thinking about how itās not that clark can't control it. sometimes when he's too deep in thought or just so happy and content and safe he just can't help but... float. (walk with me now)
"i'm telling you," clark inquires, circling nonsense on the notepad that's laid out on the arm rest. he sits cross legged on the love chair across from you. "when i shadowed mr. wayne at the gala for my article piece, i smelled his cologne, which-ā he makes sure to enunciate for emphasis- āis the very same one batman was wearing the other night when i met up with him to debrief about a case."
you shrug, laying sprawled out on the couch, propped up on an elbow, tv on but with no volume. "could be a coincidence. you'd be surprised by how many dudes wear the same exact cologne and not have it mean anything."
he huffs out a chuckle, tilting his head one way as if to say, trust me, i know.
you hear the released tension of the chenille fabric of the seat give away and immediately see his shadow against the wall, rising.Ā
you're not even phased that all this thinking has caused your boyfriend to start floating.
"it just doesn't make sense right?" his head tilts, and along with it, his body slowly tilting 180 degrees counter-clockwise. "i mean, it's only the two of them wearing that scent."
there's a pregnant pause as clark registers what he's implying, pointing the pen at you. "not that i smelled everyone to check..."
you grin at that, but also by the fact that you're so amazed to see his glasses still perched on the crown of his head without falling. "then it doesn't seem like 'just' a coincidence."
clark hums, tapping the pen onto his chin. his curly hair falling with gravity. his shirt bundles up a bit, showing a hint of his happy trail. his pajama pants have rollen up a bit at the shins, giving away to the red robin fuzzy socks given to him as a gift from the side kick.
you turn off the tv, placing the remote on the coffee table as you stand up. "seems like you're on to something." you grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him in for a quick upside down kiss. "iām going to hit the sack; got an early meeting tomorrow. don't forget to turn off the lights when you're done. love you."
you take off his glasses to place it his seat and fix one of his curls before turning in.
"goodnight, i love you too," he says as he watches your upside down figure retreat to the bedroom before reaching out to pick up his notebook. he nibbles onto the tip of the pen. "if batman is connected to bruce, then that must mean heāsā¦.... bruce's roommate!? AH-"
his head bangs onto the ceiling wall, which he tries to soothe by rubbing it furiously. he quirks a brow at the ceiling, wondering how he's gotten himself this high up. he quickly drops down and lands without a sound as he jots the thought down.
he looks at it proudly, tilting his head. "or they could be dating. either of the two." he also writes that down too.
when it's the good kind of sleep that isnāt riddled with work as a journalist or the duties of a superhero, he can sometimes justā¦ levitate off the bed.
when you first started dating, it had come to you in a shock. half of the shared blanket lifted up and wrapped around clark as he slept away. if you didnāt know who he was, you wouldāve thought he was possessed.
he had told you over breakfast that it doesn't happen as often as when he was a kid; only when he feels safe enough.
youāre so used to it at this point that when you wake up and donāt see him on his side of the bed, youāre already looking upwards rather than wondering where he is. and at night, when you start to feel the weight of the bed begin to lift your hand instinctively reach out to keep him in place.
itās much worse when heās on babysitting duty with krypto. two floating sleeping objects is a lot more work than you think.
when you tackle him with a hug.
it goes both ways, but it usually happens when you come home excited after closing out an important deal or when he's back safe from a tough mission.
you're just so glad to see him safe and unharmed (as unharmed as he can be) that you tackle him down with a big hug. it never even budges him, but there are moments like now where he lets the impact take him off his feet and he lets himself fall from the impact before floating both of you just enough that neither of you end up on the ground.
you're both floating in the middle of the room, you laying on top of his chest, the end of his cape dragging over the couch. your face stays buried in his chest as he runs a hand over your hair. "sorry for making you worry."
you shake your headābecause you know this is what you signed up for the moment you said yes to being his significant other. know that your support means everything to him. know that this is what he loves doing.Ā
he simply kisses your head and keeps you both afloat.
when he's really happy, he just can't help himself.
"you got the shepherd's pie?" martha calls from the kitchen.
"yes, ma!" clark answers as he keeps the door open with one hand to let you out to the porch. he raises the packed dish as if to show proof. "still warm."
jonathan waves his son off, taking over holding the door so clark can step out and join you down the steps. he moves a bit to the side to make space for martha.
she wipes her hand on the apron before looking at you both. "did you pack some of the brownies?"
it's you who raises the plastic bag this time, which holds two tubs of the dessert. "wouldn't have left it behind." you turn to your boyfriend and in a softer tone, "you got everything?"
he smiles with a nod, pulling you close.
jonathan watches his son look at you like it's home. like you make him feel happy, safe, and normal, he can't help but say, "you guys truly are wonderful together."
"oh, mush," martha lays a gentle hand over her husband's.
"you think so?" clark chirps up with a certain breathless tilt in his voice. he has the biggest and most boyish smile plastered on his face you've ever seen. "i think so too!"
you playfully roll your eyes when you hear the gravel crunch as your boyfriend begins to float up, titling back just a bit, beyond happy and ecstatic from the compliment. your hand goes up to catch the lapel of the cardigan he's wearing.
your superhero bashfully laughs, hugging the tray closer to his chest as he continues to rise a bit more before stopping at a certain height from your grip.
after everyone's said their farewellsāclark still floating from the aftermathāyou pull him by the flannel to get to the truck.
+ bonus
when it's him who's going in for the hug, he'll hug you slowly. softly. it's the kind where he has his face buried between the junction of your neck and shoulder. breathes you in.
he stays grounded, both feet touching the floor. tethered. there's no floating. no levitating.
it keeps a sliver of normalcy (especially on days where being superman is too heavy and alien); allows him to keep that part of him to feel and be human.
SUMMARY: When you have a run in with your boyfriendās first wife, whom you both presumed was dead, you break the news to him. How he reacts is just what you expect of him.
TAGS: angst, hurt/comfort, some fluff, very brief mention of relapse and allusion to alcohol/drugs but is very unspecified, gn!reader (pretty sure it is but if i use any language that discredits this, lmk!!)
A/N: Doesn't really follow lore accurate JJK stuff. I also gave Toji's wife a name.
WORD COUNT: 1.8k
āYouāve been quiet since you came home,ā Toji observes, putting the plates he's drying in the cabinet above him.
"Akane's alive,ā you spill out.
Toji freezes.
You twiddle around your fingers, unsure what to do with yourself before ultimately deciding to just place it in your lap. āI ran into her at the grocery store today. She never died that day. She lives in a different country now, but is in town for her sisterās wedding."
When he remains motionlessāhis eyes having that far away lookāyou begin to wonder if you're about to lose everything you have.
"Say something," you tell him. All he does is dry the last plate, carefully places it back, and closes the cabinet.
Your body trembles as you fish out the crumbled napkin from your pocket and slide it over to him. Her handwriting is scribbled across it, her address and information bleeding deep across the tissue.
Toji dries his hand on a towel as he makes his way to sit next to you. He doesnāt say anything as he drags the napkin closer to him by a single finger. As you watch him inspect every curved letter, you look up and sigh before taking out the last thing thatās been burning a hole in your pants.
The picture was no bigger than a two-by-two; something Akane had taken out from her wallet and handed to you in such a soft, sweet smile. In case he doesnāt remember me, she had said.
You push the photo his way. "She goes by a different name now, but sheās still the same person."
As you tick off Akaneās featureāsāthe ones youāve come to know that one time you came with him to the columbariumāyou know he is too. Only this time, the photo isn't of remembrance, but proof that she is still alive.
You see his eyes flick to the child who's face is squished up to Akaneās, a big smile that turns her eyes into crescent moons. You continue, "Her name is Tsukimi. She is very cute and so sweet,ā you try to say with a light tone.
He swallows. "How old?"
"Four, maybe, couldnāt be older than six."
You see him mulling it over his head, and as much as you try to convince yourself he isnāt calculating the math and years in his head, you know he is. You hear the strain in his muscles when he stands from his seat, footsteps echoing around the apartment before he urgently strides for your shared room.
You watch him quickly grab his things, your mind unwilling to comprehend whatās actually transpiring right now.
He's responding just as you predicted. It hurts, but at least he knows the truth. Knows he has an option.
Because it'd eat you alive to live with this truth and never tell him. To rob him of a chance.
Once he's done and emerges from the room with a small bag around his shoulder, his green eyes finally meet yours. Guilt crosses his features as he spots the streak of tears sliding down the curve of your cheeks but it does little to waiver the resolution he's concluded to. And it does little to lessen the heartache when he says he's leaving. "I have to go.ā
"I know."
āI have to do this."
"I know.ā It comes out as a whisper. Weak. Defeated. Acceptance.Ā
He softly cups your cheek and places a kiss to your lips but you turn away at the last second. Taken aback by your actions, Toji goes for your cheek instead, and leaves without a glance back.
As you hear the door shut, your heart breaks.
Itās past midnight when you feel the bed dip. You startle awake, hand immediately reaching for the gun in the drawerāgiven to you for defense, in case he wasn't hereābefore a warm hand envelopes your own, stopping your action.
āJust me,ā Toji murmurs against your hair, pulling your hand back.Ā
You turn your body to face his and you simply just look at each other. Youāre trying to read what his body language is giving off. Tojiās always been harder to read, but youāve learned his cues over the years, but it seems like he isnāt giving anything away right now. He hasnāt been like this since the first year youāve been with him.
He watches you and despite it being pitched back, Toji can see your eyes wavering, glistening with tears that you stubbornly donāt want to spill, something you learned to do when he still did missions and he came home with injuries you had to suture back together under the fluorescent light of the bathroom.
āGo back to sleep,ā he tells you, āIāll be here when you wake up.ā
You stir in the late morning, the sound of the shower slowly luring you out of your sleep.
You sit up, dazed, a bit unsure if last night was a dream. The sound of the shower who holds the man of the hour tells you it wasnāt. The drawer that you reached for is still open and as you close it, you notice the picture that used to haunt the corner is gone, left is the faded outline in its wake.
You gently close it as you make your way to the living area.
You note the small bag Toji packed, placed neatly next to the shoe shelf at the entrance as you make your way to the kitchen to start the coffee machine up. By the time youāve taken your third sip, you hear the water shut off.Ā
Toji emerges from the hallway, towel over his head as he dries off his hair. He looks up when he hears you set down the mug. He freezes at the threshold. A figure standing there like he never left.
You stare at each other the same way you did last night, only this time, there arenāt any sheets or darkness to hide beneath. Bare. Naked. Nowhere to run off to.
He breaks first, always did when there was something off between the two of you. You often assume that his efforts to try to bridge the gap was a product of his last relationship. āIām sorry for scaring you last night,ā he tells you, making his way over to you.
You arenāt sure if heās referring to leaving you so abruptly or coming back so late in the night.
He folds and sets the towel as he stands against the island while you lean opposite of him on the stove counter.Ā
Tojiās jaw sets. His gaze drops over you and you let his eyes trace the curve of your figure, the scar on your knee you earned from jumping off a swing, your bare feet braced against the cold tile as if you were ready to flee at any moment. He's assessing you, a habit you both think he'll never shake off. His fingers grip the islandās edge as his eyes make their way back to your face and stays there.
You know that look: heās giving you this moment to speak your piece.
You donāt. Not yet. All you do is turn your head away.Ā
Somehow, heās invaded your space. His slow rising chest against your fastening one. His thumb caresses both your cheeks to catch the tears that are slipping behind from your closed eyes before turning your head towards him. He holds you there.
āLook at me, please?ā he begs.
You open your eyes, taking him in as if it might be the last time youāll see him.Ā The dark circles under his pupils tell you part of the story and his five o'clock shadow finishes it.
āI'm sorry for the way I left you last night. I would never leave you like that,ā he tells you firmly, with so much certainty it almost leaves you breathless.Ā
āYou really scared me,ā you finally voice out loud, hand coming up to cover over his.
