Grief and sadness are so tedious and heavy. I forget just how tiring it is until someone I love passes and then it just slams back down on my shoulders. I lost my drag mom a few days ago to cancer and the bombardment of regrets and I'll never have x again have been overwhelming to say the least. I know there is no "right" way to grieve but seeing friends share stories about him just glaring reminds me of how little I've remembered. I used to drink pretty badly when I went out from like 2017-2020 which is also all of the time I knew him. So most of my memories with him are just booze soaked and hazy and God it makes me feel like shit. So many should haves and could haves running around in my head. It hurts extra bc I don't live in the city anymore and am physically cut off from it all. Everyone is sad and shocked bc he passed so quickly after being diagnosed and I think we all thought we'd have more time. My biggest regret right now is that I never msgd him after he told everyone he was rly sick. I didn't know what to say or how to say anything and then he posted about being overwhelmed with msgs so I held off again. And just when I was thinknkng "I should really reach out with anything" he died. And now I can't say anything. I can't see, hear, touch, taste or smell him ever again. I'm giving myself the grace to be crazy about these thoughts right now but I know that I cannot change these things and I hope that he knew I cared and loved him. This Grief will change with time, I will learn how to carry it better and eventually be able to set it down. Grief is hard and it sucks. Tell the people in your life you love them and hug them for me.


















