Mourning Dove @zenaidamacrouras1 - Tumblr Blog

ZenaidaMacrouras1 Fic Masterlist

Links to ao3 (all my works on ao3)

Bookbinding - (most the books I've bound)

#Sweet #sappy #wholesome lusting #stucky au #stucky fanfic #wintershield #steve rogers x bucky barnes #idiots in love #bonky bornes #steeb #steeb and bucket #damn this is getting long #Full sized Steve Rogers #Fun sized Steve Rogers #Party sized Steve Rogers

paintedimagery

Auction fill for @zenaidamacrouras1 for the @marveltrumpshate event, Thank you so much for bidding on my piece!

zenaidamacrouras1

You guys. I had a vision that Lucky was worthy of weilding Mjolnir and the way every one found out was that Lucky jumped up and caught Mjolnir during team practice because he thought they were playing fetch.

Thank you to @paintedimagery for offering an auction and bringing my idea to life.

What a good dog! He's so proud! I love him!

#Let's bring this back up #I love him #lucky is worthy #lucky the pizza dog

anti-parent

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

anti-parent

fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"

zenaidamacrouras1

In my house we say "let's go Mets!" As couple shorthand for "teamwork makes the dreamwork"

zenaidamacrouras1

Ahh, maybe the reference is less clear to everyone but people who were growing up in the New York City greater metro in 1986, but at the one minute mark in this epic video they say "We got the teamwork to make the dreamwork" and so my spouse who was, in fact, a child in the New York metro area in 1986 now says, "Let's go Mets!" every time you say "teamwork to make the dreamwork"

#1986 Mets were such a fucking mood #maybe you had to be there #but I was a thousand miles away at this time and me and my brothers were also transfixed by the 1986 Mets #lets go mets!#teamwork to make the dreamwork #Youtube #also those little boys at the top of the video if you make their hair red but keep the accents that is precisely what my spouse was in 1986 #In case you were wondering what kind of sea creature monster would ensorcell my heart for all these years #it was once a little red haired child talking about baseball cards with a heavy new jersey accent #I once made my coworkers watch this video with me on a video call #because I say this all the time at work to encourage my employees #I'm sure they loved it

anti-parent

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

anti-parent

fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"

zenaidamacrouras1

In my house we say "let's go Mets!" As couple shorthand for "teamwork makes the dreamwork"

#lets go mets!

elisaholies

12 HR fic recs

unfair advantage | 1.6K | Ilya leans forward in his chair, deliberately, to put his mouth right next to the microphone. “Oh wow,” Ilya says brightly. His Russian accent is thicker than usual. “Drapeau must be trying so hard to seduce me. But I am sorry, I am already taken. A one man man, I am.” | Great characterisation, perfect Ilya voice. And this fic contains the best Ilya-chirps-Scott-Hunter line ever.

we could get better mileage by @twinkwolf | 6.9K | "Have you ever gotten someone pregnant?" | This fic discusses abortion and there's a pretty graphic description, FYI. If you can stomach this, it's such a fantastic story. A great exploration of Shane and his feelings towards the idea of parenthood. And a lovely portrayal of Shane and Jackie's friendship, which is something I'm a sucker for. It also features some smoking hot sex scene and also a really believable, grown-up version of Ilya and Shane. Highly recommended.

A Friend of the Family by@twicesonnet| 11.9K | Two months after Jackie lets the backyard fire pit fall over and just stands there letting it burn, Hayden has a boys trip. Arrangements are made. Enter: Svetlana Vetrova, daughter of the famous Soviet goaltender, and Ilya Rosanov’s best friend.| This is the best Jackie character study I've seen so far. Jackie here is a real person, much more than the magical being who does emotional labour for Hayden in most stories. And I love how open-ended this is.

I know that I feel it, but I don't know the name | 12K | David Hollander gets in a car accident while Shane and Yuna are travelling. Ilya, newly traded to Ottawa, is the only one available. He handles it pretty well. Until he doesn't.| David is in an accident. Ilya in this one almost broke me. It gave me all the feels.

