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@wayward2witches
Guys, do you think Ms Martian is so into baking because she’s tryna figure out how to make Oreos?
Guys, is Ms Martian creating the Martian equivalent of a meth lab inside the mountain every time she bakes?
Guys, do you think she purposely burns a batch to throw her uncle off the scent of the Oreos she’s cooking up?
HalBarry (kinda) Headcannon;
Hal has turned into Spectre and Barry has become one with the speed force. They now live in the space between reality, infinitely aware of the various timelines; and even their own existence as comic book characters.
What do they do with this infinite knowledge and time? They start a podcast.
Instead of letting the infinite unknown and suffering get them down, they talk about the various versions of their friends; manifesting a little studio with microphones and turning into a podcast, because it becomes easier to talk about.
Much like with any podcast they get into character for it in order to feel distinct from their millions of other versions that they are now aware of. Almost fanfiction-esque versions of themselves, with the added bonus of no writer or company halting them from being openly queer.
“Isn’t crazy how Superboy lost all his swag in the modern era?” Hal would laugh
“Trueeee, he used to serve. That little red and blue number? Gagged.”
“I know, and now he gives us nothing-NOTHING! It’s that fucking T-shirt.”
No one listens obviously because isn’t broadcasted but they do record it onto CDs that are floating somewhere in infinite space (God knows how Barry finds the case each time.) What’s interesting is if someone enters the SpeedForce at the right angle, or happens to fall into the infinite, you can almost hear them; and all their ridiculous hot-takes.
Justice League HC;
Superman has called everyone in for a meeting with a very specific agenda in mind. “I think we all need to address a significant issue within the team.”
“What issue are you referring to?” Diana asked, legitimately confused “I thought we were working together rather well.”
“It’s not to do with our teamwork thankfully! No this is rather a private life crossing into our hero lives; you probably all have the same experience with your own villains but it’s often that we can find ourselves messed up in their lives outside of villainy; consequently this has an effect on our working relationships and so forth.”
“You’re speaking in a lot of flowery language their supes,” Green Arrow laughs “if you suspect one of us is getting freaky with the other side of the tracks you can just say so.”
Lantern snorts at Arrows bluntness “Damnn, that true supes? Is that what this meeting is about?”
“Well, in so many words yes. I think we should either put in place a rule, or talk about boundaries, or-“
“Well you can count me out,” Arthur leans back in his chair “my wife is the only one for me; plus the thought of kissing someone like Manta makes me want to vomit.”
“Im going to have to agree with fish man,” hawkgirl hummed “I can’t see a world where I would.”
“I’m not here to accuse anyone of anything! I think it’s just a conversation we need to have!” Clark spoke up. There was a minute of silence as the leaguers were suddenly speculating on who in the league would actively shack up with a villain.
Little by little eyes fall to the Batman, who notoriously has had weird or out right romantic relationships with some his villains. It’s a fact he didn’t really hide as granted the few he had indeed ‘shacked up’ with, we’re already veering into rather anti-hero/ally territory: Selina and Harvey being to two common examples. Why Clark would bring this up now though is confusing to Bruce.
The silence dragged on and on and on and on-
“FINE!” Flash yelled slamming his hands down on the table “I admit it, me, Cold and Heat wave, have been hanging out!”
Clark looks shocked “Barry?!”
The speedster squeaks “It’s not like offical or anything, they just…invited me to dinner and I’m a sucker for food and- Imgonnastoptalking.”
Hal pats his friend on the back “It’s okay buddy. I think, I kissed sinestro it’s fine.”
With the Robin getting mechs now in absolute Batman I hoping one of them pulls an Asuka. Specifically I hope it’s Tim drake.
You simply cannot convince me that Bruce didn’t show up to a Halloween Gala in this exact fit.
Extra points if he showed up like this when people suspected he was Batman.
Dc Headcannon;
With all the commotion around Superboy prime, I’d figured this one could come out of the vault.
With all the timeline collisions and universal rewrites and what have you, I think it not completely implausible that someone from the very beginning slips through, and throughout the ages, gains somewhat of encyclopaedic knowledge of the DC universe and all its facets. Even the knowledge that they themselves are a comic character.
In my head it’s always either a Flash or Green Lantern; most often Wally West because it was Mark Waids run where they really delved into the speedforce which retroactively could work to rewrite and justify his existence before he was even born.
