Delphi

[k-wame]

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[ineffectualdemon]

The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.

[the-haiku-bot]

And asexual

people would stop getting shit

for being themselves.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[ineffectualdemon]

The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.

[the-haiku-bot]

And asexual

people would stop getting shit

for being themselves.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[xanderproshipper]

I've had three relationships with people who I told I was asexual and they said that they were fine with that. Spoiler alert, all three some time later decided that they were not, in fact, fine with that. One of them told me I needed therapy after I explained my lack of sexual desire. One said that their romantic feelings for me were fading because we weren't having enough sex. I tried it out, but it wasn't really for me, but their takeaway was that they needed sex as a form of romantic intimacy to feel close to their partner, and they weren't satisfied with non-sexual intimacy. The last hoped I would compromise on my stance that I was uninterested in sex and didn't want sex and said he would've tried to have sex with me anyway after we broke up even after I explained I didn't want it. All this to say, it was really frustrating explaining my asexuality, believing that it was understood and respected only to discover that my partners did not understand or respect it. Despite claiming they valued other forms of intimacy over sex.

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

[tronmike82]

I don’t mean to be rude; but I don’t think I’ve ever seen this, does anyone have any examples?

[darkshrimpemotions]

Supernatural

Doctor Who (Steven Moffat specifically)

Sherlock (Steven Moffat specifically)

Actually Steven Moffat is basically just this sentiment given human form.

A version of this happened with The Magicians, tbh. Though instead of expectation: men, reality: women it was expectation: smug nihilists, reality: mentally ill queer folks.

Arguably Game of Thrones.

If we broaden it outside of television…I think Star Wars falls into this, at least the sequel trilogy. Maybe the MCU as well. And I can’t help but think of every band that’s ever complained that their fanbase is mostly women. 5 Seconds of Summer comes immediately to mind.

In general, most white male creators seem to have this massively entitled mindset where they want–and think they deserve–the time, attention, and enthusiasm that creative fandom (i.e. the side of fandom more dominated by women) is known for.

They want our eyes for ratings, our word-of-mouth for free publicity, our metas for social media buzz, and our spending power for merch and cons. But they don’t want us. And they don’t really want the responsibility of telling a story to a thoughtful, engaged audience, regardless of that audience’s demographic makeup. They just want to be praised for whatever schlock they cough up.

And like any other spoiled brat, they will break their toys before they share them.

[pessimisticfanboi]

It goes all the way to the top for kids shows. Toy sales will crash a show. Makes sense, but if those toys are gendered for boys instead of the female viewers, they won’t usually switch up the marketing and move them to the girl aisle. They cancel the show outright.

Mind you it is perfectly possible to make the switch in marketing, but execs would rather throw it all out than have something that doesn’t perform well with male viewers. For example the Rey merch was not expected to be popular, for some reason, there had to be public outcry to get merch of one of the main 3 protagonists. A PROTAGONIST. The fact that she wasn’t a huge part of the 1st launch says a lot already.

And what happened when female fans got too invested in the Sequel Trilogy? The entire writers room didn’t necessarily lash out, but they sure forgot how to behave.

Young Justice

Paul Dini: Superhero cartoon execs don’t want largely female audiences

#WhereIsRey (initial)

#WhereIsRey (ongoing)

'Star Wars: The Last Jedi' owes its box-office success to women

The older, male generation of 'Star Wars' fans may be losing interest in the franchise, but female fans are stepping up.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker was designed to be the opposite of The Last Jedi

[drunkenhills]

You’re all sitting on the hot take of the decade tbh

[vbartilucci]

And yet when they fond out that boys were watching MLP:FIM in droves, they had NO PROBLEM with it.

[jediorgana-deactivated20260403]

#SONS OF ANARCHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!#LITERALLY SONS OF ANARCHY IS THE BIGGEST EXAMPLE OF THIS LIKE EVER#kurt sutter wrote that show for MEN and ended up with an overwhelmingly female audience#because he’s actually a good writer and knows how to develop characters well and wrote excellent female characters#but once he realized that his audience was almost entirely women he literally took it out on tara and gemma in the show#but like tara specifically#he resented her character for being a huge draw for female viewers so he tore her development to shreds and killed her#in the most brutal gut wrenching way possible#kurt sutter you will pay for your crimes#i actually wrote a manifesto about this on one of my old blogs i should try to find it sldkjsldfjsdljf#long post (via@m-oonknight)

OMG YES. I LOVED Sons of Anarchy, especially the women and then I got to season 6 and it was like - everything was just tossed in the trash? And like, why did Sutter hate that Tara drew tons of attention? That should have been a good thing! He should have been like “Hey folks, this girl’s getting us more viewers, let’s put her in more scenes!” It just doesn’t make sense to me. MEN don’t make sense to me.