āI knowā he lowers his stance to meet your eyes head on. āAnd Iāll never do that again.ā
You shake your head. āI wouldn't've been able to blame you if you never came back.ā
āNo, no, no,ā he coos, ābaby, no, I could never throw away what weāve fought so hard to keep together.ā
āI know you still love her. I wouldnāt have been able to live with myself if I kept this a secret from you.ā
āShe leaves tomorrow night,ā he informs you and your brows furrow at this; at why heās telling you. āSheās single. Works at a cafe. Is about to start school to finally become a nutritionist. ā
āW-why are-ā
He letās go to brace his arms between you. āI care about her,ā he spells out to you slowly, āI will always cherish the love we had back then butā¦ she isn't now. She isn't you.
Your breath hiccups as you try to hold his eyes to let him know you understand what heās trying to say.
His green eyes are dark with certainty, with a clarity that reads as though he's reaching the same conclusion you're coming to at this very moment: closure.
He takes a step back, paces around a bit, before running one hand then the other through his thick hair. āShe isn't what I need anymore,ā he says, āI know I donāt say it often but I love you. I love what I have with you. Weāve been through thick and thin, you and I. And I know Iām not perfect. Iāve made you cry. Iāve relapsed, but you know Iām trying. Always for you. For us.ā
He licks his lips before swallowing. āAnd god, youāre the best thing thatās ever happened to me in a while.ā
āToji,ā you say, pulling his hand to your lips to kiss the inside of his palm. āYouāre trembling.ā
āFuck,ā he mumbles under his breath. āBecause I donāt deserve you. Because Iām afraid-ā and then he stops.Ā
Because lately, what Tojiās afraid of the most is that he doesnāt want to come home to an empty apartment today. Tomorrow. Ever. You're the only one whoās ever made it feel like it could be a home. Made it a place where he could be himself; without the fear of being rejected, scorned, or scarred.Ā
āIām right here,ā you tell him, as if youāve read his mind.
He drops his forehead to yours, nose brushing along the bridge. āGood, because I'm not leaving. You have me forever."
hot shit!suit edition: just unintentionally hot things they do when in a suit.
warnings: idk, maybe slightly suggestive? pretty tame, might do an nsfw edition.
a/n: aka me going off on a tangent on men who are in suits. like there's just something about them that gets me going.
the cuffs.
snapping his arm up to fix the cuffs of his sleeves, especially if he does it to check the time on his watch. he flicks his wrist so fast that you often miss it. or when he takes off the cuff pins in order to roll the sleeves up to his elbows when things start to get serious.
the tie.
there's something about how he goes to grab his tie and adjust it a bit, not necessarily loosening it or taking it off, just touching it or slightly moving it around. this is often paired up with his adam's apple bobbing up and down instinctively.
you often notice that he goes for his tie subconsciously when he's talking to you, in a staff meeting or working on his computer, pausing for a moment to readjust it before going back to the email he was typing up.
the suit harness.
he doesn't wear if often but if you or anyone else are in his vicinity at the right time, you'll be able to get a quick glimpse of the suit harness that wraps around his shoulder as he pulls and readjusts the lapels of the suit jacket in order for it to sit perfectly on his broad shoulders. the action is done so quickly that it's there and gone as it mmediately gets covered.
buttons.
it's a common occurrence for him to unbutton the first button of his shirt if he's going overtime. he'll unbutton the second if he's very stressed. his collarbone and what alludes to a well defined chest can only be seen if he loosens his shirt to the second button.
his suit straining.
the front of his pants is always straining when he puts his hands in the pockets, the fabric stretching to accommodate how big they are (especially when he clenches his hands into fists). if he's leaning against his desk, it's less prominent in that area, but his thighs make up for it.
it also often hugs his ass really well when he has to bend down to tie his shoes or is leaning down to get a better view of whatever his colleague is trying to show him on their computer.
when he has his elbows on the table, hands clasped together, the sleeves are a second skin to his bulging forearms. it does little to hide what his build looks like. this is especially true on days where he works upper body; the dress shirt is barely being held on. the shirt is being stretched out so much that there are gaps between the buttons and if you're lucky enough, you'll be able to get peaks of his skin from underneath.
the suit jacket.
when he's networking and talking to a group of young guys who are just starting out at his company, he stands there shoulder width apart, one hand in a pocket while the other is holding his suit jacket that he threw over his shoulder.
or when he is wearing the jacket, but its only on his shoulders and his arms are not in the sleeves. you often wonder how he manages to get it to stay but you're not questioning it when it looks so good on him like that.
his shoes.
at any social gatherings that you attend with him, your legs are neatly crossed at the ankle and you feel the cool leather point of perfectly shined derby shoe trail up the length of your shin. you already know its him sitting beside you without turning to look at him in your seat. it's nothing sexual, just him watching you socialize while he sips from his champagne glass with all the ease in the world.
+ NANAMI KENTO, TOJI FUSHIGURO, HIGURUMA HIROMI, SHUI KONG, SUKUNA RYOMEN, AIZAWA SHOUTO, enji "endeavor" todoroki, ushijima wakatoshi, erwin smith, KAKASHI HATAKE, SHUNSUI KRYORAKU, isshin kurosaki, KISHIBE, loid forger, WORICK ARCANGELO, NICOLAS BROWN, ROBERTO DE NIRO, SYLUS, BRUCE WAYNE, JASON TODD, dick grayson, and others....
"eggs...?" for some reason, toji knows it's definitely not the eggs he's picturing in the fridge that he was planning to scramble in the morning for the both of you. he catches the pillow you throw his way, fluffing it as he dares to ask, "so you're gonna freeze your lower half?"
for a second, you just stare at him. you shake your head. "as I get older, i'm not going to have enough to get pregnant. so i think it'd be a good idea to freeze it in advance, especially until we're more stable and you're out of commission."
you were hitting a good stride in the new position you took up in your company. you also understood that in his line of work, he wasn't quite there yet to retire. you respected that, but you also knew that his constant being away and the possibility of him not returning home one day wouldn't be ideal if you were to have a kid right now.
"and you can put it back?" he asks and you fail to stifle the laughter that comes out of you. "after they take it out of you?"
"yes."
"and this applies to men as well, i'm gonna assume?"
"yep," you chirp up, getting into bed. "you should freeze them too! we're not getting any younger. especially you."
toji stands there frozen at his side of the bed. "freeze my.... balls?" your eyes can't help but also track how his hand is slowly moving down to cup himself.
you watch the scar on his lips twitch. "no, not your balls. your sperm."
"ooooh," he slowly comes into realization, just as he slowly gets into bed, barely flipping the covers over. "for a second there, you scared me."
you're laughing, doing a squeezing motion with both your hands now. "you don't take it off. why would they want to cut off your balls, toji?"
he can't help but laugh with you. this is all so ridiculous. "thought for a second they'd take my balls off, then when we're ready, they'd somehow... you know... glue it back together or something."
"okay okay, i get it." silence. then, "how're they gonna take it?"
"how- why- i, i don't know" his question somehow made you blush a bit. "i'm not the expert."
once you're setting into his arms, he traces the contours of your shoulder with his finger. "just so you know, my swimmers are quite strong. age is nothing."
"toji fushiguro, i love you, but you are pushing forty mister."
"i'm only thirty-eight," he cries out.
you give him a 'mhmm' as if you were only going along with what he said. he gives you a kiss on the forehead then mumbles a "i'll make an appointment next week."
you let out an exhausted sigh as you carelessly throw your bag down in the middle of the entry area and take off your shoes. the first light you flick on is the kitchen as you force yourself to think about what to cook for dinner. your eyes are barely able to adjust to the sudden brightness before you let out a scream.
he stands there quietly, hand leaning against the top of the small dining table, apron still on him, food still steaming.
he's done this so many times before, coming in unannounced, and yet, it never fails to surprise you. you clutch your chest. "you scared me."
his head bows a bit as a form of an apology before gesturing to an open chair. "sit. eat."
the clatter of your utensils are the only thing filling the entire apartment. you had asked him earlier to join you but he only took off his apron, sat across from you, and then told you he ate earlier. you honestly don't mind it, or care at the moment, you were too tired to rebuke him. not after today.
you swallow your bite and ask, "why are you here?"
he continues to look at you, as he had been since you've sat down to eat the dinner he cooked. his careful eyes raking over you in a quiet yet intense manner. every movement you made his eyes were tracking. taking in. memorizing. "i saw your text. it was only right for me to come."
third overtime this week, i'm so tired
it was only a text. an update you sent him. nothing serious.
you look down at the plate before finally saying, "i didn't think it was anything that would cause you to come over. it's not that serious"
when you look back up at your boyfriend, you're taken aback. his brows are furrowed tightly, eyes seemingly a darker shade than it usually is. there's a deep layer of anger there, not directed to you but for you. "not that serious?"
he watches you shrug, in such a nonchalant way that makes him even more angry for you. "i would've figured something out. gotten take out or something. it's not that bad."
"you can't keep doing this to yourself."
"i'm tough," you tell him.
"i know you are," he says, matter-of-factly.
"i can take care of myself." you can't help but scowl.
"i know you can." your boyfriend twitches in his seat. "you have. you still are."
he watches you swallow, tilt your head back and he doesn't miss the way you're blinking quickly before shaking your head. you can't look at him now. "then why are you here?" you ask him once again.
the man gets up from his seat, chair scraping the floor, and makes his way towards you. he crouches down to his knees to be eye level with you.
"because you have me now. because i can take care of you too." he tilts your chin down with his thumb and finger, and makes you look at him. "let me take care of you."
"i don't need your help," you whispher to him.
the warmth of his palms spreads across your cheeks as he cups your face. you can't help but place your hands on his forearm. it grounds you. he grounds you.
"i know you don't," he begins, "but i want you to. i want to be the person you can come home to when you've had a bad day. when you need to get things off your chest. when you feel like it's you against the world.
and when he sees your eyes water, sees how you don't try to fight them, he lets it fall. lets you finally allow yourself to break and shatter in front of him. "it doesn't have to be like that. you don't have to do this alone anymore."
you call out to him in a broken voice and he's already there, enveloping you into his warmth as you break down and cry. and he's there to soothe you. there to catch you; to always be there with you, for you.
+ SYLUS (L&DS), NANAMI KENTO, UMEMIYA HAJIME, kuroo tetsuro, KITA SHINSUKE, levi ackerman, BAKUGOU KATSUKI, others...
you can't help but squeal and cover your face with your hands, face beginning to burn.
"what?" he says, but he can barely even get the word out as he laughs, pretending to act perplexed.
"you did it." you spread out your fingers to peak through them, staring at his hands as he pulls out of the drive way
"you're crazy," he tries to tell you seriously, eyes flitting to the rearview mirror then to yours before switching the gear from reverse to drive to pull out of the driveway. he nudges his head in your direction. "pay attention to the road or something. didn't even do anything."
you can only huff at his words.
it's only when the car pulls up to the parking lot of the grocery store does he feel your eyes boring into him again. he has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling as he looks around to find an open slot before placing his palm onto the top of the wheel and rotates it counterclockwise with ease.
he can hear you giggle as he resets the wheel, the leather gliding smoothly across his palm. he can only shake his head in disbelief.
"you did it again!" you shout in excitement.
"something's wrong with you," he laughs out loud, the car rumbling beneath you guys before turning off the engine and leaving you in the car so you don't see that stupid grin growing on his face. he nearly loses all composure when you catch up to him, latching onto his arm and looking up.
"pretty damn cool if you ask me," you compliment. "and hot."
all he can do is ruffle your hair, trying to distract you from the burning he feels on the tips of his ears. "you're lucky you're so cute."