But instead of being drunk with knowledge that could potentially turn universes on their heads; they decide to be somewhat of an academic about it. Tracing the subtle changes in the timeline and their results, studying the lineage and frequencies of certain characters. They are at heart in love with their world, and all its creation however real or unreal it is.
I dub them the Archivist.
Someone who seeks and keeps a record of everything so even when something like Zero-Hour or Crisis on infinite earths happens; someone remembers the people in all their states of being because they care. Someone remembers who they were and who they will be.
They are not invisible to the universes they inhabit, and as the multiverse rebuilds itself; people take note of the myth that watches them. Not unfriendly in personality, he would talk to people as much as he could about their world. No spoilers, merely giving them a new perspective on what’s already infront of them. Saying that they will never interfere with a world and its events; having lived centuries upon centuries, they learn it’s never worth it. Whatever that world has in store will be done.
Information however can be all people need, and as the golden age disappeared behind them all; the archivist finds he can finally talk about it; tell people of their origins, and how they changed. Everyone being so far removed from that reality that it won’t mess with anything. People start coming to them for stories, for clues, for help, and they do as much they can.
With every new variation, theirs a new story to tell and archivist is a ready narrator.
They live in a library of sorts; pocket universe, very hard to get to; but once you do the door is always open. He’ll on the occasion take in strays who have lost their own universes but most of the time he’s by himself.
(Im being very arty about it; but I imagine their temperament is similar to that of PandaRedd)
This is probably the closest I’ll ever get to an OC.
Batfamily HC:
Damien doesn’t know how to have friends so he’s stuck in a weird limbo of being randomly romantic with people outside his family.
Talia Al Ghul doesn’t have friends.
Ras Al Ghul doesn’t have friends.
And Bruce Wayne….has complicated friends.
Before Damien was shipped off the live with his father, he spent a lot of time learning by example from his mother, this includes all manner of relationship. Specifically, she displayed behaviour toward three categories of people that Damien defined overtime; Family, soldiers, and assets. Family was to be treated with respect, and elders should listened to; soldiers were to be subjugated and controlled; and assets were to manipulated. He saw his mother seduce a lot of people who fell into the assets category.
Having no outside influences what so ever, little Damien’s brain just sorta computed that behaviour being appropriate for those outside the family he deemed valuable. Moving in with Bruce didn’t help with this; the Brucie Wayne persona dictated that he got around, and weirdly enough, viewing his relationship with League members didn’t help to define appropriate action. If anything Bruce’s only influential change in Damien’s view, was a softer approach to love and touch. One not as forceful and violent as his mother; Damien would only admit to himself that he preferred softness.
It takes a hot minute for this to come to light with the Batfamily; as implied they fell under family for the most part, even those he didn’t like, he respected them enough not to kill or harm (at least not anymore). He didn’t have any outside connections until Colin Wilkes waltzed into his life. A boy much like himself who’d dealt as much abuse as he’d been dealt; cold but not unfeeling, and unexplainably civil with Damien.
Damien noticed after a while that he liked hanging out with Colin; he relaxed him and made him feel important outside his identity as Robin, and further more, his identity as a Wayne. This boy was an asset to his piece of mind; to his happiness.
This leads to a lot of gifts; a lot of soft touches; a few pet names. Colin cannot give as grand of gifts but he allows touch, for Damien to cling to him; to hug him; to hold his hand. As they grow older together Colin even kisses his cheek, testing the waters really. “You finally accept my friendship?” Damien would ask him.
“Were we not friends?” Colin asks confused.
Colin is an enigma in himself, not growing up in a normal situation where he had normal friends; so while Damien’s behaviour was weird, he didn’t really feel the need to correct anything. He didn’t have anything to compare it to; maybe this is just how close friends behave. He can’t say he dislikes it.
Jonathan Kent would have the same thoughts as he grew close to the new Robin. At first he was mean and condescending, constantly throwing any insult he had at Jon; but then one day he just grabs Jon’s hand when they’re on a mission together. Jon yelps and looks at Robin’s hand that grasps his “Why are you holding my hand?” He asks suspiciously, concerned that Robin might try to hurt him.