[geraltcirilla]

The 100 too. I’ll never forget how Jason Rothenberg would attacked female fans on Twitter and mock them in interviews, and then post links to male fan discussions on Reddit to praise and thank them. In his goodbye letter to the show he SPECIFICALLY thanked Reddit and it was so disgusting.

[annaknitsspock]

Star Trek from TNG on was also a boy’s club, even though the TOS fans were mostly women. Women, in fact, who literally created modern fandom with their zines. But after TNG it was all, “Women don’t understand Star Trek, only smart men hur dur.”

[help-help-i-need-an-adult]

I think it would be harder for us to find examples of when this DIDNT happen than when it did. It happens all the time.

[nova-arcania]

Doesn’t stop it from boggling the mind

(though it could probably start to make some sense if you follow the money past audience bases to maybe a couple of investors or like a rich patron … 🤔)

[ridleymocki]

Stooooop I just wrote a masters thesis on this shit. Media creation and distribution is a means by which dominant power structures consolidate their hegemony. Dominantly situated creators get upset when the audience they attract isn’t the audience they wanted, because they view the whole creation and sharing of the fiction as an exercise to sustain kyriarchal conditions that benefit themselves. When the audience is Other, they see it as a failure of those efforts and lash out.

Simply, they’re trying to assert a particular worldview via fiction, and upon getting confronted with something else, begin foot stamping. It’s not just men wanting male attention and gatekeeping. It’s that the fiction in the first place was an attempt to curate dominance and whoopsie! they miscalculated.

(anyway if anyone wants to read 35k words of philosophy about this, hmu)

[ridleymocki]

Hey folks, for anyone that was interested in the thesis (firstly thank you so much for reaching out I really appreciate the interest) the following is an open access link to download it. Please let me know if it doesn’t work for some reason. Comments are now restricted so can’t put it there, but I hope you see this if you were interested!

I’d also love to hear your thoughts, as I literally wrote it for communities like ours to read, so, thanks.

Fictions are a cornerstone of human cultures: they are created, shared, discussed, modified, and valued. Yet, philosophical accounts which p

[thememedaddy]

[depsidase]

[elierlick]

Yet another new study debunked the basis for the anti-trans sports bans. It was never about sports but for creating legal avenues for exclusion and abjection. This is one of the largest analyses ever conducted, involving 52 studies and 6,485 trans people. Read the study here.

[lucieslucidity]

post so nice had to reblog it twice and force it down everyone's throats

[the-haiku-bot]

post so nice had to

reblog it twice and force it

down everyone’s throats

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[sable-520]

This shot me in the heart so obviously I had to share it

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

every day I learn bot comments on ao3 are stooping lower and lower

anyway if you get a comment like this, chances are that they are bot and their goal is to do whatever it takes to get you to delete your work, most certainly (from what I’ve heard) it’s because they want to “safely” steal your work, use it to train their ai without you being able to rightfully claim ownership of your work since “there’s no proof that the work was stolen/was posted elsewhere first by you” because the original source has already been deleted.

THEY ARE ALL BOTS. at first it was “ao3 is deleting fics and your entire account will be affected unless you delete the fics yourself” then it was “this work contains contents that are illegal and they have already reported you and your fic to the police” (yes, that’s how desperate these bots are), and now it’s this.

report their comments to ao3 for spam—in this case, specifically, I think you may be able to report them for harassment too—and don’t pay attention to them, most importantly don’t delete your works, don’t feel discouraged by their comments. remember that they are bots and they mass comment something like this on people’s works at random to get people to delete their works. (or even if they’re not bot, they are still pathetic bullies who don’t deserve your time or attention.)

MORE ABOUT BOTS AND SCAMS PLAGUING AO3’S COMMENTS SECTION HERE

[florallychaotic]

Im gonna be so real can yall actually talk about ways we can support trans women in the UK instead of giving all the attention to fucking JKR. I already know that Harry Poter sucks, I wanna know how to actually HELP people. Something something you have to love the oppressed more than you hate the oppressor

[florallychaotic]

Instead of focusing on a TERF who we've known about for at least 8 years and giving her more fucking attention, we should focus on learning about and supporting groups like TransActual, a trans/NB run organization in the UK supporting and fighting for the rights of trans and NB people (tumblr straight up won't embed the link, suspicious)

https://transactual.org.uk/who-are-transactual-uk/

Im a usamerican and it took me literally googling "how to help trans women UK" to find them. The people on tumblr in 2025 aren't going to stop engaging with jkr no matter what you say, please put your effort elsewhere

[niggazinmoscow]

THIS RIGHT HERE

[afronerdism]

You guys are dangerously close to realizing specifically what kinds of people they keep from voting and why.

