the sleepy sky

yahallo! i use the pronouns he/star i love sweets, particularly chocolate, and i also love to read! nice to meet you!

[paininmyassachusetts]

A hitman who advertises his services the way a commission artist does

[paininmyassachusetts]

“Um hey guys. I’ve been hit pretty hard with financial difficulty lately. I’d really appreciate it if you’d consider commissioning me.”

[the-mighty-birdy-deactivated202]

Stabbings: $45

Gunshots: $100

Poisonings: $200

Thanks you guys please share if you can!  ❤️❤️❤️

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

Commissions I will NOT take:

👎 Kids (Teens are fine tho)

👎 Bystanders

👎 Other Hitmen

If you want to know why, message me, but otherwise no hate pls ✨

[jelloapocalypse]

hey guys, normally i try to keep drama off of my blog but this is really important. I just wanted to let you know that someone named WetWorkKing05 has been taking credit for MY kills over on redbloodle.com and is making money off of my hard work. When I messaged him directly he blocked me and threatened to kill ME >_> I’ve tried talking with the mods about getting his account taken down, but redbloodle has NO policy for this and they are no help at all. i don’t know what to do??

PLS signal boost if you can! And in the meantime, if you need somebody killed, do NOT hire WetWorkKing05! he is a THIEF!

[jelloapocalypse]

repeat after me:

MURDER 👏 THEFT 👏 IS 👏 A 👏 WORSE 👏 CRIME 👏 THAN 👏 REGULAR  👏 MURDER  👏

[uncklerman]

Credits to the murderer

[vashito]

“Why are your prices so high???? I could kill him myself for free! whatever, ur not even that good at murder anyway”

[alertmode]

Emergency Murder Slots available!

First Person - $450, additional bodies add $375 each

(Basically a steal still my normal rate is $650. Cmon guys it’s $200 off!)

Serious inquiries only. EXPOSURE IS NOT A CURRENCY!

[klubbhead]

Guys please support all these hardworking Individuals!

Good hitmen are hard to find so it’s up to us to raise awareness!!!!

[slumberinggirl-deactivated20210]

Omg I love this guy’s work! He’s new and not so well known in the hitman community, but he’s so amazing and is appreciate it if you guys have him some love ❤️❤️

[thatquietkid108]

Support your local assassins

[helloareyouheremdfan]

”um why would I pay a hitmen would I could just steal military ai and have it kill anyone I want for free”

[shr00mie-rat]

Ai military robots can not murder like real hit men, they’re messy and lack the spirit that involves murder

[cliodevotus]

I’m never leaving this fucking app.

[andhumanslovedstories]

I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought “why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff,” so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It’s alright if you can’t because apparently I fuckin couldn’t either

[andhumanslovedstories]

Cutting something out of your life because you think you don’t need it any more only to realize that it was in fact working as intended and preventing a problem that will return should you stop doing this is a good experiment to run periodically with something small like dandruff shampoo, lest you start to think it would be a good idea to do this with like let’s say public health and the social safety net and vaccines

[thomrainierskies]

I had a liver transplant when I was 14 and like six months later I was chatting with my surgeon and he said “there’s gonna come a time, probably when you’re a teenager, where you’re gonna think, ‘I feel great, why am I still taking all this medication? I haven’t needed it in years.’ and you’re gonna want to stop taking all this medication. Guess what’s gonna happen then? You’re gonna go into rejection and your liver is gonna start failing, and you’re gonna be dying again, and we’re gonna have to find you another liver. So don’t do that.” And I said “why the fuck would anyone do that?” and he said “people are stupid.”

every once in a while when I get annoyed by a pharmacy or don’t wanna get out of bed to do my drugs I think “ugh, this is dumb, why do I do this?” and that conversation slams into me like a truck and I remember that I am, in fact, stupid

[zenosanalytic]

#you are not immune to the recency bias(via@arrows-for-pens)

[morethanonebraincell]

Every person on earth needs to read this post. It will make people’s lives a lot better and lessen the crises everyone faces in day-to-day lives.

[ziggy-scardust]

I reblog this every time I see it because I am not immune to the recency bias

[cute-catts]

this is amazing 🐈 ♥️♥️

[legally-a-bastard]

im blowing up this is adorable

[gallusrostromegalus]

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

[starathsbunker]

#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus

I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious

[gallusrostromegalus]

A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)

Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.

[cm8x-insanity]

I couldn't get these two and their dynamic out of my head, @gallusrostromegalus I doodled them (guessed on their collars)

[gallusrostromegalus]

OH MY GOD MY CATS HAVE FANART

[phantomrose96]

So I love all of FMA’s “it’s clever when it’s not in English” naming. Riza “The Hawk’s Eye” Hawkeye. The Strong Arm Alchemist, Alexander Louis Armstrong. Ruler of the nation, King Bradley–first name King, last name Bradley.