“We’re friends.” Robin deadpanned, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Oh.” Jon slowly adjusted them so they were actually holding each others hands properly “Okay.”
Jon doesn’t really have friends. He can’t go to school at the moment because his dad is afraid of his powers getting exposed; and the very few people he got along with had already moved on. In fact it was the whole reason Robin and Superboy were introduced, Clark fearing his boy wouldn’t get the social interaction he needed. Damian however, was probably not the right person to come to first.
Much like with Colin things escalated and Jon got a bit confused “Hey Kon,” he corner his clone brother in the kitchen one day “you have a lot of friends right?”
“I have at least three.” Kon joked “why’d you ask?”
“Is it normal for your friends to like…kiss you and junk?”
“I mean…maybe? I think that means you’re dating though. Actually Tim kissed me before we started dating-I think dating and friends exist at the same time.” Kon’s face scrunched up in confusion “I think I’ve kissed all my friends. Am I dating all my friends? I’ve gotta make a call.”
“Okay.” Jon mumbles still confused. He decides to call Damien “Damien are we dating or friends?”
“What’s dating?” Damien’s asks curtly.
“Yknow when you like, wanna hug and kiss a person, and like, be with them for the rest of your life?”
“Hmm,” Damien’s hummed for a second “I suppose then I’m dating you and Colin.”
“Colin?”
“A friend. My first friend. If your available this weekend you can join us for movies?”
“Okay! What are we watching?”
This all culminates in the Wayne family Christmas party “Father, I wish to invite my friends.” Damien had asked him “Colin and Jon.”
Bruce was silently excited that he had friends “I see no problem with that. Clark is already coming, so he can bring Jon.”
“I will collect Colin.” Damien states before walking off.
The Kent’s arrive early and Damien almost immediately steels Jon away up to his room, dragging him by his hand up the stairs. Colin’s sitting on the floor in front of the tv in Damien’s room; surrounded by the Robins bedding that he’d dragged to the ground. Seeing the Jon come in, he pats a spot next him “Come here Johnny boy.” He invites.
Jon kisses him on the cheek and sits next to him, cuddling into his side. Damian collects them both in his arms humming quietly “I’m glad you could both make it.”
“Course,” Colin smiles pressing his forehead to Damians “wouldn’t miss it. Specially not for you two.”
They’re all in a big cuddle pile, sharing soft touches and the occasional kiss to the cheek or hand when Bruce opens the door and sees this very affectionate scene “Damian!” He cries “what is going on?”
“I’m holding my friends…?”
Flash HC:
When Wally Wests identity got revealed to the world it wasn’t half as bad as anyone thought it would be. He didn’t really have any family at the time (what with Barry and Iris being “dead”) only his girlfriend Linda Park and their relationship had become somewhat strained because being together with a hero had the chance to spoil your journalistic integrity: not all of them could pull a Lois Lane. This isn’t even mentioning that most of his Rogues and villains straight up knew who he was because they met when he was Kid Flash. Even the League was surprisingly chill about his identity being known, Wally doesn’t actually have that many notable connections to their civilian identities.
So when Wally’s identity came out, no one really batted an eye. The only thing that changed was now Wally West was as much a celebrity as Flash, and given his recent dry spot in the job market, he decides to take advantage of that. He joins some talk shows, hosts some events, and even does some live streaming. Reality TV producers, seeing a golden opportunity before them, extend an offer to him to join that seasons “Love Island” with the express idea that they would try and ruin the heroes reputation for some extra clicks.
Wally won’t lie, when he saw the offer his eyes nearly fell out of his head. They were willing to pay him a lot just to be in there, never mind if he wins the thing. He asked Linda about it, and she’s weirdly all for it “You won’t be jealous or anything?”
The woman shakes her head “I know you Wally West and you cannot flirt for shit.”
“Linda-!”
“I’ll be surprised if you don’t get kicked immediately and even if you stay on, those relationships last maybe a month after. For that much money, we can be on hold for a month.”
So Wally agrees to go on Love Island. He asks Young Justice to watch over Keystone while he’s on the show, and keeps his emergency line on at all times just in case. Truly he didn’t comprehend how much time he’d have to spend with his shirt off and starts to feel a little bit uncomfortable cause his chest is tattered with scars. All the other contestants are supremely jacked and here he was lean as anything looking like he just got into a fight with a bear. He admits that he automatically feels more comfortable with the girls than he does the men on the show and opts to kind of hover around them for most of his time there, luckily they don’t seem to mind.
