exactly, bing-bong.

Hiya, I'm Allie! I'm twenty-eight, very tall, and extremely normal about everything. Find my doodles @patatoots and my fics @allie-writes!

[vacuumtan]

day ??? of me trying and failing to get my friends to understand that i simp for the middle aged widower

[gayhoediaz]

the best fic you have ever read in your entire fucking stupid life: written by anonymous

[valtsv]

i'm like a fujoshi but for dead people

[valtsv]

if you could see the thread i'm hanging on by you would not say these things to me

[chirasul]

there's like 10,0000,0 accounts with names like "Best Heritage Posts" and "Tumblr Hall Of Fame Posts" and "So Funny Hellsite Posts" but where's the shitty posts accounts. where's the hall of fail accounts. i want to see the worst of the worst

[shitidiotloserheritageposts]

heritage post

[chirasul]

come on man

[trying-trying2lyk]

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

[heavensenthousepet]

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

[melonisopod]

[nonetoon]

Everyone meet just a normal goose :)

[nonetoon]

Glad you guys like this totally normal goose!

[nonetoon]

I am making everyone remember normal goose

[nonetoon]

Well, I can not find the original separate post of this so I’m just going to tack these on here

[adz]

i am a biological machine that turns cold cans of Campbell’s soup into shareholder value and nude selfies

[adz]

>:(

[toastyglow]

headstrong and foolhardy medieval king: never shall I bend the knee!!!

physical therapist: okay well if you keep lifting with your back you are just going to get hurt again your majesty

[thememedaddy]

[rennerei]

j: See, they're searching for a man, and I- s: Pfft. j: how dare you laugh at my brilliant scheme! 🤭

[thevampirecrow]

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

[dreamingnemleria]

[prokopetz]

Daily affirmations:

What is this place?

What manner of creature are you?

What sorcery is this?

[fuzzytheduck]

who goes there?

who sent you?

who dares disturb my slumber?

[scribe-awoken]

What is that beautiful house?

Where does that highway go to?

Am I right?

Am I wrong?

My God! What have I done?

[lizardsfromspace]

Imagine washing up on Dinotopia and getting a talk saying "unfortunately, you can't escape this island! You'll never go home or see your loved ones ever again" & then while you're crying they say "I'm sorry, you'll just have to live on the island of dinosaur communism for the rest of your life" and you look up through your bleary eyes and go. Wait what

[albertnatural]

i got bit by a snake! quick!! you have to jerk me off to get the poison out! and pinch my nipples a little, too. and call me good boy! yeah that’s the only antidote I looked it up on Internet Explorerrrrrrr

[albertnatural]

i didn’t post this. i was hacked and this is all they posted #promise

[chilewithcarnage]

can you tell the hacker to come back

[amustikas]

my crew