sweating soup // bismorphine

girl help im lost in the polish milk soup

[googledocsdyke]

cathal kelly, the globe and mail

[googledocsdyke]

@gaysie

[notahungrywish]

Is it realistic to the story? NO

But I love the idea that Ilya tells Marly about why he’s leaving. Like he can take the whole city he loves and the team he loves and the sport he loves hating him and not being able to defend himself but Marly is the closest thing he has to an actual brother and god help him he actually trusts the guy. So he tells him and Marly is aghast with the Romeo and Juliet level shit going on in his bros life. He KNEW Roz would never walk away from them for no reason. This is some noble ass shit bro.

So to Ilya’s shock and amusement and slight horror not only does Marly take everything super well and keep going on about how “dope and hardcore romantic and shit” this move is but. After the beginning of his first season where he’s getting scraped over the coals for not being able to turn the team around instantly Marly decides his only option is to fall on the sword alongside his bro and request a mid season transfer to Ottawa. Weibe or management in Ottawa request a meeting with Ilya to be like “why the fuck is this random Boston defenseman fighting tooth and nail to come here? Did you ask him to?”

He refuses to let his captain march alone into hell (a boring suburb of a boring town) for his lover. He will fight at his side until they rise victorious or fall nobly. He says this shit very seriously while drunk to Shane and Ilya is just shrugging behind him.

Obviously the centaurs all adore him. Obviously he refuses to let Ilya sink into too bad of a depression because he’s now deeply invited in all this and takes his role very seriously. He’s like calling Shane when Ilya won’t get out of bed just “Hollzy bro. Roz is suffering. He can’t even play GTA right now. You must come visit as soon as possible or send him hole pics or something.”

Together with the power of their friendship and the assistance of Troy Barrett they open a sick ass club in Ottawa and manage to launch a nightlife scene basically on their own.

And so it never gets quite as dark as it would have without him. And he gives the most incomprehensible speech at the wedding.

[fandomleo]

I imagine this playing out somewhat like in season 3 of Brooklyn 99 when Gina follows Captain Holt to the PR department

Ilya: “I am leaving the Boston Raiders effective immediately”

Marleau: (stands up) “I’m coming with you!”

Ilya: “Thank you Marly.”

Carmichael or somebody: “Me too!”

Ilya: “…Not necessary.”

[scunthotter]

I know I've talked about Ilya being frustrated he can't brag about pulling Shane but you know who else would be frustrated about not being able to brag? Yuna Hollander would be so frustrated that she basically has the two best hockey players in the world in her family and she can't even bring up that now she has TWO sons in the mlh and oh what is your son up to Sharon? Hmm that sounds rough that you have to send him money every month. She's in meetings, maybe there are other players agents and managers and they try to bond by putting down Rozanov and she wants to go "your client couldn't even touch Ilya's points per game. Don't fucking talk about one of my boys." and she's so pissed off by the interaction she gets that player removed from the brand deal.

[reigning-catsanddogs]

[heatedrivalryfanarts]

morelovforjm_

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

[syn4k]

[bytedykes]

[ID: Notification window that says "You forgot something." There's an "Ok" button at the bottom. /end ID]

[bonivers]

pushing back against oldest child stereotypes by making unwise choices and not being dependable

[trickstarbrave]

[clytemnestraaa]

ok i figured it out the key difference and sum of their characters is that ilya is acting and shane is lying

[clytemnestraaa]

now to expand, we all know it is wrong to lie to people, and it's not particularly wrong to act. however: to lie, you need to be starkly aware of what the truth of you actually is, in order to obscure it. but to act, to fully step into a role, it is better if you never know yourself at all.

[bismuthfool]

Simon's stretch marks

Grace will never stop talking

[chromaticrainarts]

I think this ship (spaceship) is really funny

[bronzeplates]

it is important to me that the first meeting between simon and the hail mary crew is a bad one

First (this one) - Next

close ups \/

[hr-rep]

Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and he’s caught on a mic later that week saying I didn’t realize it wasn’t the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.

