Jasmine Lawrence

Hey, it's me! I'm a tabletop gaming enthusiast, former English major, choir geek, and certified queer. Ask me about D&D 3.5e! She/her pronouns. I often reblog posts just because I like them, but if you only want to see the posts that I personally made or contributed to, search #troacctidposting. My fanfiction: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Troacctid My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jasminednd

[theonion]

Inviting friends, family, and “lovers of crepes from far and wide,” local man Mark Kovac, 53, held a gathering Friday to celebrate the grand opening of the single worst financial decision of his entire life.

Lulu’s Crepes, which 10 months from now will be referred to by a loan officer as the sinkhole that devoured all of Kovac’s liquid assets, marked the occasion with complimentary food, sparkling cider, and a raffle to win a French-style beret. The café officially opened its doors to the public this week, serving both breakfast and lunch in a part of town that Kovac will soon learn is not as “up and coming” as a real estate broker led him to believe.

Full Story

[troacctid]

Nissa was mortified. She always thought ramp spells were something that brought her and Chandra together. But now...was this how Chandra had always felt about Nissa's Rampant Growths? She felt tears arriving unbidden in the corners of her eyes, and turned away so that Chandra wouldn't see.

"I...I'm sorry," said Nissa. "I...have to go. I can't...I'm sorry..."

She ran off, leaving Chandra standing there, looking hurt and confused.

"Dammit!" Chandra said, suddenly angry at herself. "Dammit, I always mess things up! Argh!"

LATER:

"So, how did your date go?" Liliana asked Chandra, taking a sip of wine and waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Horrible!" exclaimed Chandra. "I don't know why I listened to your advice! I should have known a green mage would hate Tunnel Ignus!"

"I think you might have slightly misheard me," said Liliana.

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

alright I reflected on the self. I'm 100% sure the beasts are the issue here

[runby2]

Hell yeah bro. 🤝Time for top surgery

[runby2]

sorry homie. I see now you said beasts. Like, The animal . Not breasts. The word for boobs. Did not mean to threaten you.

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

this is so fucking funny

[omgtsn]

apple breaks up fight between two magnets

[redheartgrenade]

its just played backwards

[xeppeli]

your truly ignorant. this apple is a hero; a pacifist

[redheartgrenade]

it’s fucking played backwards. dont call me ignorant. its an apple

[xeppeli]

Have you ever seen an apple in your life?

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[ecokitti]

I can’t believe I come outta art block for this

[babyjanedough]

Already know I wanna send this to people on June 1

[astrangertomykin]

My medieval servant boy has gone missing. I’ll just use Google to see if I can find him.

[astrangertomykin]

Oh bother.

[dggeoff-deactivated20161128]

im deleting this fucking website

[best-chance-deactivated20161213]

It took me a minute

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Gotdamn I haven’t seen this post in almost a decade

[hellenhighwater]

Well those are allllmost done

[codebreakerblue]

question. why do you have 7 featureless grey monoliths in your driveway

[hellenhighwater]

There's eight actually but the last one is still in the garage

[jackfromthefairytale]

question. why do you have eight featureless grey monoliths

[hellenhighwater]

They're actually a really dark purple

[fishofthewoods]

question. why do you have seven featureless really dark purple monoliths in your driveway and an eighth in the garage

[hellenhighwater]

Some of them do have features though. There's holes and hinges and stuff, so I can put secrets in em

[nobodywasneverhere]

question. why do you have 8 really dark purple occasionally featureful monoliths

[hellenhighwater]

The heart wants what the heart wants

[fred-the-dinosaur]

this reads like a muppet sketch

[fred-the-dinosaur]

see? See!??!

[hellenhighwater]

You're not wrong

[hellenhighwater]

This post is less than six months old.

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[brambleghost]

Agatha All Along is a serve

[troacctid]

[mehmetminded]

POV: You came out as trans🏳️‍⚧️ to the cast of Cradle:

Lindon: “Oh! Uh… congratulations? Actually, now that you mention it, I think I have a pill somewhere that could help with that… though now that I’m thinking of it there’s a couple of elixirs I picked up a while back with Eithan and- do you mind sitting here a moment? I have to draw a quick script circle.”

