"Tailmon," 26y/o, he/she pronouns, white & from the imperial core, androgyne gay-queer man (TME & nonintersex) 🌈💗🧩♿
This is my blog for posting about everything related to disability as a topic. This is a sideblog and I can't follow back from here.
Moderate support needs (?) Autistic. Early diagnosed, low masking, semiverbal. Other developmental disabilities include APD, Dyspraxia & Dyscalculia.
Learning AAC, current setup is TD Snap on a 9th gen iPad. Grammar & sentence structure may change on my blog when I use AAC to make my posts, since it's sometimes faster to get sentences out when I use simple words and "broken" sentences. This is not a typing quirk.
Physically disabled & chronically ill with hEDS, moderate ME, FMS, Dysautonomia, and Migraines with aura. I am professionally diagnosed & use a rollator walker and mobility scooter. Daily medical cannabis user for symptom relief.
Multiply mentally ill but I am not listing my diagnoses because mental health has become a joke of a topic on this platform. Just know that I am dissociative, traumatized, and psychotic with mood and anxiety disorders.
My special interests are plushies, furry culture & fursuits, and listening to music.
Politics is a difficult subject for me and I'm slow to learning about it, but I am Marxist-Leninist adjacent. I don't mind being geared into the right direction, just please be kind about it 🙏
Please don't use/repost pictures of my AAC without my explicit permission.
Do not use tone tags/indicators with me, I don't understand them. If you must indicate tone, please do so with full and simple words (I.E. "That's awesome (sarcasm)").
I will not answer "Do you think I have [x]?" questions. I support informed self-diagnosis, but I will not diagnose you.
I am strictly anti-endogenic and you will not be able to change my mind about this, I will not entertain your debates or discourse.
I believe in uplifting M/HSN, lvl 2/3, low/no-masking, BIPOC, intellectually disabled, and/or nonverbal/semiverbal Autistics, as well as Autistics who are part of other minority groups. This does not inherently put down LSN, lvl 1, high-masking Autistics.
I like the puzzle piece as a symbol for Autism. I realize that many others don't and I respect this, but please respect my decisions to use the puzzle piece in return.
Cripple and cripplepunk are for physically disabled people only.
Highly critical of psychiatry as a system and institution.
Pro-legalization & decriminalization of cannabis possession and use for medical, recreational and spiritual uses. Also pro-harm reduction, including the use of weed for treating addiction.
every energy price shock hits disabled people hard. disabled people often need to use electricity for mobility aids, for fridges to keep medication cool, for heating devices for chronic pain, for air filters, for communication devices, and for feeding equipment. it isn't an optional extra that we can cut back on when prices get too high
but with every round of price hikes it's the same advice: turn the thermostat down, make your showers quicker, wear warmer clothes. just learn to accept lower living standards. many of us, disabled or not, already have to regularly choose between eating and heating, so when another imperialist war pushes energy prices up again, what are disabled people to do? unfortunately, for many the answer is to accept being more disabled and more suffering
for Europe, the Russian intervention in the Ukrainian civil war acted as a catalyst to reorganize Europe's energy supplies around US economic interests. the continent went from getting cheap and reliable pipeline gas from Russia to importing unreliable and more expensive LNG from the world market, and in large part from the US. while the West engaged in a proxy war against Russia, prices soared for European workers and businesses, and the US profited. now another imperialist war has pushed global prices up again, and once again the cost is being socialized onto the working and marginalized lower stratas of every society worldwide, while energy corporations profit. and once again, disabled people bear the sharpest levels of suffering outside of the warzone. once again, many will have to turn off or ration devices that help them move about, eat, or breathe comfortably
sometimes people ask communists: "what about the disabled people who will be harmed by a revolution?" nobody is going to leave those people without support. and now it's time to turn this question around. what about the disabled people who suffer endlessly, become isolated, or die as we're forced to accept the ever lowering living standards that will push even able bodied people past their breaking point and spark the revolution?
