Apheda

...A...

[apheda1914]

WHO AM I?

My name...

...my face...

...my age...

...my gender...

...the colour of my hair...

...the colour of my eyes...

...my race....

...my nationality...

...my height...

...my weight...

...my size...

...my sexual orientation...

...my religious beliefes...

...my passions...

...my apathies...

...or any other informations that would lead to my real identity...

...are not supposed to be known by anybody! They are meant to remain unsaid!

[apheda1914]

Can't do this anymore

FUCK

Can't fucking do this anymore

!!!

I'm actually going crazy

Sorry

[apheda1914]

"Since day one, a woman’s already had everything she needs within herself. It’s the world that convinced her she did not.”

—Rupi Kaur

[apheda1914]

You don't need art to live.

You need art not to die.

[apheda1914]

I love myself only when I forget how much I hate myself...

[apheda1914]

We're all just bones, meat and blood...

[apheda1914]

Pour honey on my heart and let the bears devour it...

[apheda1914]

They hate me.

They never told me they hate me.

I know they hate me.

[apheda1914]

I love you.

"This isn't real. This can't be real. They're joking."

This was the first thought that came to me when I received this.

Would anyone blame me for that?

I don't think so.

"I like you." is such a nice thing to say to someone. You don't know me, but you like me. It's nice, as I said. Many people don't understand how this works, but that's fine. I do. However, I have to admit that it is quite cold, it's not that personal.

"I love you." on the other hand, is way more personal, it carries some kind of poetic verbal intimacy that warms your soul. This tells me that even if you don’t know me personally, you do recognize a part of yourself in what I shared on this app, and I appreciate that you told me how you feel.

If someone would ask me what's my biggest goal in life, I would most probably say that I just want to help people not feel lonely, I want to help them feel understood and safe.

I'm not going to make this longer than it has to be, even if I want to do that as I like to break everything into little pieces and find meaning in each one of them.

I just wanted to let you know how much this means to me, because it does mean a lot.

Thank you!

PS: If you ever want to talk to me (about anything), you can always text me and start a conversation. I will reply as fast as I can.

[apheda1914]

I'm such a failure...

[apheda1914]

They only like you when you're...

...a robot...

...not a human!

[apheda1914]

"Like the moon, we also have to go through phases to become whole..."

[apheda1914]

We are all guilty...

I am guilty.

You are guilty.

We are guilty.

[apheda1914]

I keep having this nightmare in which I'm alive...

[apheda1914]

"WTF!?"

- Me

[apheda1914]

WHEN...?

When did we become so arrogant?

When did we become so rude?

When did we become so selfish?

When did we become so stubborn?

When did we become so jealous?

When did we become so insecure?

When did we become so deceitful?

When did we become so greedy?

When did we become so manipulative?

When did we become so hypocritical?

When did we become so cold?

When did we become so aloof?

When did we become so hostile?

When did we become so judgmental?

When did we become so two-faced?

When did we become so miserable?

When did we become so mean?

When did we become so evil?

When did we become so ill?

When did we become so malicious?

When did we become so wicked?

When did we become so vicious?

When did we become so corrupt?

When did we become so naughty?

When did we become so vile?

When did we become thinking and behaving this way? Was there a moment in history when all this started or were we always like this?

[apheda1914]

Everybody hates me.

That's just a fact.