You were expecting jokes on here? The joke is me

James, 11 years here but someday I'll escape Tumblr

[willgrahamscock]

just saw a deactivated mutual's post on my dash. that's my dead wife's corpse you're all dragging around

[the44th]

I also reblog this guys dead wife.

[jame7t]

welcome to my weird little place

[cryptotheism]

My warpick

[jame7t]

stop adding your warpick to all my posts

[frowningfox]

haha. nice

[frowningfox]

Look, you have to understand. This is my, and my sister's FAVORITE junction. We have a favorite junction. It's not just PP, it's not just 69. It's PP-69 Junction.

We'll just say that to each other.

PP-69 Junction.

[transientsatellite]

[lakevida]

boy are you a werthers original cause i could suck you for about three minutes

[subcultureblues]

but after that im chewing on it

[freezeasoul]

when someone picks to save a group of people over one person in the trolley problem no one bats an eye, but when I, Eva Stratt,

[moss-indie]

[Project Hail Mary spoilers]

Eva Stratt who insisted on being the first to be tested for the comatose gene

Eva Stratt who made sure the ship computer knew the crew's exact coffee orders, even Grace, down to the most precise measurements

Eva Stratt who illegally acquired thousands of video games for the hail mary crew, despite the fact they'd be in a coma for the majority of the trip

Eva Stratt who sent a school teacher into space because she knew he was a fundamentally good man

Eva Stratt who would betray the closest thing she had to a friend because she knew there was no other choice

Eva Stratt who would do anything to save the Earth, no matter the cost

Eva Stratt who desperately wished she could be the one to make the sacrifice instead

Eva Stratt who couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to

Eva Stratt who studied history, and had seen the way the world would become

Eva Stratt who was terrified by it

Eva Stratt who knew she would would go without credit

Eva Stratt who knew no statues would be built of her

Eva Stratt who knew she would never be a hero

Eva Stratt who did it all anyway

Eva Stratt who had to

[ranni-thewitch]

divert all power to the funk engine

[puppygirllaika]

a single, solitary, earth-shattering note thunders across the battlefield like a tsunami.

[typezerostudios]

You can see the power of music shining in his eyes.

[thejorie-deactivated20160327]

My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.

[airoehead]

that’s really great man

[clara-the-cat]

Yeah that’s really cool, I wish I had three weed smoking girlfriends, I’m happy for you

[hollow-toy]

mutuals can always dm me but be warned i talk like your coworker who is trying too hard to get to know you and my response times are akin to the response times you might get if we were communicating by letter

[ispyspookymansion]

i would burn down every journal factory just to click like on 1 more oversharing post from my mutual

[athelind]

The Most Tumblr Punchline

I've noted before that my favorite punchline on Tumblr is "hang on, gotta look something up/okay that's funny."

Let me explain why:

It is a way to say "I don't get it" without blaming the joke or the teller.

It is a tacit admission of ignorance without shame or judgement.

It assumes responsibility for acquiring the knowledge the respondent doesn't already have.

It cues other people who Don't Get It to do the look-up themselves, allowing them to get that full impact of Getting It without derailing the post with explanations.

It gives subsequent readers, whether or not THEY got the joke, a little frisson of good feelings when they realize that someone else is now In On The Joke.

It not only makes the original joke funnier, it gets funnier the more often it's used.

[prismatic-bell]

I've actually used it when I already knew, but also knew the subject at hand was absurdly niche and wanted to encourage people to look it up.

[jmtorres]

i also enjoy the variant "hang on i gotta look something up"/"hey what the fuck" because sometimes history is just. like that

[woman-becomer]

eat an entire can of sweetened condensed milk. you deserve it.

[platter-o-teeth-deactivated2025]

(sigh) okay... (CRUUEEENNNCH....) (SCREEEEEENCH...) owie.. (CRUUEEENCH)

[woman-becomer]

this is one of the most rewarding things about posting self care tips on this site. witnessing people's lives getting better in real time. this is why I post

[hardgockcafe]

The only things I’m memorializing today are a couple beers

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

1 like = 1 dead US soldier 1 reblog = we fuck his wife

[catlips001]

FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.

[battebitch-deactivated20200410]

what was yesterday, cat?

[catlips001]

[catlips001]

I’m not missing it this year.

[nikoisme]

Being obsessed with your own ocs is so so good for you i seriously can't recommend it enough

[nikoisme]

The only downside is that you have to do Everything around here

[heds-n-tails]

pointing_back_to_you.png

those stupid ass compasses are going to haunt me until the day i die