+ SYLUS (L&DS), LEONA KINGSCHOLAR, JASON TODD, deuce spade, SIMON "GHOST" RILEY, roronoa zoro, nanami kento, GETO SUGURU, IWAIZUMI HAJIME, ushijima wakatoshi, dante (devil may cry), TREVOR BELMONT, vinny hong, SAKURA HARUKA, hiragi toma, SOHMA KYO, sohma hatori, SOHMA HATSUHARU, ken "draken" ryuguji, and more...
he's the type to notice the way your knee is shaking from anxiety and puts his hand on your knee before continuing to watch the other presentations in class before yours starts next.
he's the type to put his hand over the sharp corner of the table when he sees you bend down to pick up an object that was dropped while still being able to continue stirring the ingredients in the bowl.
he's the type to abruptly pull you to the side by the hoodie when he notices you walking just a little too close to the upcoming light pole. he can't even scold you because you're deep in conversation with your friend. he nearly trips on his own two feet when he sees you turn back to him and mouth a 'thank you' to him when you have a break in your conversation.
he's the type to hand you a napkin when he sees your hand mindlessly moving around the table top, not even sparing him a single glance as you take it from his hand, wipe your mouth with it, and continue on your talk about the latest gossip during dinner.
he's the type to tear the paper wrap away from the straw and put it in your drink and give your usual order to the waiter by the time you come back from the bathroom.
he's the type to poke his fork into the strawberry and feed it to you as you manage to type up your essay and hold a conversation with him, too busy to realize what he's doing. you don't even notice how he quickly feeds himself a piece before giving you another one effortlessly, not once breaking the flow of the conversation.
he's the type to show up at your event that you casually dropped in the group chat for everyone to show up if they can. who, the moment he sees your face beam at spotting him in the crowd, offers you a smug smirk and a thumbs up as encouragement.
he's the type to follow you around the entire apartment as you recount your day to him as you do chores. who even mindlessly follows you to the bathroom and realizes a bit too late what he's done when he hears you shriek at him and push him out.
he's the type to not make a move at you at all. afraid to ruin whatever good thing he has going on with you. he'd rather always be there for you and have you in his life than to be cut off forever.
he's the type to have friends who notice all of this. who doesn't understand how the both of you aren't dating yet; especially when they notice the way your eyes always seem to find his in a crowded room. they see the way you laugh at his corny jokes and the way his eyes go straight to yours to gauze your reaction. the way you always run into his open arms first the moment you win at your event. it's so obvious and yet it's so infuriating and they can't help but watch from the sidelines with their popcorn.
+ roronoa zoro, KAJI REN, HIRAGI TOMA, fushiguro megumi, nicholas d. wolfwood, jason todd, sylus (l&ds), RYUGUJI "DRAKEN" KEN, levi ackerman, MAMMON (obey me), ichigo kurosaki, bakugo katsuki, iwaizumi hajime, kageyama tobio, MALLEUS DRACONIA, deuce spade and others...
osamu raised a brow. stared. sucked in a breath. then scowled at the thing crawling to him. shook his head and said, "i wanna blood test."
"what?" you gasp, coming out of the bedroom and joining your husband in the living room.
"ya heard me. i mean, just look at him!" osamu picks it up and turns the baby towards you. "looks nothing like me."
"babe-"
"he looks like atsumu. don' look nothing like me is all 'm saying. ain't that suspicious?"
you can't help but playfully role your eyes. "'samu, he's our child." you say, pausing to look at the one year old child in your husband's arm before saying, "we planned this remember? you and me and no one else."
osamu hums and turns his baby boy back to face him, who stares back at him with those big eyes, and the restaurant owner has to try so hard not to break face. "still. been noticing how much he's been looking more like tsumu than me. i mean, can you really believe he looks like him?"
osamu jerks his head towards his twin, who's in the kitchen.
atsumu catches his brother's eyes and smiles at him, completely oblivious to the conversation. osamu feigns a quick smile back before returning his attention to you, who is now standing next to him.
"you didn't sleep with him did you?"
"of course not." you look at atsumu too, the both of you watching as he struggles to prepare a simple snack for your son. "you really think i'd sleep with him? he wasn't even first on the list for being the godfather."
osamu raised a brow at you and sets his child down and watches him crawl towards you. "says the one who wanted sakusa to be."
"i... well-" you stutter out. "well i thought he'd be a good one... at the time."
he laughs as he pulls you in for a side hug, kissing the crown of your head. you both silently watch atsumu again as he moves mindlessly around the kitchen frantically. "why did we agree for him to babysit tonight?"
you elbow your lover. "because he offered to so that we can go out tonight. and," you add quickly, "because he hasn't seen our son since the league started; i think it'd be great bonding time now that the season is over."
"trust me, the only thing he's good at is volleyball and that's it. his brain doesn't have the capacity for anything else."
"i heard that!" atsumu yells from the kitchen, accidentally spilling some of the snacks all over the floor. upon hearing the noise, your son eagerly starts making his way there.
osamu rolls his eyes. "yea yea." your husband sends you a look and you're already making your way to your phone.
"already on it," you peck his cheek before getting your phone to find hinata's number in the contacts.
"so glad we chose him as the godfather," your husband grumbles under his breath, following his son's excited babbles into the kitchen.
you hear a slip and a crash before a loud scream comes from across the house and you're trying so hard not to stifle out a laugh and trying so hard to calm the burning in your cheeks and ears. the moment you hear the bedroom door slam open and shut, you're bolting from the living room to the kitchen to try and put some distance between you and your husband.
"what is this?" his voice is breathless, but anticipating, filled to the brim with excitement and disbelief and awe and so so so much joy. he stands on one side of the island.
and you stand on the other, teasing him, "you know what it is," looking at the object in his hand.
"it's positive," he tells you, as if you don't already know, making his way towards you.
"i know." you move the opposite way, in circles, trying to retain the space between you two.
"and?"
"and what?"
he stops chasing for a moment. you do too. "why are you running away from me?"
you bring the long sleeves that are spilling over your hands to hide your growing smile, muffling a, "because you're too excited right now. and i know you'll topple me over the moment you get your hands on- AHH!" you shriek as he somehow makes his way to you, lifting you by the waist and twirling you around.
you shriek out his name, "put me down!" you somehow both can't stop laughing.
when he finally puts you down, you lean into his warmth, the stick facing you both to stare in awe at. "when'd you find out?"
"this morning; about an hour after you left." you're biting you lip as meticulously try to read his face.
you're only met with pecks and pecks and pecks of kisses on your lips. "so you're really pregnant?"
you hum in reassurance. "yes, i'm pregnant." finally spelling it out into fruition.
he gets down on his knees and kisses your belly. "hi pregnant, i'm daddy."
+ MIYA ATSUMU, UMEMIYA HAJIME, BOKUTO KOUTAROU, oikawa tooru, kuroo tetsurou, HINATA SHOUYO, ITADORI YUUJI, gojo satoru, ino takuma, PORTGAS D. ACE, SHANKS, CHIFUYU MATSUNO, manjiro "mikey" sano, VASH "THE STAMPEDE" SAVEREM, andy (undead unlucky) and any other characters
Summary: It was just one accidental, drunken kiss after a party, something you should've forgotten in a couple of days. You tell yourself it doesnāt matter, that youāve moved on. That Sukuna had as well. You doubted he remembered anything; especially with every new girl he kissed and every party he was at. Sure, there were occasional glimpses and shared moments together, but those meant nothing. It couldnāt mean anything.
Tags: mutual pining, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, missing pov, playboy(?)/fratboy/athlete sukuna, college!jjk au, readerās major is unspecified, inaccurate and glorified depictions of college/college parties (so many parties to move the plot foward) and frats, peer pressure, cliche tropes, lots of time jumps, they were roommates (but not in the way you think), situationship (also not in the way you think), reader is introverted but NOT shy
A/N: English is not my first language. It also has been a minute since I've written anything, so forgive me if this is not the best, think of it like a warm up. I just had to post this one, it has been sitting in my drafts for toooooo long. Inspired by a fanfic I read about Ushijima/Oikawa by jaaesthetixx called Two Years too long on ao3 (definitely check it out!) . Proof read but I'm only human. The picture below is not my own, copyrights to the original artist!!
Word Count: 13.6K (it's a long one)
The auditorium is loud with bustling voices all being ushered by tired returnee students through the double doors. The atmosphere is filled with a mixture of excitement and nervousness, you stand there quiet as the crowd walks around you. You, a little out of place, about to begin the best four years of your life as everyone has been telling you.
As you situate yourself into your seat, you hear a group of boys in front of you rough housing with each other as they make their way a row down from you. One man from the group catches your attention; in stark contrast there sits Sukuna Ryomen, a Chemistry major with a growing reputation with every passing second. With the way he carried himself, smiling and laughing at everyone, he attracted crowds. Even during the campus tour, everyone was flocking his way, each one vying for his attention, drawn by his enigmatic aura.
āAre you going to the party tonight?ā A girl places a hand on his biceps.
Sukuna gives her a dashing smile. āAre you?ā He leans into her touch.
She laughs. āYes.ā
A wink her way. āThen I am too. Looking forward to it.ā
As the group watches her leave, another man puts Sukuna in an arm lock, nudging their knuckles into his head. āQuit it, will you?ā It was Fushiguro Toji, a Kinesiology major. He was perhaps just as popular as Sukuna, constantly catching the eyes of women in a more subtle and quieter way.
āWhat about you?ā The man is able to get out of Tojiās grasp, brown hair sticking all different ways.
āUmā¦ what?ā You try to play it off, as if you werenāt listening to the entire conversation while waiting for your friend.
āAsk for the girlās name first,ā Toji berates the man.
Sukuna rolls his eyes. āIām just trying to break the ice first.ā He turned his full attention back to you.
It didnāt bother you how Sukunaās attention seemed to be pulled every which way. Itās something you observed quite quickly from earlier interactions. Catching and keeping his attention for longer than a minute seemed to be impossible with him.
āSo?ā
āSorry, what?ā
He laughs. āYour name?ā
You give it to him.
He tilts his head. āSo then, Yn, whatās your major?ā
Heat starts to rise within your body and you hate how you feel embarrassed. āI donāt know. Iām undeclared right now.
āTotally understandable. Better than a Chem major right? Actually-ā Before he can get the last words in, Toji practically turns him around in his seat to pay attention to the presentation thatās been going on for five minutes now. Not a second later, your dorm mate, Maki, makes her way back to the seat you saved from the bathroom. āDid I miss anything important?ā
After the presentation, everyoneās celebrating now that the boring orientation thatās lasted all day has ended. Youāre about to make way to your dorm when you feel a tap on your shoulder. āHey,ā you turn. Itās Sukuna. āI forgot to ask but do you wanna go to the party with everyone?ā
āItās gonna be a pool party!ā Someone yells out from the crowd.
You hesitantly shake your head, āI donāt know, I canāt swim. Maybe-ā
āYou donāt even have to swim,ā he reassures you. āPromise itāll be so much fun. Youād meet so many new people.ā
You almost want to laugh at that statement. It had come to no surprise that he had said it; everyone was practically crowd pushing him away from you with each passing second. All he can give you is an apologetic look before disappearing into the rush of people.
When you get to the party, the music is loud, the bass reverberating through your entire body. You look to your side and shrug to Maki, whoās giving you an arched brow, before you both walk in through the door. Hands are grabbing at both of you, trying to pull you every which way. You donāt even know how you got a cup in your hand. Maki is able to shove them all off and starts directing you towards the back yard. Discreetly putting your full cup on a random table, youāre stopped in your tracks as you spot Sukuna in the kitchen, shotgunning with Toji as, you noticed, a new group of people surrounding him cheer him on. All of them chanting his name.
The night air is crisp. Itās refreshing compared to the humid atmosphere in the house. The water in the pool is illuminating so bright in contrast to the low yellow lights of the house. Maki chugs her cup before asking, āWhy are we here in the first place?ā
All you can give her is a chuckle.
Sukuna spots you from inside the house, talking to one other person. He sees a bunch of his newly acquainted friends approach you with a bottle and a shot glass. His feet are moving before he can even comprehend whatās happening, excusing everyone he bumps into and makes his way to you as he sees you struggling to get them off your ass.
He somehow makes it behind you, as he says "Thanks, I needed that" as he reaches for the shot from his friend's hands, downs it, and makes his way back into the house, the group following behind him. Thank you is stuck on the tip of your tongue as you watch him take a ping pong ball into his hand, the upperclassmen cheering him on beer pong. He barely catches your eyes for a second before he turns his attention back to the game.
