Maladaptive Daydreaming

Ash | he/him | 20 | Multishipper Extraordinaire | No one truly knows what I will be hyperfixating on at any given moment

[seraphollander]

shane hollander ; au

[isolabellz]

hollanov honeymoon scenes

[bluemuffin-draws]

Based off this post by @7-inches-of-satanic-panic

[troy-barrett-love]

An incomplete List of places where Troy Barrett had taken a nap (vaguely related to my headcanons about Troy's sleep issues):

- On the couch in Harris' office

- Under the desk in Harris' office (he didn't want to be found, it was his best bet at a hiding place)

- On a chair in Harris' office

- On the bench in the changing room after practice

- In the gym (he was working out with Shane, who said he'd be right back. He wasn't)

- In front of the dishwasher (he was waiting for it to finish)

- In his and Harris' back garden (he let Chiron out and the dog had more energy than him)

- Chiron's new dog bed (he wanted to prove it was just as comfortable as the old one)

- Bood's bathroom (he need a minute, which turned into a twenty minute nap, eventually got woken up by Luca who really needed to pee)

- On the bed mid changing the sheets

- On Shane and Ilya's back porch (Ilya said he'd be right back, he wasn't)

- On the floor in Wyatt's living room surrounded by Legos (they were building a space ship together)

There is photographic evidence of at least three quarters of these events, commonly shared in the team's group chat.

[bugslibraryy]

It’s like no one even wants to talk about Shane and Ilya getting drunk together for the first time at the cottage over small table with candles lit and Shane asking earnestly “is this how dates actually go? They’re nice”. And Ilya has to Die about it and Kiss him about it a lot because Shane means it- he’s been on dates but none that felt like this like Ilya was all over him and too far away at the same time and there was all this want tangled up under the table between them and the knowledge that they are going to fuck after this and he gets to watch Ilya laugh across the table and flirt with him and Shane gets to watch Ilya watch his mouth when he sips at his beer and feel the air thicken when he puts his feet between Ilya’s, like his pulse ticking up up when Ilya takes his hand briefly and opens his palm and traces his fingers over the lines of Shane’s palms as he’s explaining a play, using Shane’s hand as paper just as an excuse to touch

[anya-hollander-rozanova]

Ok but Cliff Marlow somehow managing to get into Ilya's phone after the Tunameltdown in the middle of the Hollandry crashout, and getting Montreal Jane's number.

The entire Boston roster piling behind Marly as he types, trying to decide what to say that could save them because their captain has been possessed by the spirit or a soviet military trainer with knife shoes and if they are forced to make double bagskates again they will either puke or die or both.

So Shane Hollander wakes up one day to a message from an unknown number like "Hello Miss Jane ma'am this is Clifford Marlow I don't know if you have heard of me I am sorry to be a bother I'm just wondering if you could give my good friend Ilya another chance, I promise that whatever he did he won't do again, we will help we will teach him to cook and clean and do laundry and he will cook you the best sandwiches ever if you only give him a chance only if you want of course if it's not too much of a bother Miss Jane please and thank you" and he goes through the seven stages of grief in like 4 seconds before it's even 7am. They manage to add the link to a very big spa gift card that they all chipped in to buy because at that point they're desperate.

[breathbanana]

this implies that ilya was bragging the hell out of his sandwich making ;D date and how he had learned how to make a tuna melt last weekend and it was going to be so good and so romantic. And all the hockey boys sat down when it was not so good and said "yeah my bro ilya is such a good lover, but hes a tad wild, its definitely the sandwich that he messed up"

[bugslibraryy]

Hello just incase you want to hear about nurse Shane and security guard Ilya, Ilya is going away for a few nights with his boys on a camping trip for Marley’s birthday. And like it’s fine Shane can cope without Ilya for a few nights, he has many times before when their schedules don’t lie up but he’s been having a fucking Bad couple weeks. Heavy shifts, struggling sleeping coming on and off nights, back pain from work- headaches and it just. He’s just sad that he won’t get to see Ilya, fall asleep with him. Eat dinner together and makeout in the shower and watch a movie (fool around) on the couch. And Ilya can tell, the way he’s gone a bit quiet, the way he is extra sensitive to external input. Asking Ilya to turn the tv down when it’s already soft, wrinkling his nose at one of the shirts Ilya offered him after a shower together, picking through for a different one instead. Anyway, Ilya gets it, that Shane needs comfort when he’s feeling overwhelmed and exhausted with work and Ilya is part of his comfort. But he also knows Shane would never want to stop him from plans, from a trip he’d been looking forward to. So ! Ilya does what he can. The day he’s due to go Shane’s out his door early for a morning shift with an extra minute of soft goodbye kisses that will maybe make him a little late. Ilya sets to work, going to his place to pack and lock up but not before bringing some things back to Shane’s. Ilya’s pillow, an old hoodie Ilya’s had for years, soft worn cotton, oversized and heavy fabric with a nice big hood. He drops off some snacks for Shane he collected for him on his way home. But, most importantly, Benjamin. He tucks the large teddy into Shane’s bed, Ilya’s side of the bed before remaking it around him.

Ilya’s heart about bursts out of his chest when he gets a text later that night through the shitty reception at the campsite a selfie, Shane in Ilya’s hoodie, Benjamin cuddled to his chest and Shane’s face half hidden in the soft of the teddys fur. Ilya replies “my cute boy” and Shane sends back a 😚 kissey and then Ilya replies “you’ll be good and get some sleep for me yeah baby? Benjamin will look after you for me x” and Shane replies “okay, promise” and Ilya replies “send me some more pictures before you sleep okay? Only if you can” and Shane replies with another picture already, always so good for Ilya. This one he’s smiling soft and small at the camera, the image a tiny bit blurry, his lips so pink and hair messy soft down on his forehead. Ilya stares at it so long Marley throws a burger bun at his head.