[molothoo]

I want to drill this into everybody’s head:

The United States of America has the highest prison population in the world

Black Americans and Latin people make up the majority of this population (many of whom are non-violent offenders)

Federal Prisons in America require that their state keeps their prisons at a maximum occupancy at all times.

The 13th amendment did not entirely abolish slavery…just one form of it. It remains legal through industrial prison system

[scretladyspider]

Oh and we have privatized prisons which allow companies to actually make money off of keeping people incarcerated 

[dantalaois]

[odinsblog]

Here’s what’s really perverse: prisoners, who cannot vote, still get counted in the U.S. Census. The more prisoners a county has, the more representation it gets, even though the prisoners cannot vote. See how that works? The more black and brown people they lock up, the more government resources and political representation they get. Even though those prisoners have no say and cannot vote.

If county-A has a population of 50 voters but no prisons, and county-B has a population of 50 voters and 50 prisoners, the county with the prisoners gets more government funding and more political represention. This is sometimes called “prison gerrymandering” and it is used in redistrictring.

Not so fun Fact: Southern states that reliably vote for Republicans also have the highest prison population in the United States. (source). So mass incarceration is a double whammy. It’s both a form of voter suppression and a tool to strengthen white people’s political power.

[allamericansbitch]

i love this new gen of pop stars so much

[allamericansbitch]

an absolutely humungous update they just keep getting better

[rowark]

I think this needs an important addendum:

Not only did Billie Eilish donate $11.5M, she also called out a room full of billionaires, including Mark Zuckerberg, directly to their faces, saying "If you’re a billionaire, why are you a billionaire? No hate, but, yeah, give your money away, shorties."

The $11.5M she's donating is about 1/4 if her net worth. Imagine if a billionaire did that? If Mark Zuckerberg donated 1/4 of his net worth, it would be about $55 BILLION... and he's still have over $100 billion left.

And, yet, unsurprisingly, people are mad at Billie Eilish for what she said and not at the billionaires for hoarding all the money and resources

[depsidase]

[monarcho-mysticism]

An er doctor that wants to just lounge around does not make me feel confident as a patient

[prussianmemes]

how long and how many days a week do you think ER doctors work. i think they're right to want to just fucking chill. i want a well rested doctor treating me and not one who just pulled a 24 hour shift and then a 12 and another 12 before another 24, with only a few hours of legally mandated breaks inbetween.

[crazy-pages]

Yeah some of us want a 30-hour work week because we've read the experimental research trials. People aren't any less productive and they are happier and less stressed and feel less leisure time pressure.

It turns out that working 40 hours a week is just too much. Full stop, no ifs ands or buts. The tiredness and loss of focus it induces is enough that you're about 25% less productive per hour when you're on a 40-hour work week, and so the extra 10 hours a week cancels out. This effect is a little bit more pronounced for white collar work and a little bit less pronounced for blue collar work, but there's functionally not enough of a difference to care. And people who are working more than that actually become less productive in total.

The thing is that you don't immediately gain the benefits of being fully rested and focused by working less on just one day, or even one week. It can even take months to settle into the pattern of higher productivity per working hour, and that's frankly miraculously quick given that full burnout can take years to recover from. And during that transition you will be less immediately productive. Particularly for people who pride themselves on being hard workers and how much overtime they put in, the notion that working less can get just as much done can feel absurd and even insulting. Because it seems so painfully obvious that you get less done when you do less, and any experiences of being invited to do so feel like they back that up.

But it's true. We are all simply working more than we need to, pointlessly, to no benefit at all. It is an appallingly pointless waste of human life.

Shortened Work Weeks: What Studies Show

The results of several workplace surveys may defy expectations, but the data is clear: shortened work weeks can work for businesses and empl

[addamatic]

Also, I don’t actually care if someone is less productive working 30 hours a week or 20 hours a week. We do not need endless productivity and it’s bad for the earth and bad for people. We would be completely fine if everyone was half as productive. Literally we would be better off. It does not matter that a 30 hour work week is as productive as a 40 hour work week. Reject that framing!

