ik tumblr is cringe or whatever but i really do feel like my blog is my own little house and it’s incredibly comforting to be here
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@themissra
ik tumblr is cringe or whatever but i really do feel like my blog is my own little house and it’s incredibly comforting to be here
“Nightwing didn’t get that charm from you” and other hilarious things I imagine the JL telling Batman to his face that they are so, so wrong about
i've said it before but it will forever and always make me insane that jacob's ending is to join the cullens for the sake of bella not having to give anything up. they find out jake will be immortal & tied to renesmee forever, so bella gets to smile & say "my family is finally complete! ^-^" but jake already HAS a family. he has a father and 2 sisters. quil, embry, seth and sam are like his brothers. jacob and leah were planning to run away together. he's always been welcome in emily's home, sue has been a family friend since before his birth. bella abandons her mortality by choice because she feels no connection to the people around her, but jacob has really strong bonds. it's clear that every character we meet in la push is like family to him, he's an active member of the community. jake would've graduated high school and been a mechanic, would've grown into a young man. a good friend, a fun uncle, a present son. he's set up to have such a rich life. and he's just magically compelled to give that up. beyond his control, he loses sight of everything, because his high school crush's baby is now the singular most important thing to him. he's perpetually 18 with his perpetually 18 year old girlfriend, running around vancouver or alaska or wherever with the girl who friendzoned him at 16 & her in-laws (who were antagonistic to him for months). and i'm just supposed to say omg yay now he doesn't have to let go of bella! everyone is happy! it's complete madness
The Problem with the Twilight Renaissance.
This may be a little rambly and disorganized so I'm sorry if this is confusing, and I would also like to give a disclaimer that I don't want to hate on people who enjoy this series in a healthy way while acknowledging the flaws in the story. I also haven't looked into any twilight content on tumblr so I apologize if I say something another creator has said before.
i know that bruce being emotionally constipated is a comedy staple in a lot of batfam fics, but i have a headcanon that bruce does understand emotions fairly well but ONLY in the context of how his family handles/reacts to them. for example:
tim, holding his side and stumbling up to his bedroom: ow, ow, ow, ow ow-
bruce, hovering but not doing anything because his feral child will hiss and hide his injuries for months if he makes him feel cornered: do you want me to help directly or leave The Offerings?
tim, sullenly: offerings, please
bruce: *piles a bunch of medical supplies in tim's customized Injury Offerings bag (covered in Young Justice and weird animal stickers) and leaves it outside of his door like a sacrifice*
two days later
WE employee: *gets bad papercut* oh, jeez, this hurts
bruce, malfunctioning in the hallway because he literally watched three of his gremlins refuse to treat a broken rib like two hours ago: do you want The Offerings?
WE employee, used to their boss' eccentricities: no i'll just use the first aid kit, thank you Mr Wayne.
new intern, pale and shaking: oh god its a cult, i knew it, the health benefits were too good i'm gonna die-
like bruce can understand and interpret the meanings of other people's emotions, he just has horrible reference points. he stays completely straight faced and sometimes even looks wistful when cursed out by a random board member, but gets misty eyed when he finds random rocks stuffed in his suit jacket pockets (jason shows affection through volume and damian/tim/duke/steph put rocks in his clothes when they're grateful but don't wanna be mushy about it) i believe this wholeheartedly let bruce wayne be a good dad I SWEAR
more of my 'The Justice League Founders Are Not Normal About Each Other' propaganda-
there are two types of communal showers on the Watchtower and the first thing new recruits learn is the difference between them.
