes

I’ll keep going

-thelonelymeadow

[thelonelymeadow]

I’m the real monster aren’t I

[thelonelymeadow]

References to BNHA chapters 290+

I relate to Dabi/Touya so much that it isn’t even funny. I get what he is doing is awful and I don’t excuse it by any means but after seeing the things he is doing it is genuinely helping me process my emotions. I have a lot of negative feelings about my dad and older brother, I’ve been so angry at them. My Dad for his actions and my brother for forgiving him and shunning me.

I would talk to my mom about it and what she would always say was “I understand, but instead of spending your time hating them you have to do what makes you happy. I’m not saying you should to forgive them by any means, but you need to focus on making yourself happy” And that was something I really struggled with. Especially when I was filled with so much hate and when I would get intrusive thoughts about killing them (I never actually considered killing them, just something that would pop into my head and no I’ve never actually done anything to either of them because I’m to much of a wimp) 

When 290 came out and Dabi was acting the way he was it resonated with me in the way that that is what could happen to me, not that I could be a rampaging lunatic but that if I never find peace I will lose myself and it’ll be near impossible to come back from that. To me Dabi is a reminder of just how far I could fall and by the time I’d realize it would be too late, my intrusive thoughts about killing them has even stopped for the time being, still have other intrusive thoughts and those ones may come back. 

[thelonelymeadow]

BNHA Chapter 290+ Spoilers

One thing I’ve been seeing a lot of is “I feel bed for Touya, not Dabi” and it really bothers me. 

They are the same person, and I feel like people who separate them are missing the point

I understand what they mean, feeling bad for him for what happened but now he’s evil and that’s bad. But you can feel sorry for someone without condoning their actions. Dabi is the way he is BECAUSE what happened. his descent to madness was a process. 

Just because someone is doing horrible things now doesn’t mean they deserved the pain that got them to that point

[thelonelymeadow]

My feet never got cold before

thelonelymeadow

(My Six word story. There is a very specific context to this and I honestly don’t think anyone will understand it. Not in an edgy way- its just very obscure)

[thelonelymeadow]

Dear...

Why must you look so human.

you are the monster

that keeps me up at night.

You are the monster

that forgot me

You are the Monster

that refused to listen

You are the Monster

That broke me

I know I’m crazy,

That you are human,

But I can’t see you that way.

you are a MONSTER

but you’re not

yet I can’t bring myself 

to see you as you are

because if you are not a monster

I won’t be able to live with myself

because that means I am a monster too

-thelonelymeadow

[firefox-official]

gonna make an oc based off u

ok. if it’s bad i kill you

[bill-nye-official-blog]

promise?

[firefox-official]

bill nye?

[bill-nye-official-blog]

Do you promise or not?

[firefox-official]

bill nye……

[appleebees]

@firefox-official​ I’m sorry

[firefox-official]

IM GOING TO PASS OUT

[lagonegirl]

I hope he wins the lawsuit, a police officer was finally doing the right thing and they penalize him for not being a racist monster!

[theboykingofhell]

his name is stephen mader and not only did he refuse to shoot, he actively wanted to help the man (ronald ‘rj’ williams) because he could tell that he was only acting out because of mental illness. rj williams was suicidal and holding an unloaded gun and, while mader didn’t shoot him, a fellow officer (ryan kuzma) did and murdered him on the spot. here is the source and here’s to hoping rj williams gets justice

[socialistexan]

“Saying the words ‘Just shoot me’ sent up the red flag that he was just trying to harm himself and no one else … That’s what made me make my decision. He needed help” I hate this fucking world. The guy was actually trying to do his job by actually desculating the situation the right way (desculating these days apparently just means shoot them) and was fired for “failing to eliminate a threat.”

[critgemhero]

HE WON THE LAWSUIT AND GOT $175,000

[aphrican-aphrodite]

I read this whole story. It is wild !! The conversations between him and his ex coworkers about what went down that day 😧😶

Listen to it all here:

What Happened When A White Cop Decided Not to Shoot a Black Man

A shocking story of police and lethal force. Just not the one you might expect.

[uncleromeo]

when I say there are no good cops, this is part of the reason why.

“good cops” lose their jobs for doing the right thing.

“good cops” die mysteriously after whistleblowing.

“good cops” are forced to choose between their livelihood and becoming just like the rest.

[thelonelymeadow]

I’m so annoyed for such a dumb reason and it’s funny because there is so much that I am upset about rn but I’ve decided to ignore those problems and talk about the most trivial one. I very much enjoy clothing design and I want to actually sew my designs and stuff. Ignoring the fact that I can’t afford the supplies to make clothes there is a big problem with that. My favorite clothes to design are very feminine, especially dresses. Here’s where the problem comes in, I DON’T DO DRESSES! Like fuck that. Wearing a dress or super feminine clothes makes me feel like absolute shit and like I can’t look at myself if I try. I tried once and it went okayish, I resewed a dress and added a bunch of designs and even though I was so proud of what I made it just wasn’t something I could wear and feel okay in. I ended up making it a shirt because I didn’t want to just waste all that work. Another problem is that I don’t have a manikin so If I want to make a dress or fem clothes I have to try them on to make sure everything is right and even in the end the item of clothing was technically made for my body so I can’t just give it to someone and at the same time it would be a waste if it was never worn. Now the obvious solution would just be to ‘find someone who will wear this stuff and make it for them’ and I do agree but that would mean invading their personal space to do measurements and stuff, not to mention Coronavirus is still very much a thing and having a friend over isn’t the safest thing to do right now. Also, for the 0 people wondering my way of making clothes is ‘having a vision’, ‘creating a rough idea of how to do it’, ‘start trying to make it right away with no further thought’ ‘revise idea’ ‘again’. So i don’t have full ‘designs’, it’s more like a bunch of cryptic bs that I understand completely

[rikan-oo]

Why

[thelonelymeadow]

accurate

[kipplekipple]

When we talk about being fat-positive and we say, “weight is not an indication of health,” I will reblog it. But I want us to also say, “health is not an indication of value.”