[hr-rep]

@persimmony-snicket EXACTLYYYY

[wha-shitpost]

[chocolate-smash]

okay I can’t keep it in anymore. Shane may be autistic, but he simply Would Not have a problem with things being too bright or loud. This boy plays HOCKEY, he is a SENSORY SEEKER, there is NO SUCH THING AS TOO BRIGHT AND LOUD. In my HEART OF HEARTS I know that this man used to stand in the middle of arcades as a child and soak in all of the different sounds and lights and flashy bits and finally feel like he’s getting enough sensation to settle into his own skin. He sleeps under 2 weighted blankets and preferably also another giant 250lb hockey player. He’s not having a problem with too much noise and stimulation. He plays recorded crowd noises from other sports games to focus on stuff. He’s fine sitting in wet clothes for an hour if that’s how long it takes to finish sexting before he gets changed. He’s a SENSORY SEEKER. LET HIM SEEK.

[chocolate-smash]

hello yes I have more thoughts on this. 

It is key to my personal #myshane that he does not have an autism diagnosis. As a kid he was maybe brought to a specialist, and they looked at him and diagnosed him with Rambunctious Little Boy, because it was the 90s and he wasn't experiencing any significant delays! He was just throwing himself in puddles constantly, and he never stopped wiggling, and his favorite game was Toddler Rave Chamber, in which he shut himself in the bathroom and flickered the lights off and on for as long as it took for his parents to find and stop him.  

Wrapping small child Shane in heavy, sweaty hockey gear was an unexpected lifeline in the ongoing battle he's been waging against his body. Gear is heavy. It pressed him into himself. Any sweaty feeling was a bonus, because wet fabric against skin is A Distinct Feeling and that feeling also helped him get the minimum sensory input needed to function effectively. Underarmor would also be a favorite. 

(For context: my brother is an autistic sensory seeker. Aside from the ongoing sensory stuff he has very low support needs at this point in his life. I am pulling from Life Experience living with him, I am not spouting autism stereotypes out my ass)

I don't know if monkey bars were a playground staple for Canadian kids in the 90s, but the proprioceptive input from them is GREAT for baby Shane. He's too socially aware to do any visible repetitive motion stims, but sports and playground equipment that involve flinging himself around in space are the best. If there's a convenient puddle on that playground, you'd better believe be is sticking his feet in it. Wet shoes are heavy and heavy things on his body Feel Nice.  

The one other sensory thing that I believe in my heart he is doing (and he is NOT growing out of) is chewing. The hoodie-string-sexting shot is foundational for me. He's bitten through a dozen pens. He's chewing off his fingernails. If he had long enough hair, you'd better believe it would be in his mouth. He's chomping on his mouthguard like it's a chew toy. Somewhere in the depths of his juniors teammate's myspace page is a pic of him straight up biting a beer can in half. It's played off as a joke, but if something looks like a nice texture it WILL go in his mouth. It's a matter of when, not if. He’s a biter because Oral Sensoru Input Very Good, and he will never be stopped.

[memyselfandi13531]

ilya and cliff are the matt damon and ben affleck of #my gc universe. there are whole insta pages and twitter accounts dedicated to finding pictures of them engaging in the most overtly homoerotic bullshit known to man (it's not difficult. there's a lot) and quotes from interviews where they wax poetic about each other like "he's the greatest man i've ever known and my best friend. i'll love him for the rest of my life."

they're all captioned Which Could Mean Nothing and regularly break containment on hockey twt. which may in part be because ilya won't stop retweeting them.

[snail-mail-33]

my take on the "weak backhand" thing is that Shane obviously has an unbelievable backhand. Like one of the best of all time. But Ilya's backhand is absolutely lethal. Like truly GOATED. Like pretty much everyone agrees it is the best in the league by a margin. It's one of his signature moves. So it's one of the only things that he does better than Shane and everyone knows it. And so him teasing Shane for having a weak backhand is peak ragebait behavior because he's basically the only person that can do that and as much as Shane knows it's complete bs and he doesn't have a weak backhand at all, he can't really argue back because Ilya's backhand really is better than his.

[gaynehollander]

The “do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?” is genuinely such a fucking cunty comment and all Shane does is throw his underwear at Ilya and then grin like he’s so proud of himself.

What I’m saying is this, sometimes Ilya will say something to Shane in front of the Centaurs that makes the whole locker room freeze up because if they said that shit to their own partners, they would be in the doghouse for months. But Shane will just shove Ilya or punch him in the shoulder and then they grin at each other like it was the funniest shit ever.

