Here for a good time, not a long time

[blairwitchh]

this was the best joke of the whole show tbh

[rum]

[niknak79]

Deleted tourist from photos

[dunsparce]

well shit

[talesoftenko]

I have to keep this in mind.

[postordiea]

This still looks like a before and after shot of Armageddon or something where humanity is wiped out.

[neilnevins-deactivated20240617]

Bugs Bunny could singlehandedly defeat Thanos by dressing up as a TSA agent and setting up a metal detector in the middle of the battlefield saying that all metal objects must be removed if you want to pass on through now stick around for my 2,000 word essay on just how effectively he would convince The Mad Titan to comply

[neilnevins-deactivated20240617]

“For shame, doc! Dontcha know we got other folks waiting?”

(Thanos looks behind him and sees dozens of Bugs Bunnies dressed as angry yelling travelers with huge bags of luggage. Thanos rubs his neck guiltily and begins sliding off the gauntlet)

[vampiricyoshi]

I felt compelled

[kropotkindersurprise]

2015 - Here are some gifs of Donald Trump being attacked by a bald eagle named Uncle Sam, literally the least patriotic thing that can happen to an American. [video]

[kedreeva]

I’m reblogging this again because I finally realized why this is so funny to me, as a bird person.

In the first gif, what you’re seeing is a man who has zero idea how to handle a bird. That’s a heavy bird, and he’s got his arm stretched out as far as it will go in an attempt to keep the bird away from his face. What that does is create unstable footing for Uncle Sam. The handler is there trying to hold up Trump’s arm, but the bird has already realized it needs to leave or it will fall. In the first gif the bird is not attacking Trump- it is trying to get away from him so it doesn’t get hurt.

In the second gif, what we see is a bird that remembers what just happened and is blaming Trump for it. Uncle Sam sees Trump reach for its tether, and makes a lunge at Trump’s hand to keep him away. The bird /does not/ want to hang out with Trump because it has learned that Trump has no idea what he is doing.

Uncle Sam is rejecting Trump based on Trump’s proven inability to properly handle Uncle Sam. And that is both hilarious and beautiful.

Good bird.

[rainnecassidy]

Always reblog Uncle Sam telling Trump to fuck off

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

This is a better explanation of these gifs than I could have given!

[allaboardtheloonyexpress]

I had to reblog this, for obvious reasons.

[siegfriedandroy]

im crying

[hmsindecision]

Do you know how many dogs I’ve met that get scared or anxious around men because in their previous home men hit them? A lot, and they are very protective of the women who have adopted them now.

Men who are violent towards women are often violent towards animals as well. They think we’re all chattel. If a man wants you to choose between your dog or cat or him, dump the guy. Those animals will love you for the rest of your life, loyal and true.

[corpsefluid]

Actually, I have something to add.

The other day I saw a story where a woman was asking why her dogs had suddenly started growling at her boyfriend whenever he was in the same room as her son.

And my immediate thought was ‘that boyfriend has hurt the kid somehow.’

Spoilers: that was exactly the case.

Trust ur dogs when they say something is off.

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

The first time my sister came to visit, via plane, after I got my dog, pupper growled at her and wouldn’t go near her for the first day. Next visit was by car (two day drive)and pupper LOVED my sister. They snuggled and played and none of us could figure out why the change. We thought maybe the scent of my sisters cat had lingered on her clothes, making that first visit a rough one. Whereas when she came by car, the scent had had time to wear off. Well that was partially true…

Fast forward about six months when I went north to visit my family. My sister walked into my parents’ house and pupper ran to greet my sister. Stopped dead in her tracks and started growling and barking. Hackles raised, full protection mode. My sisters husband had just walked in behind her.

My precious puppy wanted NOTHING to do with him. She barked, growled, ran away, and sat between him and my sister. Y'all my dog had spent maybe a weekend a half around my sister but protected her like this was her flesh and blood.

Eventually, my sister filed for divorce on grounds of “Extreme and repeated mental, emotional, and sexual abuse.” Divorce was final in less than a month because her claims were substantiated.

Trust the dog, honey. They KNOW.

[catscatsholyshitcats]

I’ve never owned dogs, but I used to work with horses (which are a lot like big dogs).

There was this one horse I worked with named Tonto. He was a doll. He followed me like a puppy, snuck treats out of my pocket, he was the sweetest thing. We were practically inseparable.