Frustratingly, to the producers, it’s very hard to make Wally West look bad. He’s so earnest when he talks to people that there’s only so many ways you can skew his words before people clock on that the production company is manufacturing drama. Annoyingly, a lot of the contestants on Love Island, are Flash fans, and so the majority of the conversations that happen between them all is just them gushing about fights Wally has been in. Even with all the back stabbing nonsense happening between all the other people on the show, Wally always remains pure coming across as a real girls girl as he is often the one people come to to vent about it. The speedster just sits and listens. “You know I really feel like you listen to me. You’re not just like a yes man yknow?” One of the girls comments.
“I always try to!” Wally grins “in my line of work it’s important yknow?”
Seeing that just having Wally on the show draws them in viewers (viewers who stay because Wally is such a personable person.) the producer basically switch it to the Wally show half the time. He doesn’t win but he gets surprisingly close for someone who isn’t actually planning on dating anyone in the villa.
Flash (BatFlash kinda) HC:
For people who often travel between different dimensions, the state of the Flash has become somewhat of a litmus test for the state of that earth. He’s so central to all the multiversal events, that when something happens to him it’s usually a good indicator of how stable that earth is: and depending on who is “The Flash”, it’s a good catch all for which heroes and villains will be active in this particular timeline.
Is Flash evil? Probably best to leave that place alone.
Is Flash dead? If it’s Barry or Bart Allen there’s a 50% chance that universe is fine but if it’s Wally West there’s no hope.
Is Flash living his best life with all his kids? This is the safest universe you will ever come across.
Is Jay Garrick STILL the Flash? Timey Wimey stuff is happening, either they’re stuck in the 1930s or their universe is progressing a little slower than usual.
Is Barry Allen Flash and Cyborg on the same team? This universe takes place in a modern era from as early as the 2000s.
Are Wally West and Kyle Rayner on a team? Chances are this is taking place in the 90s, at most the 80s.
And so on.
In the Justice Lords universe, Batman actually learns this multiversal rule of thumb and starts taking great pains in taking care of Flash. Along the way, he figures out that he actually really likes the guy, and had he payed this much attention before, they would’ve been closer. But then of course that Flash is destined to die, and die in such a way that Bruce couldn’t do anything about it. He knows his universe is doomed if he doesn’t pull himself up by his boot straps and take the precautions needed: but he’s sealed his own fate.
He cared for Flash so deeply that his death wounded Bruce as much as the death of his own parents. He becomes a shell, a tool for that universes Superman to use however he sees fit. Because Bruce can’t think anymore, he couldn’t handle another loss. Even now, as he looks at Flash’s Doppelgänger from another universe who his friends have captured, knowing this version of him will do anything he can to escape: he still runs down the moment he saw his heart stop.
Guy Gardener HC:
Guy loves kids. It’s almost the sole reason he because an educator for special needs kids: he loves helping them, he adores making them happy, and he gets no greater joy than when he sees them grow up into the people they were destined to be. So imagine how hard his heart breaks when he has to give that all up when he becomes a member of the Green Lantern Corp.
He becomes jaded and a bit of an asshole because instead of doing what he loves (helping and supporting children) he’s stuck doing the “universes greatest duty”, a thankless and often mind mumbling lonely job. Most people in the Justice League and Justice Society avoid bringing him in on major decisions because they just know he’s going to be a a cranky idiot about whatever it is. However by some miracle he ends up being in on the meetings about the Young Justice team. Now this team has been operating independently from the League with only Red Tornado for quite sometime now, but with the recent Arowette nearly killing someone incident the JLA has decided that maybe another adult mentor wouldn’t be bad.
Here’s the thing though, no one can feasibly commit unpaid time and energy to watching these kids 24/7. After there are no takers in the big 7, they open the question up to the rest of the League: and who would put their hand up but Guy Gardener.
Now Guy wasn’t anyone’s first choice, god he wasn’t anyone’s second choice either: but out of the few other people who volunteered, he was the only one with the consistent time available to do so (with the growing number of Green Lanterns, they’re responsibilities have been more spread out). Now no one thinks this is going to go well, so they allocate a testing period of two months to see how it all pans out; with plans to convene with Red Tornado and Young Justice and see how they are flying after those two months.