by the time revolution feels necessary to large swathes of the population, many of the most disabled amongst us will be suffering greatly, even though the government could prevent it. and those are the ones who manage to stay alive
nobody is faking POTS, fibromyalgia or ME/CFS for attention because nobody gives a fuck if you have POTS, fibromyalgia or ME/CFS. these are three conditions people are always accused of faking online (largely because they’re common chronic illnesses and young women are disproportionately effected by them 😃) and it’s like…..look around bitch. when was the last time you saw a fund for a cure CFS walkathon? you ever see a Google banner for fibromyalgia? these are illnesses that suck to have and that you are often treated like absolute dogshit by the medical community and pop culture at large if you do have them. you don’t get positive attention, or any attention at all, if you’re at home laying down 85% of your life.
I think people have forgotten what high support needs means. It makes me frustrated. You are not high support needs if you can live on your own and hold a full time job. I am not sorry to say this.
I’m not asking you for medical advice, but I am really bad at looking for scholarly articles and I was wondering if you had anything? I used to experience complete amnesia before I was diagnosed with DID and the years after, but after therapy and then just techniques I was given on my own the amnesia has lessened even if I’m still switching to the point I can usually remember most things that happened during and between switches. Is that an actual thing that can happen with improvement, or does it sound more like I may have been misdiagnosed? I am very nervous about bringing stuff up to my new care team low key and it’s been beneficial to have science based stuff to back me up.
This very much just sounds like integration. Having amnesia reduce with therapy is completely expected, the entire point of treatment for a dissociative disorder is to reduce dissociation. Specifically, a reduction in inter-identity amnesia with therapy is very expected, as DID specified treatment is designed to lessen the dissociative barriers between parts at all levels of treatment.
Inter-identity amnesia, as per the contemporary research, appears to have more to do with avoidance as opposed to literal memory loss. Under this understanding, alters have difficulty recalling other alters' experiences due to aversion towards those parts and the trauma they hold (i.e. the fear of dissociative parts and the fear of traumatic memory as discussed in the theory of structural dissociation). DID treatment involves lessening that avoidance to foster integration, which in turn lessens the experiences of amnesia by causing parts to dissociate less from each other's experiences.
On inter-identity amnesia specifically, there's these three:
Inter-identity amnesia in dissociative identity disorder resolved: A behavioural and neurobiological study
Memory transfer for emotionally valenced words between identities in dissociative identity disorder (not open access, but you can see parts of it)
Inter-identity amnesia and memory transfer in dissociative identity disorder: A systematic review with a meta-analysis
In regards to DID treatment lessening dissociation and amnesia, it's hard to find specific studies that investigate it outright, since it's kind of just the point of treatment. But you could point to more generalized sources such as these:
DID Adult Treatment Guidelines, Third Revision
The Haunted Self (the theory of structural dissociation of the personality)
Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation: Skills Training For Patients and Their Therapists
It really does say a lot about how romanticized and theatricized alters are online when people go into denial or feel isolated for displaying the most textbook DID/OSDD symptoms.
Not knowing who's fronting, not knowing how many alters you have, not knowing when you switch, not knowing alters' names or why they formed, alters not having names, having no internal world or a very vague one, having no internal communication, struggling with external communication, experiencing alters as different overlapping states of self instead of separate people, hell even just experiencing amnesia.
These are all extremely common symptoms of DID/OSDD, especially when you're untreated or early in treatment. And yet they're all common reasons for why people feel like they don't belong in this community, because the reality of this disorder somehow doesn't conform to the online expectation.
How bad is the state of CDD awareness, even among those who proclaim to have it, that the most common manifestations of DID/OSDD are so underdiscussed that the majority of people with these conditions cannot find understanding even in a community meant for their disorder? When anything that doesn't play into the "alters are separate people and friends in your head" narrative is ignored and erased?
Could i please have the links to medical studies that in your opinion prove that endogenic systems do not exist?
This is kind of a complex question. The fact that endogenics do not exist comes from the sum of all the research into how alternate identity states develop and function, so in order to get the full picture you need to do a lot of reading in a lot of different areas. There also isn't really going to be a study that overtly says "endogenic systems do not exist", because "endogenic systems" are not even close to a scientifically recognized topic because the base idea is already completely disproven by the existing research.