Maki finally makes her way to your side, asking, āWho was that?ā
You can barely utter a response to her as you watch him knuckle his friendās head when they miss the shot. You had come to the conclusion then that you were worlds apart, especially with his charisma.
āSorry about this again,ā Toji grunts as you both carry Sukuna up to his dorm, on the verge of passing out on your shoulders. Heās mumbling something incoherent but you both decide to ignore the man. He had caused enough trouble already, challenging the sophomore Mahito to another drinking contest.
āItās no big deal. Itās the least I can do after he helped me out of a situation,ā you tell Toji.
āHuh,ā he huffs out. āHow ābout that.ā
After taking a few stops and tumbles up the stairs, you make it to their shared dorm, one youāve realized was only two floors above you. Toji gives you the access key as he rushes off to get the fallen objects scattered across the stairs and lobby.
You lean closer into him, quietly asking, āCan you walk?ā Silence, then a hum.
You both make way to his bed before he can even give you a coherent response and start lowering him down. āCareful, you got it?ā Youāre the one struggling to lay him down slowly and not slam him head first into the bed.
āOh, shit.ā Tripping over each otherās feet, Sukuna slams onto the bed anyways, his arm around your shoulder dragging you down with him.
āWait! Wait-ā His lips are on yours before you know it. Itās soft, warm āprobably from the alcoholā and as light as a feather. Itās almost shy, all that boldness from the morning and at the party, gone. You pull away abruptly, breathing heavily, fingers deftly touching your lips. A ghost of cigarette scent lingers behind in its wake.
Youāre not sure if you heard a sorry from him as youāre rushing out of the room, bumping into a flabbergasted Toji in the hallway, spitting out the quickest excuse possible. You, who runs away, ears tinted red because he stole your first kiss.
Sukuna, who is passed out drunk when Toji makes his way back, utterly confused, asking where you were going and him saying how he'd probably fucked up.
It came to no surprise that you both gravitated towards different groups on campus, enveloped into two different hemispheres. You often saw him rushing to class with Toji following shortly behind, scolding him. Some days you see him with a different group on each different day of the week; always engrossed in whatever they were talking about. You could never seem to get away from him, he was the talk of the campus between all your classmates.
He often saw you with Maki. Always just the two of you, always routine, always disciplined. Something he clearly lacked, as Toji stated to him one night when they were procrastinating on studying for a test the next day. You seemed too far from him to ever close the gap; you were involved with different organizations and people completely opposite of him.
Only ever a glimpse whenever the other person wasnāt looking. Never crossing paths, staying out of each otherās bubbles.
You see him join a fraternity a quarter into freshman year with Toji; easily sporting that black and red fraternity jacket with pride at a party. You had come to the first rugby game of the season to support Makiās new boyfriend Yuta, who was on the team, where you happened to see Sukuna on the rugby field as well; sporting new pink hair.
Again, drawing a big crowd as they lift him up in the air after scoring the winning point for the first game of the season. Him, displaying that toothy grin as his face. The lifestyle seemed to suit him well.
As everyone scrambles to get to their cars to go to the after-party to celebrate, you quickly make your way to the stadium bathroom. Youāre nearly skipping from how full your bladder is and when you turn the corner-
Thereās no mistaking that freshly dyed pink hair, immediately recognizing it as Sukuna Ryomen. Here he was, kissing a girl with his jacket on in the back of the stadium stairs. You freeze. You donāt know why, this was normal. You feel guilty for catching him in such an intimate moment; guilting for something elseāperhaps for getting hopeful.
He didnāt owe you anything, you had to wrap that around your head. Given how much youāve learned about him in such a short amount of time, this was a given. This was who he was, there was no denying that by anyone.
Running back to Maki and Yuta, whoās shooting you confused looks, all you can do is push them into the car and tell them to hurry home to go pee. When they question you, all you can muster is that the bathrooms were locked. You wonder if he even remembered that night. You want that memory out of your head.
They drop you off after much persuasion that youād meet up with them later at the party.
When Yuta enters the frat house with Maki, Sukuna watches from a distance as the duo walks in before making his way to the couple with a practiced smile while he scans behind them. āWhereās Yn?ā
āSheās coming later,ā Yuta tells him, grabbing the offered drink from Sukuna and leaves with Maki.
The entire night he has his eyes glued to the door.
Landing yourself a job at the school library meant, though it was not often, seeing Sukuna there. Sometimes you see him studying, sometimes you see him tutoring someone, sometimes you see him playing Tetris on his computer as he tunes out an online class that seems very important.
There seems to be a backlog of books needing re-shelving so youāve been tasked with that for the remainder of the shift. It really is mundane work but you believe itās better than Makiās physical job of carrying heavy loads. You hear a whisper then a squeal as you turn to the next aisle.
āWe have to be quiet.ā You knew that voice. You peek through the bookshelf, not knowing why since you know it belongs to Sukuna, his back to you.
āOr else what?ā She leans into his touch as she laughs.
āDonāt wanna get caught do we? Gotta respect the rules here.ā
And then heās going in for the kiss, starting at the neck before making his way to the girlās lips, who reciprocates with equal passion. With an attempt to give them some privacy, you accidentally knock down some books. And when you look back up, your eyes catch hers and she screams.
Before Sukuna can even turn around to see all the commotion, youāre gone. He looks back at the girl. āWhat is it?ā
She scowls. āSome girl was snooping in on us. What a weirdo.ā
Sukuna looks back for one last measure, craning his neck to see, catching anything. Nothing. And then heās getting pulled back in.
You slam the books down and rush to get your things, stuffing your charger and papers into your bags in a hurry. āSorry,ā you spill out. āI wasnāt able to finish shelving these last books. I just realized I have a meeting to catch!ā
The coworkers can barely get a response out before youāre out the doors. Why did you always have such bad timing?
It wasnāt until sophomore year that you started to find your footing here at the college. You honestly have Toge and Panda to thank for that. If you hadnāt met them, you probably wouldnāt have chosen the major you did. Toge Inumaki, though the yapper he was, really made you love all the communications class you took together. You didnāt know what to expect from Panda. Definitely not barely passing a mathematics class together, thatās for sure.
Sukunaās head turns when he hears your voice. āAt least the teacher likes me more,ā you tell Panda who taunts you by sticking his tongue out. It seemed like your group was heading out downtown.
āYea, yea sure.ā
He watches you sigh in mock frustration, but not without catching the teasing smile thatās growing on your face. āDonāt come crying to me if I pass the class and you donāt.ā
Sukuna canāt help the scoff that comes out of his mouth before he continues on his homework.
āWhatās so funny?ā Toji asks.
The pink haired man can only shake his head, hand coming up to cover the grin. āNothing, nothing.ā
The crowd erupts into a complete frenzy as Sukuna scores, yet again, the winning goal. As you and the group make your way down the stands to celebrate with Yuta, embracing him in an all encompassing hug, you arenāt sure if you had caught Sukunaās eyes. Everything was happening too fast as the crowd swallowed him up.
āThanks man, āppreciate it,ā he says for the nth time tonight after another person congratulates him. He touches his cup to the man before taking a sip when he hears your laugh. He turns towards the crowd, scanning. He hadnāt seen you come in and he missed the change to talk to you at the end of his game.
He canāt seem to get a good view of you until he hears your laughter die down abruptly, followed by hesitant noās. His body is moving even before he can understand anything, barely tuning in to everyone whoās slapping him on the back for a job well done today.
And then he finally sees you. Cornered by one of his frat mates, Mahito, shoving a shot glass into your hand, clinking it with his before tilting it towards your mouth.
One, two strides and he intercepts. Grabbing the shot just as it barely touches your lips and downs it in one fluid motion. He sets it down harshly, making you jump. Thereās a silence between the two men as you watch from behind Sukunaās shoulders before Mahito slowly raises his hand in defeat, and leaves without much protest.
āUm, thank you,ā youāre finally able to muster out, raising a finger to tap his shoulder.
He turns around before you can ever make contact. āYou should really-ā
āI was looking for water,ā you interrupted him. āSome waterā¦ā you repeat again.
He sighs, reaching behind you and opens the fridge, tossing you two cold water bottles and leaves it at that to chase down Mahito.
When the party starts to wind down, Sukuna takes the chance to move to the balcony on the second floor to smoke. He digs out a crumpled cigarette, it would have to do. As he lights the butt up, he looks up to the sound of footsteps. Taking a whiff, holding it in before blowing it out, he gives you a nod of acknowledgement. He tries to keep a neutral face but canāt help but have his brow twitch at you approaching him, almost tentatively. He leans back against the rail.
āWhatāre you doing up here?ā
āSorry, is this off limits?ā And yet here you were, still walking towards him. You settle on one side of the balcony.
He shrugs and goes for another before blowing it out carelessly towards you. Sukuna doesnāt miss the way your lips purse at his actions.
āYuta said I could come up here.ā
āYuta?ā He says in disbelief. āThat scrawny emo kid?ā
You shoot him a look. āHey!ā
Sukuna huffs at the sweet noise you made, turning his head and blowing out the smoke. āJust the truth, heās a newb.ā
He doesnāt miss the way you roll your eyes. āSo are you. Didnāt you and Toji both start at the same time?ā
Sukuna lets his cigarette drop to the floor as he leans in closer to you. āYou see me on the field today?
āI did.ā Itās almost bashful.
He dares to lean a bit closer. āAnd what did you think? Did I look like a newbie out there?ā
Everything is forgotten when Sukuna sees you reciprocating his actions. āI think-ā
āSukuna!ā Toji calls out for him as he makes his way to the balcony, clearly out of breath. āOh! I didnāt realize you were busy. Hey Yn.ā
You give him a small smile and wave.
Tojiās already tugging Sukuna along by the sleeve of his jacket. āCome on, I made a bet saying you could finish the funnel faster than Mahito. Betted Gojo winning against Geto and he fucking lost. Canāt let me down now.ā And heās dragged away before he can even say anything, taking one last look at you before heading downstairs to the backyard.
And when heās done, belly full of beer and deal won, he rushes back up to the balcony knowing very well you wouldnāt be there but being disappointed anyways.
Wrapping up sophomore year is hectic and stressful. Sukuna is ever busy trying to gear himself to being vice president of his fraternity for the upcoming school year. Drawing in tabling, hosting events, and running booths that you often run by when going to class. He always looked so into it, voice booming above all others. Convincing old friends and new to vote for him, convincing fresh boys to rush his fraternity over others.
When heās warming up for rugby practice, he sees you and Toji walking side by side. Watch as the both of you both laugh at something before parting ways. He sees you biting your lip in the cafe as you angrily tap away at your laptop, the wrinkles on your forehead more prominent than ever.
Thanking his tutor for the day, Sukuna starts to pack up his things as heās running late to his fraternity meeting. Heās about to text one of the members before he catches a glimpse of you from the corner of his eye.
āHere you go.ā
You shriek a bit before covering your mouth. After looking around, hoping you didnāt disrupt anyone, you looked up at the man standing behind you. āYou scared me!ā you whisper-yell at him while grabbing the book from his grasp you had trouble reaching.
āYouāre welcome,ā his voice hinting at something, brow raised. āDonāt they have those long ladders?ā
Turning to finally face him, you hug the book to your chest. āYes, they do, but I thought I didnāt need it.ā
He only hums before leaning in closer. āOh, yea?ā He picks off invisible lint off your shoulder before bracing his arm next to it. āWhatāre doing in the library?ā
āI work here,ā you state matter of factly.
āThat soā¦ā his voice wanders off. Interesting.
āYes,ā you reply, ducking under his arm. He was too close, his proximity taking you back to that night freshman year. You didnāt need that memory resurfacing after all this time. Both of you were about to be juniors in college, it was embarrassing how you just couldnāt let it go. āIād like to stay and chat, but I have a lot of things to do right now.ā
Junior year is beginning to look good. Youāve just applied for an internship and have signed a lease for an apartment. The school year starts off with great news of Sukuna as well: becoming the vice president of his fraternity and captain of the rugby team. You can't help but smile when you read it in the schoolās newspaper. Youāre happy for him.
