the left nut

Lu. He/Him. I 'unno.

[tlirsgender]

A nonhuman character in heavy makeup: *is very long*

Me: is that you, Doug

The credits: Freaky Creature played by Doug Jones

Me: YEAHHHH

[absolutedoorknob]

When it’s Doug

[antihumanism]

this video is CUTE, the animal is clearly in distress but it is a vile creature unloved by any god and we are correct to derive pleasure and satisfaction from its misery

[boneliness]

damn they still don't have volume control for videos on here

[rneadowsoprano-deactivated20211]

Hanging out with old people rules because after a while they trust you enough to confess to murder totally unprompted

[hiscarissima]

Wait what.

[rneadowsoprano-deactivated20211]

Sometimes old ladies had to kick the ladder out from under their stepfathers when they were girls and that’s valid

[oldtimeydildomachine]

I used to work in a nursing home and there was a tiny old lady there who was very kind but also had a pretty profound case of dementia. I went to get her for her therapy one day and I was like “Good morning Miss [x], I’m here to take you to therapy!”

“Oh dear. I don’t know if I’m allowed to go to therapy right now–I’m in jail.”

“Jail?! Why are you in jail?”

“If I had to guess, they probably found out about the man I killed in ‘79…”

my fuckin face when

[boxheadpaint]

hey does anyone have that picture of garfield thats like

[chipsandsalsalove]

[pissvortex]

non-looping gifs fuck me up so bad

[mirakurutaimu-deactivated202005]

[midnight-revolucion]

[snuv]

[thefighter2-deactivated20200212]

old people be like back in my day they sung about REAL shit then they put it on and its like waoohh i love my baby and she is a sweetie

[cowboy]

they’re right

[clonepa2]

one time i was taking a shit in a public restroom, in the stalls of course, and i hear this guy bust in yelling “I SENSE SOMEONE WITH A TUMBLR BLOG IN HERE” i was shaking so much and just started to shit even faster, he started shaking all the stall doors and when he got to mine he started punching the door so hard that it broke in half. then we made out. 

[daily-shitpost-bakery]

[mutedcolours]

Leland are you kidding me

[santas-clauze]

when ur snowed in and get to stay home

[ratfuck]

*checks calendar* hmmm today is Roleplay As a Horse Day

[ratfuck]

*breaths heavily from the nose* HRRRNF..SNNFF

[ratfuck]

WWWREEEEHRREOOOOUUUUUAAUUUIIEEEEE!!!

[gaydelgard]

[bidoof]

Austin Power 4 Big Boob Spy Girl Script (Found it on secret website)

[omegaverse]

Austin Power: Yeahhhh baby its me Austin Power here for another crazy British spy adventure yeahhhhhhhh

Big Boob Spy Girl: Austin I have come to seduce you!!! I am very sexual lady!!!!

Austin Power: Yeahhhhh baby I love when a lady is sexual to me

Big Boob Spy Girl: I can increase my breast with this buton (PRESSES BUTTON) (BOOBS GET BIGGER)

Austin Power: Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh baaaaaabyyyyyyyy I love BIG boobs I love when they are big as possible baby YEAHEAH

Bug Boob Spy Girl: I will make them big (BOOBS CONTINUE GETTING BIGGER)

Austin Power: Yeahhhhhhhh I’m a British spy baby yeahhhh yeahh

(BOOBS GET TOO BIG AND AUSTIN IS GETTIG CRUSHED)

AUstin Power: Oh baby I think I messed up uh ohhhh yeah babyyy yeah

Big Boob Spy Girl: Hehehe I’m actually evil spy senthere to kill you Austin >:) Prepare to die >:)

Austin Power: Oh I wish a funnier version of me was here to help

Fat Bastard: Ahhhhhh I’m the Fat Bastard

[momir]

My cousin got me the best late birthday present lmao

[strixhaven]

doctor: you know HRT is going to cause serious, irreversible changes to your body, right?

me:

[zxu]

confused about my sexuality cause jk rowling hasn’t told me what it is yet

[bitsow]

[zsnes]

you vs the guy she tells you not to worry about