The Fantastic Tree

21, infp, whole lot of fandoms and a whole lot of nothingness

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[doubleca5t]

An actual World Heritage Post

[dykecosette]

how does this post not have a million notes but anyone online can quote it

[definitelynotlazav]

one week until ten years of Spiders Georg

[yd12k]

[thefallling]

WHERES THAT POST FUCK YOU PEOPLE WHO DONT CELEBRATE FICTION CHARACTERS BIRTHDAY

HAPPY 11th BIRTHDAY SPIDERS GEORG!!!!

[tilthat]

TIL that the reason lead levels in children’s blood have dropped 85% in the past thirty years is because of an unknown scientist who fought car companies to end leaded gasoline. He also removed it from paint, suggested its removal from pipes, and campaigned for the removal of lead solder from cans.

via ift.tt

[squeeful]

Yep.  It also correlates extremely strongly with an increasing decrease of violent crime.  One of the symptoms of low level constant lead exposure is increased aggression and volatility. 

[kurowrites]

“Unknown scientist”? That was Clair Cameron Patterson.

[solarpunkcast]

Gas companies are still so mad at him he’s “unknown scientist”, know his name

[bogleech]

Daily reminder that health and safety standards like these are what politicians mean when they talk about “deregulation.”

[prismatic-bell]

Patterson died 5 December 1995.

Petition to make his date of death a Tumblr holiday celebrated by talking about cool shit the gas and petroleum industries don’t want us to know about, and fighting to continue his work.

[breelandwalker]

Happy Clair Cameron Patterson Day! Remember to hold Big Business and our country’s leadership for safety regulation and environmental preservation standards!

[depsidase]

[wileycap]

Selected Correspondence of Fire Lord Zuko

As preserved by the Royal Archives

1.

My good hotman Zuko,

It's Aang! Sokka let me borrow Hawky. Please feed him before sending him back.

I'm writing to ask if it's okay for me to drop by. Except I'll probably be there by the time you get this, because Appa flies faster than Hawky. Still, it's polite to ask!

Write back (or don't.)

Hot regards

Your friend Aang

-

Revered Avatar Aang

Hawky arrived two hours after you left. Never send me "hot regards" again. Like I keep telling you, language has changed in the past 100 years. It doesn't mean what you think. Future historians will think we were having an affair.

It's always okay to drop by. Hawky has been fed.

May your inner fire warm you (write that down somewhere)

Fire Lord Zuko

2.

Hi

need 3 fire benders (zappy) + few construction workers + a lot of copper

Delivr to harbor

sokka

-

Honorable tribesman Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, son of Chief Hakoda, Hero of the 100 Year War

No.

May your inner fire warm you

Fire Lord Zuko

-

Dear Jerk Lord of the Jerk Nation, Master Jerkbender and All-Around Jerk

quit being stingy and send me what i need. seriously. the fate of your nation is at stake. LOOK:

[drawing of two pickles, a stick figure and waves]

Hot regards

Sokka

-

Sokka

Your drawing makes no sense. I'm writing a law which bans you from owning a messenger hawk.

I found you three volunteer firebenders who can lightningbend. They'll be there in a week with four carts of copper. If you need construction workers, beg Toph, don't bother me.

Feed Hawky better. He's malnourished, he keeps begging me for more food.

And don't do that.

Fire Lord Zuko

3.

Dear Honorless Usurper

My, how the time flies. It seems as if it was only yesterday that I was supposed to be crowned Fire Lord, and here we are, celebrating the first full year of your doomed reign. I salute you.

Know this: you won't know peace for long. I have entered into an alliance with Admiral Noboru. He is a true patriot and has kindly offered me three ships and 2000 men to retake the throne. He has also generously offered to serve as my consort, "despite my mental deficiency."

I am writing as a courtesy, as it is obvious that the throne will soon be mine. I might even let you live.

May Agni's light shine on you*

Azula

Fire Lord-in-exile

[* common benediction for the dead during Fire Lord Zuko's reign]

-

Dear Sister

Thank you for writing. I spoke with Noboru. I told him that I was allowing an Agni Kai and that you were on your way.

Noboru has fled the country. He gifted you his whole estate, see the enclosed list. He said to tell you he's sorry and not to come after him.

Please come visit any time. I hope your healing is going well.

May your inner fire warm you

Your brother Zuko

[enclosed: A list of assets including a home in the 5th Province, a vacation home on Ember Island, 20 acres of farmland, a substantial amount of gold and silver and assorted property]

4.