To everyone’s surprise, the kids ask to have Guy stay around. At first everyone thinks it’s because Guy is letting them get away with whatever they want but Robin quickly dispels that “No he actually keeps a very close eye on us. Doesn’t keep us tied down but if we’re doing some dumb stuff he’ll point it out and stop us.”
“Really?” Clark asks incredulously “then what makes you want him to stick around?”
Superboy shrugs “Well no offense but he seems to be the only one who likes and wants us. He listens to us when we talk, he lets us try things, and if we fuck up, he picks us right back up again.”
Bart nods “I feel like if something happened to me, he would care.”
Cassie hums “He doesn’t expect anything from us and still is excited whenever we complete a mission. It’s almost like he’s proud of us or something!”
Cissie nods “I’m not even part of the team really and he still sat down with me.”
And the kids keep talking about this amazing supportive person Guy was to them; a person the League couldn’t fathom him being.
I won't run.
Wallykyle/BirdFlash HC;
Kyle Rayner was by no means Wally’s best friend. In fact for a good chunk of time Wally hated that motherfucker.
Here was Wally West who had worked and suffered for the title and privilege of being the Flash. A title for which he still felt he didn’t live up to even after years in the role with little to no complaints from other heroes.
And then there was Kyle who just became Green Lantern after Hal, with no experience in anything except drawing shitty little pictures.
His constructs suck. His uniform sucks. He sucks.
Let it be known that Wally West hated Kyle Rayner.
But hate doesn’t last forever.
Nightwing had always laughed about it with Wally, never before seeing his friend this aggressive towards a singular person. Not really knowing the new Green Lantern, he would idly watch their slow burn hatred for eachother over the years. “He’s just so insufferable!” Wally would scream “Tell you what, it’s because he’s an artist! Heads always in the clouds, can’t focus on nothing. He needs to come back down to earth like the rest of us.”
“Rightttttt- and this has nothing to do with him replacing John Stewart on the JLA while he’s MIA?”
“It has everything to do with it! With Hal gone and John on Oa or something, Clark’s been talking about making him a more permanent member of the team.”
“Would that be so bad-?”
“I’d rather be dead Dick.”
Wally does eventually get over his issues about Kyle’s unworthiness. It gets kind of hard to keep bashing him about it after he brings Hal back AND becomes a part time White Lantern. So they reset; Wally apologises to him and Kyle agrees to be friendly with him.
Except, without the veneer of hatred looming over them, Wally finds out that he really likes Kyle. His creative mind is an equal and opposite to his logical one, and as a pair they work incredibly well. Not only that but talking to him is fun, he’s sarcastic and whitty, takes life one step at a time; unlike Wally who’s thinking a million miles ahead.
And in a similar way, the free-thinking go with the flow artist Kyle Rayner, is the stark opposite of logical ten steps ahead Dick Grayson. Yet Wally finds himself attracted to Kyle in a way that was so similar to Dick, and after a while he internally comes to a realisation that it might not be entirely platonic. He’d never say it out loud; he treated Kyle like shit for so long, he can’t imagine he’d ever be good enough for him.
While this is all happening, Dick Grayson is having some realisations of his own. Wally has started hanging around Kyle willingly, even asking Dick if he could bring him to titan events. Which leads Nightwing to actually truly meeting him, and worse, seeing him out of costume.
It’s at this point he realises that Kyle Rayner looks a hell of a lot like him. Physically they’re sitting around the same height, they were similarly slender, and both had dark short hair and fair skin. The only solid difference was his brown eyes; Dick had Blue eyes. But than it struck Dick that Linda Park, Wally’s ex-girlfriend (nearly Fiancé), had brown eyes.
Dick was well aware that Wally played for both teams, the guy had admitted to him that Dick had been somewhat of a gay awakening for him when they were children.
So to put it simply; Kyle Rayner was an amalgamation of all Wallys physical preferences.
Now that they were so friendly with each other, there was a solid chance that they could actually get together.
And Dick hated that, and he didn’t even particularly know why.
Wally dating the closest person he could get to Dick without it being Dick? He hated that.
Dick Grayson wasn’t gay and Dick Grayson didn’t like men. Furthermore, he had a girlfriend.
