Guys I can’t deal with this right now, okay?
*does nothing to be removed from the situation. Actively, becomes MORE involved in the situation*
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@basmatazz
Guys I can’t deal with this right now, okay?
*does nothing to be removed from the situation. Actively, becomes MORE involved in the situation*
i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.
For the Olympics, Neil, Andrew, Jeremy, Kevin, and Jean end up on the same team for the first time. Everything is fine at first, until Neil, Kevin, and Jeremy start fighting over Jean’s attention. They argue about who gets to sit with him on the bus, who shares a room with him, who does interviews with him…
And somehow, despite all of that, the person who ends up with Jean in every single situation is Andrew, just so he can piss everyone else off (also because he’s become inexplicably fond of him and ofc he won't admit it).
its terrible for any number of reasons, but i think if we invent immortality there should be an extreme sport called civilizational speedrunning where teams of 20 go into the wilderness somewhere and try and be the fastest build the first internal combustion engine. i bet you could get it down to like 3 years tops
The real trick is to eat seed heavy food before the speedrun starts so your first poops are halfway to agriculture already
i want you on my team holy shit
I don't want a cast of healthy characters I want them all to be varying degrees of suicidal
Thank you Richard Siken for making me want to kill myself. Couldn't have done it better myself. Godspeed.
Neil Josten is a perfect lesson in self control & preservation because wdym Andrew told you he’d blow you and you just. Said “oh ok” . . . . .
richard siken poet of all time
should we talk about how hard Neil tried to understand Andrew? that feeling of easing the pressure in your chest by hurting your own skin, because it helps, right? at least, it helps Andrew. and because it matters to Andrew, it becomes important to Neil too: understanding what he feels, more of his life, stepping beyond the narrow borders of his own existence, his vital goal of survival and finally letting something else into the center of his world. what kind of pain drives a person to keep hurting themselves just to feel relief afterward? Neil is so desperate to figure this out that, for the first time in his life, he tries to put himself in someone else’s place and understand what was driving Andrew during the worst period of his life.
both jean and neil having to go through their fifth year without their boyfriends because jeremy and andrew graduate before them and go pro….oh long distance jerejean and andreil
inside me there are two lungs. and one liver. one stomach. a few meters of intestine. there's a lot inside me actually
this is the funniest thing i've read all day
method actor this method actor that. toshiro mifune played a guy getting shot at by arrows by getting shot at by arrows
and yeah i believe it. ^ this is the face of a guy getting shot at by arrows
i can't cope
Andrew “I want to see you loose control” Minyard waiting for Neil to slip from the facade of his past that he’s built.
Neil “I want to see you lose control” Josten waiting for Andrew to slip from the ‘unfeeling’ facade he’s built.
neil in tfc:
Neil steps up behind Andrew and loosely wraps an arm around his waist while Andrew is busy putting things away, lost in his own thoughts. “Hey…” he murmurs against the nape of Andrew’s neck. the kind of deceptive “hey” that immediately tells you a second of affection isn’t going to be enough. but Andrew keeps working, determined not to get distracted by Neil trailing after him, nuzzling against his neck and rubbing the top of his head against his shoulder. eventually, Neil starts leaning more and more of his weight onto him, slowly forcing Andrew to bend forward under the pressure. “It’s not funny. Calm down,” Andrew protests, sounding far too unbothered for someone who supposedly wants Neil to stop. all he gets in return is muffled laughter and the unmistakable curve of a smile against his skin. “What exactly?” comes from behind, unclear and overly dramatic. a second later, Neil finally succeeds in dragging them both down onto the bed, trying to gather Andrew beneath him, fully aware, of course, that Andrew would never let that happen so easily. the next moment, Andrew catches Neil’s wrist and pushes back: their positions shift almost instantly. Neil doesn’t even bother resisting. he lets them tumble through the chaos of it, passing control back and forth in a whirlwind of playful wrestling until Andrew finally catches him for good and pins him down. strong arms wrap around Neil’s waist and chest, holding him firmly in place. Andrew can hear Neil breathing harder beside him, their brief bout of fooling around has left them both a little breathless. then there it is again—a short laugh. Neil tries to twist around so he can look at Andrew, but Andrew only tightens his hold, keeping him exactly where he is. “You still haven’t calmed down,” he says quietly against Neil’s ear. the words are calm enough, but Neil can feel the contradiction pressed against his back: Andrew’s heart is beating far too hard for someone pretending to be unaffected. if Andrew had really wanted him to stop, he could have pushed him away long before Neil managed to bend him in half and drag him toward the bed. or by firmly saying “no”. but Andrew hadn’t. Instead, he’d chosen to stay close. now he keeps Neil tucked against his chest, burying his face in Neil’s hair and pressing a few firm kisses to the nape of his neck, already fully aware that Neil’s entire plan to end up wrapped tightly in Andrew’s arms — had worked perfectly. even if he’d gone about it in the most shameless way possible.
its probably a normal sign for the economy that all of my adulthood fantasies are like "imagine having your own kitchen living room and bathroom to decorate" "what if i could get on a train" "maybe one day i could purchase a sturdy pair of shoes" "i should save and invest in a single bicycle"