They learn the hard way that although there seems to be no boundry to what Ilya can chirp Shane with, the same does not apply to anyone else. If anyone makes a comment to Shane that is deemed not appropriately playful, you will be facing the wrath of his husband and you will wish you were dead.

[surreality51]

See, the thing is that even though Ilya loves to rage bait Shane and say cunty things like “Do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?”, he is never cruel or mean. He never says anything that would actually hurt Shane, he never goes for the jugular. And that’s because the chirping is meant almost as a backwards compliment to Shane. He can say “Do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?” BECAUSE he knows (and Shane knows, and Shane knows that Ilya knows) that Shane will likely/definitely hold the cup one day himself. Shane even replies “I’ll know for myself soon enough.”

Imagine if Ilya said that to someone who wasn’t Shane, like maybe someone on an AHL team who has pretty much zero chance of ever winning a Stanley Cup. Then Ilya would be a total asshole who is trying to make the AHL player feel shitty. It’s an asshole move because the power dynamics are different: star MLH player taunting AHL player about something they want but will never get.

But no, Ilya’s saying this to Shane, BECAUSE he knows just how good Shane is and knows that Shane will definitely win at least one cup at some point. It’s almost like an in-joke: I know you’re good, you know you’re good, but I’m a chaos gremlin and a competitive little shit so I’m gonna rub it in your face a little that I got there before you did, just to get a reaction out of you. But the joke hinges on the fact that Ilya thinks Shane is amazing, they are equals, and it wouldn’t work otherwise.

Rinse, lather, repeat for all of his other digs at Shane, i.e. “this slow fucking player” only works because Shane is incredibly fast, “with a weak backhand” only works if Ilya has the best backhand in the league and Shane has the best forehand and the second-best backhand, etc. He wouldn’t say this to Shane if Shane was actually kinda slow or had been frustrated with his backhand. They’re both in on the joke, and it’s one way they can bridge the competitive divide between them. It acknowledges “hey, we’re the two best players in the world, and it’s lonely at the top, except now we have these little jokes that acknowledge our competitive sides and the fact that I really want to beat you, but also tie us together, because no one else can make these jokes except us.”

[a-stray-thief]

Post outing, during Shane’s first season with Ottawa, he meets up with Rose. The Centaurs have a game in New York and Rose has a Colbert appearance. The press immediately speculates why Ilya didn’t come with them. After all, he and Shane are married now. The more trashy outlets speculate about Shane and Rose rekindling their romance while the more serious ones (lol) write about tension between Rose and Ilya and Ilya being jealous and A Close Friend bemoans how poor Shane is in the middle of his husband and his best friend not getting along. 

Fast forward a couple of months, the Centaurs are playing LA. Shane is sitting out the road trip due to a minor injury. Ilya meets up with Rose at a small restaurant to avoid the press, but they get caught by paparazzi. And they get absolutely swarmed. Usually, Rose can handle a few paps going after her, but this time there are so many, they block the way from the restaurant’s door to where her car is parked. Rose was just caught leaving a party hand in hand with another actor a week ago and the paps are after her like crazy and because she and Ilya were meeting on the dl she didn’t bring security. Turns out, she didn’t need to. The paparazzi are in their faces, yelling at Rose about her possible relationship with her actor or whether she’s hooking up with her ex-boyfriend’s husband now, shoving them around and flashing their cameras. Unfortunately for the paparazzi, none of them have a lot of experience with professional hockey players. Hockey players who can fight and are good in a scrum. So Ilya drags up his I’m gonna drop my gloves and punch out your teeth persona and yells at them loud enough that at least two of the paps drop their cameras. Even these hardened vultures don’t know what to do in the face of Russian hockey player fury. Ilya doesn’t punch any of them, but he doesn’t have to. Just wraps an arm around Rose and clears a path for her with the other, his broad shoulders and the murderous expression on his face equally well suited to get them back to Rose’s car. The clip goes viral, especially because it catches Rose’s absolutely vindicated expression when Ilya basically glares the last photographer out of his way, and says, just audible for the camera, “next time we go out, we bring hockey sticks and just sweep them out of the way like ugly overgrown pucks.”

Later that night, Rose posts a clip of her and Ilya on the ice, shooting pucks with the caption 💪 practice.