In honour of the (un)dead Robins

[hypotenussy]

the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

[thecharmingquirksofothers]

incredible prev tags

[catastrophic-writer-deactivated]

Story Time:

Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:

This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after I’ve scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, “Um,” from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.

And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. We’re just… in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?

She didn’t even have garlic bread in her cart.

I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.

Well, the registers don’t like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but she’s not by her pager.

At this point, both myself and the lady are just… dumbfounded. She’s not even mad. I’m not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. There’s a bit of laughter, but it’s mostly just… confusion.

I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because she’s not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.

“What… did you do?”

“I genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea.”

She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasn’t scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.

My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, “I think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price.”

And that’s when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didn’t take a damn picture, because she has proof and I don’t. But I swear to God it happened.

TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

that’s just how valuable library cards are. each one is worth at least $4000 of garlic bread

[nudityandnerdery]

A picture is worth a thousand words, a library card is worth $4000 worth of garlic bread, if we can figure out how many words the average library card can check out at once, we can probably work out a picture-to-garlic bread conversion here, too.

[starpains]

on “the blond,” “the older man,” and other crimes against third-person limited

You know that thing where a story is written in tight third person limited — we’re meant to be inside someone’s head, seeing the world through their thoughts — and then suddenly the narration says “the blond frowned” or “the shorter woman sighed” about a person the POV character knows really well?

That’s called antonomasia — using a descriptive label instead of a name. And it’s fine when we’re talking about strangers: “the cashier handed her the receipt,” “the tall guy blocked the door.” The POV character doesn’t know their names, and we just need a quick way to tell people apart.

But the moment it’s used for someone the POV character already knows, it breaks immersion. Because that’s not how our minds work. We don’t think “the older man smiled at me.” We think “Mark smiled.” Or maybe “my boss” if that relationship matters in the moment.

Third person limited means the narration sits inside someone’s perception. Their inner monologue is the story’s voice. So when you switch from “Mark smiled” to “the blond smiled,” you’ve pulled the camera away from their mind and turned it into an outside shot.

If you want to create distance or irritation, you can do it on purpose —

“The idiot from accounting emailed again.”

That’s character voice. That’s judgment. That works.

But otherwise?

As soon as your POV character knows someone’s name, use it. While we do tend to worry about repetitions, names rarely register as such to the readers.

If you need variety for rhythm, use relational or emotional identifiers that make sense in their head: her friend, his partner, their teacher, the person they loved.

Because inside someone’s thoughts, there are no “blonds” or “brunettes.”

There are only people they know.

[wisteria-lodge]

Really good explanation of the fundamental problem with this type of writing.

(and why it's one of my huge pet peeves)

[clairedaring]

Dance is neither about technique nor stamina. Love is what makes it whole.

10DANCE テンダンス — 2025, dir. Keishi Ōtomo

[bythelynx]

You create the characters.

You design their personalities, their past, their dynamics.

And then they refuse to behave

the way you planned.

At some point you stop arguing with them

and just take notes.

[drabbles-and-rambles]

I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[swampthingy]

[actuallyapathy]

[the-lumpfish-queen]

I love environmental storytelling

[belphegor1982]

[hotlegsharker]

[berlynn-wohl]

[harleyklawz]

Its fucking hieroglyphs with you people

[tafkarfanfic]

Are you in the USA? I cannot stress this enough: search your state's unclaimed property site to see if there is anything in your name.

I just got a check for nearly $900 that I didn't know about. Apparently it was sent to me at the end of 2019 and I never got it, so it was sent on to Unclaimed Property.

My friend checked the state he used to live in. He didn't have any unclaimed property of his own. But his dad, who died 20 years ago, had over $10,000 in unclaimed property. My friend is the heir, so he gets that money.

It involves a little paperwork to get the money but it's so worth it!

You can search ALL states using MissingMoney.com. And I recommend that you search ALL states - sometimes you might get a surprise about post property in another state (as my friend did with his dad!)

[tafkarfanfic]

Someone asked, "Wait, what is unclaimed property from?"

If a company, like Comcast or AT&T or Blue Cross Blue Shield, tries to send you a check but it's lost in the mail, or you moved, or for other reasons you don't deposit it, after two years they send it to the state you live in. The state then has it in a database under your name.

If you have a relative who died, they probably have funds in here, even if they were poor. If someone didn't close a bank account after their death, or never got the deposit back for the cable box, or never cleared out their PayPal account, that money would wind up in unclaimed property. (All three examples are actual things from my friend's sister that we just found in unclaimed property in her state. She died ten years ago.)

[bitchesgetriches]

Spreading the good news about unclaimed property! We wrote simple instructions about how to find yours here:

The Magic of Unclaimed Property: How I Made $1,900 in 10 Minutes by Being a Disorganized Mess 

[porcupine-girl]

Holy shit I just did a search for all states, and after scrolling through a page and a half of things that clearly aren’t me I hit one that’s under my maiden name at my address from high school - where I haven’t lived in over 20 years and nobody in my family has lived in 15 years.

[harocat]

My last job was at a company that handled unclaimed property directly before it went to the state. GUYS DO THIS. And do it for your family and friends as well! Then notify them if you find anything. You will not believe how big the sums of money that people are owed can be.

[depsidase]

[vet-and-wild]

The best restraint tool in vet med is a towel, hands down. Do you know how many things I’ve restrained with a towel?

Angry cat? Burrito it.

Scared bunny? Burrito it.

Tiny squish faced dog that you cant get a muzzle on? Burrito it.

Screaming macaw? Burrito it.

Injured wildlife? Burrito it.