A guy I was considering dating came to visit me one day, and Tonto wanted NOTHING to do with him. Normally well behaved, he shoved himself between us and would NOT let this guy near me. He was stomping, acting really aggressive, and tried to bite the guy. This horse was practically dragging me back toward the barn. At that moment, despite being like, 17, I knew something was up, and ultimately things didn’t pan out for guy and me.

A year later I found out he had lied about his age (he said he was 18 but he was actually 27) he was arrested for sexually assaulting an 11 year old girl.

TRUST THE ANIMALS.

[thecheshiresmiles]

everytime I hear about children of the corn I think about the guy I met at comic con who actually lived in the town they filmed that movie at, and on the farm where they filmed in the corn. he was a teenager at the time and him and his friends would get drunk on moonshine and rustle the corn and let the air out of the tires of the production team’s trailers and shit. and now there’s Wikipedia pages about how the children of the corn set was haunted and they thought they angered god but it was really just drunk hillbillies

[superiorhomo]

I don’t like adding to posts but I also have a funny story like this, so I was watching the movie the Blair witch which takes place in burkettsville maryland, which to me is so funny because that is were my grandfather lives and the town is literally just old people and cows with their main street consisting of a post office. Well anyway he told me that after it came out people were coming in like bus loads to the town to find the witch and my grandfather lives up in the Mountain area and people were up in his property trying to find the witch and it made him angry so he went out and hung up stick people and stacked rocks and it freaked the people out so they started thinking something was out there when really it was my 80 year old Italian grandpa who wanted people out of his woods.

[ginathethundergoddess]

We had ghost hunters come to a historic house in my town to film and if you think every high school kid in town respectfully stayed at home that night instead of going to fuck up that filming you’re dead wrong.

[animentality]

this is comforting, actually, sometimes paranormal things are just a bunch of bored people dicking around in the woods.

[kalyayev-deactivated20180228]

New favorite cryptid: locals

[depressionhope]

😄😄

[shubbabang]

you know that thing where you scrunch up your arms and it looks like you have only hands well this one time when i was little i kept it up for 3 days no matter where i was

one time i also pissed off my entire family for 3 days

[phosphenewatchers]

the last picture i cANT BREATHE

[catgirl-coven]

I feel like people have forgotten about this

[shinesprites-moved-deactivated2]

Stage-Toph: “I see everything that you see, except I don’t ‘see’ like you do. I release a sonic wave from my mouth.” *elongated scream* “There! I got a pretty good look at you.”

[lemonsharks]

but the LOOK on Toph’s FACE it is the best thing E V E R R R

[emthroney]

#there is no way in hell I could ever forget about this who do you take me for

[aj-reblogs]

Animations’s greatest moment, ladies and gentleman.

[the-bibrarian]

You’ve heard of:

Thanks, I hate it!

Get ready for:

[disneytoonland]

The Little Mermaid 1989

[sleepysmilesamirite]

Do you guys know how long it took me to work out that he has seven daughters because there are seven seas?

Decades.

[little-bit-of-a-fixer-upper]

WHAT

[unicornsapplesandstuff]

Which sea is Ariel?

[crackcoffeeaddict]

Fucking red sea. Have you seen her hair.

[ari-els-blog1]

Attina- Bering sea (Bering is the largest, Attina is the oldest)

Alana- Black sea (hair)

Adella- Mediterranean sea (personality is romantic) 

Aquata-  Coral sea (personality is shy)

Arista- White sea (hair)

Andrina- Caribbean sea (personality is carefree)

Ariel- Red sea (hair)

[mnsreetusa]

Omg.

[believethatyoucangohome]

WHAT

[ginnyshipsdrarry]

Was their mother the Dead Sea?

[ameerkatofficial]

[canadianstuck]

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

[ournameisfun]

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

[sammysausage]

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

[windyvalleyzone]

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

[jxhn-mulaney]

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

[sansasurvived]

[willemscream]

Goddamnit Grandma

[destinytomoon-deactivated202006]

Appreciate this whale sharks gfs

[bloodbending]

peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.

[laughingfish]

2002 peter parker had no health insurance

[piss-bong]

I’m settling some discourse from my English class so reblog this post and tag your sexuality and whether or not you wear a t-shirt underneath your hoodies