[shamebats]

There's this whole story unfolding on TikTok right now about this account that got popular — a woman in the US who calls up churches & pretends to have a starving newborn that hasn't eaten since last evening & asks them if they could help her out with a can of formula. Unsurprisingly, none of the ridiculous megachurches actually ever say yes, and the churches & other religious institutions that did say yes are getting lots of support from people.

But I just saw a video of a TT user explaining that they decided to do their own little social experiment — by walking up to drug dealers on the street, telling them there's a young woman with a baby who needs help with formula, and literally all of them immediately reached into their pockets. In this story, the OP did have a real neighbor with a baby who ended up getting some much needed baby supplies. Thanks to the charity of local drug dealers.

A lot of Americans are learning that their rich white Christian churches are less willing to help their communities than black churches, mosques, buddhist temples, the satanic temple & apparently also crack dealers.

[kmartradiodj]

I've interacted with churches and crackheads, and in my experience the crackheads are actually way more concerned about community.

Back in my previous life in flower delivery, I would 10/10 hands down rather be lost in the poorer neighborhoods than the rich ones. Rich folks will watch you struggle through their Venetian blinds while calling the cops on you. Poor folks ask if they can help and oh yeah Miss Carol lives two houses down, I'll walk with you she doesn't wear her hearing aids most days.

[shamebats]

I volunteered for a Catholic charity and during that time, the only person I could have a good conversation about harm reduction & the systematic violence homeless people & addicts face was with a drug dealer. The social workers & volunteers who studied sociology would only ever talk about how the field has gotten too soft & woke.

[sistersorrow]

Some of the churches that said no are now calling her a witch or demonic, while others are trying to frame what she did as sociopathic behaviour rather than consider why a supposed house of God is denying those in need

[whitepeopletwitter]

[mythosphere]

[chrisflemingslegs]

Victor Frankenstein: I’ve created life but I refuse to put any effort into helping that life develop. I won’t teach him, love him, or defend him even though I forced him into existence with a fully operational adult brain lol. Peace, bitch.

The Monster: Am Eloquent Baby

Boomers: He’S NOt thE ViCtIM, HE’s tHe MOnsTEr

[an-ace-up-your-sleeve]

An ironic parallel considering the idea of “tough love” parenting that plenty of boomers like to use. If they buy into the idea that their kids just have to toughen up and face the real world without guidance or emotional support, I’m sure it does scare them to read a story where someone who wasn’t given any support began to resent their creator and turn on them.

[firelxdykatara]

it’s like that post that’s like ‘knowledge is knowing that frankenstein is the doctor; wisdom is knowing that frankenstein is the monster’. like the whole point of the post is that frankenstein’s monster is a victim of viktor frankenstein’s own monstrosity.

mary shelley did not lose her virginity on her mother’s grave just for people to misunderstand her best known work over a century later.

[cockyroaches]

[forse-sam]

keep up

[catbountry]

I was going to add something about boomer’s parenting leading Gen Xers to be severely neglected as children to the point where the TV had to remind boomer parents to check on where there children were past 10 PM, but then that little bit of lore dropped and that is the most goth thing I’ve ever heard.

[hagiomoto]

This should be a bigger news tbh

[thedailypositivityblog]

Redditors crashed the website with donations over $25k and 0 wishes left. via /r/MadeMeSmile

Click here and follow to get more daily positivity on your dash!

[godisafujoshi]

With the holidays here, thought this is worth sharing

[momkat]

This website is still here and some of the asks are heartbreaking. Like “Jamie wants a new pair of jeans because he’s never had new clothes before”. Or “Kayla wants a bag with her name on it for when she moves foster homes again.”

A lot of these kids ask for brand name clothing and it sounds pretentious but having one nice new fashionable piece of clothing means a lot when all your previous clothes have come out of black trash bags from charities.

[silvermoon424]

Btw, you can filter wishes based on gender, age, price, etc to help you find the perfect wish for you. This charity is LGBTQ-affirming (unlike a lot of religion-based charities that are unfortunately homophobic), so you can even look for nonbinary kids to donate to.

Also, I would really encourage people to be open to granting wishes made by older foster kids (14+) or young adults who aged out of the system and still lack family support. They’re so often forgotten.

[specialagentartemis]

If you don’t have a lot of money but still want to help give a kid a nice Christmas, there are lots of wishes that are $24 for stocking stuffers as well, or $15 for a sqishmallow!

https://www.onesimplewish.org

[tzikeh]

(Posted 11/4/2025)

If you go to the “Essentials” category, you’re going to find a lot of wishes for $120 because they lost SNAP benefits for groceries: https://www.onesimplewish.org/wish/wish-grant?wishes=essentials