my body is a zombie for you

i'm carlie, i'm 26, i like dogs

[draculagerard]

[amarguerite]

when i first saw phantom of the opera, I did not get why the first director of the opera in act one just paid some guy living in the basement 20,000 francs a month not to murder his employees, but having worked in arts-based nonprofits in the past, i now can exactly picture the board meeting where they decided that was 100% the best course of action

[whitepeopletwitter]

[candyredterezii]

tbh.. life really IS like the sims..

[candyredterezii]

wake up.. make sandwich… pee.. wazdee zanoopdul.

[andhumanslovedstories]

This is the greatest progression of events I have ever read, where’s my historical gay romance novel about this

[ariaste]

KING JAMES, CAN YOU CHILL?

[cornchipz-revival]

Local King Cannot Stop Promoting His Boyfriend

[ruby--wednesday]

where’s the lush period drama about this series of events?

[hotidiotsoup]

fun thing about king James, this guy was fairly public about his bf (more public than what was acceptable). He threw lots of extravagant parties with his man on his arm. It pissed off the church obviously so to get them off his back, he’s the one that ordered the third translation of the Bible from Hebrew to English (the King James Version aka the Authorized Version) so the Bible every hot blooded all American Christian reads today was literally just written so a very gay king could fuck his boyfriend in peace.

[bemusedlybespectacled]

oh my god this is hilarious

“guys, guys. I know this looks kinda gay, and i promise i have a good explanation for all this, but have you considered… that jesus… is also gay? checkmate, heteros.”

[klaascows]

Boop.

Love is the best scent (part 11).

[megatakesatumble]

‪Job: *gives you vacation days*‬

‪Worker: *uses vacation days*‬

‪Job:‬

[badjokesbyjeff]

{air horn sound}

{second air horn sound}

Me: “this isn’t deodorant”

[the-memedaddy]

[brucebocchi]

oh to be a guard dog given a chain of sausages by a burglar in exchange for my silence

[pwesident]

reblog if you’ve never used the braincell

[snotdad]

the what

[pwesident]

yeah

[harlotofandraste]

me, listening to MCR on October 31st, 2019, as my life falls apart around me: 

[dickwad-666]

finished toadbert's halloween costume

little wizard

[iran-contrarian]

[iran-contrarian]

[madz-the-3rd]

[athomeinmybooks]

Why...why isn't she wearing pants?

[xxyeehawxx]

it's more of a pussy out look

[benepla-deactivated20200506]

i hate airpods dude id rather be broke than have two lil tiny things to keep track of. “oh there’s like a carrier” muh muh muh like i’ll remember the carrier when im barreling out of my door with the bus coming in 2 minutes. an airpod falls out and falls into a storm drain. i fling my head around to watch it fall and the other one flies out into the street and my bus crushes it. i scream in agony and run up to it and the bus just barrels straight over me bc bus drivers in chicago have 3 kill allowances a year

[carlovely-deactivated20220808]

[theklaud]