As a preschool special ed para, this is very important to me. All my kids have their own ways of showing affection that are just as meaningful to them as a hug or eye contact is to you or me.Â
One gently squeezes my hand between both of his palms as he says âsquish.â I reciprocate. When he looks like heâs feeling sad or lost, I ask if I can squish him, and he will show me where I can squish him. Sometimes itâs almost like a hug, but most of the time, itâs just a hand or an arm I press between my palms. Then he squishes my hand in return, says âsquish,â and moves on. He will come ask for squishes now, when he recognizes that he needs them.
Another boy smiles and sticks his chin out at me, and if heâs really excited, heâll lean his whole body toward me. The first time he finally won a game at circle time, he got so excited he even ran over and bumped chins with me. He now does it when he sees me outside of school too. I stick out my chin to acknowledge him, and he grins and runs over and I lean down for a chin bump.
Yet another child swings my hand really fast. At a time when another child would be seeking a hug, she stands beside me and holds my hand, and swings it back and forth, with a smile if Iâm lucky. The look on her face when I initiate the hand swinging is priceless.
Another one bumps his hip against mine when he walks by in the hallway or on the playground, or when he gets up after Iâm done working with him. No eye contact, no words, but he goes out of his way to âcrashâ into me, and I tell him that itâs good to see him. He now loves to crash into me when Iâm least expecting it. He doesnât want anything, really. Just a bump to say âHi, I appreciate youâre here.â And when heâs upset and we have to take a break, Iâll bump him, ask if he needs to take a walk, and we just go wander for a bit and discuss whateverâs wrong, and heâs practically glued to my side. Then one more bump before we go back into the room to face the problem.
Moral of the story is, alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as traditional affection. Reciprocating alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as returning a hug. That is how you build connections with these children.Â