Image Management by @409-conflict and ritualist| 9K | During his rookie year, Shane goes to a Halloween party at a Montreal gay bar to confirm some suspicions about himself. Unfortunately, it’s 2010, so the official photographer uploads a few hundred photos to the bar’s Facebook page.| Great use of socmed. And I just love how 409_conflict writes Yuna. Also, this is possibly the only time I've ever felt so wthinf resembling a positive feeling towards Grigori Rozanov? The power of transformative works!

tender by @barkerandlovelace| 18.3K | Ilya had dismissed the feeling out of hand, except he has now just spent half an hour in the bicycle shop considering the difference between 190 gsm and 250 gsm merino wool and which would best keep Shane warm while wicking sweat during his morning commutes. This is yet another thing Ilya has never done before. The only person whose sweat he has ever contemplated the wicking of has been himself.| Amazing full AU. AMAZING. Ilya is still a hockey player. Shane has a government job. They meet after Ilya retires. The perfect mix of fluffy/funny/tender with stellar characterisation.Imo, it's on a par with the AUs by magmeticwave and Vera Dragon, I can't think of any higher praise than this.

think twice (and come back for a third time) | 70k | Shane is heavier than he used to be; his weight bears down on Ilya in a new way. He’s put on pounds of muscle since Ilya last touched him like this. Ilya flattens his palms, skims them under Shane’s undershirt, feels the flat solidity of his abs, the bulk of his lats, the swell of his chest. It’s the same and it’s new, this body; it’s the boy he couldn’t stop thinking about when he was 18 and the man he loved enough to let go at 26 and the person who somehow always comes to find him when he’s lost. A stranger, and the love of his life.| Canon divergence. Ilya and Shane breakup and never get back together. Very angsty. Well-written, good characterisation. Lovely Yuna/Ilya.

big things happen every time we meet BY @trippedlaces| 14.5k | Halfway through Shane and Ilya’s first season playing together in Ottawa, an online sports betting company figures out how to make itself the main character when it comes to social media’s new favorite topic.| Extremely funny, good use of socmed. Great characterisation too, especially Shane, who comes off as suitably hockey-obsessed. :D

too busy making my own waves by@themardia| 4.4K | In Hayden’s defense, JJ’s new habit of dropping chirps that sound like they’ve come straight out of Shakespeare just seems like another round of JJ being his usual weird, over the top self. And hey, if he wants to call the opposing team a bunch of “malicious gnomes” or “mud-licking wretches”, he can have at it. (After Scott Hunter coming out last season, everyone's making some adjustments.)| A much kinder look at JJ than canon, and it totally works. Love him and Hayden trying to be better human beings because they love Shane.

Untouchable Face by @zenaidamacrouras1 | 76k | Shane was twelve when hockey scouts started showing up to his games. He was barely fifteen when a check went horribly wrong, fucked his knee to hell and gave him a grade III concussion. During rehab he found swimming, and he was seventeen when he went to the Olympics as an alternate for freestyle swim events. He’s 24 and working for his mom’s sports PR company when he meets Ilya Fucking Rozanov. May contain: Shane Hollander navigating what it means to be mostly normal when your whole childhood was about preparing you for greatness. Shane Hollander attempting to flirt. Possibly less than 100% accurate descriptions of what a sports PR agent does.| I'm extremely picky about AUs where Shane is not a hockey player but this one totally worked for me. Extremely cute.

the intricate brocade of this happiness by@always-waxing-crescent| 10K | But Ilya shakes his head, absolutely mute. There’s no universe, no universe where he can talk about this. He moved to America to forget. | A brutal look at Ilya's childhood and the new phase of his life after the Cottage. Yuna isn't immediately enamoured with him and I love this characterisation. Interesting exploration of his relationship with Alexei too.

the suicidal duckling | 9.7K | Ilya had thought it was dumb, when Galina suggested it. A code word for when his mental health was bad—he and Shane didn’t even have a code word for sex, and Ilya was regularly tying Shane to the bed and slapping his ass until it was as red as a tomato. “Is there a reason you’re calling me?” Shane asks now, voice echoey over the phone. “Or is this part of your strategy to win our argument?” Ilya swallows hard. “Constantinople,” he says.| I love it when fic show Ilya and Shane fighting, in a believable way. As someone who's been in a relationship with the same person for 20 years, sometimes I like some reality in my romantic escapism. I also like it when fic focuses on Ilya's depression. This story has both and they're both excellent!