Zuko

this is the worst copper i've ever seen??? i want a refund. you're the worst copper merchant ever.

sokka

-

Sokka

You didn't even pay for the copper. I'm not giving you a refund. And I'm not a copper merchant. I didn't even buy it, somebody else did. What's wrong with it?

I can send you more if you need?

Fire Lord Zuko

-

Sokka

I sent you two more carts of copper. This is the best copper we have, so if it's not good enough, you can get your own and stop mooching off of me.

Fire Lord Zuko

5.

[on a thin sheet of metal]

Sparky! Earth Rumble 8 is two weeks from now. I'm coming to pick you up in the morning two days before.

Check it out: I can write now. Katara helped me with the characters but I've got it now. Hawky isn't strong enough to carry these, but Katara's dad is letting me borrow Seabreeze.

It's TOPH.

-

Dear Lady Beifong

You can't just come pick me up! I'm the Fire Lord. Two weeks isn't enough time for me to arrange days off.

I'd like to come watch you knock some heads, but I can't. Sorry.

Feed Seabreeze. Seriously. What's wrong with you people? Every bird you send me is starving.

May your inner fire warm you

Fire Lord Zuko

-

[on a thin sheet of metal]

Sparky. Thanks for sending me a sheet of paper but my privy is stocked. I can guess what it says though: "I can't go I'm so busy and I'm too much of a wimp to clear my schedule"

I'm coming to pick you up. Tell your guards they can either get out of my way or get CRUSHED. It's gonna be fun.

It's TOPH.

-

A painting of Fire Lord Zuko, Lady Beifong, Master Katara, Avatar Aang, Suki of Kyoshi Island and Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe. Lady Beifong is sitting on the Fire Lord's shoulders, holding up a decorative belt and smiling widely.

[hismajestysaerialcorps-temeraire]

I like to imagine Jane Roland and Lady Allendale at tea for the first time, like:

Admiral Roland: Thank you for your hospitality.

Lady Allendale: of course my dearest, it is always a pleasure to host a guest of such distiction, who is yet so near and dear to our own hearts. I trust our dear Emily is well?

Jane: About that, just to be clear, I know you and Laurence would rather have hot pokers shoved up your arses than talk of matters of the flesh above the table, but Emily is not Laurence’s, that is to say our beloved William’s-…his by-blow. His bastard. Her father was an aviator.

Lady Allendale: 😨

Jane: We are fucking though. Not Emily’s father. No I haven’t seen hair not hide of him in ages. No, Laurence and I, that is, your son and I, we are…-lovers? Yes. Something quite like that anyway.

Lady Allendale, visibly sweating: 🫠

Jane: you need not worry, old girl, he already discussed the matter of respectability, that is to say, marriage. I turned him down, immediately, as I am his superior officer.

Lady Allendale, about to collapse into a chair: 😵‍💫

Jane: if we can ever get him returned here, I should be happy to offer you something surely of a more devoted bond…if your estate can support two heavyweight dragons. Perhaps more. They need one cow and a few sacks of grain each for three days, so prepare to provision.

Lady Allendale, at the thought Jane once again settling with a flock of dragons: 🫣

Jane: och, it’s like dear Will is one of those bond street virgins and we must haggle over him like a yearling calf. Although, let me tell you, I would feed any number of the admiralty to a dragon if I could have dear Will back, but the dragons wouldn’t deign to eat anything so foul and riddled with fat and corruption. Sometimes, I wish he’d have let me plan the whole rotten affair so he may have avoided getting caught. Truly, he has no mind for the stink of subterfuge and subtlety. I suppose it no longer matters and that ship has sailed.

Lady Allendale, foaming at the mouth, being held upright by the strength of her corset and the grace of the lord almighty: 😭

Jane: Anywho, Emily is not Will’s bastard. She is mine. Shall we ring for tea?

———

Eventually Lord Allendale overhears of any of a general number of remarks and collapses in a heart attack.

[solarsyrup]

apparently lugia was created specifically for the second pokemon movie?? like the creator was surprised to see it in the games??

[solarsyrup]

what the fuck

[midnightraven13]

Also Takeshi Shudo, who created Lugia, intended for it to be a maternal figure as the creator of life on Earth, but then the company chose a masculine voice for Lugia which apparently bothered Shudo for the rest of his life.