It's no surprise that with the new achievement and the start of the semester, itās a big party; the fraternity house is filled to the max. As you weaved through the crowd, hand in hand with Shoko, you couldn't help but have your eyes wander to a certain silhouette. It didn't matter anyways, you both weren't going to stay long anyway. You both have prior commitments the day after.
But nothing ever goes to plan as you find yourself staying past the time you guys agreed on. And it's not until you find her slumped against Gojo that you rush over to her. You try to drag her out of the house, men start approaching you, grabbing and pulling everywhere.
You can only offer her a smile when she mumbles something about Gojo and tell her you're taking her to the bathroom first before leaving. The line is long and everyone's giving you the stink eye and it makes you want to crawl into your own skin while Shoko is hanging onto your shoulder telling everyone to fuck off.
Toji comes to the rescue and tells you to go upstairs to the master room, no one should be in it. As you burst through the door, you stop.
Both are topless, hands skimming and touching everywhere. Sukunaās on top in a heated make out session with a girl who screams and pushes the pink haired man away.
You quickly shield your eyes and apologize. "I- Iām sorryā¦ I didn't mean to interrupt! Toji, he said no one would be up here and-" The girl shoves past you as she sends you a dirty remark, making you drop Shoko. You sigh out in frustration.
"It's okay," he reassures you quickly.
Your eyes notice the bruising marks on his chest and neck and you realize you're staring. You divert your gaze back to the ground as you decide to focus your attention back to putting Shoko on your shoulder.
You can't really see him that well in the dark lighting. What his face reads. What his eyes say. "Here, let me help." He approaches and you tense up in panic
"No! No," you say more calmly. You feel like crying for some reason. And you hate it. Stupid, you tell yourself. There was nothing to cry about, you've seen it before. Many times. It certainly wasn't going to be the last. "Weāll go somewhere else. Again, I-" you inhale. āI didnāt mean to interrupt, seriously.ā
Sukuna calls out your name. āI know-ā And then Shoko throws up on the floor. On Sukuna's feet.
And that's the last you see of him as you apologize profusely, tears brimming from ruining his carpet before you rush out to call a taxi.
As Sukuna walks up to the desk, sliding the two books he checked out a week ago, he asks where you are. He hadnāt seen you working in the library for the past few weeks.
The staff scans his book. "Oh, you mean Yn? Her internship schedule didnāt work out with this job, so she quit. Heard sheās doing just fine though!ā
Sukuna can only nod as he walks out the door to go to his next class, he can't help the growing smile on his face. It brings him back to the first day he saw you at orientation; how timid and frightened you looked before walking inside the big doors before him. How you nearly shook when asked by him what your major was, voice full of uncertainty when you told him undeclared. Truly, it amazed Sukuna to see how much you've grown now compared to him.
"When are you leaving for your study group?" Uruame, your new roommate, yells from her room. You got along with her quite well for having just met her a few months ago.
"Maybe in about ten minutes or less? Why?" You close your laptop, having just finished a task for your internship.
"Oh, good. I have a friend coming over soon, that's why. He should be gone by the time you come back." She can be heard rumbling around through the room before adding, "He should be here any minute. When he does, can you open the door for him?"
You yell back a yea and within five minutes there's a knock on the door. "Hi-ā All you can really do is stare.
Sukuna is speechless as well as he watches you move to the side to let him in. He passes through the threshold, unsure of what to say.
"Sorry about that," you tell him, closing the door behind him and clearing your throat. "It's nice to see you again."
He only nods. "I didn't know you were Uruame's roommate. If I knew-"
"It's okay!" you chirp up, guiding the pink hair to the living room. āDo you want some-ā
"Sorry for the wait!" Uruame finally comes out, pecking Sukuna on the cheek.
You quickly look away.
He watches you. And you miss the way he's searching for you, the way heās trying to tell you something.
"I should get going!" You chime, trying to change the mood. You round the living room and grab your things.
He notices the way your back is facing him the entire time. "Where are you going?"
You offer him a small smile but he notices how you won't look him in the eye. "The library."
Once the study group session is over, you overhear two girls talking about the books in the library. "Actually I noticed the same thing too. A lot of the books are checked out by his name.ā
"What was it again?"
"I don't remember but I think itās kinda romantic.ā
Later that night, as youāre eating dinner with Uruame, you learn that she and Sukuna were in a situationship. They had been hooking up for a couple of weeks now and wanted to test the waters a bit before confirming anything. You muster up a smile and wish them the best. Truly.
For the next couple of days, something inside your core shook. Nothing you ate sat right in your stomach; it was nonsense really. You both really never had any deeper relationship than a few conversations sprinkled in the past three years.
Unintentionally, you had buried yourself in work, having a backlog of tasks and assignments to juggle alongside your job. Sukuna came by a couple of times a week at the apartment and sometimes it was Uruame who would be gone for a few days at his frat house. A few acknowledged nods whenever you were in the living area before he disappeared into Uruameās room, that was all. You made sure to keep it minimal.
Whenever you heard the door close to Uruameās room with a few laughs and a belt hitting the floor, you always made sure to leave the unit as quickly as possible. You always timed when your shift ended and when he would leave the house; it was for the best.
Sometimes you werenāt so lucky. Hearing the roar of the engine outside your apartment was something youāve come accustomed to at this point. Sometimes Sukuna drops Uruame off when you leave for your work shift, who's leaning against his motorcycle, a cigarette lazily resting between his lips. As you acknowledge him, he slips the cigarette butt out of his mouth and onto the floor to stomp it out, before giving you a curt nod back. His eyes follow you as he watches you get into the car.
Or when you accidentally come out of the shower with just a towel around you just as Sukuna walks in. Who immediately apologizes and covers his eyes and turns around for invading your privacy.
But you like to think youāve done a good job of giving Uruame and Sukuna the privacy they need. Itās the least you can do.
When Sukuna gets a late night text from Uruame to come over, he sneaks in quietly, unlocking the door from the key that you told him about under the doormat, to which he had practically scolded you for how easy and cliche it was for anyone to discover. Heād have to find a better spot next time.
Quietly removing his shoes, Sukuna makes his way through the house. Then he sees you knocked out on the couch, laptop on the verge of falling off your lap. He huffs out a low chuckle as the man rounds the couch to close the laptop, putting it away, and grabbing the throw blanket to keep you warm. Once satisfied, he looks at you before kneeling down and moving some hair out of your face.
āDonāt work too hard, hmm?ā he tells you. Heās there and gone before the sun even rises.
Sukuna could never seem to catch your eye wherever heās over at your place, he notices. Youāre either in your room, or running an errand right when he arrives, or over at Yutaās place studying. But thatās okay, because sometimes if he concentrates enough, itās moments like these that he likes.
Sukuna can smell whatever you're baking as you hum in the kitchen from Uruameās room. He wonders what itād taste like. What you look like. Were you hopping around dancing in the kitchen with a spatula in your hand? Were you covered in flour when he heard you scream as you burned and messed up the measurements for the brownies you were making for your co-workers?
And when he leaves your apartment for the week, passing by the island in the kitchen, he sees a note that reads āfeel free to take someā with a smile-y face scribbled on it.
The apartment has become more lively lately as the first round of midterms for the semester are coming around. You, Maki, Toge, Yuta, and Panda are supposed to be studying for the upcoming test for your class but somehow the monopoly game ended up on the table and youāre in jail for the eighth time.
"No deal," Toge tells you.
"What!?" You complain. "I'm literally giving you the last Railroad to make a complete set."
"Yea, and why would I exchange The Boardwalk and give you a complete set. Itās totally unfair."
The other bystanders grumble out agreements and you hate how they're on Togeās side when they were the ones who encouraged you to make the deal in the first place.
Sukuna is leaning against the door that separates you and him, trying to get even the smallest detail of what's going on on the other side. Uruame was asleep and he was supposed to have left thirty minutes ago, but when he heard your voice along with your friends, he froze.
And now he's listening to you angrily yell and try to miserably seal a deal that he, unfortunately, also doesn't agree on. It's the worst thing Sukunaās ever heard and he's trying his best to stifle the rumbling in his throat. Oh God, you were so bad at this.
"You know," Toge deadpans, āWhy donāt you just admit that youāre just threatened by me."
"Oh please," you bite back. "When have I ever felt threatened by you?"
"What are you talking about?" he flabbergasts. "If I gave you The Boardwalk you'd max out the hotel immediately and you'd win the game."
"Which is only two spots!ā Your fingers emphasize the number two. āYou have four!"
"Which I always land on!" He leans forward on the table, not backing down. āDo you know how unlucky I have to be to always land on them?ā
"What if she gave you fifteen percent of the revenue as part of the deal?"
Everyone jumps at the voice, startled. Heās done this many times, and yet he always catches you off guard. You stand up right to turn to look at him.
"Oh, I thought you already left."
Maki watches you, flicks her eyes towards the pink haired man before silently reorganizing her cards.
"Overslept," Sukuna tells you nonchalantly. He nods towards Toge. "What do you think of that deal?"
Toge can barely muster out a nod as Sukuna explains to him the terms and conditions. All you can do is look at him. Perhaps what Toji said to you in secrecy was true. It did look like he was going through a rough time at home. Toji didnāt delve too much into it, wanting to respect Sukunaās privacy. All you knew was the one sentence that stuck with you, āHe may not look like it, but family means a lot to him.ā
He did seem a bit softer around the edges now. The tattoos that were littered over his body didnāt seem all that intimidating anymore. His eyes, though not evident unless you look closely like you are now, have eye bags under them. His eyes flicker to you as he says, āThat sounds good to you?ā
You blink at him. Once. Twice. āUmā¦ what? Sorry.ā
Maki couldnāt help but smirk down at her lap.
Sukuna leans one arm on the back of the sofa, the other pointing at the board game. Heās so close that you feel the heat radiating off of him. The proximity makes you stiffen. āTogeās gonna trade The Boardwalk with your Railroad as long as you give him twenty percent of the money anytime someone lands on it. I raised the profit for him to accept, that okay? Youāll still be able to keep a majority of the money anyways, especially with the other cards you have.ā
You highly doubt Toge accepted it because of the terms and not because he was Sukuna himself. You only nod.
He nods back and pushes himself off the couch, groaning as he stretches his arms up before making his way to the door but not before saying goodbye to everyone. You walk him to the front door to see him out as he tells you āhope you winā before closing the door behind him.
āWould it be weird?ā Youāre laying on Makiās bed, head hanging off the end as you wait for her to freshen up for your hang out today. āToā¦you knowā¦ā
Maki laughs from the other end of the room, throwing the jacket sheās finally settled on towards you. You catch it without hesitation. āInvite your roommateās situationship?ā
āTheyāre just taking their time,ā you try to defend them once again.
āAfter three months?ā You move over a bit as Maki settles in beside you. āLook, I think inviting him would complicate whatever you already feel about him. You already know what Iām going to tell you: do whatever you wanna do; but just think about what Iāve told you.ā
Maki gives you a look when Sukuna invites himself in without even knocking, putting the spare key in his pocket and greeting everyone. You shoot her a look back.
Uruame greets the pink haired man before you can even reach the entrance. āYou made it!ā And gives him a quick peck on the cheek.
Toge reaches for the snack bowl. Panda suddenly chokes on his popcorn and Maki takes a big gulp from her drink.
Sukunaās line of sight goes straight to you, offering a sheepish smile. āHope you donāt mind, Uruame invited me.ā He holds up a small gift bag, almost like a peace offering.
You finally move from the couch to grab it. āNot at all.ā
Everyone has settled in, given with the help of a few mixed drinks Maki and Panda made. Uruame and Toge were in a much heated argument that has gone off course that started with toilet paper and has now changed into cereal and milk.
Taking the chance while everyoneās preoccupied, you head towards the kitchen to get the cake ready. You take a sip from your cup as youāre struggling to find both the candles and lighter. A hand comes up behind your back as you feel someone brush up against you to open the cabinet above you.
āHere you go.ā Sukuna sets down the box of almost empty candles on the counter.
āThanks,ā you tell him, almost amazed that he knew where it was.