#fic recs #hollanov #shane x ilya #Oh look it's my little guy #can't wait

pawpawholler

[Podfic] Backhoe

updated: 2026-06-30

chapter length: 32:12

story length so far: 10 hours 51 minutes

chapters: 25/30

AO3 tags:

Author's Note: ZenaidaMacroura

... a meet-cute where boys meet while chained to a backhoe. Why are they chained to this backhoe? Well. I spent wayyy too much time thinking about that! I decided they are fighting a pipeline. There are a lot of pipelines people are fighting the construction of around the US and in other countries around the world. The specific pipeline for this story is fictionalized, but also, it is more or less the Mountain Valley Pipeline (aka MVP) (it's pictured in the moodboard)

Podficcer's Note: E_Greer

This novel caught my heart with its positive depiction of Appalachia, and the people who live here. As a native Appalachian who grew up a couple hours northward of the location in this fic, I heard my accent in this fic and I wanted to share the way I heard it with everyone. So yes, this is way I speak at home. A couple things may wobble as you listen—I speak with a slightly different "r" and though I've tried to represent ZenaidaMacroura's accent writing accurately, I might miss it on occasion. Also, this is a massive work, and if I tried to record only when I was well, it would not exist—I apologize in advance for those chapters where my voice is a little weaker. I'll try to post every other week, and in the end, my plan is to post the whole thing as an audiobook

In which Steve, Becca, and Natasha bring home something unexpected.

This one took me longer to edit because @zenaidamacrouras1 is so funny—I had to edit out all my giggles!

[link to chapter 25]

Updating every other Tuesday.

zenaidamacrouras1

Yay a new chapter! I have been listening to this while working on a home renovation project (I am re-skimming some plaster walls) and ran out of chapters. Thank you @pawpawholler y'all the voice in this podfic is so, so good. It's a superior experience.

#podfic #podfic is so cool #stucky podfic #backhoe podfic #e_greer podfic #appalachia

ozempicofficial

zenaidamacrouras1

Also if you start smoking cigarettes and then you stop you'll have all this money that you aren't spending on cigarettes.

#pro tips #don't take this advice

maichan808

Commission for @midnightfoxsinger

While I didn’t quite get this done for MerMay, it’s always a pleasure drawing merfolk. And thanks for the amazing prompt, K! I didn’t know Art Nouveau Stucky Mermen was something I needed in my portfolio.

#art nouveau merman is definitely needed

aaliyahsparrow

"Shane Hollander Swims", Shane Hollander [Hudson Williams] from the Heated Rivalry AO3 fic Untouchable Face by ZenaidaMacroura, inspired by AO3 user Halloweenqueen369's comment.

I'm sorry I didn't go for one of the all zipped up versions of the professional swimming uniforms, however I found this uniform from team Canada (don't @ me, I think it's from 2020 but close enough), I jazzied up the background to look like a pool, added the London 2012 mascot/logo, pulled in the amazing pic of Hudson in the pool scenes from Laufey's music video, and... well. Here you go. I'm posting it now before I keep making changes and ruin it.

Jul 2026

Please do not copy my work to other sites without permission

#If I am ever not reblogging this just assume I am dead #Shane Hollander Swims

aaliyahsparrow

"Shane Hollander Swims", Shane Hollander [Hudson Williams] from the Heated Rivalry AO3 fic Untouchable Face by ZenaidaMacroura, inspired by AO3 user Halloweenqueen369's comment.

I'm sorry I didn't go for one of the all zipped up versions of the professional swimming uniforms, however I found this uniform from team Canada (don't @ me, I think it's from 2020 but close enough), I jazzied up the background to look like a pool, added the London 2012 mascot/logo, pulled in the amazing pic of Hudson in the pool scenes from Laufey's music video, and... well. Here you go. I'm posting it now before I keep making changes and ruin it.