And you know, that “King Bradley” name is a strong contender for most ridiculous in-your-face naming but that’s not actually the worst of Bradley’s name. What’s worse is that he’s “Fuhrer President King Bradley”, because he’s literally got three titles in his name that all mean “Ruler” literally three of them but even that is not the worst part about Fuhrer President King Bradley’s name.

You see the worst part about this name is that he goes by “Fuhrer”. You know, the German word for “Leader”, pronounced “fyur-ur”, same as “Furor”.

You know, Furor

Or,

you know,

in other words

Wrath.

[brawltogethernow]

Who invited Angry Angry King King King?

[forencetarantellaharry]

Himromu Arakawa writing FMA: I’m dropping hints.

[copperbadge]

On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."

As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.

As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.

May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.

[vergess]

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

[nerdygaymormon]

[dunkthebiscuit]

This is why Pride is not just a party. It's a joyful celebration, but it's also a pointed and colourful two-finger salute to a world that stood back whilst so many of us died. And we'll never go quietly, never again.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

cultures that do an afternoon nap are OBJECTIVELY CORRECT and the world should be learning from them

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

you've heard of the spanish siesta now get ready for places like Vietnam where it's commonplace to see workers pull out a mattress & take an afternoon nap on the office/store floor. very powerful way to roll. give kindergarten-style naptime BACK to the people ✊

[teaboot]

Some rando: You should think about stopping your prescription

Me: My pills make me not want to die tho

They: You shouldn’t want to die, that’s not normal

Me: Yeah that’s why I’m taking my pills

[teaboot]

Again: But you aren’t the *real* you when you’re on your pills

Me: I’m the alive version of me

[teaboot]

An actual doctor, once: “Relying On A Chemical Crutch For A Hormonal Imbalance Denies The Fortitude Of The Human Soul”

Me: Cool so like I’m agnostic

[inner-muse]

They: “But you might be on pills the rest of your life!”

Me: “So?”

[illnessisnteasy]

Good! That means that I have a “rest of” my life to continue living!

Thanks to the pills.

[erinptah-admin]

Meanwhile, no person ever: “You should think about giving up your insulin/antiretrovirals/beta blockers/anti-rejection drugs/prosthetic legs/daily multivitamin, because using those your whole life is bad for some reason”

[teaboot]

Oh no, they do that too.

[living-deciduously]

I have a kidney transplant. A woman once told me she didn’t believe in organ transplants and that people should just die when they’re meant to. 

[teaboot]

Sounds like a great set-up for a murder

[teaboot]

People who are fully healthy, fit and neurotypical seem to think they are that way because they’re doing something right that the rest of us haven’t thought of, and not just because they got lucky

[gehayi]

Speaking of the luck of the non-disabled…I once terrorized a Karen who was using me to teach her entitled kid that disabled people are Other and should not be treated with respect. I told her (truthfully) that until I was twenty-eight, I wasn’t visibly disabled. Then a defective chromosome that I hadn’t known about kicked in. So my luck ran out. But until then, I had been normal–just…like…her. 

The sheer terror on her face as the concept of “You mean I’ve just been lucky so far?” seeped into her brain was a thing of beauty.

[missjudge-me]

People who are fully healthy, fit and neurotypical seem to think they are that way because they’re doing something right that the rest of us haven’t thought of, and not just because they got lucky

[deeksspeaksandsneaks-deactivate]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[ankoku-jin]

“You are one stroke of bad luck, common viral illness, or traumatic event away from being just like me” is honestly the most terrifying thing you can tell an abled person - and you should. I was healthy and fit and doing everything ‘right’ too - right up until some inner switch flipped and my body crumbled right out from under me.

[queen-mihai]

“People with disabilities are a group that anyone can join at any time for reasons you may or may not be able to explain and due to circumstances you may or may not have ever been able to do anything about”

- an extension of a quote I’ve heard somewhere on the internet

[scottbaiowulf-deactivated201805]

Male writers writing female characters:

“Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.”

[m1ssc0mmun1cat10n]

‘ She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards’ is the greatest fucking sentence I have ever read.

[silly-activites]

THE ORIGINAL??

[bunnywand-archive]

we only use the quietest of potatoes to make our famous “hush browns” 🤫

[sapropel]

I open my tumblr app and read this post, and I let it wash over me like the gentle tide. I know that when I die, this post, like the sweetest of sea foams, will be there to take me lovingly into the depths.

[todaysbird]

fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBI’d

[todaysbird]

I was COMPLETELY unaware of the US political scene or why the adults in my life hated Bush, but I knew I hated him because he let people shoot wolves from helicopters and that’s mean and shitty

[todaysbird]

I also had a poor grasp on how stamps worked, so given that I wasn’t allowed to continually throw money away by putting stamps on my presidential hate mail, a lot of the times I just drew squares with little pictures inside on the corner.

[fantasticait]

Love, love, love reading more proof that everyone should encourage the children in their lives to write to elected officials--it teaches them about citizenship and can also be very funny.