He shrugs. āSaw it here when I was cooking for Uruame.ā Then gestures toward the plastic cup. āDidnāt think you were a drinker.ā
You open the box and start putting the candles around the cake. āNever said I wasnāt. Just always seemed to find myself in situations where I didnāt want to.ā
He huffs at that, tilting his cup.
You laugh, picking up your own to tap it against his before taking a drink together.
Sukuna watches you take a sip before finally trying his own. He could get used to this side of you.
You get back to putting the candles around the cake, putting six mix-matched colors around the border. When he sees you frantically searching for a light, Sukuna reaches into the front pockets of his jeans, flicks his cigarette lighter open and lights all the candles with ease, before putting it back.
And when the lights are turned low and everyone sings happy birthday, Sukuna wonders what you wished for as you blow out the candle. He wonders if you liked the gift he got you. Wonders if heāll have other birthday celebrations with you.
The rest of the year goes on like that. Balancing school with the internship while hosting study sessions either at your apartment, the school library or at your friendās place. You go with the entire group to help cheer on Yuta at the rugby games, sometimes cheering on Sukuna and Toji as well.
A call erupts from your phone; unknown number. You answer it, āHello?ā
āYn?ā
His voice makes your heart skip a beat. After all, you guys donāt really talk. Not like this anyways. āWhatās wrong?ā You sit up in bed, removing the phone to check the time.
2:03 a.m.
The phone returns to your ear. āItāsā¦fuck,ā you hear shuffling before a disgrunted groan. āItās Uruame. I donāt know whatās up with her today. She can usually hold her own but she's out like, bad.ā
Youāre already out of bed and grabbing the keys. āIāll come as quickly as I can. Your house right?ā
He huffs a hum. āThank you and Iām sorry.ā
Pulling up to the curb of the house, you barely put the car in park as you rush out of it and meet Sukuna and your roommate on the lawn. āWhatās wrong? How is she?ā
The pinked haired man looks to his side, where Uruame is hanging lifeless on his shoulder. āThrew up twice so far, probably will throw up again.ā
You curse under your breath as you go around to the other side to help relieve some of the weight. He brushes you off. āItās okay, you can just open up the back of the car.ā
Once having arranged the blanket you brought on the backseats, you help Sukuna put your roommate in as easy and comfortable as possible. All you guys can do is stare at her in silence.
He breaks it first. āMake sure you change her out of those clothes and have her sleep on her side with the trash next to her. And water, ones with electrolytes would be even better if you can,ā he adds at the end.
You nod to everything heās saying. āOkay, okay. Maybe Iāll stay up tonight to keep watch of her, yea?ā
āYea,ā itās the first time youāve seen him rub his neck. āThatāll probably be good. And uhā¦ sorry about this again. I would have driven her myself but I drinked a bit and didnāt want to risk it.ā
You rock back and forth on your heels. You wanted to close the gap, to reassure him. āIt wasnāt your fault. None of it was.ā
And then Sukunaās shoulder slumps, looks up at the night sky as he buffs out an air before looking back down at you, his face softening. Hearing that from you, Sukuna canāt help but ruffle your hair. He holds it there before letting it run down the rest of your arm, his hand barely a touch of a whisper against yours before he says, āGet home safe,ā and turns around walking away. Shoving his clenched hand into his pockets.
You put your hand onto the place he just touched, still feeling the heat from his palms. You hate how you know itās something youāll remember for the next couple of days.
Sukuna has his eyes trained to his phone, reacting to every vibration and every notification. He knows he shouldn't get his hopes up. You aren't obligated to update him at all. He's half listening to Mahitoās conversation when he receives a message.
You: Got home safe.
And he stares at it for a long time.
āCareful there,ā Shui joins him on the backyard patio and offers him a cigarette, āyou might burn a hole into your phone.
Sukuna waves it off. "I dont smoke anymore."
Shuiās eyes are still stuck on Sukunaās phone before Sukuna quickly turns off the screen, which causes the senior to raise a brow at the man before putting the box back into his pocket. "Huhā¦ā
āWhat?ā The junior says almost begrudgingly.
Shui only shakes his head. āNothingā¦ just curious when you started caring about your health."
He remains silent. A ping! gets both of their attention but Sukuna swipes the notification away quickly but Shui caught it.
You: Thank you again. Have a good night :)
"Oh." Shui says. "It's like that.ā
Sukuna ignores his upperclassmen and looks up to the sky in silence, teeth grinding.
When you settle into the bed in Uruameās room, she mumbles, āI think Iām in love with Sukuna.ā You stop whatever youāre doing, frozen, wishing you could freeze time itself right now. This last thing you never wanted to hear from her. You had promised yourself youād be happy for her if it ever came to this very moment.
āI was too much of a pussy to tell him tonight, which is whyā¦ā she burps and you immediately move the trash closer to her. And the next thing you know, sheās asleep and youāre darting out of the room, out the apartment, and rushing back to the library to check one thing.
Your body automatically moves to that aisle, the very same one you saw Sukuna kiss that girl two years ago. You push that thought away as you pull a random book off the shelf and flip to the inside of the book cover. Youāve always had an inkling of what was in the books after you caught the two girls talking sophomore year. You never checked it because you didnāt want to confirm what you already knew. Didnāt want to give yourself hope; wanted to deny yourself the reality because itād just complicate things.
There, on the book checkout log, written in all caps, reads Sukuna Ryomen. Checked out on Monday.
You pick up another book, this time at the very bottom. Again, it reads, Sukuna Ryomen. Checked out on Wednesday.
You pick another one. Sukuna Ryomen. Checked out on Thursday.
And itās hard to keep your breath steady as the books lay there telling a story. One you donāt want to read, one you donāt want to finish. He had checked out all the books in the aisle you often worked in. On all the days where you had a shift. On the dates even after you resigned from the job.
It's the first time you break down into tears.
Finally back at the apartment, you get into the covers with Uruame, whoās sober enough to take you in her arms. āWhatās wrong?ā She rubs your back.
You shake your head and bury your head into her chest. āNothing.ā Even that word leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.
Before you know it, Sukunaās birthday comes around and Uruame has invited you to tag along. Afterall, it was only common courtesy to show up since he came to yours. That didnāt mean you werenāt dreading this night, especially not when your roommate had confided in you that tonight was the night she was going to make it official with Sukuna. So youāre here as Uruameās emotional support, itās the least you could do.
āWish me luck,ā she told you, squeezing you into a hug as you both went different ways at the party. You lost her quickly in the sea of people as you made your way to Maki and Toge.
Makiās dipping her toe in the pool while Toge is floating next to her. Their hair dripping, evident of having already swum before you arrived. You join them.
āTen dollars sheāll back down like last time,ā Maki teases you, nudging your side with a wide knowing smirk.
āHey,ā your voice stern. āLeave her be.ā
Toge swims over to you. āWhat? Sheās backed down like, five other times.ā
āBe nice.ā Your feet kick water his way, he dodges easily. āI think sheās serious about it now.ā
āYea and Sukuna had to call you to pick her drunk ass self up.ā
Maki dismisses the comment with a wave of her hand. āAnd youāre okay with that? With her making it exclusive with Sukuna and everything.ā
You shrug, looking into the pool water, focusing on the bracelet he had given you for your birthday. āItās not about me being okay with it, itās about me being supportive and happy for her.ā
Maki hums. āSpeaking of, have you said happy birthday to the birthday boy yet?ā
You shake your head, thankful for the quick conversation change. āNope. Didnāt see him when I walked in. Iāll do it later.ā
Toge snorts before diving back into the water. The night continues on like this, with Yuta joining after finally being able to get away from the guys. All while this is happening, you canāt help but constantly scan the lawn and house in hopes of catching those eyes. You keep telling yourself itās Uruameās youāre trying to keep watch of but your heart knows otherwise.
Youāre on your way back from the bathroom, heading back to the poolside when someone taps your shoulder.
You turn and it's the man of the hour.
The smile begins to grow on your face before you even know it. "I was beginning to worry if I'd get to see the birthday boy," you tease him a bit.
Sukuna rolls his eyes at that. "'m sorry. Being the host and birthday boy is not for the weak.
As Maki, Toge, and Yuta get out of the pool to dry themselves to join you both, a group of frat boys head your way. Mahito at the front, holding a tray of shots. āYou guys wanna take a shot for the birthday boy?ā His smile on his face gives you chills, and you havenāt even gone in the water.
Before you know it, everyone has a shot in their hand. Everyone besides you. Mahito notices this and nudges the glass into your hand. Sukuna scowls at this and brushes his hand off as a warning. āShe doesnāt want a drink.ā
āItās okay,ā you offer a small smile to your friend before timidly taking it. āItās for Sukuna, right?ā
Mahito throws a smile you donāt catch to Sukuna before stepping closer and raising his glass, āThe one and only.ā
Everyone incoherently says cheers before downing the shot. As you bring the glass to your mouth, you wince at the burning sensation. Mahito takes the opportunity to begin pouring you another shot. A tattooed hand covers yours before it can reach your lips. Just as smoothly, Sukuna somehow takes the glass out of your hand and downs it just as quickly before giving a cold stare at Mahito. āWhat did I just tell you?ā
Mahito only laughs. āWhat? Itās just for fun, itās your birthday.ā
āYea, so fuck off.ā
Youāre all just standing there timidly, frozen, unsure of what to do. Afraid to make one small move in the tense atmosphere. You watch as Mahito raises a hand in surrender before turning around and leaving.
Sukuna turns to your group before sighing, āSorry about that. Mahitoāsā¦ just ignore him. Donāt think too much about it.ā
You give him a reassuring smile when he lingers on you. āAlright.ā You rock on your heels. āHappy birthday.ā
āThanks,ā he says almost sheepishly and you want to tease him.
āActually-ā You rummage through your pockets, wondering where the keychain was when Toji hollers at him. You both look at the man and he freezes, realizing heās interrupting a moment again. You laugh and wave Sukuna off, āGo.ā
āYou sure?ā heās already walking away backwards, trying to read your face for an absolute answer.
You nod your head enthusiastically before Sukuna turns back and yells back at Toji, nearly tackling him down.
As the hours go by, you arenāt ever able to reconnect with the birthday boy. There were fleeting moments whenever you both caught each other's eyes from across the room. Moments where you are both so close to closing the gap, your hand in your pocket for the keychain you want to give him before youāre both pulled away in different directions.
The moment you are able to get away from your friend croup and the entire crowd, you stumble upon your roommate in a corner on the verge of blacking out. You immediately rush over, gently tapping her. When she doesnāt respond in the first few taps, you start to panic.
As her head falls into your hand and you feel her wet saliva coating it, she mumbles out your name. Her eyes are unfocused, darting everywhere, not quite focusing on one thing. You hate that you know this is a sign that whatever Uruame planned didnāt go accordingly. You curse under your breath.
You repeat her name over and over again. āDo you want some water?ā you ask quickly, trying to squeeze in as many questions and information in the small time window before sheās unconscious again.
The moment she nods, you pull her into a lounge chair nowhere near the pool and frantically make your way inside the house. Youāre scrambling around the kitchen before you bump into the man of the hour.
āWhoa, slow down there,ā he teases, grabbing onto your hands to steady yourself.
You look up at him and his smile immediately drops.
āWhat is it? Whatās wrong?ā
Getting out of his grip, you sigh, pinching the space between the eyes. āItās Uruame again. Sheās literally on the verge of blacking out.ā
āAgain?ā
Turning your head to your side, you look outside to make sure she somehow hasnāt moved. āWhat did you say to her?ā
Sukuna cranes his head down, trying to catch your eyes, hand barely twitching as his side.. āNothing that would have caused her to be like this again.ā He calls out your name. āReally, what is this about?ā
If he truly didnāt know why Uruame was like this, then who did? You wouldnāt entertain the thought. Wouldnāt allow yourself to. You shake your head. āItās nothing. I was looking for some water bottles and itās- I think itās time for us to go home.ā
As reluctant as he was, the tall man can only nod. āAt least let me help.ā
You shake your head, hands moving in disapproval. āNo, I canāt allow that. Itās your birthday.ā
āItās fine. I donāt mindā
And so youāre walking side by side with the pinked harried man as you take him to Uruame. All you both can do is look down at your roommate and sigh. āLemme go get her stuff. Try to make her drink some water, okay?ā
You hum. Just as youāre finished giving some water to Uruame, Mahito calls out your name. Before you can even fully turn to him, he wraps a heavy arm around your shoulders, making you freeze. Goosebumps immediately forming. āLet us be friends, yea? I feel like we were never properly introduced by the Sukuna all these years.ā
āIām sure itās because it wasnāt necessary.ā
Mahito cuts out a quick laugh, raising a brow to his friends. "I had an interesting talk with Uruame about it earlier tonight about you and Sukuna."
