This is so fucking embarrassing. This is one of the most embarrassing business quips I have ever seen in my entire vile career.
coat bath
tag yourselves i'm the GREAT ROOM beside the GOURMET KITCHEN
i remade it in the sims 4

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@yenal-sama
This is so fucking embarrassing. This is one of the most embarrassing business quips I have ever seen in my entire vile career.
coat bath
tag yourselves i'm the GREAT ROOM beside the GOURMET KITCHEN
i remade it in the sims 4
british towns will be called Fuckmouth or whatever and people will just go with it
obsessed with this
i literally live 10 miles from shitterton and i can confirm that the council had to replace all of their signs with rocks because they kept getting stolen.
In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.
I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal šø despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.
This is funnier than anything I have ever said.
This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.
obsessed with the way my robotics team lead talks
sheās reinventing hieroglyphics
Sheās the only person who truly understands how emojis were meant to be used.
Oh my god you can see him really acting natural with it, going where he wants, stopping and looking around, not confused or clumsy with it. they really gave this turtle a little mobility aid it took to.
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DELIGHTFUL
@official-megumin
this scene from the goes wrong showĀ where they cast two different people as the head and hunky, semi-nude body of the same character during a live theatre production haunts my every waking moment
Now THIS is physical comedy
oof
I want a relationship like this
The himbo energy here is impeccable
[Transcription: A well-dressed fancy lady and man stand facing each other in an old-fashioned movie*
Woman: āAnd now you want me to teach you jiu jitsu.ā
Man: āIf you donāt mind, Miss Plum.ā
Plum, loud and excitedly: āITāLL BE A PLEASURE.ā
*She rips his tuxedo jacket off his shoulders, grips him aggressively, and yeets him over her shoulder in a jiu jitsu martial arts fashion*
Man: *Clasping her arms a few seconds later while she looks coyly at him* āNow, let me see. Um. Let me do it to you.ā
*He appears very concentrated, the camera shifts to her soft smile and romantic music begins to play, accentuating a mood that he is NOT picking up on*
āNow, let me see first of all I, um,- I pull this down.ā *He pulls her cardigan off her shoulders, her collarbone now exposed and she likes it that way, she looks very obviously at his lips, like this lady has absolutely zero chill*
āNow I do this!ā *He jilts her shoulders into them so their faces are centimeters away, she looks like she would like to eat his face and he is still very concentrated but in a giddy boy way*
Him: āThen I hold you close!ā
Plum: āCloser.ā
Him, confuzzled: āI beg your pardon?ā
Plum: āCloser!! Close as you can!ā *She is mentally having sex already*
Him: āOh, yes.ā *He searches her eyes for direction*
Him: āNow what do I do?ā
*Miss Plum is absolutely beaming*
Plum: āDonāt you know?ā
*She wants him to do things to her and he stands there mouth agape. You can see his one braincell struggling visibly in his hollow brain as realization of the century is dangling in front of him. Heās about to realize and then*
Him: āOf course! Now I apply the leverage!ā *And he yeets her on to the floor*
*The music swells and fades, telling the audience that this manās one braincell has failed him. Himbo of the century.*
END.]
The transcription is better than the video itself. Love it.
The titan of the sea goes for a relaxing morning swim Twitter | Instagram
To be totally fair to Willy Wonka, at least a couple of those candy factory casualties involved kids deliberately circumventing reasonable safeguards, sometimes aided and abetted by the parents who were supposed to be supervising them. What happened is at most 60% his fault.
oompa loompa doopity dare
the court finds you breached your duty of care
oompa loompa doopity disk
thatās what the courts call assumption of risk
oompa loompa doopity do
only a partial judgment for you
Oompa loompa doopity doubt,
The rest of the class action lawsuit is herebyā¦
(SLAM) (SLAM)
THROWNITY OUT!
Story Time:
Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:
This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after Iāve scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, āUm,ā from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.
And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. Weāre just⦠in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?
She didnāt even have garlic bread in her cart.
I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.
Well, the registers donāt like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but sheās not by her pager.
At this point, both myself and the lady are just⦠dumbfounded. Sheās not even mad. Iām not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. Thereās a bit of laughter, but itās mostly just⦠confusion.
I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because sheās not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.
āWhat⦠did you do?ā
āI genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea.ā
She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasnāt scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.
My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, āI think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price.ā
And thatās when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didnāt take a damn picture, because she has proof and I donāt. But I swear to God it happened.
TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.
thatās just how valuable library cards are. each one is worth at least $4000 of garlic bread
A picture is worth a thousand words, a library card is worth $4000 worth of garlic bread, if we can figure out how many words the average library card can check out at once, we can probably work out a picture-to-garlic bread conversion here, too.
Reblogging this once more because my mom and I legitimately laughed to tears.
this is my favorite video on the internet
mental health tip: save this video. watch it when youāre sad. itās the best goddamn thing on the internet
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A fun meme for y'all
iām sorry what
Pog as slang comes from the twitch emote, taken from a video with pogs in them. What is a pog? A small cap from a juice drink that is traded and used in games by 90s kids. The juice drink was called POG, short for passion fruit orange guava. Passion fruit was named after its flower, the passion flower. Passion flowers were called "flower of the five wounds" in Portuguese, eventually being translated as passion fruit by the English in reference to the passion of Jesus, aka his last moments alive before being crucified.
I love history, language, words, communication, and humans.
i see no difference