When I taught second grade, one of the options for students who had finished their work was to write a letter to the president. I would send all of the letters in a big envelope at the end of every month.

Watching my students get more and more frustrated with him (and concerned about his wellbeing) was not the result I'd hoped for when I came up with the idea, but it was kind of hilarious.

See, Obama had a standard packet with information and activities about his dog he'd send in response to letters from very young citizens...and of course his office sent one back to our class every single time we sent mail.

So eventually all of the letters looked something like this:

Dear President Obama, I am writing about the environment. I am sad that the Great Barrier Reef is hurt. Also the Amazon Rainforest. Can you help? PLEASE DON'T WRITE BACK TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DOG AGAIN. WE ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT BO. WE COMPLETED THE MAZE AND COLORED HIM IN. It is good that you love your pet a lot. But try to remember the environment. It is also important.

[ishipallthings]

[bleekay]

had a fucked up dream i had a book that turned out could never be read again the same as the first time because each reread the characters became incrementally more aware that the events of the book had happened before and they were “reliving” it and i reread enough times that they became self aware, figured out they were in a book, acknowledged me as the reader, and some lost their minds or had existential crises, became violent to other characters or themselves, some begged me to never stop reading or they ceased to exist and others begged me to end it all stop reading and keeping them trapped in the endless loop of torment, and the literal only way to get the book back to its first run was to hand it off to someone else to read for the first time and for some reason i physically couldn’t tell anyone about it so i’d have to just hope whoever i gave it to would only read it once and i could never open the book again to check if they were okay and back to normal because i was terrified of fucking them all up again :(

[bleekay]

i'm glad people are finding this fun as a concept and making references to stuff that this reminds them of but i really gotta express how bad of a nightmare this was for me. i had fallen in love with the original story and characters (though on waking i couldn't tell you the details), unintentionally warped their story beyond recognition, and found myself an unwitting god that could not provide mercy for some without doling torment to others. one of the characters started offing themselves every time i started another reread. stress dream doesn't even begin to cover it

[estrogenesis-evangelion]

hey wait! i know you! we used to be chained next to each other in the cave! wow, so good to see you, how are ya? man. remember how we used to talk about the shadows on the wall together. gosh that was a long time ago. but hey. sure is one heck of a sun out here, right? it's good to see you.

[hippy-craic]

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

i wrote this post with happy tears in my eyes sitting in a parking lot after getting coffee for 3 hours with someone i did youth shakespeare with when we were teenagers and hadn't seen in 15 years, in which time we both transitioned, got into nerd shit, found a job that feels good, found people to spend our gay little lives with, and coincidentally moved to the same city. this is exactly how it felt. never ever ever kill yourself

[sandersstudies]

Every time you go in a public place and something ISN’T disgusting it’s because somebody cleaned it. Every time you feel comfortable using a public bathroom or sitting at a restaurant table or setting something on a gas station counter or playing on a playground it’s because somebody cleaned it.

Thank you to everyone who cleans the world, especially those who are underpaid and under appreciated.

[my-life-is-a-sidequest]

I worked in a supermarket for 7 years and I don't think I can understate just how much cleaning you had to do for it to look clean (it very often where not in the places you aren't supposed to see)

[sandersstudies]

True for food service, retail establishments, gyms, outdoor areas, schools, religious buildings, office buildings, hospitals and medical buildings, etc. People usually only notice when a space is NOT clean, meanwhile every time a space is clean it’s only because of the diligent work of janitors, maintenance staff, custodians, parks workers, or volunteers.

[musashi]

Hey can you guys reblog Cheeseburger so he can take a sunbeam nap on lots of blogs. No other reason I just want you guys to see him.

[musashi]

So, Cheeseburger died on November 21st after an unfairly short battle with an unfairly rare cancer that is rarely seen in cats. I only got to spend a month with him after his diagnosis, and losing him has been the greatest heartbreak of my entire life so far. He was my best friend and my soul cat, and he was there for me when I was completely alone, for twelve long years.

I made this transparent PNG the night he died in preparation for one of the many ways I was going to memorialize him--a surface rug in his likeness that I planned on laying directly in the line of his favourite sunbeam. And I uploaded that PNG here, because this is the website where people post their cats.

I was not expecting the reception I got. Many people have pointed out that this post has more reblogs than likes, and how insane that is in 2025 when reblog culture is at an all time low. I didn't even talk about the fact that Burger passed away in the original post, it wasn't a tearjerker reblog bait or anything like that. People just loved Burger that much, in the same way I fell in love with him at first sight. He was such an ugly kitten.

Anyways, it's really special to me that so many people have reblogged my best friend. I made this PNG to memorialize him in a completely different way, and you all wound up doing just that in ways I never even imagined.

Thank you. Wherever he is, I know the sun is shining.

[yeehawpim]

I can be the ship and its sailors

[yeehawpim]

($4cad) 3x3" Sticker in my shop! :)