Youāre trying to halt your steps at that. āWas it you?ā
He laughs and thatās when you realise how much closer youāre walking along the edge of the pool. āPlease, no.ā The grip he has on you is deathening. āNo, no, no!ā
Sukuna stops rummaging around the pile of bags when he hears your distressed voice on the opposite side of the pool. āMahito stop it!ā
āI have to test one thing first,ā he tells himself as he pushes you into the water.
As Sukuna watches you fall in, the sounds of laughs, cheers, and clapping erupt around him and heās taken back to freshman year all over again. The way you had told him you couldn't swim when he tried too hard to invite you to a party as a means to talk to you more. The way your eyes got so big and filled with worry.
Sukuna doesnāt care how many people he has to push out of his way before heās jumping in right after you. Heās not taking any chances on seeing if you resurfaced. As he swam in the water, he saw the way you were struggling, clawing at the water for anything to grasp onto.
When you nearly rip his skin off from grabbing him, Sukuna emerges from the water, holding you close to him. He cradles your head as he searches for you, āItās okay. Iām here, just breathe. Breathe.ā
The crowd slows to a murmur before itās completely silent as they watch Sukuna carry you out of the pool, face hidden in his neck. Toji is standing there, breathless, having run from upstairs of the house to see what the commotion was. He stalks to the nearest person and tears their phone out of their hand and into the water. āAnybody else want to be next?ā
Mahito shoves past Toji, displaying his best grin. āIt was just a joke, Sukuna. No need to be so fucking serious.ā
Sukuna walks past him, not sparing his president a single glance.
Sukuna gently sets you down on his bed, not caring for one moment about it getting wet. Heās frantically moving around the room, almost as if he were trying to collect his thoughts before handing you a towel and turning away to look through his drawers. Youāre trying to dry yourself before he tells you, āHands up.ā
You listen immediately and feel him pull your shirt off and replace with a new one. You know this scent, smell it all the time whenever heās over at the apartment. You look down but you already know itās his shirt you have on.
Youāre still shaking, trembling even. Whereās Uruame? The last time you saw her, she was drunk and making a scene. You only had one drink, but would you even have the capacity to drive you both home? Especially in the state you were in? Maybe-
He calls your name. āHey, look at me. Look at me.ā Sukunaās voice is soft but stern. He crouches down to be eye level with you, combing your wet strands away from your face. āListen to me carefully, okay?ā
You look at him and his eyes are dark; serious. Not a hint of that glint and playfulness he usually has. You swallow.
āUse my towel and dry up. I found some of Uruameās sweats in my drawer, so you can change and put those on.ā
As much as that statement hurts, you need to focus. More than ever. Everything was too hectic. You can only nod.
āOkay, okay,ā he runs a hand through his still wet hair. āTojiāll help you guys leave the party, I canāt do much right now. You didnāt drink right?ā
You can barely shake your head.
He curses. āThen he'll also get you guys a cab to go home, got that? Make sure Uruame lies on her side when she sleeps. And put the trash can beside her in case she throws up.ā
Why was this happening? What had Sukuna done? What had Majito done? You didnāt really understand what was happening. One moment you were having the time of your life and the next you were pushed into the water.
Youāre pulled back into reality when he grabs your chin to look up at him. āYouāre gonna be okay. I wonāt let anything happen to you.ā
You can barely hum out an acknowledgement before a tear slips from your eye, and heās there to catch it. His thumb tracing over the contours of your cheek. The moment is fleeting as he leaves the room. There, he stops, barely looking over his shoulder before saying āIām sorryā and the door closes behind him. His warmth you felt on your face lingers a little longer than he ever has.
And itās moments like these where you wished freshman year never happened. That you never knew the man called Sukuna Ryomen. All you can do is curl up into yourself.
āSukuna, listen-ā Toji approaches the man of the hour after he helps you take Uruame home. But all the man does is brush past him in quiet fury.
All Sukuna can think about as he stalks to him is the look of terror painted in your face as you wer shoved into the water. They way you had begged Mahito to not do it, your voice laced with fear. The way your body went from fighting with the water to being limp within seconds.
Most importantly, he remembers the sneer on Mahitoās face. The way his eyes lit up in sadistic joy. The way his group of friends laughed with him. The way everyone laughed along with them.
Sensing the birthday boy, Mahito turns with that lopsided grin.
Sukuna punches him in the face before letting him have the first word, causing Mahito to stumble a bit. Before he can gain his footing, Sukuna grabs him by the collar of his shirt and punches him again.
Heterochromia eyes look up at him in shock then humor as he stays seated on the ground, nursing his bruising cheek. Everyone whoās watching already knows how ugly the bruise will be tomorrow.
Tattooed hands grab him by the collar of his shirt again, lifting Mahito up to his height. āI told you not fuck things up.ā
The grey-blue haired man turns his head to spit out the blood accumulating in his mouth, offering Sukuna a blood coated smile. āI was just trying to have some fun.ā
āFun?ā Sukuna spits out, bringing Mahitoās face closer to his. āShe doesnāt know how to swim, you couldāve killed her.ā
āWell, lucky that her knight and shining armour came to the rescue just in time.ā
Sukuna growls and goes for another punch.
But before he can do more damage, Toji shoves them both away. When the red eyed man tries to come at Mahito again, Toji has to use all his strength to push him away again. āStop it,ā he grits out. He turns to look at Mahito. āBoth of you.ā
Slamming the door to his room, Toji yells at his friend. āWhat the fuck are you thinking?ā
Sukuna runs his hands into his now dried hair, not turning around. āHe deserved it.ā
āThat doesnāt matter.ā
It is only then, with that statement, that Sukuna spins around. āIt doesnāt matter? It doesnāt matter? Because of him, Yn could have died. Donāt tell me it doesnāt matter.ā
The scar-lipped man looks down at him. āYou know thatās not what I meant. You just made things more complicated.ā
āI donāt care. Becauseā¦ā
āBecause what!?ā Toji finally snaps. āYou donāt even know what you want!ā
āI want her!ā Sukuna professes. And then thereās silence as the words sink in. Toji refuses to speak as he simply watches his friend process those words. Watches as dread follows realization.
In a softer tone, Sukuna continues, āFrom the moment I saw her, I knew.ā He swallows. āI have always wanted her.ā
āYou donāt mean that,ā But when his friend gives Toji that look of resolution, of unwavered certainty, itās his turn to swallow. āYou canāt possibly mean that, youāre with Uruame.ā
āI tried! I tried so hard to get her away from me!ā Sukuna pulls on his hair and looks to Toji for help. āI just couldnāt stay away from her!ā
āSo what are you going to do about it?ā
āI canāt do anything!ā The pink hair holds up his wrist in agony. āIām stuck! Jinās health is deteriorating and father refuses to help because of that woman, so no one can watch over Itadori but me. I can barely make it to my classes in order to take care of him. Iāve been avoiding Uruame because I know she wants more than what I can give her and I can barely stand to be in the same fucking room as Mahito without wanting to strangle him! So tell me Toji, tell me how Iām supposed to push this all on Yn? She doesnāt deserve to be part of this mess, she-ā
Toji grabs Sukuna and pulls him into a hug. āItās okay. You know Iāll be here for you. Itāll be okay.ā
Sukunaās visits become less and less to the point where he stops coming at all. You try not to think too much about it until Uruame comes back to the apartment slamming the door closed yelling at the top of her lungs about how much of a bitch the pink haired man can be before she gets into a sobbing mess about how polite he was in turning her down even after months of hooking up.
And so you never see him around ever, anywhere. There are occasional times when you see him rushing to class, but thatās about it. His group dwindled smaller and smaller until it was just him and Toji. Most of the time, he was alone. Headphones on. Shoulders a lot heavier. Hair longer and messier. You notice the black and red varsity jacket that he always wore proudly that displayed his fraternity was no longer seen on him. You also werenāt sure if you saw it correctly, but you were sure you saw a cast on his leg one day too.
āBroke his ankle,ā Maki says, so nonchalantly that you almost miss it. āGot it stepped on in a qualifying game. Out for the rest of the reason.ā
āWhat?ā you stop taking notes and stare at her.
āHeard it from Yuta. Covered his face when he was carried off the field.ā She sighs and looks at you. āLuckily no surgery was needed.ā
āYeaā¦ā Panda adds. āHeās in some deep shit right now from what the rumors say.ā
That only deepens your furrowed brows.
āHe punched the president of his fraternity straight through the face in one of the parties last week." Panda smirks. "Wished I was there to witness it."
Your pencil stops. That was the night you fell into the pool.
"He got kicked out," Toge states matter of factly.
Panda hums. "Makes sense. Supposedly he and the president never got along in the first place. Sukuna wanted to run for president and was shot down at any chance he got. They were always disagreeing on things. Pretty sure the fight was the perfect excuse for the president to use against Sukuna to kick him out."
āDo you know why?ā you finally have the courage to muster out, afraid your voice would betray your emotion if your face wasnāt already.
Maki shrugs. āNot really. Yuta just told me the president had whispered something into his ear and the next thing he knew, he saw Sukuna punch Mahito in the face. Even Toji struggled to get the man off. Toji of all people. Can you believe that?ā
Whatever concentration you have has dissipated. None of this made sense. Sure he looked like a rough person but you've seen him. Seen the way he put leftovers in the fridge and wrote, āfeel free to take some, made too much,ā on a hello kitty sticky note whenever he cooked for him and Uruame when you came home past midnight. Who, even after two weeks of you having eaten it, asks how you liked it. Sukuna, who as Uruame recounted for you, had helped you into your room when you stumbled into the apartment a little bit past tipsy and that you should be grateful towards him. Sukuna, who, after a rugby game and after putting down Uruame from a tight embrace, greets and bows to you and your friend group politely. Not leaving a single one out.
It just didnāt add up. It wasnāt the Sukuna you knew, was it? Then again, you guys were barely friends. Not even considered acquaintances. Just fleeting moments and encounters sprinkled across three years.
That was the last anyone ever saw Sukuna for the last half of the semester of junior year. Not even Toji. "Even if I did, I wouldn't tell ya." He answers you after weeks of persistence before quickly walking away from you. Expelled. Dropped out. That was what you hear around campus.
As rapid as the fire was, it dissipated just as quickly. A whisper of a ghost. Sukuna who? No one knew of that person. The rugby team spoke about him as a martyr. The fraternity scorned it out of existence.
The only recorded memory was his name scorched in those books.
You tap your feet to the ticking of the clock, hoping that it'll help fasten up the pace at the coffee shop. You were angry at yourself for losing a bet with Toge and now you are going to be fetching the group coffee in the morning for the next month.
"I can help the next person here!" A worker calls, frantically trying to set up the cashier station. Quickly wiping off washed hands, he asks, "Sorry ābout the wait, what can I get you?"
"Sukuna?"
He looks up from his hat, frozen in place by whoās in front of him. "Yn?"
Sukuna sees the way you look him up and down and heās almost embarrassed. "I didn't know you worked here. Um, three iced Americans please, if you would."
He shrugs, punching in the order. "I actually work in the back. Had to open up this cash register to help with the rush hour. Medium size?"
You can only nod as you continue to stare at him. He had a cap on but from the tips poking out, you can tell his pink hair has faded to a warm salmon color, a whisper of the past heās trying to forget, or correct. You purse your lips and look at him. Really look at him. It's been almost six months since you've seen him. His arms look a little stronger. That smile, though a little awkward right now, is just a little softer. His eyes are just as you remember. You pass him your card.