Jul 2026

Please do not copy my work to other sites without permission

zenaidamacrouras1

Aaahhhhhhhhhhhh. I don't know which of us is Big Bird and which is Snuffy but this is the party I am throwing for you in thanks for this ahhhhhhh

#aghhhhhhhh #eeeeeEEEEEEEEeeeeeee

Thank you to TatteLatte | @tattelatte for this beachy-dreamy cover for my fic Untouchable Face - the cover on ao3 and they have a lot of other covers for great fics. The vibes are exactly what I was imagining for the beach scenes! It's so cool!

Also that font, Beth Ellen, is one of my favorites so we had a font mind meld and I could not be happier about it.

#untouchable face #fan art is awesome #luckiest possum at the compost pile #hollanov #hollanov fanart

pawpawholler

every time someone says, "don't like AI fanfic, don't read" what I hear is, "I'm OK if you die."

Fuck this. I refuse to be quiet about people dying because it's inconvenient to have discussions about AI. It might upset someone to think about AI in fanfic. You know what's really fucking inconvenient? Dying on the steps of the ER because you can't fucking breathe.

zenaidamacrouras1

Okay, my last reblog was too fatalistic so trying again. Okay. the more we pushback against data centers and AI the more we stop it and slow it down somewhere. I have been studying data centers for months and tracking clips and articles and I can tell you there are so many industry articles about "geez people are kinda mad how can we build these without making communities mad" like we aren't going to stop all of them, but we will stop some and make many that get built have higher standards so it's not a complete race to hell.

And maybe that isn't that optimistic, but y'all protest works. I've been doing advocacy for 20 years and it's always worked and it's working now.

It's never as easy as I want it to be, but it's always better than not doing it.

#fucking data centers #fucking ai #fucking generative ai #fucking hyperscalers #fucking poisoning appalachia please stop

pawpawholler

Just going to drop this right here, hat tip to Fansplaining’s latest article. The fourth most common use of AI, more than coding, homework, or note taking in meetings, is writing fanfic, as per the Harvard Business Review:

#no shit

penandinkprincess

with the way ilya went fucking DEMON MODE after the news about shane and rose hit the internet and the way ilya was suddenly playing WAY rougher and angrier with shane than he ever had before, i KNOW most of that team thought ilya had a thing for rose.

and depending on how many movies for the franchise rose had filmed in montreal in the past??? not impossible that SHE was the montreal girl cap was always running off to see when they were in town. yes! it all makes sense!! rose landry is montreal girl, and hollander has STOLEN HER!!

which leads to the very funny idea of the boston team trying to be loyal to ilya and parent trap situations on nights out on the town to get ilya and rose to spend time together because SURELY cap can win her back! he's ilya rozanov!! of course he can do it!! manage to get them "accidentally" locked in a room together and NO chance cap doesn't win her back and steal her away from hollander!

this is, incidentally, ilya's Fucking Nightmare.

penandinkprincess

TEARS IN MY EYES LAUGHING ABOUT THIS

oh MAN, one other player from boston got picked for all stars and another came along as their plus-one because listen. ilya has been carrying around a BAD FUCKING VIBE and they are. worried. he is in demon mode and very mean rn but he's their cap, so they gotta look out for him. and atp the whole boston team thinks they've solved the puzzle (they. have not. they have actually invented their own picture and cut it into pieces to MAKE a puzzle), so they send to the groupchat (the one without ilya called Potential Evidence For a Cold Case Episode One Day) that oh! landry is HERE, guys! she apparently came with hollander.

and OBVIOUSLY this is the perfect time to find space for cap and landry to get together 1 on 1 again! what if she came JUST to see cap!! (they needed to run this past like. at least one wag. but alas.)

and meanwhile rose came with shane as moral support in him trying to talk to ilya, but now ilya is avoiding them like the fucking PLAGUE.

BUT NOW IT DOES LOOK LIKE ROSE IS ACTIVELY SEEKING ILYA OUT.