Yerin: “Cheers and celebrations for you. Want me to take it off?”

Ziel: After staring silently for more than a minute, “Huh… I have some self reflection to do…”

Orthos: “Excellent! A dragon does not concern herself with the circumstances of her birth! She knows what she wants and she takes it! This reminds me of a tale my mother told me of my ancestor Ansasha’rexkalia she ruled during the age of…”

Mercy: “OhmygoshthatssoGREATweshouldgofindyouanewwardobeandohyouHAVEtomeetmycousinmyfamilyisweirdaboutthissortofthingbutshessocoolandfunandandand”

Min Shuei: *sobbing inconsolably*

Charity: “Noted.”

Eithan: “Good for you!” Somehow managing to convey in three words that he has known for years, has been subtly guiding you towards this moment the entire time, and is insufferably smug about it.

The Sage of A Thousand Eyes: “Good for you, dear.”

Emriss Silentborn: “You know, I turned into a girl once… twice actually! They had me assassinated…”

Malice: *calls you a slur*

Northstrider: *calls you a slur*

Pride: “You’re a trans-what?”

Reigan Shen: *calls you a slur*

Little Blue: 🔔😁🔔👏🔔🥰🔔🔔🔔😍🛎️👍🛎️🛎️🫶🛎️🛎️

[write-on-world]

[big-blog-of-cheese-day]

[ccorinthian]

Sometimes you gotta get down to brass tacks

[ursa-major-7]

The Definitive, Correct Discworld Reading Order:

The book given to you by a friend or relative

Whatever they have available at your local library

Whatever they have available at your local bookstore

Recommendation from a friend (not the original one who got you started)

Reread your favorite again

Fill in the rest as you go along

[discworld-heritage-posts]

Discworld Heritage Post

[gorbling]

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

[gorbling]

[hapalopus]

[hapalopus]

More from the notes:

[vexwerewolf]

I love this post

[karifaevt]

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

[magpiesketchins]

Sam Vimes every year:

[bluecontactlens]

"At this time! In this place!" 🪻🥚 Happy Glorious 25th of May to those who celebrate. GNU Terry Pratchett

[crocincrocsart]

unpopular opinion: Vimes is kind of drama queen

[mangaluva-deactivated20220930]

Sam “held a burning hot coal until it nearly took the skin off his hand while maintaining perfect calm and eye contact with the asshole in need of intimidation Just Because” Vimes? Sam “sitting on the stoop with a mug of cocoa and a cigar, cautiously aware of every inch of the scene he’s building” Vimes? Sam “could just tear his sleeve to show the mark of the Summoning Dark but instead tears off his whole goddamn shirt” Vimes? A drama queen? Reaching a bit don’t you think

[thestuffedalligator]

Yep, certainly doesn’t seem to describe Sam “pretends to eat poison as a power move” Vimes. Not Sam “buries an axe in the table in the Rats Chamber” Vimes.

[mangaluva-deactivated20220930]

I mean are we really talking about Sam “yes a whole room full of candles with wicks dipped in holy water is the best way to beat this vampire” Vimes, here? Sam “has fought bad guys on top of a speeding train AND a riverboat during a flood” Vimes, really? Definitely Sam “nearly gets shot in the head by a crossbow bolt that shatters his shaving mirror and then uses the bolt to prop up a shard of said mirror to finish shaving” Vimes we’re discussing here?

[davetheshady]

excuse me?????

vimes did not resign from his post in protest, observe the rest of the watch resign from their posts in protest, recruit them into a militia, sail to the country they were at war with, and attempt to arrest two different armies for disturbing the peace so you could sit here and call him a drama queen, as though drama was some myffic quality bestowed by an accident of birth and not the inherent right of every creatively petty and histrionic citizen of ankh-morpork 

vimes is a drama public employee

[discworld-heritage-posts]

Discworld Heritage Post