[wingsseni]

PLEASE POST THE BEAUTIFUL HOLLANOVLING DOODLES YOU SHARED ON TIKTOK 🥹🫶

here they are !! ☺️<3

[lavenderprose]

Ottawa wins the Cup, wins it in LA, and due to the proximity to stardom and the several actual celebrities who make a point to come out and celebrate with the Centaurs, there are approximately seven hundred angles of the festivities on every social media by the following morning.

One of these is your classic TMZ highly invasive round-the-corner spy shot of Shane and Ilya--like, waiting for an Uber, is what it looks like, and the bass from inside the club is pounding and you can barely hear what they're saying except that the guy standing next to them is also TMZ and he's got a directional mic sticking out of his pocket pointed at them and when he gets into position you can hear Shane Hollander, like, fucking giggle.

"I'm sorry," Shane says, and his arms are around Ilya's neck. "I got--I'm a little drunk."

"It's okay," Ilya says, and he brushes a hand through Shane's hair. "Did you have fun?"

"Ye-s-s-s," Shane says, nodding his head decisively. "We won the Cu-p."

"Yes we did. I am proud of you."

"I'm proud of you!" Shane cups a hand around the back of Ilya's neck and giggles again into his shoulder. "Why aren't you drunk? I drank the same things as you--"

"I'm drunk," Ilya chuckles. "But I have twenty pounds on you and I am Russian, so."

"That's not a thing. That's not really a thing." Shane sighs and goes a bit boneless against Ilya's body and says, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, uh--"

"Shh. You said you had fun, and this is all that matters. My beautiful winner." He kisses the side of Shane's face, loudly and repeatedly.

Shane makes a sound that Twitter, TikTok and Instagram comment sections will all agree is a purr.

There are also, by the following morning, about a hundred discrete comments on various platforms that all say some version of Oh I just know he talks him through it.

[indigostarrs]

Probably tank/darlin when they rekindled with the pack after years and was introduced to david and ashers human partners (they thought Asher and david were secret gay lovers) :

[urfrenfishy]

shout out geordi he said “i can fix them” and he fucking DID that shit

[heavenshers]

vaquero, vaquero, vaquero

[needyilyarights]

#myilya is the biggest gossip you’ve ever met. He is nosy, yappy, and an instigator. He is pretending he doesn’t know the story so he can get all the sides of it. He is blabbing on voice memos to Svetlana. He is deep in some teammate’s ex gf’s instagram, terrified of accidentally liking something. He is mad at Shane because Shane did not ask follow up questions when Yuna tells him David’s sister is getting a divorce. He is calling Yuna directly to ask follow up questions. When there was that tik tok trend of filming your friends reacting to gossip you’re telling them, he is experiencing a profound level of fomo. He is campaigning for a guest spot on Normal Gossip. This is a man who has never minded his business and I love that for him.

[needyilyarights]

You have 1 new voicemail: Hello Yuna, it’s Ilya. How are you? I am good. So Shane just got home, thank you for leftovers by the way, and he told me that Diana and Rudy are getting divorced. Shane did not know anything else, but I have a feeling you do and I have many questions. Who asked for divorce? I bet it was her, but also when we were at that birthday party last month, she was very quiet, so maybe it was him. Do you think someone cheated? Oh my god, Yuna, do you think she cheated with that coworker she calls her work husband?! Bozhe moi, I cannot wait. Hold on, Yuna. *muffled conversation between Ilya and Shane* Ok, hello, I am back. We are coming over, I will bring wine. We will be there in twenty minutes, see you soon, love you.

[allesfresser]

Oh baby

[naturalpr3y]

also one of the funniest reasons shane likes rose so much is he can go no haha nooooo no . no and shes the only one other than ilya who goes Like whats that about . What do u mean by that

[naturalpr3y]

he has to be forced into Going out . Having fun . Being a normal guy in any way . but he enjoys being forced + enjoys the lack of culpability he then has when he Doesnt like it . or when he does :)

[naturalpr3y]

wait thats so funny hayden does that to him too . LMFAOOOOOO

[bambicoded]

ilyapie :)

[eugeniedanglars]

i've said before that i think in 2024 one of the younger cens players (picking a name at random and saying holmberg) makes shane and ilya listen to chappell roan and they take unfathomable psychic damage from good luck babe and casual while flashing back to their situationship era, but to get even more specific about it:

i think holmberg starts them off with good luck babe since it's her big breakthrough hit and ilya is like "hm. so this is a song about being in a relationship with someone who's in denial about being gay? and they won't admit to the relationship because of it? interesting" while staring directly at shane who is making very determined eye contact with the floor.

and holmberg (clueless) is like "yeah she writes a lot of situationship anthems actually!" and puts on casual.

which allows shane to pull an instant uno reverse card and stare daggers into the side of ilya's head while going "wow, imagine what it would be like to spend years sleeping with someone who sends really confusing mixed signals by saying that what you have is casual but then treating you like it's not casual at all. that would suck."

anyway chappell roan gets banned from the cens locker room playlist out of fear of causing their captain and alternate to divorce. they make an exception for pink pony club though because they are the pink (red) pony (centaur) club