I could be at any weight and I will never be healthy, because I am chronically ill. Someone might be chronically ill and fat, or they might be chronically ill and not fat, and it really doesn’t matter.

When you make it about health, you’re saying health is the pinnacle of human achievement, and you’re shitting on those of us for whom health will always be a pipe dream.

[rollerskatinglizard]

Oh Oh

[nonbiblicnephilim]

World book day 2020

I want to try something. I’m starting a chain, adding here a book I suggest you to read. I’m tagging three people who should reblog this, add their book and tag new people. I don’t know if someone else already did this, but the idea is to create a list of books we all should read. Let’s see how long it can become!

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë.

@my-lady-of-roses @goldcarstairs @malecftmaxrafe

[my-lady-of-roses]

The color purple by Alice Walker

@fair-y-child @sarcasticmalecfan @themerrythieves

[ghostjesse]

thanks for the tag! 🌹

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

tagging: @tyty-blackthorn @gilleboll @vanillalipstick66

[swampedrat]

thanks teodora 😊

The Song Of Achilles by Madeline Miller

i’ll tag @kazz @tenthprinceofhell @stariose

[kingofcurses]

thanks lukas!

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

tagging: @jesseblackthorns @thomaslightwoodx @dianabarryy

[1938485748377575876]

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid!

@jordeliaz @revouries @cordeliaxcarstairsx

[ikharas-archived-deactivated202]

thanks for the tag, suki!

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens!

i’ll tag: @christopherlightwood​ @immyownghostwriter​ @sydneyclarke​ 

[keszi-deactivated20210705]

thanks for the tag!!

It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

tagging @tenthprinceofhell @ab-cedario @fair-y-child

[ab-cedario]

thanks comrade!!!!

Foolish Hearts by Emma Mills

idk lemme see: @tyherondaletrash @matthewwfairchildd @older-brother-kit

[matthewwfairchildd]

thanks for the tag!

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

im tagging,

@andrewjostn @evalevv @christophers-lightwood

[high-warlock-of-brooklyn]

Thanks for the tag 💙

Red, White and Royal Blue, by Casey Mcquiston

I’m tagging @my-archerboy @chibi-tsukiko @pawsnread

[my-archerboy]

Thanks for tagging me! 🖤

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

I tag @khaleesiofalicante @thomas-lightwood-floats-my-boat @redscrollsofmalec

[thorin-really-floats-my-boat]

thanks @my-archerboy ❤️

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue

I’ll tag @kazz @qlecs @staplerrrr and @a-very-gay-spider <3

[staplerrrr]

thanks for tagging me, bobo! @thomas-lightwood-floats-my-boat 💕✨

Dear Evan Hansen by Val Emmich

tagging : @woolsey–scott @queen-of-ink-and-paper @tenthprinceofhell @wethepotterheads0214

[b00bconnoisseur]

!!!!!!! Dude i could list so so many but heres a super good one im gonna try n reread soon

Lets Talk About Love by Claire Kahn

@timetravelingcacti @the-collector-of-souls @rhayarose @zero-g24 @thatoneemobooknerd @theclingiestbitch @sadamericanorca @jackiejunkie @g-rexthedino @kingantlion @queen-baelin @books-are-my-life20 @bloodreadmascara

[catbxy]

The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness

@storyweaverofgondor @this-account-is-a-mistake @superwholocked-for-life

[this-account-is-a-mistake]

Love, Aubrey

~ Suzanne lafleur

@h-m-t-w-n @wishingforserendipity @thelonelymeadow

[thelonelymeadow]

Thanks for tagging me

The 57 Bus by Dashka Slater

(I love this book)

@fear-ripper @lunalebean and idk who else to tag ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[homuras]

A Silent Voice ✽ 聲の形  (2016)  

[thelonelymeadow]

One of my favorite anime of all time is Koe No Katachi or A Silent Voice (it can also be translated to The Shape Of Voice). It has such beautiful animation and I love the plot. It’s weird though because it’s unlike a lot of other stories; The main character has flaws. Not just the stuff that makes him relatable, he acts human, and so does everyone else. There are times when people mess up, there are times when mistakes are made and this movie really captures it. The first time I watched it I literally had no clue what it was about. All I knew is that people say it’s good. At first I was shocked, then I thought it was a bit boring and slow paced, but when it gets to the last hour of the movie I was no longer confused as to why people thought it was good. The movie is incredible and I highly recommend watching it and reading it just gives the story way more depth. It’s kinda funny, even though I’m literally talking about anime I would even say that Koe no Katachi is a bit too realistic, not it the art but the story. If you do or have watched it what do you think of it?