[esthermika]

LUGIA IS TRANS

[pastabuilt]

[gayavatarstyle]

I get that being frozen for 100 years is a tough thing to go through but honestly Aang should have used it for comedy more

[gayavatarstyle]

Katara: wow so this is Omashu

Aang: back in my day it was called weed city

Sokka: I’m… pretty sure it wasn’t

Aang: that’s what the fire nation wants you to think

[gayavatarstyle]

Bumi, the second they arrive: welcome to weed city

Sokka: what the fuck

[gayavatarstyle]

can we get this post to 420,000 notes

[nugulover69]

How I'm addressing a room of people from now on

[reluctanttree]

we love a good genderfluid moment in discworld

[great-and-small]

My proposed bumper sticker design in honor of Threshold Day

[forfuckssakejim]

Flashback for threshold day in which I was talking about the episode with @spockoandjimjim after she had reblogged a shit ton of posts that made me go a little feral.

Plus my favorite response from her:

[anexperimentallife]

[everythingfox]

Cat walk

(via)

[tiktoksgay]

[pathos-logical]

[VD: A Tiktok posted by user juani.farias.10 of two workers using small paint rollers to fill in a white outline with yellow. They're working while facing each other, and their rollers get closer and closer until they touch. The men pause, kiss, then return to work. End VD]

[guavajagular]

Happy Holidays from the Holiday Boar

[memeclassheroes]

[ninjapancake314]

[schrodingers-blursed-kitty]

@mama-germany

[jedi-valjean]

Move in together. Problem solved

[broadwaytheanimatedseries]

That witch hasn’t said a single word but im calling it now - Himbo.

Also yes move in together, platonically or romantically doesn’t matter, I’d watch the hell out of that wlw mlm solidarity fantasy sitcom anyway.

[susiephone]

A fair maiden knocks on the goth lady’s door and says she’s here to find love.

The goth sighs, points across the road and says, “Witch is over there. He doesn’t do love potions because consent but he might be able to make you prettier, although 90% of the time it turns out the spell didn’t do anything but make you more confident.”

The maiden blushes and sheepishly explains that she knows he’s the witch, she just talked to him and he sent her over here.

Goth looks over her shoulder to see the himbo witch standing outside his house giving her a grin and a double thumbs up.

[mauzymorn]

YES TO ALL OF THIS

[sexycraisinthanos]

[butch-of-the-blades]

I support all of this

[dumbasscrocodile]

Himbo Witch definietly calls Goth Lady sister, and Goth Lady calls Himbo Witch brother

Wlw moon & mlm sun solidarity

[homunculus-argument]

Reading fantasy again, I've started thinking about how odd it is how in books like that, the non-human races invariably scoff at human frailty and vulnerability, even those that they'll call friends. Like that's mean?? Why would you be a dick to your friend who you know is not capable of as much as you are, and it's not their fault they were born like that. That's mean.

Like consider the opposite: Characters of non-human races treating their human companions like frail little old dogs. Worrying about small wounds being fatal - humans die of small injuries all the time - or being surprised that humans can actually eat salt, even if they can't stomach other spicy rocks. Being amazed that a human friend they haven't seen in 10 years still looks so young, they've hardly aged at all! And when the human tries to explain that they weren't going to just unexpectedly shrivel into a raisin in 10 years, the longer-lifespan friend dismisses this like no, he's seen it happen, you don't see a human for 10 or 20 years and they've shriveled in a blink.

Elves arguing with each other like "you can't take her out there, she will die!" and when the human gets there to ask what they're talking about, they explain to her that the journey will take them through a passage where it's going to be sunny out there. Humans burn in the sun. And she will have to clarify that no, actually, she'll be fine. They fight her about it, until she manages to convince them that it's not like vampires - humans only burn a little bit in the sun, not all the way through. She'll be fine if she just wears a hat.

Meanwhile dwarves are reluctant to allow humans in their mines and cities, not just out of being secretive, but because they know that you cannot bring humans underground, they will go insane if they go too long without seeing the sun. Nobody is entirely sure how long that is, but the general consensus is three days. One time a human tries to explain their dwarf companion that this is not true, there are humans that endure much longer darkness than that. As a matter of fact, in the furthest habited corners of the lands of the Northmen, the winter sun barely rises at all. Humans can survive three weeks of darkness, and not just once, but every single year.

"Then how do they sane?" Asks the dwarf, and just as he does, the conversation gets interrupted by the northland human, who had been eavesdropping, and turns to look at them with an unnerving glint in her colourless grey eyes, grinning while saying

"That's the neat part, we don't."