One belongs to everyone, and anyone is welcome to use them at any time. They provide basic shampoo, conditioner and body wash, have dividers and curtains, and even a few loofahs and brushes
The second one belongs exclusively to the Justice League Founders and it is not because they are Elite or Better Than Anyone Else- it is genuinely for everyone else's saftey
The JL Founders showers have zero dividers in any capacity, there are seven different kinds of soaps and conditioners and not one of them uses the same one twice in a row, blood has been split over who is using the singular loofah, and the noise that they generate when all seven of them shower at once can break the Law of 'no sound can be heard in space'
Diana uses the showering time to make Bruce check her for breast cancer. Barry and Hal have a shampooing routine that they give each other every time. J'onn has a thing for cleaning their feet- not in a weird way just in a serviceable way- and Arthur likes to manipulate the water to Maximize the amount he can piss everyone else off. Clark has said more swear words in the showers than any of them have said outside the showers.
It's pure, unfiltered, beautiful mayhem. They're insane about each other and the world should know it. There are zero boundaries between them and it shows and that is why the first rule new recruits get is not to mix up showers or they will never emotionally recover.
I'm a twilight canon denier. Stephanie really gave us Emmett Cullen and expected me to believe that he wouldn't be Bff's with the wolf pack ? Get out of my face
Batlantern is the ultimate Bruce ship.
Bruce has a lot of very good ships that I like, but I think Batlantern is the most uderrated. Hal and Bruce have such an interesting dynamic with their parallels and fundamental differences.
It's immovable object (Bruce) meets unstoppable force (Hal).
It's patalogical need for control VS patological need for freedom.
It's strategy VS instinct.
It's need for stability and familiarity even if it's unhealthy VS need to move even when something good is already there.
It's protecting vulnerabilities by hiding in darkness VS blinding people with light so they won't see your weaknesses.
It's "I'm incapable of loving the right way" VS "I'm unlovable", and simultaneously "Please love me anyway" VS "I beg you, do not try and love me".
It's raging Autism VS raging ADHD.
They are the moon and the stars, co-existing and shining in the same night sky.
They are the unbeatable human spirit, always pushing on, falling and getting up even if there is no hope.
They both have the title of "knight", because they are made to serve, because they are stubbornly loyal to the cause, devoting their lives and their deaths to protecting others. They are shields with edges sharp enough to cut.
They both think they are ruined and ruination at the same time, death touched and death bringers, guilt for everything they couldn't save sitting heavily on their shoulders.
They are rage baiter x rage baiter, just with different flavours of sarcasm.
If someone searched "emotional constipation" in the dictionary, both their names would pop up in the definition.
They are two matching puzzle pieces and two identical poles of a magnet. They are a mirror of eachother the same way Dorian Gray and his picture are.
They complete and ground eachother, but also, they will push each other off a cliff in an instant.
They are a dumpster on fire and they are absolutely perfect.
When the sad song you put on makes you feel worse
Oh, how I was missing listening to The Smiths and feeling terrible, depressed, suicidal
1/10 wouldn't recommend
Based on that (this) by them ( @bruce-wayne-enjoyer )
Dick lifts his head from the bars of his cage, squinting at the door as the screeching sound of tearing metal ricochets through the hull, and the ship they're captive on trembles with the might of the attack.
"Please tell me we aren't about to get kidnapped from our kidnapper," Tim groans.
"Great."
"Get ready, guys," Dick warns, standing. "This'll be our best shot at escape."
Or it would be, if anything happened. Instead, they're just left standing there like fools as the ship trembles and distant yelling gradually gets less distant.
Dick doesn't relax out of his stance, but he's tempted. Only, as soon as you do that, it always—
The doors burst open, and two aliens scurry in, antenna pressed low to their heads in obvious fear. Based on the panels on their robes Dick is fairly sure these are the captains, so what the hell is out there to send two of space's most respected pirates running?
"We ransom them," one suggests, using Damian's cage like a shield. "Sell them to buy our freedom."
"Threaten to kill them if he doesn't comply," the other suggests. Dick's translator croaks out it's last words, then dies as they keep arguing. His was the last one standing, after they shorted out the others trying to hotwire a beacon to Bruce a few hours ago, arguing all the while about who has to tell Bruce they were stupid enough for space pirates to get ahold of them and all of the League tech they also had on board.