BUT NOT FOR THE FUCKING REASON THAT THE BOSTON TEAM THINKS.

so the players are like SCORE. PERFECT. landry even asked one of them where cap was!! she WANTS HIM, guys. WE MIGHT SURVIVE AFTER ALL. ROSE LANDRY, WE WORSHIP AT YOUR FEET. PLEASE SAVE US.

so one of them distracts shane while the other goes to get rose, and rose is like "well, shane is busy, and maybe rozanov just needs to hear that shane wants to speak to him, and i can do that."

but now rose and ilya are locked in a room, rose doesn't want to say shane's part FOR HIM so she's just trying to set the stage by talking about what a wonderful person shane is and how he makes a great boyfriend and is so sweet and sensitive and-

and ilya meanwhile has his focus torn between trying to set her on fire with his mind, set himself on fire with his mind, and make his teammates (who are DEAD when he gets out of here) catch on fire with his mind.

and meanwhile shane is still forty-five minutes deep into a talk about dunkin that he does NOT know how to get out of.

#Oh my god #the slapstick #can this also somehow be an episode of Doctor Who?#is that asking too much???

johannestevans

the thing is like. i get that it's scary and makes people who do desire to get pregnant uncomfortable when we talk about the brutality and violence of pregnancy and the damage that pregnancy can do to your body

but you deserve to give informed consent to that process.

the lies around pregnancy - that it's inherently safe, that it doesn't do you permanent damage, that it's only extremely rare for people to die of pregnancy complications, etc like

all of these are lies constructed so that more people will get pregnant w/o knowing all that

there needs to be more talk about the impact of miscarriages and how common they are, how different abortion processes are and how accessible they are

but also like. talking about how pregnancy fucks your body up should not be taboo

this is a process that permanently changes most people's bodies, and that's even if the pregnancy doesn't do them like. severe illness or injury

and i just think everybody should have a right to KNOW that

bc to live in a society that intentionally obscures and hides facts about a completely optional and dangerous process does so for a reason, and that reason is based in a very sinister ideology that does not value bodily autonomy or informed consent

thelittleblackfox

the number of people who are pregnant and don't know about what induced labour entails and what post partum bleeding is horrifies me

zenaidamacrouras1

Here is a story about the depths to which pregnant people are seen as a vessel for a baby, and the importance of finding prenatal care that assumes you are a human and not a baby holder:

When I was pregnant I was in a million forums for pregnant people because (cough adhd hyperfixation) and I had something called SPD (Symphysis pubis dysfunction) (not Sensory Processing Disorder though I also have that) which is where your pubic bones separate early (more or less) because they get all loosey goosey as your body gets ready to crank that baby out.

Except my pubic bone got confused and got misaligned at like 3 months pregnant. I could barely walk. I couldn't roll over in bed. Doing something that required me to shift my weight from one foot to another like opening a door knob was like an excruciatingly painful knife being stabbed into my pubic bone, I can't express how intense and blinding it was.

So I am in one million baby forums like "am I dying what is happening why is there a knife in my pubic bone" and all these people are like "I have that too! my doctor says it's normal and not to worry because it doesn't hurt the baby. I just deal with it by laying in bed for months in excruciating pain and think about how lucky I am to be having a little miracle growing in my body."

So lol nope. I went to my midwife and they are like, "Oh squeeze a can between your knees look up a physical therapy youtube on SPD" and I did that can-squeeze thing and it CURED THE PROBLEM in ONE DAY. I had been SUFFERING, y'all, it felt miraculous.

And I was so full of rage (flames, flames on the side of my face) that people are being told "Oh, it's NORMAL just deal with it" "It doesn't hurt the baby." Like, look, yes it's NORMAL but it's 100% treatable!!! SPD (again, not Sensory processing disorder) affects 1 in 5 pregnant people.

I was lucky to have amazing midwives (need a gender neutral term for that profession, but they see pregnant men and women)(side note highly recommend midwives if you are gender nonconfirming/a man/etc) and I have DOZENS of examples of shit like this.