I burritoed an arctic fox today. Last week it was a cormorant. Before that it was a blue heron. When in doubt, burrito it.

[gallusrostromegalus]

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”

― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

And, apparently, Burrito Goddamn Anything with hit.

You should always know where your Towel is.

[sambuchito]

every time I fumble w my phone’s charger cable I think about emailing steven moffat a pipe bomb

[krakenartificer]

Leverage AU where Nate does go into the priesthood … but still ends up doing the same thing.

“Bless me, father, for I have sinned.”

“Go on.”

“I knocked over a liquor store.”

“And why did you do that?”

“Well my mom’s sick. We can’t afford the pain medication, and I know alcohol is a bad pain reliever, but I don’t know how to break into a pharmacy, so …”

“OK, my son, what we’re going to do is, we’re going to get your mom her medicine. But I’m going to need your help. I need you to call the health insurance company, and tell them —“

“Is… is this my penance?”

“Uh yeah. Sure. Penance. Yeah.”

[swimmingblue]

Now I need an au of this where Nate has like ... a circle of other religious authority figures as his crew.

[krakenartificer]

Oh hell yeah.

Eliot in the Swiss Guard

Hardison hasn’t taken vows or anything but he runs IT for the church and it’s fascinating how much easier it is to stay under budget since he joined. I guess those computers just must be very efficient. 🤷

Parker was sent off to a convent as an inconvenient child. She’s technically a student at the Catholic school, but she also never leaves the grounds? Or at least, no one ever sees her leave. No one ever sees her around, either, so it’s kinda hard to say.

Sister Mary Sophia 😇 is absolutely a genuine nun and you cannot prove otherwise 😏

[eclipxium]

There's rpf tinhatting and then there's "realistically, they've jerked off together at least once." It's different yk

[egberts]

the world's smallest carnivore is called the "least weasel" 😭😭 i'm dying but like if it's the smallest carnivore then it sure is the least amount of weasel you can have 😭😭😭

[sator-the-wanderer]

Look at him: this is absolutely the least amount of weasel you can have

[daughterofsarenrae]

To really put it in perspective

[flootzavut]

Immediately I love him

[burntcopper]

things english speakers know, but don’t know we know.

[windycityteacher-deactivated202]

WOAH WHAT?

[ice-light-red-deactivated201611]

That is profound. I noticed this by accident when asked about adjectives by a Japanese student. She translated something from Japanese like “Brown big cat” and I corrected her. When she asked me why, I bluescreened.

[moved--306389]

What the fuck, English isn’t even my first language and yet I picked up on that. How the fuck. What the fuck.

[exomoon]

Reasoning: It Just Sounds Right

[arkthepieking]

Oooh, don’t like that. Nope, I do not even like that a little bit.  That’s parting the veil and looking at some forbidden fucking knowledge there.

[canthinkofaurl-deactivated20221]

How did I even learn this language wtf

[titaniumelemental]

I had to read “brown big cat” like three times before my brain stopped interpreting it as “big brown cat”

[arjan-de-lumens]

I’m kinda reading “brown big cat” as “brown (big cat)”, that is, a “big cat” - like a tiger or lion or other felid of similar size - that happens to be brown. “Big brown cat”, on the other hand, sounds more like a brown cat that’s just a bit bigger than a regular housecat - like a bobcat or a maine coon cat or something like that.

[the-real-seebs]

yeah, a brown big cat is almost certainly a puma. a big brown cat is probably a maine coon.

[whetstonefires]

yeah, if you put the adjectives out of order you wind up implying a compound noun, which is presumably why we have this rule; we stripped out so much inflection over the centuries word order now dictates a huge amount of our grammar

[delphinidin4]

Just looked up why we do this and one of the first lines in this article is, “Adjectives are where the elves of language both cheat and illumine reality.” so I know it’s a good article.

Things this article has taught me:

This same order of adjectives more or less applies to languages around the world.  “It’s possible that these elements of universal grammar clarify our thought in some way,” says Barbara Partee, a professor emeritus of linguistics and philosophy at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst. Yet when the human race tacitly decided that shape words go before color words go before origin words, it left no record of its rationale.

One theory is that the more specific term always falls closer to the noun. But that doesn’t explain everything in adjective order.

Another theory is that as you get closer to the noun, you encounter adjectives that denote more innate properties. In general, nouns pick out the type of thing we’re talking about, and adjectives describe it,” Partee told me. She observes that the modifiers most likely to sit right next to nouns are the ones most inclined to serve as nouns in different contexts: Rubber duck. Stone wall.

Rules are made to be broken. Switching up the order of adjectives allows you to redistribute emphasis. (If you wish to buy the black small purse, not the gray one, for instance, you can communicate your priorities by placing color before size).  Scrambling the order of adjectives also helps authors achieve a sense of spontaneity, of improvising as they go. Wolfe discovers such a rhythm, a feeling-his-way quality, when he discusses his childhood recollection of “brown tired autumn earth” and a “flat moist plug of apple tobacco.”

Brain scans have discovered that your brain has to work harder to read adjectives in the “wrong” order.

TL;DR: No one knows why we do this adjective thing but it’s pretty hardwired in.

[cuzosu-blog]

@deadcatwithaflamethrower Linguistics tidbit.

[thecsjones]

Since it’s never credited, this is from Mark Forsyth’s The Elements of Eloquence, and just one reason why I think it’s required reading for anyone interested in prosecraft. Every page is this useful.

[damazcuz]

Are you doing okay? We missed you at the devil's sacrament. He mentioned you by name. Everyone was looking around and cheering until we realized you weren't there. If you need to talk I'm always here. At the aforementioned devil's sacrament.