Your best starting point for this is going to be the studies into the etiology of DID that disprove the sociocognitive and fantasy based models of DID (which operate on remarkably similar logic to "endogenic" ideology), and also the neuroscience of DID that proves that alters and switching are inseparable from PTSD on a neurological level.
Also, before we start, just so we're perfectly clear: dissociative identity disorder is the medical name for the presence of alters. Any credible research into alters and systemhood is going to use the term "DID" or "CDD" because those are the official names for this phenomenon. They're not studying the label, they're studying systemhood. If they weren't, DID research wouldn't apply to OSDD-1 or P-DID either, but it obviously does. Therefore, the argument of "that study doesn't count because it's about DID, not endos!" isn't actually valid.
Etiology and Alter Formation
Dissociation debates: everything you know is wrong
The sociocognitive model of dissociative identity disorder: a reexamination of the evidence (not open access)
Disorganized Attachment and the Orbitofrontal Cortex as the Basis for the Development of Dissociative Identity Disorder <- this one explicit states that DID without comorbid PTSD essentially does not exist
Revisiting the etiological aspects of dissociative identity disorder: a biopsychosocial perspective
A Cross-Cultural Test of the Trauma Model of Dissociation
The Weakness of the Sociocognitive Model of Dissociative Identity Disorder
Is it trauma‐or fantasy‐based? Comparing dissociative identity disorder, post‐traumatic stress disorder, simulators, and controls
Neuroscience of DID
“I Am Not I”: The Neuroscience of Dissociative Identity Disorder
Abnormal hippocampal morphology in dissociative identity disorder and post‐traumatic stress disorder correlates with childhood trauma and dissociative symptoms
Aiding the diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder: pattern recognition study of brain biomarkers (not open access)
A systematic review of the neuroanatomy of dissociative identity disorder
Dissociative identity state-dependent working memory in dissociative identity disorder: a controlled functional magnetic resonance imaging study
Treatment of dissociative identity disorder: leveraging neurobiology to optimize success
Normal amygdala morphology in dissociative identity disorder
Hippocampal and amygdalar volumes in dissociative identity disorder
A neurostructural biomarker of dissociative amnesia: a hippocampal study in dissociative identity disorder
Neurodevelopmental origins of abnormal cortical morphology in dissociative identity disorder (not open access)
Voluntary switching between identities in dissociative identity disorder: A functional MRI case study
Dissociative Part-Dependent Resting-State Activity in Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Controlled fMRI Perfusion Study
Neurological Difference Between the Host and Alternate Identities of a Patient Diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder
Similar cortical but not subcortical gray matter abnormalities in women with posttraumatic stress disorder with versus without dissociative identity disorder (not open access)
Other
“Multiple Systems” versus Dissociative Identity Disorder: Life-Style or Mental Illness?
This one's interesting, because many "endos" have claimed it proves endogenic systems, but when you read it, it actually says the opposite. It states the following:
That those who claim to be "multiple" very well may in be psychosis, and that people can be end up falsely believing they have alters through social media
That many "multiples" claim to be functional yet experience profound depression and anxiety, that they deny dissociation but that alters can only form through dissociative coping and compartmentalization
That "multiples" have still experienced childhood trauma consistent with that which causes DID and have similar alter presentations to those in DID
That there is no empirical evidence suggesting "multiplicity" is separate from DID
In fact, the conclusions of the paper are that the claimed differences between multiplicity and DID "are not enough to separate multiplicity from a harmful psychological disorder", and that "for now one should not differentiate [multiple systems] from dissociative identity disorder".
The theory of structural dissociation itself
The theory of structural dissociation states that alters are highly complex ANPs and EPs, which are divisions of the self caused by structural dissociation, a psychological process that is purely post-traumatic in nature. Here's an excerpt from The Haunted Self (the main book that outlines the theory of structural dissociation of the personality) giving a basic explanation of tertiary structural dissociation, the only known process through which distinct and autonomous parts of self can exist:
I highly recommend reading the whole book to better understanding how alters form and function, and how they are inseparable from trauma. If I were to put every excerpt that talks about that, we would be here all day.