(Another example is post partum friends being like "oh I am peeing my pants 900x day after giving birth" and my doctor says it's NORMAL so I just dealt with it for decades. My midwives were like "Oh that's normal and also physical therapy cures that in like 2 sessions")

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys

When my sister was looking to get pregnant she was given the best advice. She was told that being pregnant is an experience akin to being in a moderate sized car crash, in terms of risk and lasting injury.

Some people in moderate car crashes are very lucky, and walk away with zero injury. Some are very unlucky, and die. But most people fall into the third category, where they'll be injured at the time, then heal, and then for the rest of their life they have some minor and liveable complication from the injury. Like a knee that lets you know when the rain is coming, or a back that doesn't like seats without lumbar support, or a shoulder that never quite gets its full range of motion back.

The vast majority of people survive and thrive, like. But their body is never the same again. And people should know that when they make the choice of whether to put their body through that or not

haledamage

my mom had a complication postpartum that caused pain and swelling in her left leg. at the time she was told it was "milk leg" and that it was normal and she'd be fine, but it never went away or got better. she finally found a doctor recently who was willing to do some tests and found out it's a condition called "May-Thurner syndrome" and had surgery to fix it

she's been suffering with this since she gave birth to me. I'm 38 years old. she had that surgery last week.

there needs to be more dialogue about the things your body goes through during pregnancy. "that's normal" or "everyone goes through that" need to stop being used to shut down conversations about the horrific, permanent damage that can be done to bodies during pregnancy and childbirth. just because it's "normal" doesn't mean it needs to be endured

giggymantis

I know this is not pertinent to the post but midwife is probably not gendered in the way you think. (The post gets this right btw but I see a lot of people getting it backwards) The “wife” in midwife (with the woman in OE) refers to the person giving birth, not the Obstetrician.

Granted, it still needs to be updated because not just women give birth.

Here is an etymologically equivalent but gender neutral term I just made:

- pregger helper

anarchistmemedistro

millionmovieproject

Hey also: babies are not medicine, or unconditional love playthings. Having a baby won't save your relationship, or fix the problems in your life if you haven't done the work to get yourself in a good place mentally, physically, and emotionally, already. People don't ask to be born, and having to grow up with parents that transfer their problems onto their children just perpetuates the cycles of abuse and life-long issues. Given you're not likely to get clear, concise, unbiased healthcare anyway, as seen above, and it will be continually impressed upon you that it is your duty to have children, make sure you're not succumbing to social pressures, or wanting to be a parent for the wrong reasons.

fozmeadows

Genuinely, I think a large part of why so many people are unwilling to talk about risks, complications, pain and injury around birth, pregnancy and lactation is because of how deeply ingrained the (primarily but not exclusively) religious idea that "a woman's body is designed to have children" is. Because if you actually sat down and looked, clear-eyed, at all the many ways in which even a healthy pregnancy can negatively impact the body, it would be that much harder to believe that design factors in at all, unless we're willing to argue that the designer was shit at their job. But if you're sold the idea that pregnancy is some divinely ordained and/or ultimate expression of Feminine Life Purpose, and then you have a bad experience, you're much more likely to blame yourself, or to think there's something wrong with you, or to suffer in silence because nobody ever told you this could happen so there must not be any easy solutions, and that makes me so fucking mad I could spit.

hollowedskin

Also, if your doctor tells you that getting pregnant will cure your endometriosis, pmdd, or pcos, that just isn't true. It was never true. Pregnancy does not cure reproductive system illnesses.

You will still have endo, and you will now have a newborn while experiencing everything that you were before.

theinconvenientlifestyle

Oh this is the post that helped me feel better when I had SPD during pregnancy - the can between the knees.

zenaidamacrouras1

I am so proud that my tumblr post about squeezing a can between your knees as therapy for SPD helped you! Like. SO GLAD.

#trust women #and of course nb and trans men having babies #but jeebus can you imagine if we valued women's lives and comfort more than their potential to incubate a baby #yes your pubic bones can separate #and it is not comfortable when that happens #symphysis pubis dysfunction #SPD

zenaidamacrouras1

Hey so about SPD - I think I have complications from it still, my kid is like a year old. Do you have any advice on dealing with that?