It wasn't Dick's fault, that's all that matters, no matter what Cass says.
The pirates are still arguing, high, panicked, buzzing words rushing out by them both, until they go suddenly, damningly silent.
Dick glances at the door and slips back into that battle-ready pose.
The lights flicker overhead.
The walls tremble.
Someone whispers a prayer.
The door blows off its hinges, and the glass rains down on them as the bulbs overhead explode, plunging them into darkness.
A sickly, glowing green creeps around the corner, and Dick falls out of his stance in shock. Hal Jordan steps into the room, face set firmly into an expression Dick has never seen before on his face as he glowers at the aliens cowering behind their cages.
The whites of his domino crawl over them all, and eventually land at the galaxy-feared pirates reduced to snivelling messes. One of them points their sword at Cass through the bars, which she stares at impassively, and more buzzing words are hissed at Hal.
He stares back.
A construct snaps out, grabbing the sword, snapping it in two. More shoot out, grabbing that alien, and the other as it raised its weapon at Damian. Hal lifts them both into the air, and starts lecturing them in their own language, buzzes and clicks spat in a furious snarl, surpassing was Dick seemingly mistaked for the limits of human vocal cords to speak the alien tongue.
The constructs tighten, Dick wonders if the bug-like creatures are supposed to turn that colour, and are suddenly released, falling to the ground in a heap. Hal snarls one last thing, then crosses his arms and waits.
He's floating off the floor slightly, toes tipped down to it as if on pointe, arms crossed over his chest. His costume thrums with energy, a blinding green illuminating the room as he supervises the aliens move to their cages, face severe and unforgiving as he watches over them.
Dick has seen Hal Jordan in action before.
Seemingly, he's never seen Green Lantern in action before.
Dick warily steps past the alien as his cage door swings open. Cass pulls up beside him, a smirk on her face, and now they're free Dick knows it's a race to get to Bruce and blame this fiasco on someone else first.
It was not Dick's fault.
"We apologise," one simpers in English, a hand shuggling Damian out of his cage. "We did not know you were the children of Green Lantern Hal Jordan."
Dick glances at Hal, expecting a terse denial, a reassertion of his role as a space cop. He does not expect his eyes to darken, narrowing at the alien.
"And what?" He asks carefully. "If they weren't my children, that would be okay? They are kids, you think you can just snatch them from their home? They're not some commodity you stole from a Hub, you want to take them from home? To keep them away from family?"
"Apologies, Lantern Jordan," the other says, unlocking Tim's cage. Hal seems to settle, barely, watching over everything with a stern gaze.
Tim steps past his alien, and seemingly breathes in a bit of the dust that sits on this species' hard shell. He goes red, his cheeks puff, Dick grins, Jason snorts, and Tim gives up on his dignity, allowing a singular massive cough to tear out of his chest.
Dick muffles a laugh. Damian does not.
The room seems to darken even more, and he realises maybe it's not funny. Hal looks apopleptic, and starts tearing into the aliens all over again, leaving them out of the loop this time as they return to that hissing, buzzing, clicking language that is surely making the lecture sound more threatening than it is...right? Hal's not that stressed about them.
The aliens scurry out of the room, and Hal turns to them, feet finally touching down on the floor, the furrow in his brow smoothing out as he looks at them.
"Sorry it took me so long to get here," he says, and Dick's own brow dips. They haven't even been captive for five hours. Considering they're in space, it is a pretty quick rescue. "You kids are okay, right?"
"We're fine, Harold," Damian sniffs, pride bruised.
Hal's eyes don't leave them, and Cass suddenly slips forward, moving to him. Over her shoulder, she calls to them, and then they're all moving.
"Huh? What is a Code-FN? Do I— oh..." Hal trails off as Cass tucks herself under his arm, wrapping her arms around him. Damian takes his other side, pressing in close, and the rest of them fill in around.
Dick invented the code for Bruce.