I hope this was helpful, at least as a starting point.
you know when i say we have to accept autistic people who have symptoms of autism that cause things like body fluid smearing, inconsistent or no personal hygiene, lack of volume control, etc. I'm not talking about some fringe cases of autistic people with "extreme" symptoms. these things are common. they're common amongst medium and high support needs autistics, but also amongst low support needs autistics. some of your peers at the local autistic peer support society are struggling with incontinence. it's just that they can control their liquid intake and use pads to manage symptoms. some of them are smearing fecal matter but they just clean up after themselves. the divide between low support needs and others isn't that low support needs autistics are actually more palatable, have fewer undesirable symptoms, or are in any way better than the rest of the autistic population. even if some people like to act that way. it just refers to the level of support they need. like being able to manage your own incontinence for example doesn't make you have it any less. we've gotta accept that various symptoms are part of autism. they're actually quite common. there remains a lot of social stigma around these symptoms, but that doesn't make them rare or not worth talking about. things like skin picking or hitting your head are behaviours that naturally arise from having autism, and we've got to accept that
even in autism communities i see people put autistic people into “low support needs - None of the Symptoms” and “high support needs- All of the Symptoms” and that’s just not helpful to anyone of any level of support needs
Tbh, I'm significantly less concerned with people casually using the word crazy to mean busy or overwhelming or something than I am with people adopting clinical psychiatric language in an attempt to appropriate the pathologizing function of psychiatry for themselves (as in the case of people using "narcissist" to essentially mean "evil person" and diagnosing everyone in their life as a narcissist).
Last week I went to the hospital because I was having really bad stomachaches. It hurt so bad that I became nauseous and ended up getting sick. I ended up waiting in the emergency room for 12 hours before I was seen by a doctor, who would finally order some tests. In between that time, I would end up getting sick so often to the point where I had nothing else to throw up. I was lucky that it was nothing serious, but we never knew what made me feel so sick. I was discharged from the hospital after being there for almost 14 hours.
My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.
hiii im not sure if this has been done before (searched but couldn't find anything) but I really wanted an alternative to the current Autism awareness/acceptance ribbons out there (ie the puzzle piece ribbon and the gold ribbon) so I made my own! I used red from the #RedInstead movement and gold from the #LightItUpGold movement and took inspiration from the Down Syndrome awareness ribbon.
ribbons for Autism were a huge thing when I was growing up so I feel kinda nostalgic for them :3
The dsm5's 3 autism levels are not universal and I wish ppl understood this when discussing autism on a global level. When you talk about diagnostic levels as an important part of the diagnostic process, or autistic culture, you are talking about America only. And having no diagnosed level doesn't automatically mean on the lower support needs end of the spectrum. In the UK, everyone gets one diagnosis, and that diagnosis is ASD. Support needs are defined at your and your carers' discretion. The dsm5 is not universal!!!
Some autistics have an odd view on what a special interest within autism actually is, and it's a very damaging take.
Special interests within autism can cause clinically significant impairments in one's life.
Special interests can borderline obsession and addiction and compulsion. They can even run inline with addiction, obsession, and compulsion.
Special interests aren't always knowing everything about it, researching it, and infodumping, or engaging in it in multiple ways.
Sometimes autistics don't know much about them, some will not research them, some autistics won't infodump about them. Some autistics only every engage in their interest in a very restricted and fixated way, a very limited way.
I honestly think some autistics get special interests and hobbies mixed up. You are allowed to have hobbies you are very passionate about, love to talk about, and have a vast knowledge on them. There are many allistics in this world who have hobbies just like that and with such an intensity.
Special interests for autistics aren't always cute and quirky and fun. They can be damaging and impairing, and cause stress/anxiety. They can be inappropriate, dangerous, or bad.
this might be hard to grasp especially if you're the only or most disabled person in your friend group, but other disabled people online are not trying to one-up you by sharing their symptoms. neither are they inviting you to one-up them. if your first and only reaction to someone's struggles is to show how much worse you have it then i recommend some introspection