He pushes it back, shaking his head. "It's okay. It's on me."
"No,ā you huff, trying to smile but failing. āI couldnāt-"
And then he's yelling out the order to the back and passing the receipt. "It was nice seeing you again, Yn." And the next person is already approaching his register.
For some reason, you feel guilty for not telling Uruame about running into Sukuna. In fact, you donāt tell her at all. Or anyone, really. Your secret to keep, your secret to tell.
Somehow, it slowly became a routine for the both of you. Oftentimes, youāre surprised no one in your friend group has caught on to you, sometimes purposely losing the monthly bet just to catch Sukuna at the cafe.
Itās harmless, you often told yourself. You werenāt doing anything wrong, per say. It had taken you a few weeks to get Sukunaās work hours right, but when you did, even he couldnāt help but have his eyes drawn to the door whenever the chime rang through the cafe.
You crouch in front of the little boy, offering him a soft smile with a tilt of your head. "I like your pink beanie."
Itadori beams in his seat. "Thank you! Me too!" Then he leans in closer and you can't help but reciprocate. "Grandpa says I can't dye my hair pink like Uncle Sukuna or else heād kill me so Uncle Sukuna bought me a pink beanie instead."
You can't help but chuckle. "Oh, that's too bad."
"It's okay! He told me secretly that when I move in with him he'll dye my hair the same color!" He closes his eyes with satisfaction.
You offer him a high five and he takes it.
Sukuna scoffs teasingly and you turn at the noise. He's drying off a mug as you walk up to the counter, pulling up a seat. "Don't encourage his behavior. I donāt want him to turn out like me."
You give him a lopsided grin and he nearly drops the ceramic object. "Would that be so bad?"
"Yes," he looks past you, his eyes softening. Something you haven't seen often now. "I want him to be better than me.ā
You toy with the sugar packets. āI think youāre a good role model in his life.ā
Sukuna finally sets the mug down, shaking his head. āWhat good am I? Some college drop-out working at some deadbeat job?ā
āYouāre just taking a break right now to focus on your family. Youāre doing it for him.ā
The barista puts his hands on the edge of the counter, flexing it, looking once more at Itadori, who gives him a big smile before Sukunaās line of sight is back on you. āYou donāt understand. Iām not a good person.ā
āYou are,ā you tell him firmly.
āIām not, just look at me.ā His voice is full of disdain and poisonous venom.
āAll I see is you, Sukuna,ā your voice a soft whisper.
Maki flicks her gaze your way before quickly looking away and at Toge instead, bulging out her eyes out as if sending him a message. Toge raises both his eyebrows and jerks his head to Panda, who is sitting besides you, sipping his milkshake. Panda, shaking his head in refusal, silenting slices his neck in the air with his finger before pointing it at the platinum blonde boy.
Toge frowns and resorts to stomping on Maki's feet, to whom yelps and bangs her knee on the table. It is only then that you stop staring at your phone and look up at them quizzically.
Maki throws her fist in the air as a silent threat to Toge before putting on a smile to you. āAre you okay?ā
āYea, why wouldnāt I be?ā you tell them curtly.
āWell I donāt know. Maybe the fact that you havenāt even noticed the fries that Panda has been stealing or the fact that youāve been staring at your phone as if- OW!ā Togeās knee jerks up to hit the table as Maki shoots him a death glare.
āYou havenāt been engaging with us at all today,ā Maki clarifies.
It was true, but you couldnāt help it. After that conversation with Sukuna, he wasnāt messaging you as much nor was he in the cafe whenever you stopped by. You didnāt think you had done anything that day to set him off. Actually, you were entitled to anything. But instead, all you can muster is, āIām okay, really. Just a busy day at my internship, you know how it is.ā
As Panda nods in fake understanding, milkshake forgotten as he makes eye contact with the other two.
Given the signal, Maki reaches over the table to touch your hand. āWe know.ā
You freeze at that. āSee? So thereās nothing-ā
The twin shakes her head. āNo, we know.ā
āI donāt- I-ā
Panda finally speaks up. āItās okay.ā
This time itās Toge who steals one of your remaining fries. āDo you know how often you were smiling at your phone? How much happier you were suddenly? Not to mention, how often you were losing the bets when we all know how good you are at winning them?ā
You open your mouth to deny those claims but Panda steps in again nonchalantly.
āPlus, you left your phone open when you went to use the bathroom two weeks ago at Yutaās apartment. We all saw the notification from him.ā
All you can do is stare at them in silence. Afraid to speak. Afraid to understand all of this. They look at you in return, just watching. Not a single one is pressuring you. Finally, āWhat do I do guys?ā
āThatās for you to finally decide on. What you both decide on,ā Maki tells you.
Toge chimes in, āWhat weāre gonna do is order another milkshake and fries.ā
Sukuna is sweeping up the floor when he hears the sharp chime of the door. āWeāre closed-ā
And then he looks up, because he can hear the heavy breathing and his ears tell him all that he needs to know before even looking up. He stops sweeping. āWhat are you doing here?ā
āHave I upset you?ā you can barely breathe and youāre not quite sure if itās from the running or the adrenaline coursing through your body from spontaneously showing up like this.
Sukuna leans the broom against a chair and stuffs his hand into his pockets. āNo?ā
His body language ticks something off inside of you. āThen can you explain why you have been avoiding me? Whenever I come into the cafe, I never seem to catch you when youāre in. Iām sorry if I offended you the other day, I didnāt mean to.ā
The tattooed man looks up at the ceiling for a long time. So long in fact that youāre about to repeat what youāve just said again, a hundred times if you needed to, until he says, āItās not that.ā
āThen what is it?!ā you finally tell him, trying your hardest to catch his eyes.
āItās complicated. You wouldnāt understand.ā
āWhat you donāt understand,ā you step closer to him, voice catching, āis that I donāt know my own heart anymore. I donāt even know how to name what I'm feeling. I thought we were friends, and yet--ā
Sukuna physically flinches. āWe canāt be friends.ā
Your brows furrow, getting further and further from ever truly understanding whatās going on in his brain, whatās going on with him. You canāt even comprehend what heās saying. āWhat?ā
āBecause,ā he finally says, voice shaking, āI donāt want to be your friend. We canāt be just friends.ā He looks up at you and his eyes are so full with pain and longing it actually takes your breath away. āI love you.ā
He breaks.
His voice. His face. His heart.
He canāt meet your eyes, almost shameful. āI love you,ā he says, his words harsh and soft and vulnerable all at once. āBut this isnāt how I wanted it to be.ā
āSukuna-ā
He trembles at the sound of his name falling from your lips, finally, finally looking at you. āPlease, leave. I canāt bear it anymore.ā
And then youāre digging into your pockets, fishing out the worn out baby tiger keychain from years of carrying it. The same keychain you had mistakenly taken with your belongings when you rushed out of his dorm room after the kiss. The constant and only reminder that it had happened, that it wasnāt somehow a mistake. Amongst the warm metal, the keychain trembles in your hand as you hold it out to him.
āIāve carried it all this time,ā you tell him softly. āI meant to, somehow, give it to you earlier, but there was never a proper moment. But I think now is a good time to let it go.ā
Sukuna takes it into his hands, face unreadable as he turns it over in his palms.
It was you.
The lucky charm, a matching keychain set Sukuna bought for Itadori when he was born. He still can remember the devastated look his nephew gave Sukuna when he broke the news of losing his pair.
It was the same one he spent all these years looking for; turning over each furniture in the house and driving Toji up the wall because he refused to play in any rugby game, be in any conference, or take any test without it. He thought he had lost it but all along it was you who had it. Yesā¦ all along it was you.
He looks up and he finds that your eyes are searching his just as his are to yours. The keychain somehow burning in his palms with every passing second.
Sukuna can feel lit. He can feel you slipping away as you turn away from him and start to walk away. His voice catches in his throat and he has to swallow twice before finally saying, āI want you.ā You stop. āFrom the moment I saw you at orientation, I have always wanted you.ā
āFrom the moment I kissed you, I was yours. You were never going to be just an easy hook-up but I was afraid of hurting you. Iām not a good person.ā He wants you to turn around, but Sukuna knows he doesnāt deserve that from you. Not after all that heās put you through. "You are my oxygen. When I'm with you, it's like a breath of fresh air. When Iām not near you, I can't breathe without you.
āI do,ā you state simply, words hanging on by a thread, āI do think of you. All the time. I wanted to forget but I couldn't.ā
You finally turn around to look at him. āYou stole my first kiss, and my heart. These past three years I tried to forget these feelings, forget everything, ashamed because I thought I was the only one.
āNever.ā
Your entire body is trembling as you turn in resolution. āDonāt. Donāt give me hope. I canāt- we canāt. Uruame-ā
āI know.ā Boldly, he closes the distance between you and cups your face. In a whisper, āI know. Iāll figure something out, we'll make it work. I promise you that.ā
āSukuna,ā you cry out, hand on his wrists. Unsure, just like him. You want to shake your head but his hands stop you from doing so, eyes never leaving yours. Youāre unsure about all of this and you think he is too but then soft lips reach yours.
The kiss is tentative, wary, hesitant and when you open up to him and reciprocate, you hear a sigh leave his entire body. Sukunaās grip on your face tightens as if he doesnāt want to let this moment go; as if he didnāt hold you tight enough youād disappear. The kiss, started shy and uncertain, becomes bold and unyielding.
You pull him just as close. Lips following a steady rhythm, almost like a song written on a track record you had forgotten all these years. With every passing moment, the kiss deepens, as if it were trying to make up for all the longing stares and stolen touches, of unvoiced desires and quiet understanding.
Sukuna savors every breath and taste and commits it to memory. His hand makes it to the bottom of your shirt, finger slipping under to simply stay there on your abdomen. Something to ground him. His lips are slow and searching, drinking you in one moment and barely there the next.
Before you step back, he pulls you in for one more kiss. He sighs your name as he holds you close. Too soon, he pulls away. Heās breathing hard, and his gaze is still fixed on your mouth.
You attempt a deep breath, but thereās no oxygen in the room. Everything is him. Everything is Sukuna. His fingers clench tight around your waist, holding you in place.
You try to tilt your head so you can fuse his mouth to yours but he takes over the movement, guiding your head to the perfect angle so he can trace his tongue over your lips.
Every little insignificance and coincidences, all the struggles and problems fade to nothing as the both are able to embrace each other.
Sukuna runs a thumb across your cheek before tucking a strand back into place. He sighs your name as he holds you close. āI-ā
Your lips are still warm. You feel his lips on every syllable you speak. āI love you, Sukuna.ā
He puts his forehead against yours and smiles. āI love you too.ā
And you know, whatever happens next, you'll both figure it out.
!spoilers ahead for those who haven't watched the second episode of aot season 4, part 2. as well as manga spoilers!
Ok ok, just wanted to say before hand that if there is any grammar mistakes or errors, I apologize beforehand because I'm in a rush to write this all down before I forget it.
I wanted to talk about one specific scene in this episode where it cuts to Falco, Gabi, and colt hiding out in an abandoned house. When Gabi slides down the wall we see this shot here.
Cages. Specifically bird cages.
This part of the anime comes out of chapter 118 of the manga here.
In these two scenes (cropped and editted), there are no cages at all. Not even one. So it was MAPPA's artistic choice to include the cages. And like, it was a good choice???
Literally holds so much symbolism here, literally and figuratively. Everything in AOT is a cage and I love how MAPPA solidifies that symbol by including bird cages when in the manga panel where there was none. They could have just animated this scene as it was drawn in the manga but they didn't. Love the creative route MAPPA took for this.
After this scene above, Gabi says something along the lines of, "We kept repeating the same mistakes over and over again." I loved this line being said by Gabi herself as the camera looms over the three of them, the cages sitting along with them. Such good cinematography
This is the only cage that is open. I looked at the other instances where these cages were shown and there were none (from what I saw) that showed an open door. I think MAPPA did an excellent job showing rather than telling the audience that message in that frame. Adding these cages amped the episode for me.
[Will probably edit this later to fix and add some stuff later.]