Hi yes! It's funny because so much of my tumblr is Marvel fandom but I forget how some of my "indignities of gestating" posts break containment. Hi friend! Congrats on your one year old. What a sweet age!

So, to everyone who may read: when you make a whole baby inside your musculoskeletal system and especially if you eject it vaginally (well probably c-sections too I just don't know about them) it's not surprising that some of your body parts end up in the wrong place as a side effect. I do NOT UNDERSTAND why assessing for such issues is not standard. It makes me SO ANGRy. So yes I will now overshare about my experience.

zenaidamacrouras1

While i'm on the topic, I'll bump this back up

#post partum #pelvic floor therapy #diastasis recti #SPD #physical therapy is the best #i love you physical therapists i owe you basically everything

Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I just saw your addition on a pregnancy post about SPD, and...

I had that my entire pregnancy. It started at 3 months for me as well. It was excruciating. People recommended muscle relaxers, but that just made it twice as bad the next day because my pelvis separated more. It was torture, nonstop daily until I had the baby at 37 weeks. No online forum helped. How miserable I was and how destroyed my physical health and my mental health and my husband's mental health was had my pregnant doctor very obviously reconsidering whether she actually loved her job, because I was practically begging her to take the baby out of me early (I am an exclusive C section person because of my EDS), and she couldn't do a single thing for me because the hospital would say no because no INSURANCE would accept "the mother is in excruciating pain constantly, cannot do a single task without being in absolute agony afterward, and wishes she had never been born due to the constant onslaught" as a reason to prescribe "get the baby out of her".

I had to wait until my baby was considered "term", and I was developing HELLP Syndrome, to get her out.

And you are telling me. This could have been solved. With a fucking SOUP CAN.

What the hell. What the actual hell. Why did no forum tell me this. Why did no doctor know.

My husband and I are done having kids because the trauma of that pregnancy was too much. And it could have been fucking solved with a can of Campbell's.

I'm sorry. I'm so angry. I needed to talk to someone about this. Thank you for listening.

I am always so glad when people find that post because yeah. and by EDS I assume you mean Ehlers-Danlos Sydrome which I have been recently diagnosed with and had this moment of like "oh hell is that why my SPD was so bad??" it probably is.

The SPD pain is SO BAD and people do not understand how bad it is. I am so, so, so sorry you had this experience and so, so, so mad about it. And doctors say it is NORMAL and COMMON which it is, but it also treatable. It's so, so easy to treat. And maybe every case doesn't respond to those exercises, but, my god, it costs nothing to try???

I have since learned that so much of dealing with my connective tissue problems--for me-- is about strengthening the muscles around my loose joints to help hold them in place.

When Lindsey Vonn, the Olympic skier, was skiiing with a torn ACL and she was like "yeah sure, my leg muscles are so strong the ACL is optional" I had this pikachu surprise face moment realizing that that is basically the issue I've had my whole life from the SPD, to my knee pain to my back pain.

And I can tell you I was having horrifying knee pain, like it would be a blinding, maybe 8 out of 10 pain, but only lasting a few seconds. It got so bad I was like afraid to go on a walk because when would the pain strike??

And so I went to physical therapy and within a half hour she was like "Okay you probably have EDS, your hip joints are loosey goosey and every now and then they let your thigh bone twist around and then your thigh bone is twisting in your knee and that is when your body gets the "red alert pain shut down" signal because that obviously your body doesn't want your femur twisting around. Then pain lets up when your bone goes back in place and so that is why you get 4 seconds of blinding pain and then it goes back to like a steady 3 level of dull throbby sort of knee pain."

SOOOO my point is then she was like "do side planks and clamshells and leg lifts and it should all work out in a week or two because you need to strengthen your abs and hip muscles" and it fucking DID. If I go a week or two without doing yoga the knee knives come back.

It felt as miraculous as curing my SPD by squeezing a can of soup between my knees. Like. What. The. Fuck. Tell everyone!!!

#spd #not sensory processing disorder #symphysis pubic disfunction #and #ehler danlos #EDS #i love you physical therapy

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