WARNING: THIS IS A FANDOM BLOG

[eseninkit-blog]

mark

[summerhighlandfalls]

surely this counts as ninja training

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

In The Road to El Dorado there is only really one inexplicable thing within the plot. Miguel and Tulio plausibly bluff their way through or slip out of most situations. However, I’d never figured out why the volcano actually stops erupting when Tulio commands it. 

The conclusion I finally came up with is that the actual gods were watching their big entrance go down, and thought “oh, this’ll be hilarious”

[sweetvantass]

theres a lot of evidence throughout the movie to say that the armadillo (whose name is bibo) is a god.

they first find him in the jungle, where an armadillo has no business being

they find the entrance to the city, while being followed by him

he is present when the volcano starts to erupt (previous concept art also showed him in the background actually stopping the eruption)

miguel and tulio sucked ass at the ball game, so they used Bibo as a ball. He ricocheted himself all over the place and defied physics to get into the hoop every time

they come up with the flood plan to stop cortez when bibo pushed a glass over in front of them

[famouslysleepy]

YOUR TELLING ME THEY USED GOD AS A BASKETBALL?

[basuralindo]

So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)

Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.

So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.

But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.

It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?

So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:

Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.

And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.

So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".

So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.

I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.

[basuralindo]

Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:

My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.

Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.

Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.

Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).

Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues

(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)

[basuralindo]

ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:

According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.

Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.

For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.

So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.

[basuralindo]

Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.

Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life

Aaand a close-up:

The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace

[basuralindo]

HEY HI HELLO THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE

via @kagaminilen

[mysteryteacup]

[cut to a kiosk on legs, sipping a boba, while wandering into the nearest forest on chicken legs]

[ardanelvilyafeanturi]

Here you go @a-bit-too-dyscrasic

[degenezijde]

There's construction (well, mostly destruction) going on next door and I have turned into menwatchingworkers.jpg for highs like these.

[degenezijde]

Apparently I should've tagged this 'rapture' or something

[iamonlyhereforthefreefood]

When Everything Everywhere All at Once said “The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind, especially when we don’t know what’s going on" 

When the Good Place said “Why choose to be good every day when there is no guaranteed reward now or in the afterlife… I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.” 

When Jean-Paul Sartre said ”‘Hell is other people’ is only one side of the coin. The other side, which no one seems to mention, is also ‘Heaven is each other’. Hell is separateness, uncommunicability, self-centeredness, lust for power, for riches, for fame. Heaven on the other hand is very simple, and very hard: caring about your fellow beings.“

[quasi-normalcy]

Love that we’ve elevated the conversation to such a degree that, if you’re going to be grimdark nihilistic in fiction, you need to argue philosophically against 4 seasons of The Good Place.

[lightofraye]

From the comments and other reblogs:

When Kurt Vonnegut said, “Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

[stratfordsympathizer]

i love when ppl draw elias bouchard wearing like anachronistic ass emerald green waistcoats and a monocle in their fanart bc it makes s1 so much funnier to think about. like you know what? yeah actually if i was jonathan sims and my fucking freak of a boss dressed like that and did an evil monologue voice at all times and paid me to read ghost stories in his basement all day, i would also probably be like "yeah this is a deeply unserious job and i am the only normal person here. sick paycheck tho" and then clock the fuck out without ever thinking about those fuckass statements again!! like what are we dunking on him for!! who would chalk that up to anything other than "my weirdass boss has clearly taken his eccentric edwardian magician LARP too far but goddamn if that check doesn't come in every month"

[thememedaddy]

[herpsandbirds]

[thesituation]

“your rent should be a third of your income” well wouldn’t that be nice. wouldn’t it. lower the rent pussy

[moniquill]

Casual observation from someone old enough to remember: in the year 2000 financial advice was that rent should be no more than 1/4 of your income.

[vergess]

Until the mid 80s, the advice was that if you must rent instead of owning, then that 20% of your monthly income (oh yes, only 20%) should include all your utilities too.

After all, rent costs more than a mortgage, so it should offer more too.

The housing market is a fucking travesty.

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

Hmm what happened in the mid eighties....

[commodorecliche]

[intactics]

"rickrolling is mean" rickrolling is the gentle, kind, prosocial descendant of what we used to do on the internet, which was putting a redirect to goatse in every possible misspelling of a url

[astercontrol]

Rickrolling is deceptive, but it's among the most harmless forms of deception available

in other words, it may tell a lie, but it will never tell a lie and hurt you

[deep-state-partisan]

[behindnightmaresanddreams]

[oldguardleatherdog]

I'm a survivor of the terror attacks who lived 4 blocks east of the World Trade Center. I lost my home that day, spent years homeless and destitute, and I carry a Zadroga Act diagnosis of 9/11-connected PTSD. If anyone who's doing this RP needs character coaching or if you need help with authentic scenarios, I'm available for consulting services at reasonable rates. DM me here or leave your number on the men's room wall at any leather bar and it'll get to me in 24 hours. Happy 9/11 y'all, and remember fireworks are unsafe and illegal in most jurisdictions.

[yurious-george]

[katebeckets]

"it's a tv show" "it's not real" i don't care. NO SHOES ON THE BED

[aww-cute-animals]

The most wintery awoo

[joshpeck]

that’s a volcano

[spaghettioverdose-deactivated20]

That’s a very fluffy dragon

[livelaughlothcat]

Imagine you’re Joyce Byers and your boyfriend died a few hours ago and you just got done exorcising a demon out of your son and you get back to your house that was already trashed but now there’s also an unconscious teenage asshole with a mullet and a needle sticking out of his neck in the middle of your living room and there’s food all over your kitchen floor because one of your son’s stupid friends put one of the monsters that killed your boyfriend in your fridge. And also you have to go and vote in like two days cause if you don’t your other son is gonna get really pissy about the fact you didn’t do anything to try and stop Reagan from getting re-elected

[nat-20s]

extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine

[nat-20s]

at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport

[nat-20s]

Ernie, trying to maybe come out to Kermit: well you know Kermit, me and Bert-

Bert: Bert and I

Ernie: Bert and I, we've been best friends forever, but we're also something else too!

Kermit, who every goddamn night has to tell Beaker and Bunsen to keep it professional, deal with Statler and Waldorf's bullshit, AND update his organizational chart on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Polycule: that's really great to hear fellas, happy for you two! :)

[stellacartography]

Grover, alarmed at having spilled some finger paint on Kermit's flipper: I am so sorry, Kermit. Please forgive me.

Kermit, who deals with a multitude of bodily fluids on his person and all over the theatre every evening, who is unintentionally trampled by large monsters as they exit the stage, and quite intentionally has his little froggy bones launched into a wall most nights by Miss Piggy: It's ok, Grover. I'm a frog. I love baths.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

On Sesame Street: Oh, no, Telly is watching too much television!

The Muppet Show Theater, that night: Gonzo attempts to explain his latest fetish at length.

[catasters]

[thickness-protection-program]

Diva down