And yet.
Flash Family HC;
Yknow how technically Lobsters are immortal?
Like the only reason they die is because eventually they just don’t have the energy to molt anymore? I like to think Speedsters are similarly immortal except their ‘moulting’ is them ever so slowly losing themselves to the speedforce.
As a speedster gets older, their connection to the speedforce gets stronger. Initially it has a lot of benefits; ie being able to enter the speedforce, continuously getting faster, and being able to regenerate limbs because their bodies heal so fast. However overtime they begin to loose their mind; being able to almost perceive time from an outer view in, would have some effects on their mental health. Essentially the speedforce is slowly sapping away their humanity as they become more godlike.
Though it can take a long time, the speedforce will eventually subsume them into itself and they disappear, if they haven’t died before then.
The reason Max Mercury has been around so long is because he has always been down to earth. He’s never wanted for more speed or power, his feet are firmly on the ground, keeping the calls of the speedforce away. Jay similarly isn’t very grandiose in his powers, and thus he’s been able to live longer than most.
Though Wally and Barry have both remarked that he’s gained somewhat of a ‘lead stare’ over the years. They can only assume that the speedforce is talking to him in those moment.
On the other end of the scale, this is why Savitar and his ‘speed ninjas’ burnt out as quickly as they did. Savitar upon contact with the speedforce lost his mind immediately and was forever searching for a way to reach it. The man was by far Wally Wests toughest opponent and in the end he didn’t even beat him, only dragged him into the speedforce; what he’d wanted all along.
So while speedsters technically can live forever, in an ironic twist, it’s generally only the most human of them who do.
Superboy HC:
So very technically Connor Kent is stronger than Superman.
Because he’s only half Kryptonian it means all of the usual Kryptonian weaknesses, like Kryptonite and Magic, are haleved. While he feels the effects of both, he certainly isn’t affected the same way Clark is and doesn’t feel lasting effects.
However this balances out with him having an array of mundane human health conditions that Superman has never experienced.
Things like being severely lactose intolerant and mildly allergic to grass, because he grew up in a lab with neither dairy or plants around.
He’s anaemic because his human and Kryptonian blood cells are in conflict with each other. As a result his endurance suffers, he can’t get up from chairs to quickly, and occasionally he has black dots in his vision.
For the first few months out of the tube he was considered immunocompromised because his body was getting hit by all these new sicknesses that it didn’t know how to respond to like the flu and stomach bugs. He’s now a little bit of a germaphobe.
This leads to some very confusing times where Clark is sure Connor is lying to him about feeling ill or being worried about getting sick. Clark grew up on a farm meaning he’s pretty grubby and will straight up eat things off the floor. Meanwhile Connor basically sterilises anything that goes near his mouth. Clark has never in his life taken any sort of supplement or vitamin, and here was Connor buying bulk containers of iron tablets and asking Batman for blood transfusions with a kryptonite needle once every six months
“What do you mean you can’t have milk?” He’d ask incredulously while holding his freshly bought bottle of full cream cows milk.
Connor with his hands up is like “It gives me bubble guts, I’d rather not.”
Clark, who drank raw milk as a child, cannot fathom it making him sick “but it’s…? It’s just milk!!”
Started watching Smallville. Gang is Smallville the DC equivalent to buffy the vampire slayer? Like they feel real similar to me, not that I’m complaining. The vibes are immaculate.
Bart Allen HC:
So it’s well known that Bart grew up in a virtual world that was pretty much the 30th century equivalent of a video game. It’s made him very competent at his hero work but every so often he’ll just randomly have a skill that he learnt in the virtual that he can apply to real life. Most of them are tame, like Bart randomly knowing herbs that have medicinal properties because in the game he had to learn their properties to increase his alchemy level so he could put points into his skill tree.
One time he’s on a mission with Wally against the League of Assassins, who famously don’t use firearms; instead opting for katanas, smoke bombs, and shurikens.
This is where Wally learns that Bart is actually borderline lethal with a sword.
“Where the hell did you learn to do that?” He’d ask the younger speedster, both surrounded by hopefully just unconscious ninjas.
Bart shrugs “I maxed out swordsmanship like immediately cause I thought it was cool.”
(Bonus, Bart Allen as a Witcher)