If Hal needs it, Hal needs it.
That's all there is too it.
"Was so worried," he breathes, sagging, and lips find their way to Tim's head, ghosting over his hair. Dick smiles as he flushes bright red.
"We're safe," he assures, rather than tease his brother. "No harm done."
"The hell there wasn't." Hal's voice sharpens again, cutting. "The Lanterns next sector are in so much shit for letting these guys through the markers, making them my problem." He devolves into venemous mutterings, and Dick presses his lips together to not smile.
Three hours later, those same threats are being shouted at the big screen in the Watchtower, three very sheepish Green Lanterns getting the lecture of a lifetime from Hal. Off to the side, Dick chows down on the Batburger order Hal rattled off to a very concerned Bruce, who met them on the Watchtower with it and a plethora of hugs.
Now he's sat next to Dick, his milkshake hanging loosely from his hand as he watches Hal rant. Dick does not like that expression. Yuck. Yuck yuck yuck, he—
"Bruce, your milkshake is melting," he says, hoping to draw his attention away. "Bruce? Bruce."
"Dick," Bruce hums, tone uncomfortably breathy. "How do you feel about another sibling?"
Dick baulks.
Hal turns around from the monitors and throws Bruce a smirk and a wink before going back to shouting.
Bruce sighs into his milkshake, a blush settling onto his cheeks.
Dick wants to go back to space.
I'm a Batlantern shipper to my core, but I hate when in fanfictions with this pairing I see the "Hal Jordan would be terrified of the Batkids, they would scare him so bad ahaha" trope.
Scared? Hal Jordan? Hal "middle child of three boys raised by a single mother" Jordan? The man that has such a difficult relationship with his family that he has been blamed for the death of his mother by his older brother? That has been having screaming matches with his siblings so loud they could destroy walls? And that's all without mentioning the Green Lantern gig and all that came with it. Yeah no, Hal will not be intimidated by emo kids with daddy issues.
He will not "try to impress them" and convince them that he's good for their father. He's stepping into the manor, looking them in the eye one by one and going: "supper time spanky".
He's the dad that stepped up, but also, he will be unhinged. A kid goes to him saying "he called me an asshole!" and he responds with "So? tell him that at least your asshole isn't in constant danger of carrying an STD because of irresponsible use".
He will buy everyone food if they are hungry, but he'll also fight ferociously for the last pizza slice in the box. He's not above biting either.
Two of the kids are fighting? he offers himself as referee so they don't end up killing eachother and lets them fight it out, Jessica Jordan style.
He doesn't mind being stalked, he has nothing to hide. But also, he likes to use the ring to become invisible and then slowly float behind whoever is following him and whisper "booo" in their ears. He has made more than one batkid jump from a ledge with that one.
He's also not above using his green lantern powers on them, the kids will be put in air jail if the situation calls for it.
Also, he has a thick as fuck skin when it comes to cruelty. He has heard so many degrading things coming his way, for his life decisions, for his queerness, for the mistakes he has made and the lives he has let slip between his fingers, he can take anything. Let the kids throw their very worst at him and see how he tanks it, stares at them till they are hollowed out of their anger and then go "did it help? screaming it out? does it make you feel better, hurting someone else just like you hurt? Did inflicting pain on someone else suddenly made yours go away?". Argument ended instantly.
The Batkids would learn to both love him and fear him in equal measure.
THIS
i just genuinely dont understand the people in the batman fandom who hate batman???? like WHY are you here????? and theyre always like "i just like [insert favorite batkid/robin here]" and its like. you know who LOOOOOOVES batman? ALL THOSE FUCKING KIDS. every single one of them. yes, even jason. yes, even after he comes back to life. yes, even after utrh. be so serious right now
my life isnt perfect but at least im not doing a mans laundry
Attempted to watch Netflix's persuasion this afternoon, but was so horrified within the first 10 minutes I couldn't even hate watch it properly.